I have a theory. I think there’s something about having a male partner that makes it more difficult. This will sound sexist but that doesn’t mean it’s any less true. If I were a straight man, my female partner would have a role in the eyes of society. She would be the mother of my children, my hostess, the person on my arm at red carpet events. She would have a defined function. But that’s not the case if your partner is male. Every man – no matter how young or fey – has something of the alpha in him. So all the things they thought they’d enjoy about going out with me become loathsome in the end because they haven’t earned it for themselves. Increasingly, that puts a strain on the relationship.”
— Comic/talk show host Graham Norton, who might need to begin dating more secure guys, discussing his personal life with U.K.’s Mirror
AxelDC
If 95% of people are straight, then you have 47% of the population to choose from. Gay men have 2.5% of the population to choose from. That means straight people have 20x the dating pool of gays.
Cam
I’m not sure that flies now. Any 25 year old guy who is dating a woman and says “Hey, guess what, you’re my hostess” probably isn’t going to have a great evening.
Also, half of the comedy out there by straight comedians seems to be about how men and women are completely different, want different things, speak different languages.
Norton has his own experiences, but talk to a straight woman in Manhatten and ask her if it’s easier for her or a gay guy to find a relationship. 😉
AxelDC
@Cam: That’s because gay people have to move to find love. Apps make it a bit easier, but you pretty much have to move to a gay mecca to have a decent dating pool. Manhattan is a tiny island compared to Ohio or Idaho.
Once you find someone, it is a lot easier, but the finding process can take a long time.
Clark35
Typical BS from Norton.
I’m sure he’d buy into the BS that if you are bisexual you will easily find love or a relationship because you have twice the partners to choose from.
I agree with Cam about hetero women in NYC and large cities, and if someone is gay they do not have to move to a large city to find a relationship like AxelDC claims.
lauraspencer
I agree with Graham.
I have always said if I were a straight male I would have been partnered by now because “the blueprint” for straight coupling is a bit more defined than for gays. What I have to offer (home, good job, security, kindness) aren’t valued by gay men the same way the attributes would be valued by women.
QJ201
Dumb*ss headline that doesn’t reflect what he said AT ALL
Cam
@lauraspencer:
Well I took it to mean “Find a good relationship”. I think society makes it easier for straights to get married, but that said, many of them make early mistakes because it is so easy for them to marry quickly. It’s an over the top example, but Brittany Spears. Both groups have their ups and downs, and Axes is right that gays often have to move to a more gay friendly area, but I would argue that in a place like Manhatten, SF, Los Angeles or other similar place I’d rather be gay and dating than straight. Conversely if I’m in Provo Utah, sure it would be far far easier to be straight.
Arcamenel
Obviously the dating pool is much larger and women tend to be less shallow than men so I guess it’s possible.
Alan down in Florida
@AxelDC: I think that the huge variety of choices in the large urban gay areas is in many ways counterproductive to finding love. Too many gay men are too busy checking for other/better options which in the old days could be a bar stool or nowadays a Grindr post away. I think that the smaller dating pool in non-gay meccas makes it necessary to shed shallow values and get to know and appreciate someone for who they are and not what they look like.
onthemark
He’s complaining about problems of celebrity life, not so much gay life in general.
Cam
@Arcamenel: said “Women tend to be less shallow than men”
Really?! If that was the case I seriously doubt that we would see the Wedding industry we have now with $10,000 cakes and $50,000 wedding dresses, or people being told to pay 2 months salary for a ring.
The ultimate in being shallow would seem to be caring more about the wedding than the marriage.
Thomathy
He’s not wrong that society has strict roles for people based on gender and that queers often break those roles down.
I don’t think that’s a bad thing or a problem. I don’t want to play a part in some strict gender-binary world.
If he wants to imagine that it would be easier to find himself some stay-at-home Martha Stewart of a man if not for the ‘alpha in him’ (what utter nonsense), then I wish him the best of a lonely life.
The only thing made clear by that statement is that Norton has rather unrealistic ideas about who any given person should be when partnered. No one must fill any given role.
Xzamilio
@Arcamenel: I’m assuming by “shallow” you mean less picky, and in which case, I would have agree with you. Women do tend to have more of a willingness to lower their standards to find a potential mate. And by that, I mean not be so hung up on how gorgeous or well endowed the other guy is… superficial crap that you see celebrated a lot in our gay media.
SteveDenver
Unless Graham has room in his life for someone HE RESPECTS and whose activities are just as important as his career, he’ll probably just be looking for a trophy twink to carry his luggage One or both of them will get bored fast.
Cam
@Xzamilio:
It’s also a form of sexism to pretend that one gender does or doesn’t do something whether it’s good or bad.
If women do not care about appearance or are willing to settle, then why don’t we see boy-bands with a bunch of fat members? Why are straight guys waxing every hair of their body and getting manicures? etc…
OzJosh
The quote is taken entirely out of context and mischievously twisted to make it sound like Norton is generalising about the gay experience. In fact, he was talking specifically about the problems of being famous, and the impact that has on partners, whose identity is often totally overshadowed. You need to be extremely suspicious of these clickbait quotes; they’re designed to inflame and provoke. Never mind if someone’s reputation is trashed in the process.
VampDC
I agree with him 100%.
We can pretend we’re past gender roles but we aren’t. Some of us love gender roles. I love being a man with all my heart, mostly because of it’s gender roles!
demented
@VampDC: Has it occurred to you that you love gender roles because you belong to the dominant gender?
Xzamilio
@Cam: Because those brands are catering to young girls, not grown women. And guys at large are most certainly not getting those procedures done… that is the crap you see on TV and in certain areas like LA where everyone is superficial and caught up in their looks. And please spare me that “sexism” crap because it’s complete garbage in this context as no one here is pretending that one gender does or doesn’t do something.. hence the word “TEND”.
Not to mention, your example with wedding dresses had nothing to do with being shallow, but superficial. Hell, those women could be married Brad Pitt or Arm Pitt and they’d still be clamoring for that million dollar wedding… what does that have to do with being shallow?
Witchiepoo
I get the feeling that Graham only THINKS he’d like to be with a man who emulates the attributes of what can only be considered a trophy wife; but, in reality, he’s entirely turned off my any man who actually does. Therefore, he ends up only dating those types of men who don’t really fit the criterion with which he appears to be so enamored.
And yes, the headline of this piece is entirely misleading. He’s not speaking of finding love, but of developing a relationship… which are two entirely different things.
Witchiepoo
I meant to write BY any man, not MY.
Cam
@Xzamilio:
Ok, so just so we have this straight, young girls are incredibly shallow, but when they reach a certain age they suddenly don’t care about their men’s looks anymore?
At which age does this magic transformation happen? You claimed my example of boybands was explained by the fact that it catered to young girls…well then what about Bradley Cooper? Channing Tatum? etc…
Are there no unattractive actors that could play their roles? I mean after all, if women care nothing for looks there is no reason that those two should be cast over say Paul Giamati or Jonah Hill right?
broadshoulder
x20 is the right statistic. Most of my friends are single.The ones in relationship look like gods.
Us normal ones have problems getting dates.
Xzamilio
@Cam: @Cam: What about Channing Tatum or Bradley Cooper? Those are grown ass men who LOOK like grown ass men. What the hell are you getting at exactly, other than just wanting to argue about stupid shit? Hell, what about Justin Timeberlake?/ Surprised you didn’t bother mention him as he transitioned from boy bander to grown man sexy.
And by the way, I didn’t say jack squat about young girls being “incredibly shallow”, so if I want to know what I said, go back and read or ask me… but since you’ve managed to jump from one stupid point to another, I’ll end this here and ignore you like I’ve continued to do.
o.codone
It can be practically impossible to get a date if you are gay and live in the wrong locale. Beautiful and wealthy Westport, CT doesn’t have any gay guys in it as far as I can tell. The hook-up apps are okay but never lead to anything more substantial. And, god forbid that you say you’re looking for “serious” or “long term”, because gay guys just aren’t into that. You are branded a weirdo or a stalker, an emotional basket case and/or pathologically needy if you say that.
Cormi
I’d say I agree. Even openly talking about loving another member of your sex in some places is really hard..that’s forgetting even bringing up other members of that pool into the equation.
dave lopes
Graham Norton’s observations are right on point and make perfect sense.
First the numbers, it is an overwhelmingly hetero world.
Second, the difference between the genders. men behave differently from women…and that can be seen in how gay males behave differently from lesbians.
tsmithknox
My experience says otherwise. I believe, not matter your gender, more difficult if you’re a high maintenance diva.