Apparently there are things straight people should never say to their gay friends.
We don’t know what kind of friends you have, but ours say some of the most inappropriate and wonderfully hilarious things imaginable, so we’d hate to think there were subjects they weren’t allowed to broach with us.
But Gus Kenworthy and Teen Vogue‘s Phillip Picardi have come up with eight of them.
The sentiment is fine enough — basically don’t stereotype or make assumptions about people. But that advice could come in handy in a lot more scenarios than not making gay people uncomfortable.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
But according to the video (and we’re glad to see Gus give a little push-back), questions like “how did you come out?” are off limits. So don’t ask your gay friend how he came out, or else?
Last we checked, there were a few more pressing matters in the world than someone asking their friend how he came out.
Maybe a better title would have been “8 things you probably shouldn’t say to a random gay person you just met on the street, unless you’re an emotionally intelligent person and can tell the other person isn’t uncomfortable.” Guess that’s not as clicky, though.
Watch below:
sportsguy1983
Milk your 15 minutes of fame for all it’s worth.
CWM85
He like so many others who come are overdoing it. An announcement was all that was needed. Now he just keeps going on and on. We get it you’re gay. Me too anything else remotely important than that?
Masc Pride
This is three minutes of two queens getting offended over absolutely nothing. How shocking! I get “you don’t seem gay” all the time. It doesn’t bother me at all. Though I usually tell them, technically I’m bi and not totally gay. It’s harmless. Don’t know how someone would read it as saying there’s something “wrong” with “acting gay”. A lot of gay men DO carry themselves in a certain way. Stereotypes exist for a reason. If you’re going to get offended, you should know that lots of gays are just as much to blame for these types of perceptions. I take it as more of an observation, not a criticism or compliment.
There’s also nothing offensive about asking someone how they came out. Asking harmless questions is how people learn. Instead of getting offended, why not take the chance to inform?
“Why are all the hot ones gay?” I wish!
Jeff Fleming
That was very cute! I’m so luvin’ Gus! Hottie!
Glücklich
Here, I’ll save folks the hassle of watching a mediocre video:
1. You don’t seem gay
2. Gay guys just love me
3. How did you come out?
4. Are you sure you’re gay?
5. You’re my gay best friend
6. You should meet my other gay friend
7. OMG I love gay boys! Let’s be friends!
8. Why are all the hot ones gay?
dcto
@sportsguy1983: Sochi was almost 2 years ago, 5X World Champ – how many 15 minutes are there in 5 years, and counting?
AtticusBennett
i’ll add another: “WHY did you change after you came out? you shouldn’t have to be someone else just because you came out”
it’s patently false. when you come out, you’re no longer pretending to be someone and something that you’re not. you’re GOING to change. when closeted, it’s not as if you tell One Lie “i’m straight!” – you tell a million little lies every day, all to feed the One Big Lie. and when you come out, YES – your’e gonna change. you’re gonna start doing/liking “gay things” and it’s preposterous when people trot out that lie that coming out means nothing about you changes except you’ll start dating members of the same sex.
dcto
@CWM85: Are you a regular reader of Teen Vogue? Or of gay tabloids that rerun any & all things Kenworthy? If the latter, should we send over a SWAT team to take down the gun being held against your head forcing you to read this? Or would you prefer to continue whinging?
AtticusBennett
fun fact – anyone who disagrees with what i just posted will be 100% unable to show themselves. closeted types like “masc pride” like to pretend they are in real life what they claim to be, anonymously, online. and they always always are lying.
AxelDC
Asking someone his coming out story is not a personal attack. They are genuinely expressing interest in your life.
Even if your story was not pleasant, you need to come up with a short story that you can tell. Whining about people who care about you is a terrible strategy when you can easily come up with an appropriate response.
SteveDenver
Knowing how to ANSWER awkward questions is a great skill.
My all-purpose answer for difficult questions is: “Why do you ask?” It allows them to reevaluate and restate their question. If after that, I still don’t want to respond, “Ask again later,” works just fine.
moldisdelicious
@AtticusBennett:
Okay, narcissist.
Chris J Korbel
How about “you’re the reason straight pople hate gays” That really ground my gears
Bauhaus
@SteveDenver:
Same! “Why do you ask?” Works every time.
Brian
Gus seems to be on a publicity streak lately. Doesn’t he have a real job?
As for stereotypes, I find that gay-identifying men tend to stereotype themselves and others. Gay-identifying men love stereotypes. They are stereotype-pushers. They live the stereotype.
Uncle Mark
@Glücklich: Thank you for providing the list. Their annoying, self-centered, hypersensitive babbling was putting me to sleep. Many of the questions or comments they were addressing sounded like straight friends attempting to reach out or compliment. Why not accept them as that? Really…you’re offended at being referred to as a GBF ?!! There will be far more offensive things said to you in your gay life…trust me !! I guess I shouldn’t expect anything of substance from TEEN Vogue.
Dan Duprey
The editorial comments were more useful than the video itself.
CWM85
Dcto Gus PR queen back at it… go fuck off already..
AtticusBennett
@Brian: anonymous closeted internet trolls live The Stereotype, too; the stereotype of being full of s**t, a complete liar, and a wimp who doesn’t have the spine or balls to show that they’re remotely what they pretend to be online 🙂
Skyler Weston Mays
First commenter is self loathing
Daniel Salmeron
Meh, really.
Uncle Mark
@Masc Pride: Thank you !! Thank you !! That’s exactly what I was thinking when I was listening to their self-centered, hypersensitive prattling. Frankly, they/we should invite ALL questions. They/we can always choose whether to answer them or not. At the end of the day, you will educate your friends (and their friends too) and eliminate a lot of myths that they may otherwise be too afraid to inquire. Any dialogue is good and beneficial to all of us.
Darwin Rodriguez
I don’t get how Blondabs McGee is alluvasudden a leading voice in the community?
Craig Shapiro
Actually it could be an opportunity to educate someone, possibly a friend to gain insight and empathy for LBGTQ community.
Glücklich
@Bauhaus:
@SteveDenver:
Yep.
However, I’ve been told I have a demeanor (emphasis on the “mean”) that deters questions which could be considered awkward, i.e. personal in nature.
None of these seem like terrible things to say. They’re dumb but it’s *teen* Vogue (eye roll) for Chrissakes.
SeeingAll
If you’re really a friend you should be able to say any of these dopey things to somebody.
Glücklich
@Glücklich:
I’d add these sound like things…inexperienced…people would say or ask, be it inexperience due to youth, location, whatever. They sound particularly dumb because I’ve always lived near and now in San Francisco, and even when I was dipping my toes in the big gay world I was always more comfortable, and therefore surrounded myself with, gay guys ten to twenty years older than I was. That was an advantage to being an only child and not really having been socialized with kids – I preferred to be with the grown-ups.
gjg64
“You should meet my other gay friend” is my biggest no-no.
Sometimes it’s at a party and I feel it’s akin to a white hostess saying “Oh Rev. Jackson have you met Mike Tyson, he’s a Negro too!” or worse, that scene in Animal House where are the loser pledges are moved to one corner.
Or, they fix you up with their “other gay friend” with whom you have NOTHING in common (besides the gay thing), and both of you are thinking the same thing but don’t want to insult the other by saying it.
gjg64
@Masc Pride: Let me guess, you’re “straight acting, straight appearing” and say “no fems or fatties” in your profiles too.
And as far as coming out stories…..if you don’t know the person well, it can be like someone asking you to tell them one of the most difficult things they ever went through…..a little too personal for a stranger/acquaintance.
Glücklich
@gjg64:
Every time something like that comes up I want to post the clip from Mad Men where Betty’s father, Gene, asks the Drapers’ housekeeper, Carla, if she knows Gene’s housekeeper, Viola.
“No Mr. Hofstadt. ‘We’ don’t all know each other.”
SeeingAll
@Glücklich: Oh no ! An only child? You guys are always grow up as those over-indulged too-serious Little Lord Fauntleroy types.
dcto
@CWM85: Applied for Hater, they told me you’d already filled the position, so Gus PR queen it is! As for the rest, once again – pls. take yr. own advice..
dcto
@dcto: So the answer is “continue whinging?”
Captain Obvious
Wow that kid is false advertising hard. The scruff and clothes I’d think he was at least a little masculine. Oh well, boner killed. Bye, Gus.
Glücklich
@SeeingAll:
Hardly indulged. My parents were…strict is the wrong word but they didn’t tolerate whining, noise, hyper activity or bad behavior. And they didn’t have much money.
Corduroyal
The real question is why are all the hot ones straight?
dcto
@Captain Obvious: Gus must be crushed. Sorry for the waste of yr. little blue pill, though.
scotshot
@Corduroyal:
See a therapist. /s
trell
Gus Kenworthy makes another Queerty headline, and it is instant bitchiness!
Yeah, he’s cute, dcto, but in 4 weeks, he has milked gay media for all its worth. This is a video for Teen Vogue….a magazine for the spoilt offspring of wealthy sophisticats. What next? A critique of different gay bars for “Cosmo”?
It’s ironic, that a video that is trying to remove stereotypes, ends up just reinforcing them. I hate to say it, but Masc Pride does have a point. Are we really going to be that pissed off because there are heterosexuals who do want to demonstrate their acceptance, even if it is misunderstood or misguided? I would hope we as a community would be mature enough to understand where they are coming from, and correct them on their misconceptions, challenging inappropriateness, and shattering the stereotypes.
SeeingAll
@Glücklich: Aww. You’re ruining my stereotype.
dcto
@trell: I don’t think Gus has ever talked to Queerty. If it weren’t for gay sites repeating anything Kenworthy, would we know this interview exists? Or are you a regular reader of Teen Vogue? Gus shatters stereotypes every time he puts on skis.
CWM85
Dcto… stop attacking me. Now go play on a edge of a clift or bridge. Fuck off. I should be able to make a comment and opinion without being attack. I did not call this guy names. I just said he’s over doing it with talking about him being gay… sheesh…
Adam Adamantium Roker
So we’re just gonna ignore his ignorant ass halloween costume because he “redeems” himself with “this”? No dice.
Doughosier
These two make “why are all gay guys hot?” seem like a reasonable question.
Masc Pride
@Uncle Mark: Totally agree. It seems like these guys are trying really hard to create hostility and make people who are genuinely curious seem bigoted. We want the exact opposite (at least I do). I pretty open and generally hard to offend, so people can ask away. If it’s too personal, I just won’t answer. Simple.
@gjg64: Your guess would be wrong. I certainly have preferences, but I was never one of the “No ______” guys. Some of you guys assume a lot because of your own insecurities and hurt feelings.
If something is too personal, just say so.
Masc Pride
@Masc Pride: *I’m pretty open…
dcto
@Adam Adamantium Roker: The photo he withdrew & apologized for a month ago? Sores get infected if you keep picking at them…
SeeingAll
@Adam Adamantium Roker: I want him to dress as Jack the Ripper or something less offensive next Halloween. And to stop making these silly videos. (AND to stop letting that letch Andy Cohen paw at him).
Glücklich
@Adam Adamantium Roker:
I’d forgotten I gave zero shits about it weeks ago…and I still couldn’t give a shit. Move on.
Xzamilio
So where’d Tom Daley go?
enlightenone
Clearly didn’t view other teeny-bopper YouTube videos before this waste! Didn’t know Gus was a teenager?…When does the professional ski season start?
Glücklich
@Xzamilio:
He went up an inch in his waist size and down an inch across his chest.
Glücklich
@SeeingAll:
Too tame. He should go as an abortionist: bloody scrubs, hook for a hand and carry a huge bouquet of long-stemmed coat hangers. Oh, and one of those little Dyson hand vacuums with the hose attachment.
SeeingAll
@Glücklich: Yes, I know I started it, but….we should reserve this creativity for early next October.
Ian
how about eight things a white person shouldn’t assume about racism.
SeeingAll
@Ian: Eight things the evil cis white oppressor-class patriarchy shouldn’t assume about transwomen !!
Prinny
@Ian: How about an 8 times of grow up
Connie Carroll
Lame lame lame.
lauraspencer
He just came out and he is now the voice of telling the “community” what’s right and wrong? I think you need many more years of experience Gus. You have been comfortable in your own skin for two months and now you want to jump on a soapbox. Go get a job.
SeeingAll
@lauraspencer: agreed (majorly)
Alistair Wiseman
@AtticusBennett:
…and their father’s hate them and they come from shitty families.
You forgot that part.
Avery Alvarez
I’d rather just answer the questions. Unless they’re clearly trolling, in which case I’ll just troll back.
trell
@dcto:
Then maybe if he wanted to challenge stereotypes, he’d be better off putting on those skis than doing this fluff.
Cam
How about this attention seeking bore waits more than a few minutes before claiming to speak for the entire community.
To any straight people out there feel free to ask how we came out, it’s usually a pretty good story and I’ve never heard of anybody getting offended. And if you want to ask why we change after coming out, even though it’s a silly question and my answer will be something along the lines if “well, why did you change when you got married? Had kids? Got a job? Because it is a change in your life. But again, won’t get offended.
robho3
I find none of those 8 comments offensive.
Jarek Jan Figura
Oh come on, it’s as if there is nothing you can say that would not be offensive. These are actually not bad.
walshwitch
That’s about ten minutes I’ll never get back.
Chevelter
None of those are offensive to me.
drivendervish
@Glücklich: Thanks, I truly appreciate it!
AndYouWillDeal
Ugh, I hate all those weak ass gays, feminists and SJW always trying to police language and suppress freedom of speech. If you can take a d*ck, you can take a joke. Get over it.
Captain Obvious
@dcto: Stop projecting, we all know you’re so desperate over this CHILD because you’re some dried up prune looking for fap material. I’m still young therefore I see nothing remotely special about this twink.
Keep getting defensive over him, loser. He wouldn’t give you the time of day.
CWM85
Right captin obvious. This dcto is a real loon… what an insufferable, pest!
Quingcess
@Chris J Korbel: You’re the reason I hate gays
enlightenone
He finally got the balls to crawl out his self-imposed “closet” to teach “straights” this misinformed milk toast what are his and his sidekick’s personal hang-ups. I will continue to preach therapy first for “closet cases,” and not just a session or two, before you put yourself OUT there; but then again, “celebrities” are the “experts,” at least in this country!