Queerty is better as a member

Log in | Register
  TWINKIE AND THE DRAIN

Gay Republican Group, GOProud, Hoarding And Whoring Out Twinkies

In the wake of the terrifying news that there may soon be a Twinkies shortage (what will we eat at the End of Days now?), GOProud has capitalized on the ensuing pastry panic by snatching up boxes of the confectionery treat and offering them as incentives to potential donors.

Turns out Hostess, the makers of Twinkies, Ding Dongs and American Obesity, are going out of business “after failing to reach agreement on wage and pension cuts with its bakers’ union,” according to The Wall Street Journal. The 85-year-old, Irving Texas-based company will shutter all of its factories, which could put as many as 18,500 people out of a job.

Seeing an opportunity to capitalize on the misfortune of others (it is the American way, after all), the staunchly conservative group released a press release on Friday, obtained by Buzzfeed:

You know that our staff at GOProud works everyday to promote free-market principles and freedom for everyone. You may not know about our special emergency response squad. This morning when the news broke, they sprung into action and secured a supply of the coveted snack cakes. We now have a stash of Twinkies in the GOProud vault. You have a chance to take advantage of our quick response to this crisis.

We will share our limited supply of Hostess Twinkies with GOProud donors who contribute at least $50 between now and the end of November. We’ll send you a Twinkie as a token of our appreciation for your donation.

No tea, no shade: well-played, GOProud. It pays to have a special emergency response squad, also known as a team of unpaid interns who dug through Amazon. And it turns out that the strategy kinda worked out with CEO Jimmy LaSalvia reporting “some” contributions.

But if you thought that the folks at GOProud were just some cold, calculating Grand Old Partiers trying to make a quick buck off off a cheap laugh you were only half right:

In all seriousness, this sad story isn’t about the loss of a favorite snack. At the end of the day, 18,000 Americans are losing their jobs. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of the families affected by this travesty perpetrated by union bosses – more bad news for an economically weary nation.

You really can’t blame GOProud, especially not with the newly formed Twinkie Black Market, which is exactly what it sounds like: stupid. But before you start going into a diabetic coma over the impending Twinkie Apocalypse, all may not be lost. A bankruptcy judge has urged Hostess and one of its largest unions to mediate toward a labor agreement in a last-ditch meeting today.

Should the two parties fail to come to an agreement, Hostess will forgo a traditional bankruptcy and sell off its properties. Already several investors and rival companies have lined up,  eager to gobble up the Twinkies brand – so there’s probably no need to worry about the Twinkie Apocalypse.

Now you can focus on the actual Apocalypse, which is around next month-ish. Whew! What a relief.

By:           Les Fabian Brathwaite
On:           Nov 20, 2012
Tagged: , , ,

  • 31 Comments
    • Dumdum
      Dumdum

      Typical opportunistic parasites. GOPuck makes me sick. Those bi**hes have no shame, they give Gays a bad name.

      Nov 20, 2012 at 7:49 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MikeE
      MikeE

      VERY typical of Republicans: blame the lowest-paid people in the chain.

      meanwhile, the CEOs and various executives of the company paid themselves 60% – 100% bonuses this year. Obviously the company isn’t doing THAT badly, or else they wouldn’t have deserved such generous “bonuses”, right?

      Nov 20, 2012 at 8:31 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • 2eo
      2eo

      Didn’t they base their whole campaign against the SOCIALIST COMMUNIST MUSLIM GAY ATHEIST ULTRASATAN on his will to give items away to bribe people into supporting him.

      Oh hang on, those rules don’t apply with the American hating GOP and its toadying troglodytes.

      Nov 20, 2012 at 8:34 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dumdum
      Dumdum

      @MikeE: Yep. And they use the whole free market crap to justify their actions. By the way I misspelled Puke. GOPuke. GOPuke.

      Nov 20, 2012 at 9:18 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • 2eo
      2eo

      Didn’t they base their whole campaign against the SOCI@LIST COMMI MUSL1M G@Y @THEIST ULTR@SATAN on his will to give items away to bribe people into supporting him.

      Oh hang on, those rules don’t apply with the American hating GOP and its toadying troglodytes.

      Still not sure which word violated the filter. I know r@cist and r@cism do, but not sure which others. Also the moderators are incapable of moderating the posts so I’ll just use the workarounds.

      Nov 20, 2012 at 9:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • leliorisen
      leliorisen

      Considering that even if the company were to go under (and the issue is still very much in doubt) many articles have already made it clear that the brands would continue to be produced under new ownership. This is yet another ‘manufactured’ issue.

      For me, the significance of GOProud (if you say so) giving out twinkies for donations, is symbolic for another reason. I think ‘twinkies’ represents the relative clout that this group has within the GOP, as well as the depth of their political relevance, as seen from mainstream lgbt groups.

      @leliorisen

      Nov 20, 2012 at 9:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BJ McFrisky
      BJ McFrisky

      I am so tired of hearing about Hostess’s financial problems—especially since it was the unions that drove them out of business. Way to go, unions.

      @Dumdum: Another “intellectual” liberal resorting to childlike name-calling—there’s a surprise. “GOPuke” gets you zero points for creativity or originality, and makes you come across as a bratty teenage girl. Come on, DD, we all know you’re angry and petty enough to come up with some really nasty insults about gay conservatives. Where’s the outrage that normally accompanies your posts?

      Nov 20, 2012 at 10:54 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dumdum
      Dumdum

      @BJ McFrisky: Typical comment cumming from the likes of you. If you had your way we would still be in the 1800s complete with work houses, sweat shops, child labor and slavery. You greedy materialistic self important ass.

      Nov 20, 2012 at 11:15 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • 2eo
      2eo

      @Dumdum: Everyone would be working and we’d all have our place.

      The sad thing is this is exactly what the GOP are trying too force through the houses.

      Nov 20, 2012 at 11:20 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dumdum
      Dumdum

      @BJ McFrisky: Happy now? GOPuke, GOPrude, GOPain in the arse. GOPlease get over yourself. GOPunk, GOPrick. I got a lot of these. By the way, were you successful in getting your imaginary accountant to hide all of your ill gotten gains from the dirty unwashed masses and the big bad government?

      Nov 20, 2012 at 11:26 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • 2eo
      2eo

      Oooo I got one.

      GOgetcancerandnothaveenoughtocoverthecostsandpostpicturesinablogsoicanhaveagoodlaughatyourcontinuedfailretoruinthefightforeveryonegoodmoralandintelligent.

      Bit of a mouthful like, but you get the picture.

      Nov 20, 2012 at 11:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • andy_d
      andy_d

      @BJ McFrisky: Wasn’t the unions. A judge in NY is forcing arbitration, a step that Hostess wanted to skip and get to selling off its assets. Was the greedy corporate owners. Check the facts before you speak. “It is better to be silent and be thought of as a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”

      Nov 20, 2012 at 11:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dumdum
      Dumdum

      @2eo: I love you man. Too bad I am already married. I love your sense of humour.@andy_d: That was brilliant. Is the quote original? Who is the author? BJ has become a hit and run troll. I sure hope he is not a chronic alcoholic, pedestrians and pets beware.

      Nov 20, 2012 at 11:47 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      It’s funny that DURING bankruptcy the CEO increased his pay by 300% and yet somehow it’s the lowest paid workers who are at fault.

      Nov 20, 2012 at 2:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BJ McFrisky
      BJ McFrisky

      @Dumdum: With your unfounded accusations and your tendency to just call people names, you have once again proven that you possess the maturity of a petulant little girl. And by the way, your English is atrocious. The phrase would be “coming from,” not “cumming from.” Apparently you’re still having sexual fantasies about me, which grosses me out, so please stop.
      @andy_d: A judge is forcing arbitration because the idiot unions and their leaders let their deadline pass without an agreement, knowing full well it would mean the dissolution of the company. The judge has made this order because he doesn’t want to see the greed of the unions lead to the unemployment of 18,000 people, most of whom voted to be unemployed rather than take a pay cut. So allow me to offer up my own my quippy little quote for you: “People who think they know everything really annoy those of us who do.”

      Nov 20, 2012 at 5:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • 2eo
      2eo

      @BJ McFrisky: It’s funny you think you know everything when the evidence indicates you are a cretin, and how a guy who isn’t even thirty from Britain knows a truckload more about your nation than you as a citizen do.

      Sad really, the best part is I am exempt from your slander laws, I reckon you’re into kids, you seem the type, vapid and right wing and they all seem to be into child porn given the news.

      Nov 20, 2012 at 5:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • 2eo
      2eo

      ^^ doesn’t this count under parody or something, free speech, that thing that the right uses to bludgeon their points home and silence critics all the time.

      They’re allowed too draw comparisons to paedophilia all the time in the actual public media.

      Nov 20, 2012 at 5:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dumdum
      Dumdum

      @BJ McFrisky: I was making an allusion to your literary ejaculations you boob. And quoting Asimov doesn’t make you seem clever just unimaginative as always. YOU are the one who made the comment about consulting your accountant to hide your money from the Feds. YOU are the one who whines and complains about the big bad government and the poor stealing your taxes. And I wouldn’t touch you with Romneys D**K much less my own. I am fairly certain that you have herpes simplex or something equally contagious. So nana nana boo boo stick your head in doo doo. You are a cad and a bloody buggery wanker.

      Nov 20, 2012 at 6:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dumdum
      Dumdum

      @BJ McFrisky: And if you are going to quote someone, you should at least get it right. Isaac Asimov-“People who think they know everything, are a great annoyance to those of us who do”. Martin Luther King Jr. said.”Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

      Nov 20, 2012 at 7:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BJ McFrisky
      BJ McFrisky

      @2eo: Ooooo, you played the pedophile card. How creative. You’re about as edgy as a balloon.
      @Dumdum: Again, DD, where would you be without your arsenal of nasty names? How could you ever stand up in a rational debate without steam coming out of your ears and your eyes bugging out of your head? Because the first time you tell your opponent you wouldn’t touch him with someone else’s dick and that he belongs to GOPuke, you’ve lost all credibility. You still don’t seem to grasp this very simple fact. Name-calling is and always will be the desperate man’s weapon of choice. Show us you have something to say besides, “I hate Republicans.”

      Nov 20, 2012 at 8:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dumdum
      Dumdum

      @BJ McFrisky: I never said that I hate republicans. YOU Said. “Apparently you’re still having sexual fantasies about me, which grosses me out, so please stop”…. You always attack. YOU never debate anything. YOU make broad undefined statements. YOU play the blame game. YOU never present facts and when presented with facts you avoid. You are myopic and predictable to the point of boredom. Your tiresome diatribe always aimed at the bleeding heart liberals without whom YOU would not be able to enjoy the very freedoms that you not only criticize but also take for granted. Your position is weak and your values reflect that of a selfish little boy. Name calling is really all you warrant in your current state of being. Perhaps when you grow up and are capable of a cogent discourse, one might consider you deserving of something beyond their baser instincts. At present you have given no indication that you are capable of having an intelligent conversation. I have excellent recall and though I often paraphrase your past comments, it is a simple task to bring to mind your past albeit rather limited ruminations.

      Nov 21, 2012 at 1:38 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • 2eo
      2eo

      @BJ McFrisky: Balloon’s now is it, you sicko. Exactly the kind of thing you give too kids. How vile.

      Nov 21, 2012 at 4:27 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dumdum
      Dumdum

      @BJ McFrisky: FYI I haven’t even used my full arsenal of quips, quotes, or insults. I have exercised herculean restraint towards you by not referring to you as The Santorum Fairy.

      Nov 21, 2012 at 6:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BJ McFrisky
      BJ McFrisky

      @Dumdum: Sticks and stones, blah blah blah. Just can’t help yourself, can you, DD? How utterly unsurprising (and you even used the buzz-word Santorum! My my, you really ARE the apex of wit, aren’t you?).
      @2eo: Twice you’ve used the word “too” when “to” is the proper preposition you’re looking for. Get a dictionary if you’re going to post insults under the presumption of intelligence. Specifically, an English dictionary. And stop obssessing over sex with kids, it’s creeping me out.

      Nov 21, 2012 at 9:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mjl-428
      Mjl-428

      @BJ McFrisky: so by your poor logic and inability to accept the evidence placed before you, every company that’s had to shut down like Hostess here would still be here if the unions weren’t demanding that workers be paid decent wages to pay the bills and provide something special for their families?

      so it’s wrong to want to be paid an honest wage to make ends meet but it’s right to give yourself unnecessary bonus because you own the company?

      Nov 21, 2012 at 9:36 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dumdum
      Dumdum

      @Mjl-428: If you are unfamiliar with Ms.McFrisky’s politics, he, she, or it in a past comment identifies with the GOPrudes. He never directly responds to any query put forth by anyone. He makes a comment based on his uninformed conservative beliefs and then attacks. He like all those of his ilk are mulish and obstinate. Singular in purpose breath scope and dimension. You would have a better conversation with a rock with basically the same result. It is sad because I think he truly believes that he is a victim and that it is in fact wrong to want to be paid an honest wage to make ends meet but it’s right to give yourself unnecessary bonuses because you own the company.

      Nov 21, 2012 at 10:37 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mjl-428
      Mjl-428

      @Dumdum: I’ve seen his crap before but the bleeding heart in me every once in a while hopes to see if there’s any human in him. thankfully the b!$#% in me realizes that this is pointless but still wonders why someone like McFrisky who hates certain news sites like here, huffington post, CNN, MSNBC, and everything not GOP affiliated would even be here in the first place.

      That’s like watching Resident Evil: Retribution, knowing it’s going to be horrible, complaining about how horrible it is when it’s over and going back in the next day to see it again…….. JUST TO DO THE SAME THING!

      Nov 21, 2012 at 11:33 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dumdum
      Dumdum

      @Mjl-428: I really should know better than to respond to his pablum like vitriol, it is really no fun anymore he is so boring. No imagination. Been following your comments, I think you are The Cats Pajamas. That’s old time speak for really cool.

      Nov 21, 2012 at 11:47 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mjl-428
      Mjl-428

      @Dumdum: lol. I think I’m going to use that on people. thanks. you, among several other guys (save for b@#chy Mcs#@!!y) are pretty cool too!

      Nov 21, 2012 at 1:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dumdum
      Dumdum

      @Mjl-428: Love you babe! I’ll have my people call your people. We’ll do lunch. Wink, happy face.

      Nov 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Little-Kiwi
      Little-Kiwi

      if McFrisky doesn’t parrot his own piece-of-sh*t parents’ bigotry then they don’t give him dessert.

      pity him. typical GOProud-style nonsense. the furious and ignorant cries of the unloved and unaccepted.

      you show me a gay republican with the balls to stand up to their bigoted family and i’ll show you a unicorn.

      Nov 22, 2012 at 4:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

    Add your Comment

    Please log in to add your comment

    Need an account? Register It's free and easy.



  • POPULAR ON QUEERTY

    FOLLOW US
     



    GET QUEERTY'S DAILY NEWSLETTER


    FROM AROUND THE WEB

    Copyright 2014 Queerty, Inc.
    Follow Queerty at Queerty.com, twitter.com/queerty and facebook.com/queerty.