Love is an open door, a battlefield and a losing game. It makes the world go round, makes a world of difference and makes a family.
In short, love’s a bitch, but we love it. And there’s nothing like that first boyfriend, those first kisses, the first time you stay up all night talking with someone.
We teamed up with our pals at Whisper to hear about some “first boyfriend confessions,” because young love is everything mentioned above sprinkled with a little extra crazy.
Anything sound familiar?
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
To see more stories shared confidentially, check out Whisper.
Taskebab
how do these people get boyfriends in the first place?! I’m 23 and I still have never dated anybody, and yet gays get boyfriends in high school now!? How?!
Large Marge
I had a long term b/f.. 2 years…
As to remaining friends after that.. no.. he dumped me a had a new b/f a week later.
I cannot recommend being friends with them unless you have to due to social issues.. i had a few mutual friends and eventually i realized i needed to discard them too as it always came back to be about him.
I’ve had plenty of other relationships, but nothing stings as much as he does… even now.
(the reason i unfriended people was because I didn’t want and still don’t want to see his pic pop up on my facebook.
I am a firm believer that some chapters in your book of life should be closed and never read again. Much like high school.. no, I didn’t like you then and I won’t like you at the reunion. Suck it.
Large Marge
@Taskebab:
How? Most likely by being out… or due to age…… attaining 21.. which you have done… go to bars and actually talk to people.
Taskebab
@Large Marge: Oh please, I’ve been out since I was 15 and started dating at the same age…I barely met any gay men and if I did they loved to point out I was not their type, so how do people in high school and such actually get relationships? There are so few gay guys in their teens, is it like they aren’t in love they just grab the first gay guy they meet because they have no choice? I find it very hard to believe that as a gay guy you can fall in love with somebody before the age of 25 (if ever) there are far too few gay guys for that
DarkZephyr
@Taskebab: “I barely met any gay men and if I did they loved to point out I was not their type,” The gay male world can be very shallow with great frequency. That being said, I am still surprised that you absolutely can’t find ANYBODY. Where do you live?
petensfo
My first boyfriend was secret beginning in 7th grade and lasting all through high school. We even went to the same college but were only friends at that point. Although we did have one more great night together after college.
Eventually I received news that he had an ‘accident’ while cleaning a gun.
I’m certain it was depression related to his closeted life & some drug use. Our high school friends figured out what was up between us & I was ostracized & kept away from his services. I guess they blamed me for him being gay & their inability to accept or understand it.
Taskebab
@DarkZephyr: Well that the gays can be shallow is nothing new, just look at some of the pictures in this article. I live in the Netherlands. I have been to gay bars and events and stuff but like I said, the gays like to point out how they think I’m unattractive, so I never really felt accepted or welcome in gay places, but these teens don’t even go there (yet) and somehow they are dating…I really think dating as a teen and being gay is impossible, and if they are dating it must be because they just happened to meet 1 other gay guy and just started “dating” because it’s expected of them, not because they like each other.
lauraspencer
We need to define “boyfriend”. When young gays fall the first time they romanticize other guys as “boyfriends”. In the whisper above one poster mentions it lasting “9 days”. That certainly isn’t a “boyfriend”. I’m sure many of the posters above dated a guy for a couple weeks or a month, but that wouldn’t really be a “boyfriend”.
I remember when I first came out I would date a guy a few weeks or a month and refer to him as a “boyfriend”. Now looking back I realize it was simply youth. I certainly wouldn’t call someone today that I have been out with for a month a bf. It takes a few months.
Giancarlo85
I can relate with a few of those. But the one about me being out and the other guy not being out… yeah… that has happened before. And not just my first boyfriend either.
As of now, I’ve been with my boyfriend for six years and am happy with him. We are still loving each so much.
Giancarlo85
@Taskebab: My first bf when I was 16… for 2 years. But I knew the guy and we were friends. I came out to him, and one day he came out to me. And we really did like each other. We both had crushes on each other, but he was just too shy to say anything about it.
So it is possible.
As far as your situation… so might expect me to say “deal with it”. But actually, I’m sorry that has happened. I think there is a guy out there for you. Being judged like that isn’t fair. Personality is what counts.
Josh447
@Taskbab
Don’t take not being someone’s type too much to heart. It can cloud your self perception and hang you out to dry. Keep open and positive about yourself regardless of other people’s lives and opinions, instead of rerunning every reason why you don’t deserve or don’t want or is impossible to have a relationship. Your current reasons are your own worse enemy. And noone wants to date a bunch of negative attitudes. There is someone out there for everyone but you have to open the door to your mind and your heart letting fun and laughter and self confidence guide the way.
Josh447
PS Not everyone believes this but looking fit trim and nicely muscled doesn’t hurt when in the dating pool. You might have some work to do to get what you want.
Maude
There are some who don’t give a damn what you look like, as long as you have a penis that they can fondle and do all the rest that goes with it….
Most of us, I think, look for an attractive man, and sometimes settle for one who is less attractive, and find the second or third choice was/is the best of all the rest….and ain’t we lucky!
Realitycheck
I never had problems getting a boyfriend, my first was at 16 but my first love (long distance) was at 18 and lasted until 21, learned it a lot from it, including
to never again do a long distance relationship LOL
To anyone having hard time getting a date, and
comparing getting a date to fishing; one needs the right bait to get the right fish.
If you like trendy guys, get trendy, if you like muscles, well hit the gym and so on.
While it is true that opposite attract, people also need common point of interest.
A friend of mine used to compare relationships to investing,
invest based on your capacity, if one underbuy, one will not be happy, one will soon think you could have made a better investment, if one overbuy one will soon discover he cannot afford that investment, bottom line find someone in
your range someone you fell comfortable with.
trelin
@Taskebab: I’m 29 and still haven’t had an actual boyfriend. I’m just thinking guys either don’t really like me, or I ooze some type of kryptonite. Don’t give up mister. He’s out there.
I figure my guy is going to come along when I’m not thinking about finding him. Life’s strange.
jkb
@Realitycheck: …hmmm. Nice reality check, Realitycheck.
DutchGay
I’m still with my first boyfriend, nearly 18 years now and we got married 6 years ago. Best thing that EVER happened to me !
enlightenone
@Realitycheck: “…bottom line find someone in
your range someone you fell comfortable with.”
And slightly imbalanced to grow and evolve!
My first boyfriend left me for “Jesus;” and with my most recent partner, I felt like Superman!
enlightenone
@DutchGay: “I’m still with my first boyfriend, nearly 18 years now and we got married 6 years ago. Best thing that EVER happened to me !”
Beautiful!!!
Gruffling
@Taskebab: Same boat, friend. I’m 23 and not met anyone. I live in a small town in the middle of England.
I’ve tried online but never seem to get past the getting to know you stage before guys bail.
But hey, we’re young and the world’s a big place.
My personal outlook is, I may not have done much but I’ve not done anything I’ve regretted.
polarisfashion
I remember my first real BF, we lasted about a month and then he dumped me. I cried and cried and cried some more. I later found out he would never stay with anyone longer than two months. I’m still hopeful, but I’ve noticed that guys seem to be more into sex rather than getting to know someone. That’s why I don’t go on sites like A4A or Grindr. Are there any good sites left that people actually can talk to each other?
RyanD
@Gruffling: I hear you both. 22 and living on a small island in the Caribbean. I only know of one gay bar and only because it’s used as a punchline in dumb gay jokes. Maybe I should hightail it out to the Netherlands while I can still get a student visa.
DarkZephyr
3rd one down happened to me at 22. Bastard was just trying to make his ex GF jealous.
Gruffling
@RyanD: There isn’t a single gay bar near me and I don’t have the money to really travel to a big city.
RyanD
@Gruffling: Sucks to be us, but I’d like to think that if we lived close to each other, we’d be friends (or at least acquaintances with things to bitch about). 😛
DjARD
@Taskebab:
I feel ya brah. I’m 20. Never dated, never fucked, never kissed. Admittedly, much of it was by choice for some time, instead taking on artistic and academic pursuits. But after turning 20, I’ve started to feel the pressure and the need to find somebody. So far, it hasn’t happened.
I could find somebody if I want; I could get laid through craigslist, sneak into a bar, whatever. I could alter my fashion to attract certain dudes. But I’m not going to. Why? Because I’d rather wait for something meaningful, for somebody who likes me for my personality. I do my part and put myself out there on campus, and I’ve gotten close to a number of non-straight guys. But at our age, it’s looks that people focus on the most. Worse, attraction is mostly based on breakable social constructs; unfortunately, I’ve found many non-heterosexual men unwilling to do so. As I’m fluid, I’ll probably end up with a woman, since I’ve found them overall to be more receptive to me as an individual. (For the record, I live in Seattle; one of the queerest cities in the U.S.)
Although, to be honest, and it may just be the format, but these come off incredibly immature and whiny to me. Very few relationships that start before the age of 25 are going to last. I really just want to tell some of these boys to get some perspective and suck it up.
jwtraveler
Of the 22 men pictured in this story, I think I saw the back of 1 (one) black man and maybe a Latino. Where do the Queerty writers live and work? Even the Castro, Chelsea and WeHo have a larger percentage of non-white men. This page is about as white as the Republican National Convention. Here’s a newsflash for you guys: Not all gay men are white!
Allen D.
@Gruffling: The only relationships I’ve had worth a damn (including my amazing partner now), came from Match.com. For whatever that’s worth.
bottom250
My first boyfriend was my Daddy’s coworker and when Daddy caught us making out. He fired him and I was grounded for a month. I am still truly in love with you Mike.
enlightenone
@bottom250: “…I was grounded for a month.”
How old were you; and what were you grounded from doing? I’m assuming you still him access to your hand!
enlightenone
That’s “had” access…
bottom250
@bottom250:
I was 17 sweetheart. He was my first.
dustashed
I guess there are various schools of thought going into this. You can fuck around until you find the right one (Collect and Select). Or you don’t settle for anything less than what you expect (Good things come to those who wait kinda thing).
I opted for the first choice, Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs (maybe a dozen?) to find your prince.
Giancarlo85
@jwtraveler: Yea it kinda annoys me with this site… very little representation of Latinos and other ethnic/racial minorities ever in articles. Mostly white men… and many of them not that attractive.
Alan down in Florida
@Taskebab: At that age the dating pool is so small that sometimes you have to take what you can get. It’s like living in a small town and having to make your choices based on the inner man and not on only looks.
james_in_cambridge
@Taskebab: Where do you live? It must be some small town hell hole. You want to have choices as a gay man? Well then, the fact is that you’ll have to move to an urban area. Until then, try the internet/Grindr.
Sebizzar
@Taskebab: I’m going to be 23 in less than a month and in the same boat. Dating in gay world really sucks, especially since some of us HAVE to move to get a chance of hope.
enlightenone
“…In short, love’s a bitch…”
Love nurtures the soul. People treat it like a “bitch!”