Vanity, thy name is gym queen. We consider it an entertaining fact of life that in the 21st century, men have become as body-obsessed as women used to be. After all, why should they get all the body dsymorphia fun? In our pursuit for washboard abs and superhero pecs, we’re just as susceptible to the greedy marketers who want us to spend our hard earned money on fitness equipment and pills. Meet the gym equipment and fitness supplements that are a total waste.
The Elliptical Machine
Oh, how it calls to you– the elliptical. Go to any gym and you’ll see dozens of them lined up in front of flat-panel displays broadcasting Ellen and CNN. But do you know why the elliptical machine is so easy? Because it’s a crappy workout, is why.
Better choice: The Rowing Machine. You know why it’s so hard to use a rowing machine? Because it’s burning fat.
How about we take this to the next level?
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Creatine
When I first started working out, I was all about the creatine. Hey, if you can take something that’s not really steroids and achieve more muscle mass, wouldn’t you? The problem with the supplement, besides the fact that it’s not FDA-regulated and hurts your kidneys is that most of that increased mass is water, not muscle. If you’re goal is to get toned, creatine just bloats you up like a water balloon.
Better choice: Protein shakes. You can overdo these babies as well, but the first twenty minutes after your workout are a critical time for your body and giving your tired muscles a boost of protein is just what they need.
Dumbbells Under 10 pounds
Like the elliptical, lightweight dumbbells only give you the illusion of working out. Even when you do many, many reps, you’re really just wasting your time and energy for minimal results.
Better Choice: Heavy Dumbbells. We get it– you want to look good at the gym and huffing wind and barely completing a set isn’t going to land you a gym date, but if you want to see results for all your hard work, pick up the heaviest dumbbell you can lift and start from there. It’s supposed to be hard.
The Perfect Pushup
First off, how much can you expect from a device that doesn’t know that it’s spelled “push-up”? The Perfect Pushup claims that it’s patented swiveling rotators will give you perfect form, but in fact, it weakens the power of one of the best exercises for your body by relieving your back from a lot of the stability work it’s supposed to be doing.
Better Choice: A Real Push-Up. If there’s one exercise you should do, it’s the push-up. Learn the proper form, keep your back straight and throw in variations, which can range from elevating your legs to inserting a hand clap in between each set and anything else you can imagine.
The Wii Fit
If you can combine video games with exercise, how can you go wrong? Actually, from experience, the Wii Fit is entertaining, but hardly a work-out. If you go the gym even semi-regularly, you’ll find Nintendo’s bid to dominate the home market to be embarrassingly easy. It’s not even worth using as a supplement to your regular workout.
Better choice: Running. If you really need to exercise away from the gym, grab on a pair of sneakers and do some cardio. The only reason you should see dancing balloons or hearts and stars floating around you is if you’re about to pass out from heat stroke.
Kris
What about Hydroxycut? Does it work or no?
Darth Paul
Simple pushup extender ‘handles’ are well better than a regular pushup. Cinderblocks or phonebooks work as well.
Wii fit is a joke unless you’re geriatric or clinically impaired.
Joe M
Thanks for ruining the elliptical for me. There I was, bounding along like a gazelle and thinking I was burning some serious calories, and you have to go and harsh my buzz. Damn your candor!
Matt
Where did this info come from? Are there any links to references to read up more on this or was this more of an opinion based article?
Nate
Yeah, I second Matt’s question. I lost over 120 lbs on an elliptical machine, and now I’m training for this fall’s Chicago Marathon. They still burn a large amount of calories and give you a total body workout if you do it correctly.
Anthony in Nashville
I agree it would be good to have links to other articles to back up your claims, but I agree with most of your comments nonetheless.
I remember being shocked when I read “the truth” about ellipticals.
I had stopped using treadmills because I was convinced I was getting more done in less time with the elliptical. The numbers were so high, you couldn’t tell me anything.
Then I found out how elliptical readings are totally unreliable and I’m back to the treadmill.
As to the person who asked about Hydroxycut, I tried that as well. I lost weight real quick (the first 10 days or so) but then stopped losing even though I kept buying the stuff for another month. That’s money that would have been better spent extending my gym membership.
I do think it’s worth asking if gay men have an unhealthy obsession with our appearance and body type. I think I see more gays with eating disorders and using steroids and supplements than ever before.
Mike
Elliptical machines have actually worked wonders for me. An athelete, who held national rankings in two sports, I was badly injured in an accident that left me unable to run or swim. My first major injury left me barely able to walk, but at least I was able to swim laps, but the latest injury didn’t offer my that option, just due to the nature of the injury to my leg. Oddly enough, I was able to ride a stationary bike and workout on an elliptical machine. In the months following my accident, I fell away from my better eating habits and packed on 20 pounds of unsightly flab–though I enjoyed every morsal of empty calorie laden food that got me there.
The elliptical machine, when used properly (just as a stairmaster needs to be use properly), can really benefit one’s cardio workout. Yes, I looked the fool, turning up the tension and keeping the pace up to what most people don’t even set for themselves on a treadmill, but what did I care? The result? I dropped 25 pounds in no time flat. Moreover, I shouldn’t be able to run yet, but (I volunteer in dog rescue) a dog got past me and out the gate of a kennel, and tore down the street as a runaway. I was five minutes into a full on sprint, catching up to the animal when I realized I was actually running at a full clip without pain. I credit the elliptical machine with allowing me to make a faster comeback through its low impact design that allowed me to mimic running and keeping my calves and thighs from attrophying. (No, I do not represent them).
The point? Just as one can cheat on just about any aspect of a workout (locking your elbows on a stairmaster, throwing your body into a bicep curl), one can also get a workout in doing just about anything, but when you are injured you are often limitted in the what your body will permit you to do. Or, in other words, “don’t be talkin’ smack about my elliptical machine!”
;o)
Anarchos
There’s nothing wrong with working out on an elliptical. Sure, you’ll have to work out longer to get the same workout in a shorter time on a rowing machine, but I don’t see that anyone claims otherwise. Also, the elliptical is easier on the joints, which I think is probably the best benefit to using it.
Also? The benefits of protein shakes are WAY overstated.
Brian
Totally agree with the other comments that the elliptical machine can work wonders. I have bad feet and cannot run on a treadmill, so have been using the elliptical for years. In my experience, the keys to maximizing your elliptical workout are:
1. Turn up the resistance to at least level 8 or 9. You’ll feel the difference the next day.
2. Don’t hold onto the handles- keep your hands by your sides or move them freely like you’re running. This makes it much more of a total body workout that really targets your mid-torso instead of just your lower body.
3. Switch it up to go backwards for as much time as you spend going forwards. This way you’re maximizing the burn (and toning if resistance is high enough).
~Brian
CPT_Doom
I’m another one that loves the elliptical, because cartiledge is a precious resource, and I can’t afford to lose any more from my knees than I already have. I figure, all readings aside, if I get off of an elliptical dripping in sweat with a pulse above 120 (actually, by the time I do the cool down, it’s probably down to about 100, but you get the point), I’ve had a workout.
Of course, I also learned, after I bought my house and could no longer afford a gym membership, that a staircase can be just as effective a tool for a workout as any machine. I get a great workout simply by up and down the stairs (there are 15 between the two floors) about 90 times in a half hour.
Paul Raposo
Even when you do many, many reps, you’re really just wasting your time and energy for minimal results.
Not really. If you are very obese and need to burn fat and increase your cardiovascular strength from years of inactivity, light weight and high reps are the way to go.
but if you want to see results for all your hard work, pick up the heaviest dumbbell you can lift and start from there.
And if you want to see a torn bicep tendon, that’s the way to go. The biggest dumbbells are only for the biggest dumbbells.
Start off with 10 pounds and 4 sets of 8 reps. Each week add 2 reps until you eventually reach 12 reps; then add another 5 pounds the following week and start off at 8 reps again with the new weight. Not only are you constantly changing up the work so your body does not get used to the regime, but you are destroying your muscle fibers and causing them to become scarred, but much stronger then before. Old torn up muscle fibers equals strong muscles. Within a year you’ll be lifting 65 lbs dumbbells and getting more sex than Jeff Stryker in 1988.
However, a torn bicep equals spending the rest of your life with one normal sized arm and one emaciated arm. And that’s what you get from jumping on too much weight right away. We have our entire lives to build up our bodies, it’s not a race.
If you must start off with heavy weights, then please limit your reps to between 6 and 8.
As a side note, I speak of dumbbells because they give me more range of motion; the work is harder because each arm has to work independent of the other; they take up less room; every barbell exercise can be done with dumbbells; and since I work out alone, they are much safer. If anything happens I feel confident in dropping a db to the side, rather than dropping a barbell on my neck.
As far as cardio, strength training gives me some pretty good cardio work, especially since I only rest 10 seconds between reps and 30 seconds between sets. However, jumping rope is great for building up the heart and lungs and isn’t as tough on my knees as running.
Bob Conti
I dropped the eliptical and started jumping rope (like I used to do with the girls when I was in elementary school. My parents were called in to a conference about that, I think…). Twenty to thirty minutes a day, and all you need is a rope (I use a speed rope), good shoes and a mat to absorb more of the shock. You can interval train as well, and do it at home. They say 10 minutes at about 145 jumps per minute is the same as a 30 minute run. My husband’s a former rower, so he goes for the rowing machines, which I think are even harder than jumping rope.
Donald
Add me to the list of calling bull on the author’s comment about the Elliptical Machine. I set mine at level 6 tension with a 6 on the incline and get a consistent heart rate in the 160 range for 40 minutes. Please explain to me how that is a crappy workout when I have managed to lose and keep off 40 pounds.
Ryan
An elliptical is fine, if people like it. It’s cardio. As long as you’re doing it, and doing it for over 30 mins in one session, you’re burning fat calories. Are there cardio activities that could possibly burn more? I guess. But whatever inspires people to actually *do* it, that’s the important part.
Gotta critique the dumbbell argument, too. If you’re looking to bulk up – no, smaller weights aren’t going to help. But if you don’t want to be all bulky, you may want to find a happy medium. The heaviest weight you can lift isn’t necessarily the one you want to life. Plus, if you’re not doing it with the right form and making your muscles burn because you’re doing the heavier weights quicker, then it’s not the best workout. Finally, the smaller/est weights can be good to add to other exercises.
Now, if only I put my knowledge to better use =p
leschuck
I understand the calorie counting isn’t reliable on ellipticals.
You know what else I understand? I lost 60 lbs in one year using only an elliptical machine set to the highest tension. Not only did I lose a lot of weight, but I also built very defined calves, strengthened my back, built up my shoulders and upper arms–and got a tight butt, too.
I’m not buying this claim about the elliptical.
Pragmatist
Let me rush to the defense of ellipticals, too.
Ellipticals are wonderful machines. They can provide a much greater range of intensity, and a much more strenuous level of overall muscular resistance, of any cardio equipment I’m aware of. To top it off, they’re perfect for people who have back injuries, knee injuries, ankle injuries, etc.
The only serious drawback I’ve observed is that people who rely very heavily on elliptical sometimes develop poor balance or develop their strength asymmetrically. I think that’s because you don’t, unfortunately, have to do much to stay upright on an elliptical, and if you’re so inclined (ha, ha) you can lean to one side or the other.
I regularly use rowing machines and I regularly use ellipticals, and I’ve found that I can get a better overall workout from the ellipticals. It’s generally true that a “harder” workout translates into a more effective one. But, be aware of how you define “harder.” For me, what makes a rowing machine “harder” is not its blunt physical demands (there isn’t much resistance) — it’s boredom. Rowing is really, really, really boring. Also it makes the palms of my hands feel chapped, even using gloves. Nevertheless, it does good things to open up my posture and to keep my back alert, so I do use it.
Best advice for cardio: Set the machine (or your frequency, if it’s not a variable-intensity machine) at a level that feels like an “8” on the effort scale. Then be sure to do no less than 40 minutes per session, 3-4x per week, if you’re trying to burn fat. (Less can suffice if you’re just trying to preserve your existing shape or generally improve your cardiovascular health.)
Pragmatist
@Ryan: Eh, I’m iffy on the little pastel dumbbells. I think they might be useful for petite women or the elderly, but for most adult men, I think they have severely limited utility.
Going to the gym is about priorities. Even if you have an unlimited amount of time, you’re still reasonably constrained to about 1-1.5 hours per workout session because longer workouts tend to cause net losses.
Therefore, spend your dumbbell time working the larger muscle groups — doing military presses, rows, etc. If you’re trying to tax out these larger muscle groups, a 10 lb. dumbbell isn’t going to do much for you unless you’re recovering from an injury… in which case, follow whatever your doctor or physical therapist told you to do.
Pragmatist
Oh, and the story on creatine is a bit more complicated, too. It’s true that the immediate size gains you see from creatine are just water retention; it’s also true that those gains will flush out as soon as you stop taking creatine.
However, creatine still accelerates muscle growth. The reason is that having your muscles filled with water enables you to do more work than you’d otherwise be able to do during your workouts. That, in turn, causes greater micro-damage to the muscle tissues, leading to better gains in recovery.
I stopped using it, though, for the same fears of getting a kidney stone. Have to watch the high-protein diet for that, too. If you’re consuming a lot of protein, drink TONS of water. Like 6 liters per day at a minimum.
Dan
Thank God I read the comments below this thing – Or else I might have believed the crap.
Elliptical – you get out of it what you put in, but it does work.
Creatine – see pragmatist’s post – it’s really not worth it. Take glutamine instead.
Dumbbells- the most idiotic statement in the world. Using too heavy of a dumbbell will cause you to strain and have bad form – which negates most of the benefits of doing it. We have all seen the idiots who swing like apes just to get a weight up. Form is everything – it isolates the muscle groups.
Pushups – he is right on this one.
Wii – never used it, so don’t know.
Jeffrey Bryan
I think my trainer would have a heart attack if he read this post. Japhy I would *highly* recommend you stay away from providing fitness and nutritional advice unless you get a trained professional to edit you first. With the exception of your push-up commentary, you’re off in some way on every comment you made above.
corey
Exercise is different for everyone. While the eliptical is laim to the bad asses with tank tops and zubaz pants, its a very easy transition for overweight people that are scared to death of the gym. Same goes for the small dumbells and other equipment that doesnt excite the test filled powerlifter…my opinion, if it gets people movin more than they were yesterday its a shot in the right direction.
BootsieGee
I am not even sure why Queerty is posting something like this. As to the eliptical, and every other piece of cardio equipment, as stated above, you get out of it what you put into it. If you are really concerned about losing weight the most basic rule of thumb applies: Burn more calories than you take in. If you want a much more accurate reflection of how many calories you burn, get a heart rate monitor. I track my workouts each week and I am usually in the 4000-4500 per week and I use an eliptical for my cardio almost exclusively. I also change my cardio routine every six weeks or so and lift to maintain muscle tone. Stick to Morning Goods Queerty, you are much better at that than as fitness instructors.
Irony police!
Japhy, unless you have a medical degree we don’t know about, isn’t it a little ironic that, while doling out medical advice you’re not qualified to give, you complain that Creatine isn’t FDA-regulated? You’re basically complaining that manufacturers and users of Creatine are making claims they can’t back up with science. Except you didn’t back up any of your claims either, including the one about Creatine!
Alexa
I love my Wii Fit, it’s fun, and it sure beats sitting on my ass in front of the TV, which is what I used to do.
And I use the elliptical at the gym because I hurt my knee in an accident a few years ago and I can’t run for more than a minute or so without pain shooting up my leg and then being confined to my bed for a week. Again, it’s better than sitting on my ass feeling sorry for myself.
Jeremy
This article is absolutely fucking terrible. Defining the difference between researched, fact-based journalism and op-ed musing is the first rule of journalism. This is seriously weak.
Stick to the shirtless boys and David Beckham following.
myrios123
I think the Perfect Push-Up is great. Use it all the time…
Darth Paul
@BootsieGee: Re: Morning Goods- No, they’re not.
Andrew
@Joe M:
Elliptical trainers are fine. Use one every day for 45 minutes at a low to moderate intensity training level, and cut your calories. You will lose weight. For some reason LOW to MODERATE intensity cardio workouts of LONGER DURATION seem to be more effective at helping people lose weight than HIGH intensity workouts of shorter duration. Rowing is probably potentially more vigorous, but it is also a lot more uncomfortable, and there is a downside to high-intensity workouts: being ravenously hungry within an hour or two afterwards which can lead to overeating and/or eating in a nutritionally unbalanced way. That might be one reason daily exercise of low-to-moderate intensity and longer duration is more effective at helping people lose weight. The whole point people is to raise your Basal Metabolic Rate, that is, the rate at which your body uses energy when at rest. Of course consult a physician before beginning any exercise or diet regimen.
Rigato
Wow Japhy. I just read all the comments. How about we try putting some references to doctor’s recommendations about the protein shakes and exercise? (Which, if you had READ ANYTHING, you would know picking up the heaviest dumbell you can find is the dumbest thing you could possibly do. Enjoy the ripped tendons, popped shoulders, strained muscles and extraordinary pain.)
My mother is a pharmacist. I asked her about Creatine and she said that it does do extensive damage to your kidneys, but only after extended use. It’s not intended to be used as a protein shake, but in small amounts as a workout supplement.Don’t start downing Creatine like a madman, but don’t use it for 20 years either.
Jason
@Kris: I tried Hydroxycut, and my experience was not good. I’m not sure about the weight loss benefits, but it is loaded with caffeine. That overdose of caffeine gave me heart palpitations and anxiety attacks. I stopped after one day of use. I would research any product like that before you use it.
Jock
I use an elliptical machine and I love it.
So screw off.
Carsen Tyler
I love the ellipticals, I use them because I have muscle weakness in both legs, and running with two braces hurt like hell. The elliptical is less harsh on my legs so that has replaced my running routine.
Keith Waller
Wow, terrible article. Check with a properly trained and certified CPT with a good quality organization. There are reasons for every kind of exercise for different people- there are few rules that apply to everyone. The “highest weight dumbell you can handle” is asking for serious injury- ask a physical therapist. Creatine? in proper form and dose is proven benificial scientifically, but not for everyone or in every manufactured formula. Protein drinks are often sugar packed or based on whey (milk) protein which is bad for many, OK for some, maybe. Elliptical? good for many novices, overweight or those with knee injuries, good for warm-up. Perfect pushup actually helps those with wrist injuries. There are so many things completely wrong in this article.
Annoyed
“Pick up the heaviest weight you can lift and start from there!”
Are you kidding me? Does this person even know what a gym is? Anyone who is serious about building muscle knows that this is completely horrible advice.
The best thing to do, is know your current maximum weight, and then drop down to about 50% of that weight and do higher reps. After each set, increase your weight, pyramiding up to your top weight. When you get here, then do three good solid sets of 8-10 reps. What this does is fill your arms with blood, gets the arms pumped up, and allows for the tearing of those ever so important muscle fibers.
DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS IDIOT. He is clueless on basically everything his article talks about.
Are there not any journalist in this country that actually do research about what they are saying, or is it all opinions on “What they think”. Give me a break! Go ahead and injure yourself with a torn ligament or whatever. Then maybe you will see the benifit of using an eliptical to work out!
Give me a break!