When Shadi Ismail’s father caught him in bed with another guy, he took a burning coal from a hookah pipe and pressed it against his son’s arm.
“In my mind, I was thinking I deserve it because I did something wrong,” Ismail (pictured) says in a new interview with Boise Public Radio. “It was awful.”
Ismail grew up in Syria. As a child, he says he always knew he was attracted to members of the same sex. After the burning cold incident, he fled his father’s home to live with his mother. (His parents were divorced.) But, he says, the abuse didn’t stop.
One day, Ismail’s mother ordered her son to be beaten by his cousins. When Ismail eventually ran away from his mother’s home, his brother attacked one of Ismail’s friends for refusing to reveal where he had moved.
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Over the years, Ismail’s house was burglarized, but he didn’t report the incident to authorities out of fear that they would require he give his real name and his family would discover where he was living. Another time, he claims he was physically attacked by three men for being gay. That incident led Ismail’s boss, who was also a closeted gay man, to encourage him to request assistance in escaping the country as a refugee.
That was about two-and-a-half years ago.
“I left everything to be who I am,” he says.
Today, Ismail lives in Boise, Idaho. It may seem like a random location to some, but according to him, it couldn’t be more perfect.
Almost immediately, he says, his life improved. Two weeks after arriving, he landed a job. And two weeks after that, he landed a second job. This enabled him to support himself financially. In addition to finding steady work, Ismail also found a roommate, who he says is now like a sister to him.
“If I don’t see her, I miss her,” he says. “This [is what] I feel is my family now. Not there [in Syria].”
Despite everything, Ismail still remains in contact with his family. One day, he called his father out of the blue.
“I did not think about it,” he says. “I [just wanted] to call him.”
Though they didn’t discuss the past or the abuse Ismail suffered at his father’s hand, Ismail says, “[It] was a very good conversation.”
Today, he sends money back to his family, though he doesn’t plan on ever returning to Syria, given the current political landscape.
“Sometimes I cry for it,” he says. “I watch it. I can’t take it.”
Instead, he is looking to the future.
Up next on his agenda: A husband, a dog, and a house.
Listen to Ismail’s full with Jodie Martinson at Boise Public Radio interview here.
Related stories:
Syria Releases 25 Gays Who Dared Attend Parties With Other Homosexuals
How Syrian Police Can Keep Gays Locked Up: Threatening Families Who Want to Bail Them Out
Does It Matter If The Syrian Kidnap Of Lesbian Blogger Is A Hoax Or Not?
Graham Gremore is a columnist and contributor for Queerty and Life of the Law. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.
Trippy
Yea! Congrats on your new life. I wish you all the best!!
Desert Boy
Boise, ID? I hope Shadi doesn’t think all of America is like Boise, ID. But like Trippy said, congratulations on your new life.
hudson
good luck in your new life! I hope you find your dreams….. and a cute hubby.
Daniel
Congrats!! I may move to ID and look for you :P.
jwtraveler
Given the situation in Syria now, being forced to leave is probably the best thing that could happen to him. Unfortunately.
Ladbrook
Good Luck, my friend. Welcome to America.
Tackle
This is your year buddy. If you think things are good now, you haven’t seen anything yet. It’s only going to get better.
But the one advice I would give to you: The husband bit. Don’t look for a husband. Don’t be the type of guy who NEEDS a man, but you would like to have one. Just go about your business. Be happy and positive. And when you least expect: Bam! He’ll be right in front of you…
LivinginNarnia
Hey! i have a question. so recently i have been planning on coming out to my mom, but things are not looking good. i grew up in a really conservative muslim family, so homosexuality is a really intolerable sin here. i’m afraid that my family will disown me (trust me they will) i’m only 14 i don’t have any kinds of support whatsoever. are there any organization that is dealing with kids outside of america that are searching for sanctuary in america?. sorry if i sounded whiny and also sorry for my atrocious grammar.
Stache99
Wow and he sends money back to his family. Sorry but if it was me I’d send them some fake money with a note that said “if only you had treated me well and loved me this would be real. Goodbye and all. Can’t say as I’ll miss you miserable hateful fucks.
rextrek
What Stache9 said x1000….Fuck them – I’d never speak to them again…..and tellm to go fuck themselves….No fucking way would I said them money – he’s a SUCKER! Religion the POISON of rational thought!
onthemark
Wow – he moves to one of the most homophobic places in the US and it’s still WAY BETTER THAN SYRIA.
money718
@Stache99: EXACTLY LOL
TVC 15
He’s so cute.
GayEGO
Now that Idaho has marriage equality he should be able to move forward with his life. I was raised in Boise and although I am living with my lifetime partner of over 52 years, married over 10 years in Massachusetts, Boise is a great place to live.
misterhollywood
Good luck with your new life and really sad you had to flee your country. Maybe one day – probably far in the future – this kind of crap will end.
Leonard Woodrow
Ismail, ignore your family until they accept you for who you are. Until then they are not worth the name of family.
money718
@misterhollywood: Not in our lifetimes.
Saint Law
@LivinginNarnia: I don’t know if there are any organisations whose specific remit is to help foreign teenagers who are suffering homophobic persecution. I would imagine the same rules would apply as to anybody seeking asylum in the US on the basis of such persecution.
For example, the 17 year old Russian teen who recently did so. However he was in the US on an exchange program when he made his claim for asylum.
So, in order to do so, you would have to make it to the US. How possible that is for you, being only 14 years old, I don’t know.
whatsd
Thanks for sharing this positive story. Very happy for this nice man – all my best to him!
WBrianG
Does anyone out there reading this know of a group/agency that reaches out to closeted/outed gay teens who need a home, who are kicked out, or need temporary shelter ? or even, are candidates for adoption ?
Tackle
@LivinginNarnia: At the age of 14, in a foreign country, no where to go, and and not being financially able to support yourself, I say it’s not a good time to come out right now. At least wait until you are able to stand on your own two feet, or have somewhere to go in the event that you may get thrown out…
Will L
I like a happy ending and this is headed that way. But like Desert Boy said, Boise Idaho? Oh, dear. I guess it’s better than Syria. But I do agree that he might want to focus on himself for now and stop sending any money back to his “loving family.”
Virge
@Will L:
Yes I agree he should stop sending money. He would be doing a greater good by saving his money to help others in his country escape from the same treatment he suffered — and letting his family know what he was doing.