The Supreme Court ruling on marriage equality remains cause for celebration, but as the resistance that quickly sprung up shows, not everyplace is going to embrace it. That’s likely to be a particular problem in small town America.
Even in the deep south, major cities have large LGBT communities, with all the political connections that implies. Small town America is another question altogether, despite the stereotype that small-town America values — mom, pop, and a couple of kids — would seem to lend itself to marriage. In fact, it will be much easier in the fast-lane urban environments where family values are a bit more complicated.
While marriage is legal there, here are five reasons why it may not necessarily be easy.
1. You could get fired. This is the most real threat that couples could face. In the majority of states, you have no legal protection in the workplace. If your boss finds out you are gay because you got married, you could be fired faster than it takes to say “I do.” (You just know that Catholic dioceses across the nation have ordered someone to scan wedding announcements so that they can identify the next teacher to dismiss.) States that don’t have protections won’t be adding them, as opponents of marriage equality will make a point of stopping anything remotely pro-gay in its tracks. And forget about federal protections. The Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) is going nowhere as long as conservative Republicans control the House.
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2. You could lose your home. This is a corollary of getting fired. In many communities you don’t have housing protection either. If your landlord wants to throw you out because he can’t stand the idea of your being married, he can do so. You might have a case that you were discriminated against on the basis of marital status. But you’ll still have to find a new home in the meantime.
3. You’re on the front line of the religious liberty war. Every holier-than-thou county clerk, baker and wedding photographer is aching to make a statement about their personal beliefs. They won’t be making those statements in Chelsea or West Hollywood, because they are much more likely to be living in small towns, especially in the South. Moreover, it won’t just be wedding vendors. For example, accountants may not want to prepare your joint tax return. (Thank God for Turbo Tax.) Religious liberty is the next big fight, and there is an army of pro bono lawyers ready to defend the right of wingnuts everywhere to discriminate against you.
4. Marriage is much more public than you imagine. Thought that you’d just have a quiet little ceremony? Your marriage certificate is a matter of public record. Small town papers still often publish the names of everyone who has taken out a marriage license. It takes some looking to find the information, but it’s out there. And at least in the early days, you can count on some self-appointed defenders of the faith to be looking really hard for the first signs that their community is going to hell in a pink handbasket.
5. Harsh words lead to harsh deeds. This is potentially the most troubling consequence of the marriage ruling. It’s easy to laugh off the bloviating of Bobby Jindal and Mike Huckabee, to say nothing of the apocalyptic rantings of religious right leaders. But look at how high they have raised the stakes with their rhetoric by describing the Supreme Court decision as illegal, a threat to Christians and destructive to democracy. Those are dangerous arguments to throw around because they can take root in unstable personalities. While antigay attacks can happen even in the most accepting cities, the attitudes in small towns may make them more fertile ground.
It’s a testament to the bravery and resilience of the LGBT community in small-town America that it has been front and center in celebrating the Supreme Court ruling. Ultimately, nothing will stop couples from expressing their love for one another. But as we move ahead in the coming weeks and months, let’s not forget that for some of us, that expression is going to carry more risk than it will in big cities.
But every risk has a reward. By showing their communities what love can look like, small-town couples will change attitudes that must be changed. It’s all about coming out.
And for many of us the biggest coming out of all may be getting married.
Photo credit: faungg’s photos
1EqualityUSA
My spouse said that Chris Christie was spouting off on TV how, “If his justices were on the Supreme Court, we would have won this case.” He said that the Justices were not conservative enough and that he would figure out a legal way to recall Justices whom they disliked.
I can’t believe Mark Zuckerberg donated money to this creep!
Big donor money, Citizens United dollars will be flowing in an effort to get one of of these Republicans in office, as there are possibly 4 replacements coming up on the Supreme Court. We cannot get another corrupt, politically bent ScaliaRobertsAlito, the “gift” that keeps on giving. (I don’t put Thomas with them, because I feel that he made a deal with his maker, after having lied under oath in the Anita Hill debacle, to just stay mute and do the bidding for the Tedious right. We need to push hard in 2016, lest we get life-timers who will corrupt the bench even further. This is not the time to be complacent. We squeaked by. Let’s not ever let a Republican get another Justice on the Supreme Court.
1EqualityUSA
Here is the article she sent to me, regarding Chris Christie’s brand of Justice:
http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/07/05/us-usa-election-christie-idUSKCN0PF0P020150705
edtaylorky
6. They may break the law refuse you civil service, like Kim Davis, our local clerk, who thinks her religious objection gives her the power of God.
I’ll post a petition to have her resign below. We need all the help we can get with these bigots.
https://www.change.org/p/rowan-county-clerk-kim-davis-resign-from-office?recruiter=332810955&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_page&utm_term=mob-xs-share_petition-no_msg
Terry Purdue
It wasn’t easily won in the first place, you think that because they lost at he Supreme court they’ll just pack up their hatred and discrimination?
MarionPaige
fortunately, there is no evidence that a lot of gay men will be marrying.
This argument that hordes of gay men were going to run out and get married was always BS. YES, gay people now have the right to marry but at the cost of there being public organized hate groups against gay people now.
Glücklich
#4—I always thought publishing that info was voluntary, like on the announcements pages. It never crossed our minds when my husband and I married but definitely could be a concern for those in less liberal parts of the country.
We had a private license in San Francisco County only because we didn’t want to have a witness but I guess it’s still searchable if anyone really cared.
WhattheF
I’m sorry… Who the hell are you, Mr. Gallaghar, to say that your fast-lane urban family values are more complicated than anyone else’s?
Just offensive. One could easily argue the validity of big city values.
People need to start judging themselves before they judge others. People and values you would know nothing about.
tdx3fan
@MarionPaige: There always were publicly organized hate groups against gay people. That did not suddenly change. There were already mass celebrations and multiple weddings. It seems like everyone is doing it. Hell, I have already seen two of my closest friends either get married or get engaged to be married. This was a huge step. Of course, you fail to see this or believe it because you believe all gay men are just into sex, and therefore, they do not want a long lasting bond, but you are WRONG.
hyhybt
7. Nobody to marry. A small town doesn’t offer much selection in the way of gay people, especially if most of them have moved away.
@Glücklich: The wedding announcements, with the pictures and all, are voluntary. But many papers print public records as well. Arrests, transfers of land, marriage licenses issued, maybe other things. Some weeks, that sort of stuff seems to take up half the local paper here, not counting ads.
Queerty: nice logo tweak.
SteveDenver
ON THE OTHER HAND: It takes fewer people to stand up for what is right. If someone prominent and respected supports Fair Marriage, chances are many others will go along. In Colorado Aspen, Telluride, Blackhawk, Boulder and many other small towns have always been on the forefront of equality. Avon elected an openly a gay sheriff.
1EqualityUSA
Pants shitters.
Jaroslaw
@tdx3fan: Marion is commenting on an article that points out very real pitfalls of getting married. I took her comment of ‘fortunately’ to mean Gay men will be cautious before jumping in with both feet. You are correct there have always been hate groups but searching public (marriage) records could very well be a new tactic by the haters.
1EqualityUSA
Haters will never stop hating. Live your lives fearlessly.
Jaroslaw
@1EqualityUSA: True, but every time I go to ER my bill is at least 5K. I had a stent put in February – the bill was 60K. I risked jail in protests etc. when I was younger but my fearless days are over sorry to say. PS I wasn’t suggesting haters would stop hating but to be aware and prepared if possible.
1EqualityUSA
Monsters always moan loudest when they are about to die and so will these bigots. Fear not.
Sorry about your medical troubles. I hope you do well.
1EqualityUSA
MarionPaige beating the dead horse again with, “This argument that hordes of gay men were going to run out and get married was always BS.”
Even if nobody chooses to marry, at least it will be we who are making this decision for ourselves.
Jaroslaw
@1EqualityUSA: Thanks for the good wishes 1Eq, yes it is great we will make the decision to get married or not. Again, I can’t read minds, but presently Marion’s comment isn’t automatically negative. It is reality. Many of us will probably never marry (in my case looks, and increasing medical problems), many others haven’t adjusted to the idea yet and in time that will no doubt change. Well Marion if you did mean something stereotyped and negative (or not) you’re more than welcome to clear it up now!
1EqualityUSA
Jaroslaw, Sometimes we are force to go down roads we never thought we’d have to. Keep your eyes open for some of the beautiful gifts than come along unexpectedly, as you may not have had the mindset to absorb it in the before times. The human body is stronger than you realize. The human mind is amazing. Grieve your losses and then look up. Good luck to you.
Jaroslaw
@1EqualityUSA: Again thanks for the good thoughts. It is generally more helpful to positive than negative. Despite major problems i still have much to be thankful for – my cousin helped me buy a very nice but small home, I have a good job…..concentrating on what I don’t have won’t change anything but I will say let me know how you feel when you’re 55 in my situation!
Daniel-Reader
8. Shotgun weddings if you are caught fooling around by a farmer or rancher.
Saint Law
@MarionPaige: You lost. We won.
Suck. It. Up.
1EqualityUSA
Jaroslaw, I’ve been obsessed with tiny homes. The couple from New Zealand, the PHD guy, the snow-boarders, the high schooler all of these homes are so creative. Every time I watch one of these videos, I learn something new. I dream architecture (odd) and whole floor plans and creative space-saving designs, tons of windows, fans, and headroom is what it’s al about. I believe that this kind of living is the wave of the future. The dog trainer’s tiny house is one of my favorite designs. You just may be ahead of the pack! Your cousin sounds great.
New Zealand couple Vid #1:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3SwqNzsNwg
New Zealand couple #2:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRlTognWi8k
Dog trainer’s house:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ7JINuGT2Y