First Person: “My Partner Was Told He Had ‘That Faggot’ Disease”
In 1985, I was just out of the Air Force and wanted to nest. Then on December 1, 1986, my partner, Steve Nowak, was told [by a doctor] that he had ‘that faggot disease’ and to go die somewhere else.
So he went home and blew his head off.
That’s how I learned I was HIV+.
In the early days, ‘death sentence’ was the word of the day—there was no hope for any future whatsoever. So I had no choice but to try to make sense of my life and live. Live with the promise that this virus ends with me, that I’d never put anyone else at risk, never cause the pain I had endured.
I realized I had two choices: I could be a victim or I could rally the troops and lead—in my own humble way.
So I became an activist of sorts: learning, sharing, teaching and spreading the word about how to protect yourself. I joined ACT UP and became part of a movement that changed people’s opinions about AIDS and HIV.
I became a sponge, wanting to learn everything I could about this disease. What was I facing? I knew I had to move to New York City to get answers. I met like-minded individuals [whose disease] was far more advanced and I lost many beautiful people whom I miss terribly.
Having AIDS, heart failure, leukemia and so on; adjusting to the diminished capacity from all the side effects of treatments; as well as recognizing the advancement of the different stages worries me. But this is a battle I volunteered for—I know what to expect.
The negative of this disease and being HIV+ is easy: Twenty-six years of knowledge—and the means to stop its spread—and still there are those who attend conversion parties. On a more personal level, I’m taking it on the chin with all the subsequent disease diagnoses and more meds—and meds to counter the negatives of those meds.
So many people are responding to the glamorization of HIV by the pharmaceutical companies and their ‘It’s just one pill a day’ campaign. They don’t know the true costs of living 15, 20, 25 years with this life-altering disease.”
Dino Rossi, 49
Occupation: AIDS outreach volunteer
Date of diagnosis: 12/1/86
December 1, 2011 is World AIDS Day. Throughout the next several weeks, we’ll be publishing first-person accounts from the first 30 years of the epidemic.
Sir you are an amazing man. “Faggot disease”? Really? It’s time like that that I wish stupidity was painful. Stay strong, you are an inspiration.
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I’ve been HIV POZ for 25 or more years and Hep C POZ for at least 20 years or more.. I’m still very much healthy… I think it’s how you look at HOW your working with the “Dis-Ease”… I thoroughly believe in exercise, diet, staying away from alcohol and cigarettes which are very debilitating and use them as an excuse as “It’s all I have left that’s fun” is a bull.. they are bad habits and doing nothing positive for you body… I believe in supplementation rather than taking more drugs to counter what side effects the drugs I’m taking… there are many good supplements out there like Ashwagandha that’s an adaptogen that helps the body straighten itself out .. I take on dose with my HIV meds and the heart palpitations I used to get from the meds now do not occur.. bad mouth supplements all you want, they have their place in my regimen and I will fight to keep them available!
I’m truly sorry for you loss and your right I miss so many of my friends terribly, outliving folks I never thought I’d outlive and yet I’m still here fighting the good fight!
ROCK ON!
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I’m so sorry for your loss and commend you on your attitude. What could have pushed you down and made you want to give up, has made you stronger. It’s people like you that restore my faith in humanity. We support you.
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Queerty, thank you for posting this article. I think the lines on Mr. Rossi’s face give hints about what he’s been through, and I think young gay men in particular need to remember that the older generations have a lot to share with the youth.
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On another note, are conversion parties actually a thing? I’m pretty sure that’s just something made up by the radical right wing to scare people into seeing gays as a public health risk.
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Conversion Party:
When an hiv- person seeks a breed & seed sex party with known hiv+ individual or group.
I’m lost for words trying to understand this one.
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@CombatWorn: Sorry, I need to clarify because this totally defies comprehension – are you saying that people who are disease free, willfully seek out aids infected partners with whom to have unprotected sex in order to catch aids?
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I think my earlier reply’s say it all. Yes, there are those who actively seek out a conversion. Some do it as their mission, most don’t care if they are, or are exposed to the virus. It’s a small group, but they do exist.
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Really?
Is this the best you got?
Using me, this simple blog’s story to spew your ignorance and agenda?
Forgive him God – he know not what he say.
Thanks for watching the video – unfortunately … that’s just a glimpse.
Ever try meditation ScaryRussianHeather?
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The first part of this post sounds like bullshit. I doubt a doctor would use that language, especially when telling a patient that he has a fatal illness. I don’t see anything on google to support this. And since he says that his partner killed himself afterwards, how would he know what words the doctor used? And if it did happen this way, why doesn’t he name and shame the doctor? Why so coy?
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Dear Veritas,
Bullshit!? Your rude and Condescending! READ!!!!!! He’s knows, because He remembers! How dare you call this man bullshit when he’s taking the time out of his nightmare to share what could help thousands down the line, especially the youth of today who don’t know the history of AIDS. People are lead to believe that there is a magic pill that will make everything alright, little do they know the living hell they’re in for. Obviously you have no experience with the world of AIDs and the egotistical doctors we are sometimes forced to dealt with, from small hick towns to big cities like New York. I decided to have the test done anonymously 15 years ago because I started losing weight though I ate enough for three people and was athletic at the time. I was blown out of the water when the results came back and not only was it positive, I was full blown and the virus showed half a million copies in my system. When I asked the doctor for Steroid therapy the help gain back the 25 pounds I had lost in 3 weeks, he said; FUCK YOU, GET THEM ON THE STREET, I’M NOT GIVING YOU ANY FUCKING STEROIDS! I was so shocked I started to cry that this animal with a sewer mouth was going to be my medical provider, yet he was killing me with high doses of AZT. I will say the son of bitches name, Marc Gossin from Always Your Choice and he’s not even a doctor he’s a R.R.A. = Registered Physician Assistant from hell. There are doctors out here that are cold, calculated, ruthless and whom only care about how much they will make off your illness in order to buy a new sports car. I could write a book of the malpractice that goes on in the medical profession. Now accuse me of being coy.
As far as your research goes you googled it? Please tell me your joking! Does the number of children gunned down double each year? Does anorexia kill 150,000 young women annually? Do white males account for only a sixth of new workers? Startling statistics shape our thinking about social issues. But all too often, these numbers are wrong. The lesson here is go to the library to get your statics and numbers right, you have the I.Q. and common sense of a kumquat. Your just as ignorant as the people that say AIDS is God’s way of punishing people for their life style, especially when it’s known fact it came from africa and monkeys. Some say it was from men eating monkeys, others say it was from men fornicating with monkeys, which do you think is was, three guesses and the fist two don’t count.
I want to give my heart felt thanks to Dino for taking the time out and share his personal experiences for the past 25 years of the world of AIDS. You should not have to relive every detail, conversation and emotion for people who were not there and their satisfaction.
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@Beenz: The wealth of “survivors” who want to “tell their story” to scare others away from imaginary behaviors instead of just fighting for reasonable medical treatment or a cure like victims of other diseases says everything it needs to about what is wrong with the state of the HIV community today. My own recent experience with HIV has shown that this man’s story – and others like it – is probably true. Despite this, the most infuriating thing about the virus is that it’s “activist” community responds by doing everything but trying to remedy the problem. Queerty, PLEASE respect the upcoming World Aids Day as something more than an opportunity to spread homophobic and serophobic urban legends about “conversion parties”, “bug chasers” and sero-porn about the most gruesome manifestations of this disease. You won’t be helping anyone, but you’ll be hurting the legion of gay men who are infected. Instead, I beg that you do something constructive, like tell people with the virus about what they can do to fight for a cure by donating or voluteering for groups like amFar or the Aids Policy Project, as well as the countless groups that fight for the political representation of people with the virus. Tell people who are negative to volunteer for vaccine research instead of trying to scare people who are already terrified. Do something constructive with your pulpit to make the world a better place.
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Beenz, Jenni, John,
Sue, Carlj58, CBRad and all you beautiful people.
Thank you for all the kind words.
Reading the ‘soapbox singers’ alteration thus challenging my life’s experience make your comments all that more touching.
I, like so many others LIVED it. My words stand on their own describing my life’s experiences. Those that choose to challenge me & defend the medical establishment call me coy, full of shit and so on … further clouding the real issues of prevention, treatment and self love. I thank you for keeping these reply’s balanced.
For myself, I’m eagerly awaiting to read the next installment of “First Person” and only hope you do too.
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@Andy: John, Marc Gossin was my health care provider for several years when I lived in Manhattan. He was a caring medical professional and I find it incredibly hard to believe that your claim is true. I can also assure you that Marc Gossin was not getting rich through the medical profession. One look at his office should have told you that he was sacrificing personal riches to be able to provide affordable medical services to the gay community. For you to call him an “animal” and to portray him in such a negative light is disgusting to me. He cared about his patients more than any doctor I’ve ever been to.
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First, I’m very sorry about your partner.
I hope that science will advance enough to cure you, and everybody else who is HIV+, from that terrible disease…
You are brave and strong man, and be proud about that ;).
Greetings from Croatia.
P.S. I hope that mentioned doctor will rot in hell