We like Twitter because it lets us play dress up, follow Neil Patrick Harris’ bitching in real time, and find out which pro football players need to go. It also let’s us amuse ourselves in the 30-second breaks we’re allotted between each post. And for our latest bout of 140-character distractions, we’ve turned to @FakeAPStyleBook, which makes a mockery out of the Associated Press’ style guide and what it means to be alive today. Example tweet: “Contrary to expected grammatical correctness, ‘drunkenness’ is actually spelled ‘druhnjkwennessd ohamygods ims o w awssted.’” Or: “‘Stupider’ and ‘Stupidest’ are not words, but can be used when describing Internet message board comments.” Truer words! But this is not just a tool tip box for New York Times reporters; it’s also useful for anyone who wants to ignore GLAAD’s suggestions.
Though @FakeAPStyleBook doesn’t have rules for everything, it has a few specific queer tips for subjects like …
When covering gay marriage debates avoid asking “which of you is the woman?” It’s the shorter guy.
A “homonym” is a nym attracted to nyms of the same gender.
And when @FakeAPStyleBook fails to provide rules, other Twitter users fill in the gaps. Like for …
Instead of describing disenchantment by using “lame:”or “gay,” instead use the word “Twilight.”
A homophone is a gay chatline.
“no homo” is only not anti-gay if used in a phrase such as “YAOI no homo daisuke”