It is without question the best time in the United States’ history to be gay.
Thanks to the sacrifice and bravery of a generation of activists and radicals, we now enjoy rights and privileges that until recently would have sounded like scenes out of a utopian novel. With marriage equality in the rearview mirror, it’s only getting better.
Large (and ever-growing) chunks of straight society not only accept gay people, but sincerely welcome us. Plus, there’s an entire new generation is being taught that sexual orientation is no more shocking than being left handed.
So by the reflexive property of fabulousness, it is arguably the worst time in history to be closeted.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Not only do closet cases have to manage the immense psychological burden of suppressing their authentic selves, they have to stand witness to the miraculous changing social landscape and do their best not to participate.
And Grindr sure does make that more challenging for them. With a few taps and swipes, guys can access a network of gay men around them — imagine the temptation of that if you’ve built a life on the lie that you’re straight.
For these five guys, it was a lesson learned the hard way:
1. Rev. Matthew Makela
We’d be remiss not to start with Queerty’s big fish, the dishonorable reverend Matthew Makela.
Last month we broke the story that this Midland, Michigan, pastor was preaching an antigay, antitrans message during the day, and cruising for guys at night. He compared being gay to being an alcoholic, but told guys online that he was a top who likes to cuddle.
After the story broke, a mom and her teen son came forward to share what happened when the boy came out to Makela at 17 years old. The pastor told him the sin of homosexuality is no different than the sin of suicide.
We hope he’s changed his tune since then.
2. Rep. Randy Boehning
What’s worse than an antigay pastor on Grindr? An antigay lawmaker on Grindr.
Rep. Randy Boehning, a 52-year-old Republican legislator from Fargo, N.D. who has actively worked against extending equal rights, was outed after his Grindr profile surfaced.
21-year-old Dustin Smith of Bismarck, N.D., exposed the lawmaker after Boehning voted against Senate Bill 2279, which would have granted LGBT people legal protections against discrimination.
“How can you discriminate against the person you’re trying to pick up?” he said in an interview.
Boehning’s screen name? Top Man!
3. “Ex-Gay” Matt Moore
If someone is delusional enough to promulgate the horribly misinformed idea that one can will their sexual orientation to change, his story only holds its minute shred of merit if he sticks to the script.
And doesn’t, you know, chat guys up. How predicable.
When ex-gay activist Matt Moore was outed for cruising the little orange grid, he said: “I am wrong in having been on Grindr. I haven’t changed my views on homosexuality, the Bible, etc. Creating a Grindr profile and talking to guys on it was major disobedience on my part….disobedience to Christ.”
Good luck with that.
4. The Headless Torso
In the forums of parenting resource MumsNet, a different sort of Grindr user was being outed.
This loader of more guys chose to use a photo taken in the “ensuite bathroom” he shares with his wife. She was understandably shaken to discover her tile countertop (not to mention her husband’s headless torso) on display for the neighborhood gays to tap on. That profile advertising his lust for ass didn’t help the situation.
She confronted him, and he added lies on top of lies.
“Why could he not face up to his sexuality?” she asked later in the forum.
Come on, torso husband — time to tell the truth. You can be into guys, girls, both, neither — it’s all good.
5. Like father, like son
This one’s just awkward as hell.
As if being gay and in the throes of puberty weren’t difficult enough, a teenager claimed he found his homophobic dad on Grindr.
“Found out that my homophobe dad has Grindr on his iPhone when he asked me to go fetch it from the car. I am still closeted (denial/curious) so i know what Grindr is, even though I don’t have it myself. This makes it so much more confusing for me,” he wrote, seeking advice.
Many chimed in, including one who wisely warned, “A closeted married guy on Grindr might have some intense homophobia going on that he could take out on the queer kid in his care. Tread carefully.”
Related:
Four Tips For Antigay Pastors Worried About Getting Outed On Grindr
Here’s What Grindr Looked Like At Southern California’s Premiere Furry Convention
Watch What Happens When This Dude Lets His Mom Read His Grindr Messages
Chip Byas-Ortega
excuse. ha.
Ivan Savvine
they are using your work as stock imagery Alexander Kargaltsev
Sebastian Holiday
That’s stupid enough to defy stupidity.
Eddie Rioux
Lol yeah its more like they finally came to terms lmfao
Dan Steele
Just five? I know A LOT more than five in my neighborhood lol
Wilson Ramos
lmaoooooo i am straight too
Kenneth Wayne Pascoe
“Straight” to bed is what they are!
Bob LaBlah
I wonder if any members of that ex-gay group, Exodus, are on Grindr?
John A Bell
Soooo awkward seeing your married neighbor on Grinder….
Ian Simpson
Why is it the most opposed to the lgbt community turn out to be gay.
Ladbrook
For those who haven’t wandered into the world of online hookups, I can certainly testify to the outrageous number of married straight men looking for sex. Prior to my current monogamous dating arrangement (2 yrs and counting), I spent about four years cruising A4A and Manhunt. About 30% of the men I met (or talked to) were married/closeted “straight” guys. After a while, I found myself assuming “married until they say otherwise.” That’s how bad it was.
Sure, it varies from town to town and site to site, but I think the greater community would be really shocked to discover how many closeted gay men and active bi men there are in the world. When I read that some asswipe like Limbaugh is pushing the 2% or less number, I just have to laugh. These people are so naïve. They have NO IDEA!
Will Glitzern
The Hall of Infamy! Love ya Queerty, even if you do spell it “bourdon.”
Lainie Escovedo
IKR “straight” people. Prove it!
Charles Begley
and the truth will set you free !
Jonny B. Mitchell
Accidentally?
AtticusBennett
Matt Moore is a sad case – i have totally sympathy for a gay man born into a bigoted family, who attended a bigoted church in a bigoted conservative community.
to a point.
he’s not a child. he’s a grown adult. and rather than be an honest human being, he’s decided to grovel before the bigots in his life and actively promote anti-LGBT bigotry and prejudice and discrimination. why? simple: because that’s how he saves his ass. that’s how he gets his bigoted family and church off his back. by being anti-gay.
folks, some of us will have bigoted families and communities. at a certain point separate the “gay” from the “toxic” elements; some people have violent abusive family members. this psychological and emotional abuse is NO DIFFERENT.
i would not encourage anyone to stick around and maintain relationships with those who physically abuse them, and neither will i encourage anyone to stick around and maintain relationship with those who emotionally and psychologically abuse them. and this IS abuse.
we can’t choose our families. we can choose whether or not we will allow abusive family members to dictate how we live our lives.
matt moore will be a gay man every day of his life until the day he dies. it will never change. and all the prayers in the world will do nothing to change it.
attending a PFLAG meeting, or attending a non-bigoted church, however, could very well change things.
the second a hurt gay man starts evangelizing the very hatred that is crippling his life, and actively harming the lives of other LGBT people, is the moment he loses my sympathy. he has pity, but sympathy is for those who struggle without actively harming others.
BigG
There is no excuse to be closeted as an adult, especially now with gay marriage. All your doing is using people to cover up your own cowardice, ruining lives and wasting everyone’s time.
Evji108
Headline ideas for future Queerty posts:
The Closeted Homosexual in the Age of Transparency
Married and Living in the Glass Closet
Men Who Live in Glass Closets Shouldn’t Throw Stones
Closets aren’t as secure as they used to be, the problem is that when one cans see out of the closet, other people can see in as well, and if you are naked with your junk hanging out, you have a problem.
ChrisDoodie Kromm
Grindr is pathetic…Smh
Robert Young
I understand why guys would think they need to be in the closet, but they are so sad to me. All the lying and half truths. Their poor wives and girlfriends they have lead on. I can’t date a guy who isn’t comfortable with himself. But live long and prosper!
tusgold
Here is an very interesting story bout a year or 3 ago. C=Pac, the utra conservative right wing convention was full of Grinfr users. I think in fact it was Queerty
martinbakman
I’ve always imagined how some closeted men, especially the ones in denial about themselves, must become infuriated to see gay men come to the forefront and capture important rights. So yeah, I’d agree that now might be the worst time for those sad cases.
Bulla Paiva
They don’t need to thank Grindr, they can thank themselves. They had to physically put their profile on Grindr for it to be on there, it doesn’t happen magically.
Alasdair Stewart
Yay lets ridicule and demonise self-loathing gays! I bet there were no cultural or familial influences in THEIR lived that made them unable to accept homosexuality. Well done Queerty, you just proved yourself as hateful as they are. These people deserve our sympathy for their situation, as much as our scorn for their actions
Masc Pride
“Large (and ever-growing) chunks of straight society not only accept gay people, but sincerely welcome us.”
Dan, this seems like something the “closet cases” you’re judging so harshly would say.
@Alasdair Stewart: Well said. Attacking these guys won’t make them more comfortable with their sexuality. The oppressed become the oppressors…again.
Captain Obvious
@Alasdair Stewart: It’s not just Queerty, lots of guys do this. Just look at how newly out guys are treated most of the time. If you’re not tap dancing in the street wearing rainbow slippers you’re unworthy of support.
Saint Law
@Alasdair Stewart: “These people deserve our sympathy for their situation, as well as our scorn for their actions.”
This is morally incoherent. Lots of peops find themselves in the same situation as, say, the first three named in the article above. They don’t then actively work against other gay people.
@Captain Obvious: “If you’re not tap dancing in the street wearing rainbow slippers you’re unworthy of support.”
And this is just plain incoherent. You can’t tap dance in slippers. You can only shuffle, silently.
AtticusBennett
@Captain Obvious: false – it’s not about “tap dancing and rainbows”, but it’s very simple: don’t be a homophobic gay man.
if you’re not ready to come out, at least attempt to have the integrity to pretend that you’re “a straight guy who isn’t anti-gay”
i have sympathy for their situations: born into bigoted right-wing families and bigoted churches. but don’t work against gay people as part of your disguise. not when you’re a grown-ass ADULT. these men were not young at-risk kids. they were, and are, ADULTS.
barely ANY of my friends were born into families remotely comparable to mine – NONE however made the choice to be an anti-gay bigot as part of their disguise.
do you want support? try not to attack gay people and you’ll find you get support.
AtticusBennett
@Saint Law: his evasion is tired and cowardly.
it’s like the “oh, just because i’m not covered in rainbows and acting fem means i’m not gay enough!” lie that self-hating, cowardly internalized-homophobia-plagued douche-bros like to say.
no. it’s not that at all. it’s that you make fun of those things so that your piece of s**t straight buds won’t direct their ignorant hatred at you.
many men who don’t, uh, “rainbow tap dance” (or something) are getting support, and are happy members of the community. but the ones who live in fear of “rainbow tap dancing” are just telling all of us that they’re still really worried that, um, their dads will think that they’re bottoms who listen to lady gaga. or something. also, rainbows.
Chris
All this stuff seems awkward until the closeted person acknowledges and talks about it. Than, poof, the awkwardness sort of disappears. ….. Well, unless you’re the closeted homophobic dad with the closeted son; stay away from each other’s friends; otherwise, awkward won’t even start to describe that comedy of errors.
phishy2
I have no complaints about that penis, though the bend might make it difficult to deep throat. I would not throw him out of my bed. But, I have dealt with larger penis than that, 11 1/2 and I’m alive to talk about it
ChrisDoodie Kromm
#WorstAppEver
Derek Perron
Awfully designed platform
Kathryn Henry
The best time to be gay SO FAR.
Sam Theman
Accidentally??? What were they, sucked into it? Lol
Pete
Not on GRINDR, so let us know if anyone comes across a profile with the following: 6’2, dark brown hair, blue eyes, Wisconsin.
Dinodogstar
I’m not on grindr, but my image is…
Jalen stegman
im on grindr look me up