Oh, the gays. We are foolish and vain, body obsessed gym bunnies, and now we finally know why. It turns out that “without pecs, guns and abs, [gays are] going home alone.”
No, that’s not just another anti-gay blogger putting us down. In fact, it’s none other than respected gay Gawker blogger Brian Moylan. In dishing about Simon Doonan’s proposed diet book, Gay Men Don’t Get Fat, Moylan (left, with porn stache) claims that gay men hit the gym hard because “if straight men are lacking in some area, they usually make up for it by becoming rich or powerful…But for gay men, only body will do.” He goes on to reiterate that “a good body is the only currency in this game.”
What about coupled men? Well, men in relationships must continue to workout so they can win the sexiest threesome playmates, thereby reducing the entire gay existence to a competion for sex and vanity.
Thus Moylan reduces gay men to narcissists, living for opportunities to fuck our reflections. And if you aren’t ab-obsessed, don’t worry, you can be shoehorned into his stereotyped image. Bears, he says, only socialize and sexualize other bears, praying to the hirsute mantle while stocking medicine cabinets with our future/potential partner’s prescriptions for Lipitor and Insulin.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Yes, we know Moylan is making a provocative argument as a sort of cheap click bait. (Gawker bloggers are compensated in part by reaching traffic goals.) And there may be some truth to Moylan’s argument in his Fire Island-Chelsea boy curcuit. But what does it mean that one of our most prominent young writers thinks it’s okay to perpetuate such slander from a huge platform? It is this very stereotype that has marginalized the entire LGBT community, making us in the public eye little more than over-sexed wardrobe stylists and interior decorators. With less of Moylan’s decrying “conformist culture,” maybe more people would begin to rediscover the gorgeous mosaic that is gay life.
Where I live, in San Francisco, Asian Panda bears date Latino otter twinks, muscle daddies chubby chase pocket cubs, and the trans guys are the hottest in the room. Don’t believe me? Check out the GayCities Valentine’s Day Kiss Photo Challenge to see the incredible range of couples and attractions.
Brian, look me up next time you are in San Francisco. I think you might discover a thing or two….
QJ201
SF has its share of body facists
the big one
The sister city LA have all the plastics. they are worst that NY. the Chelsea drowns are body obsessed. The LA drowns took it to another level with chest, calf, butt, lips, cheek implants,and steroids. I even know some LA queens and live in a shit hole but drive BMW’s!
I’m in a committed relationship and we both work out because we are up there in age and want to stay attractive for eachother not for a 3 some. However, I do know alot of hot couples and have 3 somes. We are not going to be or are those type of couples. But we are only as strong as our weakest link.
James
I think we all know what he is saying is true for the most part.
KipEsquire
Women, regardless of sexual orientation, tend to manifest anorexia through excessive weight loss — while men, regardless of sexual orientation, tend to manifest anorexia through excessive weight (i.e., muscle) gain.
Now add on to that the fact that gays are far more likely to have anorexia (along with all sorts of other self-esteem issues due to being constant immersed in a homophobic society) and the gym phenomenon becomes less mysterious — and far less petty than Moylan’s kindergarten sociology would suggest.
Fitz
There is some truth in the diagnosis, but no thought or compassion given to understanding the etiology, or plan of where to go from here. When people grow up being told that their sexuality, their very physicalness is laughable and disgusting, it makes sense that they could become developmentally stuck at narcissism. The solution is to accept and love and teach that we are all pretty cool, warts and all.
And BTW, I work out 5 times a week– not to get laid, and I don’t look like a porn star. (except maybe some weird fetish thing… lol) I work out because I feel awesome afterwards, and in my latter-middle years, I enjoy the stamina and flexibility of a much younger man. AND, the fellowship of my gym buds is essential to me.
ggreen
If you are in a relationship and it requires a 3rd person for sex you are doing it wrong.
Brandon h,
So there are no gay people without abs you could grate cheese on? And if there were they are relegated to the bear zone far far away from the cheese graters?
Fuck you on so many levels.
lemon-lime
@ggreen: Thank you. I couldn’t agree more. As a gay who is happily committed to my partner and not interested in ever introducing a 3rd wheel.
Read the Gawker article last week when it was first written, and at the time I thought that it was at painting with a broad brush and at worst downright slanderous to the larger gay community. I’m glad to see a Queerty blogger agreeing with me.
If by “gay” he meant “Dudes who are on Grindr right now” then maybe he’s right, but don’t lump the rest of us in to the same pot, thanks. There’s a huge diversity of viewpoints, values and interests in the community and it does all of us a disservice to suggest otherwise.
stephen
@the big one: Is it bad to live in a shit hole and drive a BMW?
jason
Men are intrinsically visual creatures. Straight-identifying men find sexual attraction in the female form and follow it with a passion. Gay-identifying men find sexual attraction in the male form and also follow it with a passion. In the latter case, it means that sexual attraction to the same type of body as your own. This causes narcissism of the type that is rampant in the gay scene.
Joel Wang
@Fitz: I completely agree with you on this…I find it odd that some of us have forgotten that the gym trend started as a practical way to maintain health in early age of AIDS. No Mr. Moylan, taking good care of oneself does not always equal narcissism.
zaenal
Great information, thanks for sharing 😀
christopher di spirito
I used to work out at Golds Gym and probably 75% of the members were het boys.
They were the most body-obsessed bunch of gym bunnies I’ve ever seen. Prancing around the work out room, posing and voguing in-front of mirror, semi-aroused at their image.
Personally, I like a man with a body like Ben Cohen’s body. He’s a total turn on to me.
Erich
If you read Brian’s work regularly, you’d realize this whole article was written tongue-in-cheek.
Vinci S.
The article had its faults, but it certainly brought up some good points.
Paul
What Brian writes is true when it comes to NYC and LA, but I find gay life much more diverse when you venture out to other cities. If I ever move out of NYC it will be because I could no longer stand the gay body obsession. I miss my wonderful New England gays, who come in all shapes and sizes!
Eric
@Joel Wang:
Um, no, no it didn’t. Clones, Tom of Finland, and body fascism existed before AIDS.
A Concerned Reader
I mean…really?
Mr. Moylan did a fantastic job of capturing the essence of what the gay community is fed by the media including websites…such as Gawker. As (gay and straight, but mostly gay)men we are very subliminally and often very blatantly fed ideas about body image.
Moreover, I am sure Mr. Moylan wrote the article, tongue firmly in cheek. As in, it was a humorous take and play on the book, the French, and gay men.
People, if you’re reading Gawker it is mostly for entertainment. If you’re looking for advice on body image, love, self-esteem, etc, read something like Men’s Health…oh wait that too feeds us images of 6 packs, chiseled faces, and articles that tell us that working out and body image trumps all. Its not straight men who are tearing those rags off the shelves seeking advice on ab workouts. Its us. The gay. Who very willfully keep these places in business.
Personally, I love my body and I love my husband’s body… and nothing gets us more turned on than when we are tag teaming a hot third on our living floor that was mesmerized by body pics on A4A or Grndr.
And do trust No. 6, we do it right…very very right. Come over and we’ll show you.
Lastly, shame on you Mr. Slusarenko for cashing in on Moylan’s article with your Op Ed post.
Steve
While this might all be based on stereotypes, I never knew giving a damn about your body was narcissistic.
Now, if psychologically, gay men do only want to fuck guys who look like themselves, then yes, that would be narcissistic.
Fitz
@Eric and
@Joel
I think you are both right– I think that the original reaction to the gay = wimp thing was the body builder culture.. but I also worked in the Castro when AIDS hit, and things went WAY over the top at that point, when people were desperate both to stay healthy and to look healthy.
Exercise. It’s fun and it feels good, and you might not have to take pills to keep your blood pressure down and your dick up at 40. Be reasonable about it.
JNunz
The Queerty article is hilariously hypocritical. If we don’t care what people look like, what’s up with the huge picture of the gawker writer? Read his article closely and I think you’ll see that you missed his point entirely.
Furthermore, his article, and yesterday’s Queerty article by Charlie Leveridge, prove that diversity of thought in our community is shunned. Those who don’t prescribe to the popular, gay.inc opinion on a controversial issue are instantly labeled as self-hating, internally homophobic asshats.
Maybe the haters are the ones who are so quick to tear down a member of our community who is just expressing an opinion. I may disagree with both writers, but I’m certainly not going into full attack mode over the internet. Get a life, people. If you want to make a difference, volunteer with an organization that directly impacts the community rather than whining via postings on a website whose primary arguments used to be over whether the daily man pics were of someone who was too young or too hairless.
Hector
This article is right if you don’t look like a model in the gay community you might as well slit your wrist.The gay community and gay culture are like high school,you have the cool kids and the freaks.
Lefty
Probably because she’s a moose who can’t get laid. 🙁
Queer Supremacist - 43 Het Presidents is 43 Too Many
@Hector: That Lindsay Lohan movie Mean Girls could have replaced teenage girls with gay men and had the exact same content.
I exercise vigorously. I run 30+ miles a week, and do marathons and half-marathons. This is not (entirely) for vanity, this is for common sense. My overweight mom is a type-2 diabetic who has been in and out of Weight Watchers and fad diets since I learned to talk. Her father died of a massive heart attack. My Dad’s father died six months ago, and if it weren’t for blood pressure pills he’d have died 20 years ago. If I didn’t work out and consume normal portions of food, something just as bad would happen to me.
And it’s something my boyfriend and I can do together. Not to look good for potential three-ways that are NOT. GONNA. HAPPEN. But to look good to ourselves and each other, to feel good, to be able to think clearly, and to
The article does have a point about gay body fascism. And Queerty is hypocritical to point it out when they contribute to it. Not that I’d want to see a Harvey Fierstein centerfold, but c’mon!
To the porn producers: contrary to what you may think, there is such a thing as too much airbrushing.
@JNunz: The Queerty article is hilariously hypocritical. If we don’t care what people look like, what’s up with the huge picture of the gawker writer? Read his article closely and I think you’ll see that you missed his point entirely.
Furthermore, his article, and yesterday’s Queerty article by Charlie Leveridge, prove that diversity of thought in our community is shunned. Those who don’t prescribe to the popular, gay.inc opinion on a controversial issue are instantly labeled as self-hating, internally homophobic asshats.
Maybe the haters are the ones who are so quick to tear down a member of our community who is just expressing an opinion. I may disagree with both writers, but I’m certainly not going into full attack mode over the internet. Get a life, people. If you want to make a difference, volunteer with an organization that directly impacts the community rather than whining via postings on a website whose primary arguments used to be over whether the daily man pics were of someone who was too young or too hairless.
I agree with this wholeheartedly. To anyone who uses such hackneyed phrases as “internalized homophobia” or “self-loathing” to describe any form of dissent from the Gay Party Line, I’ve got some more phrases for you: “psychological projection” and “shove it up your ass, without lube”.
@ggreen: If you are in a relationship and it requires a 3rd person for sex you are doing it wrong.
I agree with this.
Joel Wang
@JNunz: Must we embrace every opinion expressed and published in the community? Or, do we owe it to ourselves to dig in a little deeper, look at the substance of the argument and make a judgment regarding its validity?
When there is a dialogue about an issue at hand, is pointing out the falsehood in someone else’s argument necessarily an expression of “hate”?
Ryan
I think everyone is kind of missing the point, (or maybe I am) as I saw the gawker piece as clearly being tongue in cheek. He is doing something clever here, he’s sending up the community for a laugh, because we all know people who -are- like the ones he describes and it is pretty hilarious, but we also know that not every gay man is that way, but at the same time he is also pointing out some serious issues in our community.
My boyfriend is a skinny lean bitch. I’m a big boy. we’ve been together for 7 years now. I find that I want to look like him because it’s what i’m attracted to, even though the reason he likes me on a purely physical level is because I am big. Now that is the kind of psychological b.s. straight couples don’t have to deal with. they also don’t get daily prostate massages, so I’ll call it an even trade.
JM
@Ggreen and @Lemon-lime …
Judge much? Validating one type of relationship (monogamous) vs. another type of relationship (polyamorous) is exactly the type of anti-progressive thinking that slows down making the world a better place.
What’s wrong with having a 3-person relationship? You know, in the 70’s, before the normalization of the ‘queer’ community began, people were able to think outside of the box — not cling to some heterosexual ideal of marriage and a ‘stable’ monogamous relationship.
Being gay or trans or lesbian or queer or bi used to mean something. It used to have possibilities. Now – it just carries more judgment.
Sad
jeff4justice
OK As Is: Gay & Overweight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-wSpbhsAfg
Ganondorf
The opinion and subsequent response to it is further proof of homophobia’s destructive influence on gay males. That such a marginal “talent” could generate even this much attention in speaking “on behalf” of the entire gay male community in the standard reductive self indulgent musing (so sick of these self appointed, self important moronic assholes jockeying for attention with one another as community spokesperson, or foil to some right wing, powerless save to lgbt professional bigot doucheburst) makes one yearn for the day of the veritable irrelevance of gay blogs and “community”. One day a gay man with internet access will be judged by gays and other by his ACTUAL talent or absence thereof, not his sexual identity, contacts, and safe dearth of imagination, continually vomiting up the tired rehashed tropes that characterize popular gay themes. The invisibility that comes not just from legal, but social acceptance will separate the wheat from the chaff, you be sure. And twinks, bears, blah blah cast of characters in this pathetic soap will be as interesting and relevant to gay identity as the het kinksters are to mainstream Americans. Not even having to think about it or listen to it being thought about by third rate hacks is the benefit of that privilege. One day, the entire “community” will be largely irrelevant, and the ridiculous one dimensional cast of sads that have come to define the debris that clutters it will vanish with the “leaders,” “activists,” and “talent” identified mostly by no discernible skill or talent, but an act/kink elevated to a lifestyle. And, verily, the whole world can see that gay men and women are no more interesting, smart, educated as any other popular minority. We gots our trash, too. Come see for yourself just how average and uninteresting we really are!
amanda fukalnite
I think he is obssessed with boys
George412
He speaks the truth.
edfu
In large metropolitan areas with a large concentration of gay men, Moylan is absolutely correct–not all gay men, but definitely a majority of single gay men. How anyone can deny this is willfully dumb and blind.
Joel Wang
@Ganondorf: Gee Ganondorf – If reading the musings of a “marginal talent” on a trivial issue in gay culture is upsetting you so much, maybe you should refrain from doing so in the future.
Obviously, it’s not pretty when you do blow the gasket…needless to say, there’s a whole slew of other things you can do to achieve that “gay community”-free mediocrity rather than making vicious comments here at people who ARE contributing to a dialogue on an issue.
Again, however, trivial.
Ganondorf
@Joel Wang:
Gee Joel, if reading the opinion of the marginal talent on a trivial gay issue is upsetting you so much, maybe you should refrain from doing so in the future. Eat a dick.
Joel Wang
@Ganondorf: CRASSY!
Ganondorf
@Joel Wang:
Beige…so very beige.
Joel Wang
@Ganondorf: How very frustrating it must be for you to exist in a world without new ideas, and to have to resort to other peoples terms of derision in order to feel good about yourself. I stand by my word for you, CRASSY.
Ganondorf
@Joel Wang:
More beige “if you don’t have anything nice to say” apologism for mediocrity. Self righteous stagnant beige people like will always come to the defense of popular culture and shit thinking, attacking the very premise of criticism of shit thinking–the very premise of criticism. It’s all you know…and you offer nothing in return.
Ganondorf
Well the gig’s up, Wang! Not everyone is as utterly facile as you and the beige brigade are, lowering the bar of community discourse one cut and paste “observation,” or thoughtless belch at a time. Honestly, though, do you ever just want to slap yourself around for being the personification of beige defending beigeness while being very careful not to ascend beyond beige in doing so? The personification of an echo of “that’s hawt”.
Joel Wang
@Ganondorf: Yeah buddy, thanks for demonstrating that personal attack is the only defense when one’s incapable of having an original thought.
Happy PRIDE to you and have fun eating whatever it is that you like to eat.
Ganondorf
@Joel Wang:
This accusation of a lack of originality harkens back to my initial post. So first you say that any criticism of pointless memes should be kept to oneself, because hey, they’re somehow contributing and all contributions are good no matter what, and now turning the same accusation of a lack of originality back on the person who complained about a lack of original and interesting content in the criticism itself? Wang, let no one say that you’re not a shrewd operator with “I know you are but what am I” and “if you have nothing nice to say” stock retorts.
And of course I’m going to “attack you” personally, when that was your opening tactic in response to my initial comment. To claim victimhood here is yet another brilliant and subtle move, isn’t it? No, you’re an idiot, and that’s an objective fact. Yeah, happy “pride”
Pip
You could be the perfect 10, you still aint getting laid. It’s a self confidence issue, and perfect pecs do not make the man, it;s what swings low between his legs. The only way gay men go home with each other is if they are high on drugs or alcohol. It doesn’t matter what you look like. Only a very small percentage of gay men have enough balls to fuck each other sober.
Gay men spend all their time thinking and being prepared for sex, but the real truth is that most get laid once a year if they are lucky. There seems to be a self confidence gene missing among the gays.
Most gay men can’t string one sentence together never mind having the necessary social skills required to meet someone and bang them. When you have sex with someone whether you consciously know it or not you are giving something, and quite honestly how many gays do you know who actually have something to give?
It’s take, take, take to feed their fat ego’s and cavernous empty voids.
I hope that sounds bitter enough 🙂
P.S I used to get laid ALL the time because I am not afraid of sex, now it’s just too much like hard work with gay guys, i’d rather masturbate and be done with it.
Smile
Davy
No matter how you respond someone will be pissed, but I guess I will put in my humble comments. I don’t like to admit that many of these ideas are very very prevalent in the Gays, because I like myself and want to be a member of an awesome minority group who is full of confidence and functional living. But I have not had good luck experiencing this. I attend many Gay functions and date when I can, but it is very difficult to meet someone that I would like to date. I hate to admit that No. 42, as bitter as he sounds, makes lot of sense. If I fancy someones smile or something I tell them. I approuch men i find cute (physically and behaviourly ( i made that word up)) but I am only met with suspician and disdain. The few times I have met good non drug induced guys they are taken. So I think 42 is correct. I do not have a lifestyle that partakes of drugs or drink. I like a nice cup of tea or a sparkling water. And I am confident which both have a chilling affect on the gay men. It all must be the lack of the confidence gene that drives then to these behaviours. SO the ones who don’t depend on mind altering substances to get the courage to have a conversation with someone and get to know them and date them DON”T GO OUT so I never get the opportunity to meet them and the ones who do don’t share my healthy lifestyle and are not attractive to me. Yikes! What a dilemma. Cats are nice.
Davy
No matter how you respond someone will be pissed, but I guess I will put in my humble comments. I don’t like to admit that many of these ideas are very very prevalent in the Gays, because I like myself and want to be a member of an awesome minority group who is full of confidence and functional living. But I have not had good luck experiencing this. I attend many Gay functions and date when I can, but it is very difficult to meet someone that I would like to date. I hate to admit that No. 42, as bitter as he sounds, makes lot of sense. If I fancy someones smile or something I tell them. I approuch men i find cute (physically and behaviourly ( i made that word up)) but I am only met with suspician and disdain. The few times I have met good non drug induced guys they are taken. So I think 42 is correct. I do not have a lifestyle that partakes of drugs or drink. I like a nice cup of tea or a sparkling water. And I am confident which both have a chilling affect on the gay men. It all must be the lack of the confidence gene that drives then to these behaviours. SO the ones who don’t depend on mind altering substances to get the courage to have a conversation with someone and get to know them and date them DON”T GO OUT so I never get the opportunity to meet them and the ones who do don’t share my healthy lifestyle and are not attractive to me. Yikes! What a dilemma. Cats are nice. It’s like th Pet Shop Boys song “you Only Love Me When Your Drunk”
Davy
No matter how you respond someone will be pissed, but I guess I will put in my humble comments. I don’t like to admit that many of these ideas are very very prevalent in the Gays, because I like myself and want to be a member of an awesome minority group who is full of confidence and functional living. But I have not had good luck experiencing this. I attend many Gay functions and date when I can, but it is very difficult to meet someone that I would like to date. I hate to admit that No. 42, as bitter as he sounds, makes lot of sense. If I fancy someones smile or something I tell them. I approuch men i find cute (physically and behaviourly ( i made that word up)) but I am only met with suspician and disdain. The few times I have met good non drug induced guys they are taken. So I think 42 is correct. I do not have a lifestyle that partakes of drugs or drink. I like a nice cup of tea or a sparkling water. And I am confident which both have a chilling affect on the gay men. It all must be the lack of the confidence gene that drives then to these behaviours. SO the ones who don’t depend on mind altering substances to get the courage to have a conversation with someone and get to know them and date them DON’T GO OUT so I never get the opportunity to meet them and the ones who do don’t share my healthy lifestyle and are not attractive to me. Yikes! What a dilemma. Cats are nice. It’s like the Pet Shop Boys song “YOU ONLY TELL ME YOU LOVE ME WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK”. It does take courage to be vulnerable and you can’t truly love if you do not make yourself vulnerable to that other person.