Gay dating websites can be an awesome way to connect but can also be a real drag. Messages go unanswered, hours seem wasted scrolling through endless profiles and something that’s supposed to hook you up leaves you feeling as isolated as ever.
We’ve reviewed the apps and websites, offered tips on creating your best profile and given you the stats, but we wanted to hear what people were saying about the experience. Is is more soul mate or soul crushing?
Here’s what Whisper was able to round up:
unclemike
My husband I met online. We’ve been married 3 years now.
TrueWords
Yes they say it is a dating app but come on…I am not buying it…
Adam4Adam
Grindr
Manhunt
Scruff
Hornet
Growlr
Bender
Guy Spy
Jack’d
Tinder
Squirt
Dudesnude
OK I am tired of writing because the number is still inconceivable to me…
HAPPY HUNTING and never confuse dating with “hooking up”…make sure you are presenting what you really want and not the perception that you want to convey because it seems “bad” or make you look “slutty”…have NO shame in your game…
Realitycheck
@TrueWords:
Well said, to many guys go for sex if they find some one they like and later
complained ” I was used” “it was shallow” bla bla bla, if you want a date,
stand your believe and do not go for sex.
And if you are scared….. get over it, no meeting = no relationship,
no matter where you meet first, on lone or real life, you have to be a good
judge of character to meet the right guy, if some one is a nut case there
are always signs, crazy people let you know they are crazy……..
lauraspencer
The issue I have with gay “dating” apps is that most guys aren’t on there to date. They don’t use them to actually meet guys to converse with and go out on dates. Most guys seem to use them just for quick hook ups. Even though my profile specifically says PLEASE DO NOT sent headless body shots or naked shots most guys still do.
Even on a site like Tinder I have been fortunate to match with a lot of guys but when I write to them they don’t write back. Why bother clicking on someone and saying you are interested and then not writing back?
My straight friends seem to have an easier time with online dating because straight people know the art of dating. Gay guys not so much.
onthemark
Most of these guys are so unrealistic. It’s hard to read these in the new “format,” but at least now you can see some of the remote rural places they post from. Boomer, West Virginia? (Ironic, since a gay generational “boomer” would have got the first Greyhound ticket out of there.)
“Gay dating is like getting a job, you do it online or get referred.” That one’s actually funny.
I liked the one where the guy was whining and got replies like: I found my bf of 2 years on grindr… (paraphrasing)… it’s what you make of it, etc. Yeah, there’s no reason why a sex hookup couldn’t occasionally lead to something more. And it might help to lose the pejorative connotations of Random Anonymous Slutty Sleazy Online Hookup (gasp!) – maybe think of it as a “low expectations meeting”?
CleJoke
All these little boys don’t even know how to “date”.
They just want someone pretty to show off (at a gay bar or event while they look around for someone hotter) and someone who does what they say. Worse yet someone to pay their way all night while they act like jerks.
A date is a mutually beneficial social exchange to get to know someone and appreciate them for themselves. Not judge them.
Grow up little boys!
Realitycheck
@lauraspencer:
Doesn’t that reflects gay bars and clubs? Most guys are simply looking for fun,
basically it is up to the dater to separate the sexually drives from the romance
seekers.
As far as straight, my friends says is the same for them in straight bars,
lots of guys and girls also looking for sex and zero commitment….
@onthemark: true lots of realistic guys,
I have heard people making requirements lists LOL; my BF must be and
have 1,2,3,4…… and when I ask; what do you offer in return for all this
high standards? I get that typical silence……………
tdx3fan
All I’m reading here is no one does drama like a gay guy. Most of these were people complaining about anonymous sex. Stop mainstreaming, if it feels good do it, just do it safely. Seriously though, there are more than enough places to meet people offline. Find a cause you believe in (gay rights of course is great for this one) and get involved. Leave your freaking house. Go to a show, a club a bath. There are plenty of people to meet both on and offline The quencher here though is the dude that finds it embarrassing to say he met someone online. Seriously, if someone has a problem with the fact that you met a great guy online then FUCK them!
Captain Obvious
People don’t have patience anymore. If you meet some guy the same day you start talking to him and have sex with him of course he’s not going to stick around.
It’s no different for gay guys than it is for women. Why by the cow when the milk is free? If you can’t make him work for it then don’t whine when you can’t entice him to stick around.
TrueWords
@Captain Obvious: Agreed…
When I met at Gay Pride and exchanged numbers on our initial meeting he thought we were going we were going to have sex….I said sternly, “I am looking to date.” He was a little put off and said that he was not interested in dating. I showed him the door and said “good-bye”…fast forward three weeks later he called and we started dating.
We have been together for 11 years now…then truth is many gay men think that sex will solidify a relationship and I think that the opposite is true…some gay men have had an array of sex in various venues but DATING (without every encounter having a sexual component) is something that is VERY FOREIGN to them…
Arcamenel
I’m 25 and live in a small town in the south so most of my interactions with other gay men have been online and it really does suck. It doesn’t matter if I explicitly put in my headline and in my actual profile that I’m not looking for hook ups or friends with benefits, guys will still hit me up and try to set up a hook up. I can’t count how many times I’ve chatted up a guy and things seem to be going well until he starts asking me really invasive sexual questions. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude but a lot of the stuff they would’ve found out if he got to know me better and things got to that level. It just turns me off because I automatically assume that they either just want sex or they can’t carry a conversation that isn’t sexual in nature.
Then don’t even get me started on the other stuff you have to deal with as a black gay man trying to online date. You have to flip through profile after profile with NO BLACKS plastered in capital letters. There have even been times when I messaged a guy who didn’t have that on their profile and actually seemed like we’d hit it off just to be shot back with “sorry not into black guys”. Where I live the apps are pretty segregated too. A majority of the men of color around me use Jack’d and Grindr is pretty much all white guys and I can’t believe that’s by coincidence.
TrueWords
LOVE THIS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Zk5XC8tu64
Glücklich
On-line dating never appealed to me but I support those who do it. Who cares if you met on-line? The dumb idea of “meet cute” is unimportant; that you *met* and are happy with each other is what matters.
I got married last year, open marriage, and my other partners are mostly men vetted by their having been friends of friends or men I’ve worked with in some capacity (e.g. business associates, colleagues, clients) and therefore deemed “safe.” My husband is the roommate of a former coworker. So I guess the comment likening dating to finding a job holds true.
Because of my marriage and the complicated way I’ve arranged my own life, I’m very careful about who I might date and have no time to vet a complete stranger from on-line.
markgtx11
I find most gay guys are BS artists when it comes to dating. The very things they complain about when it comes to other gay men are often the very things they are guilty of if you look close enough:
I’m on online hooking up but “these days guys are such hos that only care about sex”
My Facebook and Instagram are nothing but carefully crafted selfies and photos of people who are attractive enough to make me look good but “gay men are sooooo superficial”
I hate going out – nothing but queens, trolls and creepers but “it is so hard to meet someone when gay guys only care about looks”
The reason things are the way they are is because a large majority of us are collectively doing the same thing but waiting for others to be different.
A few years ago I saw an ad online for someone I recognized from the bars. His central complaint was everyone he met in the gay scene was so vapid and superficial. According to him, he just wanted to meet people who could converse and had other interests besides hot guys, sex, clothes, being fabulous, etc. So the next time we were in a group of mutual friends I tried to engage him in a conversation with some substance. It was clear after a few minutes that what he said online was about convincing himself and others that he wasn’t just as vapid and superficial as everyone else.
Finding someone of substance is hard work–but the key is to be the kind of person you claim to want. If instead you choose to sit around and wait for Prince Charming while pacifying yourself socially with hookups, superficial people, and venues that represent the aspects of they gay world you claim to despise, you only have yourself to blame if you end up alone.
AtticusBennett
they’re doing it wrong.
i’ve met five of my best friends from a gay site, i’ve made amazing friends from gay apps, i found love in the most unexpected of places.
the sex-shaming aspect is indicative of many gay men fighting THEMSELVES. what, you think your relationship is “better” or stronger because you met a guy in a coffeeshop and not via hookup?
one of my best friends is getting married this spring to his partner of 6 years whom he met off of manhunt.
as for “grindr is useless” – know why? because guys don’t know how to communicate. have a profile that actually says something of substance, and people will message you referencing your post.
alas, we have idiots who post “masc, chill, laid back, down to earth, sane” and then expect that that says ANYTHING about them.
i bet most guys who have no luck with grindr are the ones who use it like this…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1c3fviN1hO0
TrueWords
Too many gay men do not have the skills or patience to put down the sex down…it is a bargaining chip for many and it is used far too often…the currency that they work from and then backwards to dating only if the person is willing to still talk with them…also once the word is out about your behavior in the “gay community”…you have to live up to it or work VERY hard to put it past you…as gay men do tell others who they have slept with…show one another those elicit pictures that you sent that you thought were going to be just between you two and other things that lessen intimacy and heighten in some cases apprehension and fear.
Some gay men work from a paradox that was summed up in the “Breakfast Club” from
Allison Reynolds: It’s kind of a double edged sword isn’t it?
Claire Standish: A what?
Allison Reynolds: Well, if you say you haven’t, you’re a prude. If you say you have you’re a slut. It’s a trap. You want to but you can’t, and when you do you wish you didn’t, right?
AtticusBennett
@TrueWords: a solution to that is to not hang around, nor care about the opinions of, sex-shaming morons
it’s not about “putting the sex down”, at all. it’s about stopping being afraid of expressions of gay male seuxality.
MANY of my hookups became great friends. sometimes we great friends will occasionally get off together.
you don’t have to live up to it OR “work VERY hard to put it past you” – AT ALL.
all you need to do is stop giving a flying f**k what someone else may say. seriously.
it just seems like so many gay men don’t realize that coming out isn’t about saying “i’m gay”, it’s actually the first step to living your life not worrying and caring what others may say about you.
and when you get guys saying, on Grindr or other sites/apps, “Willing to lie about where we met”, it just goes to show that they’re still terrified of being seen as free sexual beings.
i don’t in any way find my intimacy “lessened” because i’m aware of someone else’s sexual history, or they’re aware of mine – and that’s precisely because i embrace my sexual side and have no shame about it.
TrueWords
@AtticusBennett: If I have to start a “friendship” under the guise of dating while in engaging in sex…I will pass…I have a funny little quote that I share with many of gay and straight friends…”I have not seen any of my friends naked and I do not plan on doing so.”
Being gay is not about “sexual positive” behaviors…it is about living your life in a manner that you can abide by…if you have to constantly take a deep breath and turn a corner or walk around with a new motto because of a behavior that you are not proud of…then DO NOT do it…all of this “fuck what someone thinks’…after you have polluted the water is counter productive and ISOLATES many gay men…how about NOT doing the things that YOU can not live with in the first place…
Pretty soon you may find that you have given out too many “I don’t give a fucks” and you do not turn that into something positive and meaningful with another person
1898
The VAST majority of the messages I receive on Grindr consist of the following:
hi
hey
sup
u lookin
…or a pic of their junk, without any kind of message or greeting
And 90% of the time those messages come from guys who have absolutely nothing written in their profiles.
I usually respond with “Hi, how’s it going?” or something similar (it’s hard to come up with anything more creative than that when you’re talking to a blank profile), but most of the time they don’t even say anything after that. It’s bizarre. It’s like walking up to someone in a bar, saying hi, and then walking away without saying another word.
I’ve tried Grindr, Scruff, Growlr, PlentyOfFish, Hornet, and OkCupid. The best interactions I’ve had, and the best connections I’ve made, have been on OkCupid.
AtticusBennett
@TrueWords: Strawman argument fail for you.
i never said i “have” to start a friendship through sex. but it’s happened. and i’m not gonna knock it. there’s no shame in it. it’s not weird for me, or any of us, because my friends and i don’t have hangups about our expressions of sexuality.
maybe your friends are ugly. i have no idea.
i have many gay friends i’ve never been sexual with, and many gay friends i have been sexual with. no group is better than the other.
don’t do things i can’t live with? i don’t do things i can’t live it. i can totally live with someone thinking i’m a slut.
know what a slut is? someone whose sexual life makes you jealous.
i don’t give a fuck, and so far my life is freakin’ bliss.
feel free to try it some time.
AtticusBennett
i do get it, though – some of you boys are only tolerated by straight people as long as you’re “not like those other gays who have hookups”
best of luck trying to be happy in life when you still live each day looking over your shoulder worrying what people might be saying about you.
Dameon Gene Rogers
Zoosk is the best!
TrueWords
@AtticusBennett: Logic never fails me however your reasoning is not something I care to endorse…
Yes, I know what a slut is…someone whose life and choices are their own…
I am pleased that your life is blissful as mine is as well…see we can disagree and be at peace with ourselves…that is the true measure of mature person
Clark35
I stopped using dating/hook up sites almost a decade ago. Too many guys that just want to hook up while pretending they want to “date” or hopefully have a relationship, crazy guys, desperate people, and stalker types. LGBT bars and dance clubs aren’t much better; but I go to those when LGBT friends of mine are visiting, or when I’m really bored and have nothing better to do.
TrueWords
The most dangerous thing in this entire dating scene is transformation or turning away from YOUR true nature in order to be satisfied in whatever manner…remember you have to live with your choices and/or decisions…if you can not then you should not participate in them because you the farthest distance you will ever walk is that of which you place from “true self”.
AtticusBennett
@TrueWords: disagree on what, specifically?
your comment is rife with sex-shaming. me caring that someone thinks i’m a slut is about as worth of my though process as me worrying that some anti-gay bigot thinks/knows that i’m gay.
i’m a sexual person who doesn’t associate with sex-shaming puritanical ninnies.
dave lopes
Why do people complicate things.
These apps are primarily for sexual hookups.
What is the problem?
Paco
The apps have created a culture of expecting unobtainable perfection. Dehumanizing in a way. Of course the end result is disappointment for many. Nobody is perfect, but are still good enough to use once and discard without a second thought, because something better might come along. That seems to be the common mindset anyway.
dave lopes
Being gay put one at a disadvantage compared to heterosexuals or bi-sexuals.
It’s a much smaller pool to choose from, with a good portion of that pool underground or closeted.
And being a negro attracted to other negros reduces my numbers even more.
And living in New england means celibacy until a trip to NY or Atlanta.
So i rely on porn for release and forego romantic relationships.
Of course it’s probably a good excuse for me since I don’t like relationships…..lol…lol
TrueWords
@AtticusBennett: Be the BEST whore, sex positive, sexual being, slut, etc in the WORLD (hell sponsor a parade about it) but if someone else does not share that view you do not have the right to try to transform them or shame them…that is part of the problem…especially in the gay community…if you felt that I was doing that to you please accept my apologies…as not my intent but rather I was speaking from my viewpoint as apparently you are speaking from yours…
Giancarlo85
Doesn’t surprise me that some are on here judging and chastising other gay men. If online dating or dating in general doesn’t work for you, that isn’t our problem. For some people (including myself) dating does work. I’ve been with my guy for several years now. We didn’t meet online but through a friend.
At any rate, people are going to do things their way. Calling others sluts or whores accomplishes nothing but shows how insecure some are of their own sexuality. I don’t sleep around and I’m monogamous (I don’t even like open relationships, but lets not go into that).
Giancarlo85
@Paco: Apps have created that? I don’t think so. In fact, I think that kind of culture was already around before smartphones.
Some here talk like they have some serious chips on their shoulders and some major problems with dating. If you have had a bad experience, don’t push your misery on the rest of us.
heavylifter
I’m not surprised at the very high levels of dissatisfaction in the dating pool, given the low low quality of available punters. It is a myth that gay men make an effort to stay in shape, most are a mess both physically and emotionally.
Captain Obvious
@heavylifter: God forbid men come in different shapes and sizes. Have you seen any straight men lately?
Most people in the world do not have gym bodies. Only the brain dead guys who have no personality, humor, or substance try to fill the void with abs hoping no one will notice.
Depending on your body type you cannot eat anything you enjoy and have those abs without spending hours upon hours in the gym. It’s boring to anyone who isn’t empty-headed lifting something heavy repetitively for 2 or more hours straight.
If you can get through that and not get bored more power to you, not sure how that makes you better than a guy with a little weight on him though.
BrianOH
The whole “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free” cliche is just stupid. If you want to wait to get to know someone a bit before having sex, fine. If you feel a connection and want to sleep with them on the first date, that’s fine too. If someone is really interested in you, it’s not going to matter when you first have sex.
And let’s face it – if you have to withhold sex to entice a guy into dating you longer, that tells me that you’re probably not that interesting, and don’t have anything else with which to entice him.
Chris
I find myself agreeing with @AtticusBennett: here. Whatever you do online or in real life is what you do. Yet these comments suggest that people have unrealistic expectations of what dating is about or that they put up barriers for themselves and/or for others.
The purpose of a first date is to determine whether there should be a second date. For some of us, that determination happens through sex; for others, through talking; and for others still, by playing video games.
RLS
@Captain Obvious: your comment is bullshit. I enjoy working out and being healthy, and I have a great body. I’m also a really nice guy who has a good career and all kinds of interests outside of the gym. Your comment reeks of insecurity. Since you may feel bad about having some extra weight or maybe a not so great body, you immediately project negative stereotypes on those that do. Not everyone who enjoys fitness and working out is a brain dead, shallow meathead, but if it makes you feel better to think that, so be it.
AtticusBennett
a hookup is not inherently “meaningless” or “empty” and sex with a boyfriend may not be automatically fulfilling.
you don’t have to have a “random meaningless hookup” on Grindr. i’ve met platonic buds from it! i’ve had MEANINGFUL hookups that became terrific friendships. the APP is not the problem. the problem is how you use it, and the baggage you bring to it.
AtticusBennett
@Chris: it’s amazing that guys think meeting a guy “in a coffeeshop” will mean they get married, and if they meet a guy from Grindr it’ll just be a fuck that leaves them lonely.
as for “waiting to have sex” with a guy….um…. good luck with that. know what it really means? you delayed finding out if you’re sexually compatible or not.
Saint Law
The blokes who say they’ve met LOADS of good friends through hook up sites? Avoid.
Saint Law
In fact best to avoid meeting blokes through hook up sites full stop. Join a sports club or, you know, get out more.
I met my boyf in the meat aisle in Tescos.
Saint Law
Well, one of my boyfs.
My many, many, many boyfs.
AtticusBennett
@Saint Law: the fact that you think anyone would believe you have a boyfriend is adorably quaint.
yeah. great advice. avoid gay men who’ve checked their baggage and don’t live in fear of expressing their sexuality. you anonymous internet trolls are so clever.
Saint Law
@AtticusBennett: Don’t you bore yourself?
Pistolo
I agree that a lot of the guys are lame on apps but APPS AREN’T FOR THAT. They’re for banging. Go on Match.com, OkCupid, stuff like that.
Giancarlo85
@Captain Obvious: And it’s boring dating someone morbidly obese (like yourself) who just makes excuses about bad eating habits and a lazy lifestyle.
I am someone who stays active and have more of a swimmer’s build. I am not muscular and I’m not a gym rat. But I still stay active and healthy. I don’t make excuses for myself either.
Danny
@1898
I think its annoying but not necessarily bizzare. When people are filtering through profiles they get bored, distracted, or a more interesting conversation comes up. Very few conversations on apps like grindr are high priority and if you find someone worth speaking to I can guatantee that other conversations are getting ignored. Its really all about timing and luck.
Lvng1Tor
I met my partner on an anonymous sex hook up from online 13 years ago.
bottom250
for me dating sites are strictly for hooking up. So many men such little time.
onthemark
If you’re a gay male in your 20s, and you’re scared of casual sex, and you want a Serious Relationship – sorry, you are in a very, VERY small minority. That’s just a fact.
There’s nothing necessarily wrong with your feeling the way you do. But don’t blame the apps, and nobody in the “gay community” is going to give you a medal for being a Good Boy. Be practical. You’ll probably need to wait til your 30s before you find someone to settle down with. And even then it may be a LOT different than you’re fantasizing now.
Also, few here seem to have actually read these “Whispers,” but if you read them you’ll see that most seem to be very young guys in impossibly remote places. (I was stunned when I looked them up to see how remote some places were.) Well, duh. The app seems to have fooled these guys into thinking there’s something wrong with the app, or worse something wrong with the “gay community” in general, when what they really need to do is stop whining and move to a big city.
I’m always puzzled when people here degenerate into “Either/Or” thinking (which conveniently validates every single life choice they claim to have ever made, go figure).
Either someone is a Slut… and always will be? Really? Has anyone here ever heard of an 80 year old slut? (Let’s ask Larry Kramer.)
Or you’re a Good Monogamous Person? And you always, always were?… Even in your 20s?… Ri-i-i-ight. If you say so. Your medal is in the mail!
notevenwrong
Online dating has done real harm to the gay community, BUT to be fair, not for the above reasons – none of this is new, all these complaints apply equally to people you meet in “real life.” Take it from someone who was out there before online dating existed.
notevenwrong
Hookups can be meaningful. If they are not, you are not doing them right.
You make them meaningful by treating the other guy with love and respect, and nine times out of ten they will return the favor, even if you only see them once. Some of my most meaningful sex and conversations have been with guys I hooked up with once.
notevenwrong
@dave lopes: “And living in New england means celibacy until a trip to NY or Atlanta.”
That is SO true. New England is the PITS.
1copaseticsoul
It’s really sad that people actually take those apps/sites serious. It’s much easier and wiser to meet people face to face out and about living your life. If an online site leaves you feeling hopeless, that says more about you than it does about anything or anyone else. I enjoy the apps for the brainless entertainment they are, if I meet someone on there great, if not, great.
SteveDenver
HORNY so often equals IMPATIENT. That’s what hook-up apps are all about, immediate gratification. For those who are isolated or seeking something with greater depth, looking on hook-up apps is like seeking gourmet cuisine at 7-11.
paris92
Usually the guys who complain are the worst culprits online. These sites are what they are…mostly about sex. However, I have chatted with some terrific men over the years and some turning into either nice friendships or a hook-up. Look at your profile and see what your write in your profile and when guys contact you, its always nice to accept a compliment…does not mean u gotta marry the guy but atleast acknowledge the note.
Cseanr
I’m a gay male in my mid 40s and must say I am happy that I’ve made it to this age.
However, that all seems pointless in our gay society today. The older generation are tossed aside, or so it seems. Technology has brought many communication options including apps with dating sites. But these are useless to me because I am looking for something more.
The something more that I think does not even exist. I used to think that coming out as gay was such a great thing. Now I see it as promiscuous individuals, three way relationships, those who lack manners, not wanting to settle down, but yet your fighting for Gay Marriage. Sounds like an oxymoron to me !!
I’ve finally come to the realization that I will be just be alone for the rest of my life.
Evji108
@AtticusBennett: Congratulations, your life is bliss and you don’t give a fuck. You sound like a real winner. I hope I don’t meet you online, or offline.
LongIslandGayPhotos
@TrueWords: You might also like The Grindr Project:
Short version – https://youtu.be/B0ec7C7_9lY
Full length (34 minute) version- https://youtu.be/1mjOffjXUoY
Glücklich
@notevenwrong:
I like this. “Love” is a little strong, but certainly treat your hook-up as you would like to be treated. Convey the same care with which you would like to be handled and the same gratitude you hope your partner(s) feel for you through your touch and movements…not like “Thanks so much for fucking me,” but appreciating that your partner shared his body with you to enjoy. The act, no matter how meaningless, still exposes both of your vulnerability and insecurities.
Eh, maybe that sounds soppy but keep in mind even app users on there because they want/need intimate contact. Would you want to be used by someone as a big fleshlight just to jack off some stranger’s c0ck?
AxelDC
I met my partner on OKCupid. As much as I love him, not having to date any more is almost reason enough to stay together!
notevenwrong
@Glücklich, yes.
People undervalue hookups. Some of my best memories involve hookups. Often for the conversation, or the glimpse it gave me of other ways of living, of people from different backgrounds or countries, for how it allowed me to see a place from the point of view of the locals while I was traveling, for how the expanded my horizons (including teaching me how unlikely people can give you the most mindblowing sex), and so on.
Why stigmatize these experiences? I think there is unfortunately a large contingent of upper middle class gay men who aspire to nothing more than meeting another upper middle class gay man of a certain ethnicity, body, and age and not have to be exposed to anybody else they consider beneath them ever again. This is really a shame.
Pete
I’ve had my most astonishing, mind-blowing sex on hook-ups, mainly because we both realized it was ‘just sex’ and simply savored the moment. Attempts to repeat the magic invariably disappoint.
Casual sex remains one of the few advantages of being gay. My fear is that the gay marriage crowd will stigmatize/ostracize those of us who appreciate that male-male sexuality is very different from male-female or female-female. If you think about it, to make conjugal fidelity the cornerstone of your relationship actually debases it. Gore Vidal said that the principal reason why he and his partner lasted over 50 years was that they never slept together.
randynj
I met my partner, of six+ years, on MATCH.COM. He was the third person I met for brunch from MATCH.
Corey J Hodges
This article just made me instantly depressed – probably because it puts a name to, ya know, my life.
OzJosh
Young gays today sound like they’ve grown up on an exclusive diet of Disney movies and Hollywood rom-coms. They expect to “meet cute” with some guy in Starbucks, preferably with an exchange of witty repartee that involves an arcane literary or movie reference, with sunlight streaming through the windows and beautifully accentuating his naturally sun-bleached hair (he’s a surfer, of course). Those rom-coms exist because it NEVER happens like that. So grow the 3%*@ up and start living in the real world.
My partner and I have been together for 10 years. We met through a dating site and it was basically a hook-up. But here’s the thing: sex is a great way of meeting people. If there’s any chemistry worth exploring it will be very evident. And then you can TALK. Hell, you might eventually discover you like the same movies and get to drop a literary reference. The notion that things we’re different pre-internet is also nonsense. You were still more likely to meet someone interesting through a sexual tryst than at some Boys In The Band style gay soiree.
Rob
A friend of mine was murdered, last year, after hooking up with a guy online. Let’s be careful, folks.
Damich
I met my fiancé and love of my life off grindr. Those I see whining will get exactly what they are afraid of. I met guys just for sex for a while all the while knowing that my husband was somewhere online and one day the right door opened. Think differently and don’t give up and magic does happen. The law of attraction is the real deal so have you’re heart and head in a positive place and doors will open.
Glücklich
Rob – I’m very sorry to hear that. I hope the sonofabitch was caught and punished. Being careful and hooking up are not mutually exclusive. Safety is a caveat to keep top of mind when going off with some stranger; if you get a bad vibe, honor it.
winemaker
OH WOW! THE COMMENTS HERE ARE INTERESTING TO READ. MY STORY AND TAKE ON ON-LINE DATING: I’VE LIVED IN SAN FRANCISCO FOR SEVERAL YEARS. WHEN I MOVED HERE, FROM SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA YEARS AGO, AFTER HAVING COME OUT AND DEALING WITH THE WEST HOLLYWOOD ‘ATTITUDE’, I FOUND THE GUYS IN SAN FRANCISCO ACTUALLY WERE FRIENDLY. I VISITED SAN FRANCISCO SEVERAL TIMES ON VACATION BEFORE DECIDING TO MOVE HERE. I GOT LUCKY WITH A JOB TRANSFER AND MADE THE NOVE. OVER THE YEARS, I’VE TRIED THE VARIOUS VENUES; BARS, PERSONAL ADS, CHURCH, THE GYM, ON THE STREET ETC AND HAVEN’T HAD MUCH LUCK. I’VE NEVER TRIED WHERE I’VE WORKED, SOMETHING ABOUT ‘YOU DON’T GET YOUR HONEY WHERE YOU EARN YOUR MONEY’. ANYWAY, I’VE HAD A FEW ‘RELATIONSHIPS’ OF SHORT TERM, THAT DIDN’T WORK OUT. I’VE SINCE FOUND THE GAY MEN IN SAN FRANCISCO TO BE SOME OF THE RUDEST, ILL MANNERED, NASTY AND DISRESPECTFUL PEOPLE. NOW DON’T GET ME WRONG, I’M NOT SUPER CRITICAL, BUT IT SEEMS IF YOU’RE NOT THEIR ‘TYPE’, THIS GIVES THESE SHALLOW AND SUPERFICIAL ASSHOLES THE LICENCE TO BE RUDE AND NASTY, AND BASICALLY UNFRIENDLY.
I’D LIKE TO MEET A NICE GUY, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, BUT THE DRAMA AND BAGGAGE MANY ARE BURDENED WITH ARE JUST TOO MUCH. ALSO, THROUGH PERSONAL ADS THAT I RAN A FEW YEARS AGO, WE’RE RESPONDED TO BY SO MANY LIARS AND CREEPS, BASICALLY GUYS THAT EVIDENTLY DIDN’T READ MY PERSONAL AD WELL ENOUGH TO FIND OUT WHAT TYPE OF MEN I WAS INTERESTED IN MEETING, MUTUAL INTERESTS ETC. I DON’T KNOW IF ON LINE DATING WILL BE A REPEAT OF THE PERSONAL AD FIASCO, BUT HOPEFULLY IT’LL BE A POSITIVE EXPERIENCE. ALSO, I’M UNSURE OF WHAT SITES TO CHECK OUT THAT ARE FOR DATING AND GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE AND NOT JUST A ‘HOOK UP’ SITE. ANY SUGGESTIONS?
AtticusBennett
@Evji108: you won’t meet me. i don’t ever tend to meet insecure ninnies with sex-shame issues. 😀
AtticusBennett
@notevenwrong: SAME HERE!
well said!
i think some guys “hook up” wrong – you know, like this.
“hi, hey, was sup? you looking? cool. pics? ok, i’ll come over”
no wonder it’s a lousy experience. so many of my hookups became amazing friends, that i still cherish. we got off. we laughed. we played nintendo or watched a movie. played around some more. hung out regularly. and VOILA!
fabul0us03081992
Online dating is not so scary as U think. I have online dating experience and I don’t regret. I think it’s a great opportunity for shy ppl. I have met my soulmate on this one https://kovla.com/datings/us/long-beach/. Soon will be a big day! My wedding day=)