It’s impossible to ever fully grasp another person’s experience, and too often we try to do so by applying the unique perspective we’ve inherited to attempt to navigate another’s struggle and/or privilege in terms that, at first glance, make sense.
But without living through those experiences, we can’t paint a complete picture.
And that’s where the simple yet powerful act of shutting up and listening comes in mighty handy. How many times have you been the gay person in a room full of straight people, trying to make some aspect of your life experience relatable to the crowd?
While it’s a scenario most readers will find familiar, it’s equally important that we listen within our own LGBTQ umbrella. Because while we might share certain common threads, the dividing lines we draw among us can be stark.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in out own stories, but pausing to listen only helps us all in the long run.
Below, read what some gay black men are sharing about their experiences on Whisper:
Xzamilio
http://shallowvoices.blogspot.com/2014/01/a-trifecta-black-atheist-and-gay.html
Add atheist to that mix and really narrow your group circles while you’re at it.
Dan Steele
Two very handsome guys too
Xzamilio
By the way, gay black man for white men only… it’s called a prejudice. Frankly, if you can look at the superficial features you see on a white guy and those features on a black don’t elicit the same reaction, then you have a hangup, not a “preference”. But by all means, black man, do you… you and the rest of the close minded ignoramuses who limit themselves to one race as if that’s the be-all-end-all.
And to those black men hung up on the ones limiting themselves… get a life. There are plenty of penises and buttholes out there to be getting bent out of shape over someone and their “preferences.” I mean, yeah, feel free to challenge them, but don’t hold out that at the end of that conversation, you’ll suddenly be fuckable to him.
Welton Bishop Jr.
I am a gay black man and the only problem I have had is from other black men saying I am not black enough. That from other middle classed black men. I get a lot of offers from asian, white,latino, arab, and the so called thugs.
SonOfKings
As a black, gay man, I’m more concerned with being liked, accepted, and included by other black men that I’m trying to get next to. I ain’t checking for white guys. That train don’t stop here. The majority of these “whisperers” seem to be preoccupied with getting white men to like them and date them. They need to get over that with a quickness. When you are black for black, you are in demand. When you try to be black for white your stock price goes down. Swim in your own lane and you won’t have these problems. With that said, asian men seem to be the most racially open dating pool out there. So that’s an idea…
lauraspencer
Happy daylight savings!
These are sad to read, BUT in life we all have characteristics that maker life difficult and even more so in the gay world. It is wrong that black gay men face discrimination based on their skin color, but it is also wrong that men are discriminated against because they are fat or short or bald or have a high pitched voice or are too hairy, etc, etc, etc.
I would argue that when you add up all the “non-perfect” guys in the gay community they would actually no be the minority, but rather the majority. The problem seems to be that a lot of the guys who don’t fit the physical gay ideal go after the ideal. If they would focus on each other life would be a lot easier and fulfilling.
Lvng1Tor
@lauraspencer: are you seriously equating deeply entrenched racism, a history of severe oppression, violence against and an education + judicial system biased against black men is the same; as overweight, bald, short or any other physical characteristic that can be found in all humans across the gender/race/sexuality spectrum? SERIOUSLY you think these are the same!?!
NO…Just NO!
Tackle
This is a BS article, no doubt written/put together by a White gay guy, who is prejudiced against gay Black men. These types, love showing, despair and dysfunction among Blacks.. In this case, gay Black men. “Lets bring out all the bad news that we can”.They love showing the negative. Obviously the writer enjoyed taking 14 of the worst stories from “Wisper” about how hard it is to be a gay Black male, and painting a broad brush, making it seem as though all gay Black men feel/think this. Not true! I don’t know of ANY Black men who feel the way the ones in this piece feel. I don’t know of any who are this self loathing, and down.
And as far as dating goes, this cannot be true. The majority of Black men prefer, or are into other Black men. With this preference, you are NOT going to be at the bottom of the food chain. Unless you are(hate to say) obese, or something. Make no mistake, most of these Black men, are into White men. A gay Black man, who prefers, are is exclusively into White men, will definitely have problems. And as far as seeing another Black man with a White man, I don’t give a sh!t about that… It’s not affecting me in any way shape or form…
Lvng1Tor
@Xzamilio: just read several of your blogs. Nice!
SonOfKings
@Tackle: You are exactly right. The vast majority of black, gay men I know don’t have these self-esteem issues because they are into other black men, where the playing field is more level. It generally seems to be a minority fixated on obtaining a white lover that harbors the unhappiness and disappointed.
Captain Obvious
Here we go with the bashing black men who like white men again.
Ever stop to think most black men don’t like US in the first place? My first rejection was from BLACK PEOPLE and it continued for most of my life.
Light skinned black men get so much sh|t from other black people that yeah I gave up. Some white guys are r@cist and most don’t understand the black experience but guess what I don’t EVER get crap over my light skin from white guys.
Keep pressing your tired memes about black men into white guys, but maybe you should stop pretending it’s because we’re somehow r@cist against our own people(families). You tossed us out, didn’t want us, and now claim we’re the devil because we’re searching for people who do ELSEWHERE.
White people didn’t come up with “Light skin is played out.”. Go have many seats to the left.
SonOfKings
@lauraspencer: You are correct in arguing that people who are not the physical ideal often stay losing because they pursue only those who are the physical ideal, but you muddle your argument by conflating race with height, weight, and male pattern baldness. Race is not equivalents those other things. There are fat, bald, and near sighted people within every race, but when you are excluded for race alone it raises the discrimination to another level. That’s why, as a black, gay man , I choose to take my chances by betting on other men of color. I can lose weight, I can “gain” height, hair, and even work “black magic” to subtract some years. But race is non-negotiable. So we can either get mad, or we can get in where we fit in.
SonOfKings
@Captain Obvious: I know what you are talking about. I have, at times, considered giving up on black and “going white” because the black men I tend to notice often don’t think I’m enough if a thug to hang with their set. But experience has taught me that if you are black ( light or dark, thug or square) it is infinitely harder to make any dating headway in the white, gay world because race is always a deal breaker. Some of these other things you can play with. When I put in a wife beater and some Tims, all of a sudden these black men who passed me by take another look. Now, if I went all out, shoot I might have a damned chance with my current “ideal.”
Xzamilio
@Captain Obvious: Fuck. Now I feel like a hypocrite because I’m not gonna lie… there was many a day I wanted to forgo black guys altogether because of the negativity surrounding hangups on skin color. I can tell you now, I’ve never been ugly or “yo crunchy black ass” from more people than my own damn race. In fact, I have never been called ugly or had my skin color negatively addressed by other individuals (I’m sure they’re waiting though). And the light skinned portion of the black race does get a lot of shit… they’re labeled as soft, or not “black enough” or stuck up because of how “pretty” they are. There is a lot of self-policing that needs to be done. I’m not gonna say “the black community” because we’re not a fucking herd of sheep lol
Xzamilio
@Lvng1Tor: Thank you kindly. I’m unabashedly self-promoting that fucking thing until Queerty starts flagging me lol
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
I live in the Midwest I only see interracial couples. Maybe this prejudice is geographic.
Bob Pattinson
It is unfortunately the case (and, mea culpa, I am one of them) that many white gays assume that black culture is unbendingly homophobic and shy away from blacks – even gay blacks – out of fear (?) If we exercise such discrimination against fellow gays who happen to be black, it’s small wonder that they face even worse from white homophobes who hate them on two counts: their colour and their homosexuality. Of all people groups, gays should be the most colour blind.
martinbakman
@Xzamilio: Thanks for sharing your blog. Mound Bayou sounds like an interesting place to come from. (I Googled! 😉 ) You are so correct that life is too damn short for living in the closet. Hang in there and keep fine tuning your BS meter. I love that comment.
DarkZephyr
@Xzamilio: Dude, I LOVE your blogs. lol
martinbakman
@Bob Pattinson: Isn’t that just one more stereotype we gay men have been fed (at least here in the States) that blacks are always homophobic ?
I am paying attention to people like Shonda Rimes that shatter the stereotype of black homophobia, and also how 4 well known athletes that came out over the last couple years were all black. All people ought to be waking up to truth.
DarkZephyr
As for the above whispers, a lot of them made me think and a couple made me sad. I don’t think as a white man that I will EVER be able to understand the black experience and I admit that.
All I CAN do is TRY To listen and TRY to understand the best I can. Unfortunately not being black I can’t do more than that as I will never be able to comprehend the black experience as a black person, but we all definitely still have to exist and get along in this LGBTQ community. We are a family.
Sometimes feelings and egos can get a little bruised when you read all the bitching about “why are there so many white guys shown on this site, lets get some diversity etc”, All I can say is that its in our nature to feel a little insulted when we read that too much of our own skin color is being shown that can be internally and mentally interpreted as that there is nothing exotic or exciting or attractive about it and white people add nothing to the world’s diversity etc, but I can also understand why not seeing enough of something that represents yourself can make you feel bad as well and if white people keep being treated as “the default” human being then yeah, it WILL create this notion or concept that white = not diverse. That isn’t always super easy to see though and I apologize for that.
I for one think that just like any other man, black men are beautiful. I have NO specific preferences when it comes to race. A delicious sexy man is a delicious sexy man regardless of his color.
@Captain Obvious: I’m going to TRY not to get on your posts as much as I sometimes do. I am going to try to be a bit more understanding and realize that you have your reasons for feeling as you do even though its not something that is easy for ME to see. There are other times when I see your posts and think you have said something really freaking smart and something that I super agree with and I think “Great, I have bitched at him so much that if I try to compliment him now he will think I am full of crap and it will sound silly”. You once said to me that your comments don’t mean that you hate white men and I accept that. I just hope you know that my comments to you DEFINITELY don’t mean that I am r*cist against black men. Black men are beautiful.
I had a long talk with my brother recently about why affirmative action ever came to be. He just couldn’t see it and he was ready to freaking throw down over it and even disown me, he was so passionate in his beliefs that black people are no longer discriminated against and that instead, everything is unjustly stacked in r*cial minorities favor. He actually DID disown me for about 10 minutes before he calmed down and apologized. He told me I was never again welcome in his home and that he would never speak to me again, all because I tried to explain to him the r*cial and social climate that lead to the creation of affirmative action. He and I get into enough heated debates about sexuality so I guess this was just too much for him to stand. Anyway, his reaction, born of SO much ignorance and straight white male privilege kind of made me think “Sh*t. Are there things that I am blind to as well because I simply haven’t been looking past my own experiences as a gay white man?” Its not something I have done purposely or out of r*cism or malice. But sometimes you have to come to a realization that is not always easy to do. So I will try to be more aware, Captain Obvious, that maybe, just maybe you have a reason for feeling the way that you do about certain things even if I may not always agree.
@Xzamilio: Baby, there is nothing ugly or crunchy about you. You are gorgeous.
@SonOfKings: Just out of curiosity, WOULD you date a cute white guy that was interested if you found him attractive and he seemed to be a great guy?
Arcamenel
It’s not by any means easy being black and gay. You kind of inherit all the negativity that each brings and then it overlaps in each community. You also have issues within each community like colorism in the black community and racism in the gay community. There were definitely times I wanted to be neither but then that’s what a white supremacist patriarchal society does to you. It makes you value whiteness and heterosexual it and devalues everything else. It’s not easy to get over but it’s possible.
As far as the dating thing goes, do you boo but you snow queens are gonna be in for a lot of disappointment. You are always gonna play second fiddle to marginally attractive white men. If you are fine with that have at it.
Vortece
Queerty Editors: I love to see you guys use your platform to explore racism in the gay community (we definitely need it!), but forget “Whisper.” You can’t do justice to such a complicated subject with a collection anonymous blurbs. Hire these guys who are commenting to create a piece and maybe we’ll get the kind of article I was hoping to find when I read your opening paragraph. Until you do, maybe I’ll check out Xzamilio’s blog. I hear it’s good.
Giancarlo85
I’m sure many have already have gone through the hurdles and obstacles in life regarding this issue. I will give my take on it as a gay Latino. Whisper is not and never will be a good source for anything.
Gay white men generally and most typically have it easier. Those ethnic and racial minorities within the gay community (and not just black men) have a lot more of a difficult time.
There is a reason why many do not like or date white men, myself included. We are NOT sexual objects to be hidden because your family or friends may not approve of us. I’m not black, but rather a dark mixed Latino (who has native roots).
I speak for myself and there are a variety of reasons why I do not date gay white men. Again, as I said… I’m not a sexual object or a toy. I’m not a piece of meat. I’m not some taboo thing that needs to be hidden. And I’m not some far away exotic creature that needs to be treated like I don’t know a word of English.
The racism within the gay community is as obvious and prevalent as it is in mainstream. And we constantly get pushed to the sidelines all the time by gay white men who control all the organizations. Many of us end up on the streets and that just infuriates me. Even here in LA they saw a pressing need to create an “API Equality” organization (Asian Pacific Islanders). This isn’t just an issue for black LGBTQQI, but it seems to be very common.
@Arcamenel: I do get where you are coming from. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t part of this community either because of the major control gay white men have over it.
“You are always gonna play second fiddle to marginally attractive white men. If you are fine with that have at it.”
This. Is. True. And pretty much why I stick to only dating Latinos who are actually into me. My boyfriend is Mexican… and while we are from two different countries, we still can talk to each other and understand each others hardships.
I’m sorry for this rant, but it’s something I’ve had boiling up for years.
Giancarlo85
In fact, what I say about being pushed to the sidelines is true… LGBTQQI Latinos saw the need to create organizations (Bienester and several others), because of the ignorance and neglect of gay white men who pretty much cast us aside.
Giancarlo85
*Bienestar
http://www.bienestar.org/
It’s pretty much open to anyone, but is primarily directed at Spanish speaking LGBTQQI people.
You see we don’t push people away or cast them aside. Open to everyone!
JerseyMike
NOW HEAR THIS! NOW HERE THIS!! MOST BLACK GUYS ARE NOT INTO WHITE GUYS!! Just like most of you prefer your comfort zone, so do we.. anybody who chooses to date black,white, asian, latino.. do you!!
AtticusBennett
@Xzamilio: EXACTLY
DarkZephyr
@Giancarlo85: “There is a reason why many do not like or date white men, myself included.”
Even to the point where you would never be friends with a white man? What do you mean by “do not like”?
Not trying to be a jerk, just curious.
Giancarlo85
@DarkZephyr: I got friends who are white men. But as far as dating… ehhhhhhhhh…. no.
Xzamilio
@Vortece: The more the merrier.
Queerty, hire me!!! I’s cook, I’s clean, I’s real good!!!
Xzamilio
@DarkZephyr: See now, you geeking my head up and I’m gonna go take my shirt off and walk outside… and scare the neighbors.
@AtticusBennett: Sigh… we’ve come a long way, haven’t we, scarecrow???
alphacentauri
@Xzamilio: I have met gay black men who wanted me only because I’m white and bisexual and it was creepy.
I have gay and bi black male friends who have dated white and Asian men but they said how they now refuse to since a lot of white and Asian men want them only for r@c!st reasons like the myth that black=hung, and that black=sexually aggressive, and that other black and even Latino men are not like this. These black men also have no hang ups about dating other black men who are light skinned, dark skinned, or in-between.
DarkZephyr
@Giancarlo85: lol fair enough.
CINTI_JACK
@Giancarlo85: Thank you for your honesty. I had received one of your frequent smackdowns in another thread. I had wondered how you came to be so virulent. Take care.
DarkZephyr
@Xzamilio: Or you could just take your shirt off and come see me. 😉
Giancarlo85
@CINTI_JACK: I don’t care for Margaret Thatcher, nor do many on here. You might as well quote Ronald Reagan. I’m not the only one who will be smacking you down on here… trust me on that one. Right wing gays aren’t really well accepted on here.
CINTI_JACK
@Giancarlo85:Yes you are not alone in your behavior. Its still awful.
Giancarlo85
@CINTI_JACK: You are awful. Go take your right wing talk somewhere else please. Nobody cares for right wing gays. You only serve the republican party.
CINTI_JACK
Wow. Ok you “win”.
SonOfKings
@Baba Booey Fafa Fooey: I think region and class play a role in why the gay couples you see in your Midwest social circles are often interracial when there is a black guy involved. You, the condition of being pleasantly coupled in the gay world, holding hands over lattes, sipping white wine at brunch is generally a middle class-to-affluent pastime. The few affluent, out gay black men in the Midwest, in my observation, tend to prefer white boyfriends that the feel are at their socio-economic level. Now in New York and Atlanta, it’s different. You have a much larger population of affluent black, gay men who prefer and seek out other black men as partners, and you see tons of black-on-black male couples in those places. In fact, a lot of black, gay men have left the Midwest to find other black men that are more plentiful in the relative black, gay Meccas of NY, Atlanta, and DC.
Giancarlo85
@CINTI_JACK: You suddenly brought this up and I don’t know why. Next time don’t quote a right wing bigot.
Xzamilio
@alphacentauri: I’ve gotten a few of those, especially when I was stationed in Germany… from guys AND girls. It got old real damn quick. I’m also not sure what “these black men” you’re talking about, but I believe you… I have no reason not to.
@DarkZephyr: You’re making me blush. Look, can you tell?
SonOfKings
@DarkZephyr: I meet plenty of attractive white guys at my gym who would make good boyfriends for someone. The problem is they are all straight. The few white gay men That I cross paths with have been completely indoctrinated and processed into the gay racial pecking order, so I don’t bother.
dean3000
I guess I’m lucky. I’m black gay professional and am attracted to certain type of man. I find character more important than anything and when I get that feeling its hard to ignore but it’s very rare.
When I as younger my head was turned by the flash men who wanted to show me off luckily I caught on and stopped dating for a while until I knew what I wanted. I had no idea how some men behave like psychopaths if they don’t want to fuck you they hate you. Truly bizarre behaviour. It’s easy to get sucked into a world of parties, drugs then dependence and if you’re black and good looking some will try and track you down as they have to have you not for love but for a conquest.
I would recommend any young black guy to get an education and a place of your own before everything especially coming out. Independence is a rare and valuable commodity something you shouldn’t take for granted or give away. ive never been happier since I got mine from a dominate partner and ditched my frenemies
dean3000
One of the whispers stars being into skinny white guys that’s a fetish, it has nothing to do with the person in the “skinny white buy”. That’s a pretty awful attitude to have towards a fellow human
Cagnazzo82
I’m attracted to black, white, middle-eastern, and latino.
The people who are giving advice to black people to limit their dating pool to only black are so foolish.
Being gay already significantly decreases your dating pool to being a fraction of what straight guys have available.
Where is the logic in limiting your dating pool further to just a minority within a minority?
Doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.
dean3000
You are the reason why some black men don’t date outside their race. You objectify men by using their skin colour as their defining characteristic. You are the fool.
Giancarlo85
@Cagnazzo82: “Where is the logic in limiting your dating pool further to just a minority within a minority? ”
Coming from you that is what you probably want. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to “expand my dating pool” by lowering my own standards (certainly not to cover someone like you). I don’t want to date white men because of the attitude you just displayed. You act as if you are the end all and the only ones out there that are dateable.
Giancarlo85
“Why limit yourselves? There are more mediocre, average crummy gay white men with bad attitudes out there! So many! So you should LOWER your standards and be prepared to accept mediocrity!!!”
This is what I read what I see statements like that.
Realize this is exactly why I mainly date Latinos.
Brian
Black gay people need to stop playing the victim card. If you go around playing the victim card all the time, you become a victim of your own behavior.
I’m not saying that there isn’t discrimination out there. Of course there is. However, much of the discrimination against gay black men comes from other black people. Think about it.
Brian
@Giancarlo85: I love Latino males but not the effeminate ones. If I go to bed with a Latino male, I don’t want him to utter “where’s my purth?” at the end of the night.
I can still converse with an effeminate Latino male but I would never go to bed with him. Shakira would be a better option.
DarSco
It’s hard being a gay black man because you are thought of as less than a man, some hood rat relative asking who’s the man & who’s the woman and other idiotic bs from fellow blacks and to non blacks you are the big scary blk guy lol. G-D help you if you have “good” hair, tan color and actually use half decent english then on top of being a queermo you think you are better than some hood rat relative. LOL I will stop now just know it’s VERY HARD being black & gay
Arcamenel
@Brian: You wish latino men, effeminate or otherwise would give you the time of day.
Also I’m gonna need the #lightskints to stfu and realize that while they may face some colorism, they are still afforded a lot of privileges the rest of us darkies are not. You are the “acceptable” blacks when it comes to white people and in my experience your lot are quick to remind the rest of us about that. Miss me with that #lightskinproblems B.S.
Bob LaBlah
As I read these comments I hear more than three quarters of them sounding like spoiled rotten little boys who were so used to getting their way by grandma or maybe even mom. Ok, you got picked up, your hand held, a warm smile and might have even made them chuckle but I bet they told you to “shhh, child” or “ok, baby” just to shut you up. Regrettably you took it as a victory and got used to your opinion always being right. Many of you guys sound like the type whose narcissism got developed as you were chased after by everyone during your teens and early twenties. Now, you are all grown up, no longer have the bodies and looks you once had. It’s obvious that emotionally you are having a very hard time adjusting to being grown up, not looking like that same kid anymore along with no one listening outside of the bar during happy hour.
Are many of you seriously saying that a black guy being with a white guy bothers you THAT much? The reasons I read at the beginning of the thread made me laugh but the more I read I began to see that many of you are serious, so I ask this: has the thought occurred to you many of the black guys may be from a small town where it may have been known they were gay and they became isolated from their families and community because of it? Has it also occurred to you that gay men, just as strait women, may want the “type” of sex that goes with another race but do not wish death upon their own race like those of their race wish upon them? What I mean by that is they are TURNED ON by the person and it is a mutual feeling, whether you like it or not. And last, has the thought occurred that they may just LOVE each other like they are obviously showing in public.
YOU love and have sex with whom YOU want to so whats the problem that they do the same? It sounds like insecurity on YOUR part, not theirs. Maybe if you tried saying hello to the couple/person they “might” say hello back. But be prepared that they (just as I feel sure everyone else who happened to be looking at you at the time did too) may have noticed you turning your nose up in the air at them just as though you were smelling shit every time you saw them or any other interracial couple. If you are guilty of that I bet you were always walking alone when you did it and couldn’t make the connection. Quit being so obvious because you only show your emotional/education/intellectual level when you do so.
SonOfKings
@Bob LaBlah: I can see reading comprehension is not your strong suit. This whole thread exists because, apparently, some Black men are “whispering” about their disappointment at being socially and sexually disadvantaged due to their race. Some of us have argued this “disadvantage” can be reversed by focusing on men more like themselves, rather than men unlike themselves. That is all. You are reading way too much into the comments.
CINTI_JACK
@Giancarlo85: You are volcanic vitriol is like an acid attack looking for a face to happen. Your virulent behavior certainly precedes me entering the picture. You are not convincing anyone that I am the cause.
Matt Achine
@Brian You could stand to learn the difference between sharing an experience and claiming victimhood. Or maybe you thought the title of this article was about black men having fun. Did you have this criticism on the story about men who hate being gay, from any ethnic group?
Naturally, the popular perception is that black men are distraught because white men won’t date them. Once we move past that tired story, it becomes clear that the exclusion goes far beyond sexual preferences. The community is a microcosm of the larger society. Look no further than this website. Examples of sexually viable whiteness are on display regularly, at the exclusion of other humans. It’s the type of media that salivates over Magic Mike, but couldn’t give a shit about Chocolate City. Practically every promo for a pride party looks the same way. When the editors compel you to look at scantily clad models on a daily basis, they offer no reason why these men must be white. White LGBT gatekeepers are very busy offering their own reps as the most desirable on planet Earth. If we’re all men and we desire men, shouldn’t being a man matter more than promoting one color of men above others? Andy Cohen, Neil Patrick Harris, Anderson Cooper & Davy Wavy are the designated mascots while anybody darker takes a backseat. A white twink on YouTube serving vapid content gets millions of followers. Another tearfully comes out and gets a book deal. Let a black person show even the most benign display of homophobia, and the reactions of outrage dwarf anything aimed at Kim Davis. Why don’t the people presenting “hurdles” for gay black men think about the Shirley Q. Liquors or Dan Savage, who blamed proposition 8 in California on every black voter in the state? How about that as a hurdle? We can get to why white men don’t want our beauty and bodies long after examining why our intellect and aptitude aren’t wanted.
LibraOracle
Humans are quite imperfect,we created our own damnation and complain about it…insanity?no just pure madness,I’m a 20yrs old virgin of african and european descent,never been in a relationship once and maybe will never be,I’m attracted to many ethnics mainly african but european and latin also,it’s hard to actually find a partner in a superficial world where people are looking for perfection that don’t even exist,I mean how do you expect to find happiness when you avoid all the chances that comes to you? one day you will run out of chances and realise you missed it,I’m maybe cynical but I can see further than my sight.
Bob LaBlah
@SonOfKings: I think you are right. I DON”T comprehend what is being relayed here or what the actual point of it is (the article). It might help (in my case at least) if I better understood “social media” and what it is suppose to convey and to whom. The comments posted from the Whisper site in this article lead to all seven corners of the gay world in my opinion but clearly not in the opinion of others. I grouped together responses to the article in the comment section and came to the wrong conclusion. Or so I think but must say I’m not quite so sure of that.
My old country, still-living-in-the-eighties ass is outta here on this one. Thanks for your guidance.
SonOfKings
@LibraOracle: Holding out for your perfect, ideal man is not insane from the perspective of the dreamer. It’s rational, in a sense. Constantly, they see other people lucking out and getting a prince. So they are unwilling to settle, unless he’s young, white, skinny, and cute. They’ll excuse his meth addiction.
Giancarlo85
@Brian: You are an utter basketcase. I don’t think any HUMAN would give you the time of day. Why would they want to get in bed with such an unattractive horrible person like you?
Listen up you delusional halfwit, you’ve never been to bed with any guy. Your very attitude would make anyone suddenly go limp and run like hell.
@CINTI_JACK: Nobody cares what you think, right winger. Go ahead. Quote Ronald Reagan next. What are you going to prove with your venomous rhetoric?
@Bob LaBlah: Nobody cares what you think… nobody ever has.
“Now, you are all grown up, no longer have the bodies and looks you once had. It’s obvious that emotionally you are having a very hard time adjusting to being grown up, not looking like that same kid anymore along with no one listening outside of the bar during happy hour.”
Says the decreipt miserable man who has nothing but a vicious attitude towards others on here. What do you know about us? If that was a swipe at me, you failed miserably. Utterly miserably. I look quite young (most don’t even think I’m pass college)… and I take care of my body. I’m not a miserable loser like you who gave up on himself decades ago.
“may have noticed you turning your nose up in the air at them just as though you were smelling shit every time you saw them or any other interracial couple. If you are guilty of that I bet you were always walking alone when you did it and couldn’t make the connection. Quit being so obvious because you only show your emotional/education/intellectual level when you do so.”
Oh wow. That’s rich. Have you ever tried opening your eyeballs for once? I know you lust after black and latino men. We all know that. You’re just upset they aren’t giving you the time of day, like Brian/Jason Smeds. Somebody with a nasty unpleasant attitude like your own, isn’t worth a single date.
If you set up an internet date with a guy, it wouldn’t surprise me if he ran like a bat out of hell.
Giancarlo85
@Bob LaBlah: You’re an outmoded person who has no clue what people are talking about. You foam at the mouth because you think you’re ENTITLED to every ass you look at. Typical old gay white man attitude.
Do us all a favor… take the time to actually read what people post. Try to walk in their shoes for a day. Next time you won’t spew out several paragraphs of hateful vomit.
TrueWords
I am glad that at 47 years old…I had a wonderful father that embraced me as a whole person in addition I always carry around the words of James Baldwin…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-rfiG6ubVc
ButtStuff
@Giancarlo85: I am not shocked that you’re trying desperately to make this whole conversation all about you. Again. Considering that you’re about as black as, Jessica Fletcher.
http://www.chathour.com/giancarlo85
Why do people put up with your punk ass?
Bob LaBlah
@Giancarlo85: Your GROSS misinterpretation of FACT are evidence of a queen in need of clean panties. I suggest you go to the community sink in the rooms for rent building your living in and get busy scrubbing out deeply embedded stains.
Giancarlo85
@ButtStuff: You are a pathetic little runt. Go ahead and post that inactive profile. I forgot I even had it. The real punk here is you. Stupid little cracker like you shouldn’t even be posting in here.
@Bob LaBlah: Maybe you should try to bleach some of the shit stains out of your mattress.
Giancarlo85
@ButtStuff: And who the fuck are you to talk? WHy don’t you POST your fucking picture? I said I am Colombian. White? I think not, you fucking ra*c*st. You are FLAGGED.
meghanada
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-fitzgerald-gates-phd/unmasking-black-gay-privilege_b_6978224.html
ButtStuff
@Giancarlo85: Ohhh, damn girl. You deleted that shit real fast. Thankfully I saved it. Go ahead and flag that, all day long.
I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I!?!
Giancarlo85
@ButtStuff: ButtCrude… that’s what you should rename yourself to. You are useless. Have you ever done anything of worth on here? Asides from insult?
Go fuck yourself. Seriously. You might enjoy it.
Giancarlo85
And I don’t have time for a rac*i*st either. If you think I’m white, you need to get some glasses. You know these:
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51ZYcOWh21L.jpg
Seriously get your eyes checked out!
Kangol
Great comments, far better than the Whisper posts, which fail to get at the complexities of being black and LGBTIQ in this r@cist, homophobic, classist society. But the comments are definitely worth checking out.
Captain Obvious
@Arcamenel: I’m not used to you posting dumb stuff, but wow.
You really just said there’s “light skin privilege”. Like I couldn’t even read that with a straight face so I don’t know how you wrote it.
If you aren’t even light skinned how would you know if this imaginary privilege exists? What privileges are we getting? I need to know so I can hand in my voucher.
The only BS is exactly what you and every other dark skinned victim has been spouting since slavery. You people(yes I did) are exactly the reason why so many of us refuse to date other black people.
We are tired of the race talk, it’s more prevalent among blacks than anyone else, we’re tired of the colorism(also more prevalent). We’re moving on. If you think we’re playing victims so be it.
I dunno how I’m playing a victim by leaving ya’ll in the past exactly where ya’ll want to be. You’re the ones acting like you’re still in a field picking cotton. Claiming you some how have it harder than other black people and cutting any of us lighter than a paper bag out like we’re not black enough unless we act “hard” and put on a show for you.
You’re the ones who pretend you don’t belittle, taunt, bash, and try to break us for being born with “light” skin. You do us exactly how white people used to treat ALL of us and then you turn around and claim you have it harder than anyone else.
I won’t ever date let alone marry a black person. I have black family members, I have black friends, but when I’m at HOME I don’t want to hear one more thing about “race”(color either).
You want to carry the past on and I want to live Martin Luther King’s dream so I can finally have peace at home and no more nonstop whining about race and color.
Keep pretending no one bashes light skinned black people. We get hit from all sides, but we’re strong enough to take it. Wonder why ya’ll dish it? Cause you can’t?
Anyone who cares to cry about black men who date white men can go have some fries with their salt.
Kevin Wotipka
I’m just going to let the testimonies from the article speak for themselves. It seems like the most decent thing to do, rather than read my own misgivings into them.
Colbyco
It is not only Men of Colour in the US who deals with this. Us Men of Colour also deal with this in the UK too:
http://www.gmfa.org.uk/Sites/fsmagazine/pages/fs148-racism-and-the-gay-scene
ButtStuff
@Giancarlo85: Honey child, you’re whiter than a glass of Chardonnay over ice…
http://41.media.tumblr.com/133e9b7a3b662da20440021b40b264c3/tumblr_mkwog0LAeT1r4vpxio1_500.jpg
Brian
Black gay men are discriminated against by other blacks – don’t deny it. This idea that all oppressors of black gay men are whites is ridiculous. Also, it just seems a bit rich that those who are complaining never seem to criticize their own race.
Blacks are always protecting blacks by the looks of it, even when they are being oppressed by them.
Giancarlo85
@ButtStuff: No I am not. And I will not let a white supremacist like you define who I am. You are simply a ignoramus who needs glasses. I already told people my background. White is something I am not. Maybe you need to stop trying to speak for me.
A pasty hick like you has no right. Are you that blind?
Giancarlo85
@ButtStuff: And thanks for proving how little class you have. You are nothing more than fungus. You are an incredibly stupid ignorant person… Who needs to shut the fuck up. Put a sock in it, white boy. You have no credibility on this subject. Much like Brian.
tdh1980
Queerty, the next time you want to examine the intersectionality of being a black gay man you may want to conduct some interviews instead of consulting the anonymous whiners of Whisper. Yes, some of their issues may be valid, but those respondents typically are insecure, self-leathers who don’t represent most of us.
1EqualityUSA
What a boring world this would be if everybody was the same.
solacesoul
@Captain Obvious: I am sitting here in almost complete disgust with (but not total surprise by) reading Captain Obvious’s posts, where he’s proclaiming that darker-skinned black people have driven him, a lighter-skinned black man, into the arms of white gay men!
As a very light-skinned black man myself (I am talking very — like DeBarge Family / Vanessa Williams / Harold Ford, Jr. / Mariah Carey light-skinned), and having been one all my years, I can attest that Captain Obvious claims that darker-skinned black people reject, dismiss or belittle light-skinned black people to the point where the lighter-skinned brothers and sisters must choose to align themselves with white people is utter bullsh*t. Captain Obvious needs to stop using this as an excuse and just admit the obvious in his case: he prefers to exclusively associate, have sex with and be romantically involved with gay white men. You’d garner much more respect if you would at least own up to your own self-loathing, instead of trying to deflect.
I’ve never had a problem dating or even getting along with my darker black brothers or sisters. Give or take a ribbing or two about my skin complexion, which was fairly innocuous — and who doesn’t get ribbing or teasing as a child about something? — contrary to Captain Obvious’ obtuse observations, there isn’t some vast intraracial conspiracy against light, “yellow” or “redbone” black folks orchestrated by those mean, barbaric, envious, hateful darkies. If Captain Obvious is turned off by the so-called “victimization” of black men who are darker than him, and runs to the perceivable “safe” arms of gay white men, then this exposes his own deep-seated self-loathing.
Trust me, no one of any consequence in the black gay community gives a sh*t if some self-loathing black man like Captain Obvious (widely and classically referred to as a “snow queen”) chooses not to date black men, dark, light or otherwise. Frankly, I am glad that he is keeping his sociopathy and self-loathing away from us.
DarkZephyr
@solacesoul: “(widely and classically referred to as a “snow queen”)”
Why are they widely and classically referred to in that way?
1EqualityUSA
Enlightenment leaves skin color in the dust. Unresolved pain is the root of this. The instrument is not the music.
Homo Erectus
@ButtStuff: @Giancarlo85:
LOL. So much for Giancarlo being in a “monogamous” relationship. Must be some other sites he has “inactive” profiles on.
stanhope
@Xzamilio: let the hate begin…..what i find amusing is when i encounter the darker skinned black guys obsessed with white guys. Immediately (some, most) turn the evil eye on you if you look different. They hate you because you have light skin and light eyes and they hate you because their white boyfriend pays you notice. My good buddy (who is Black and went to Dartmouth) and i used to go into the clubs and parties and in our best Laverne and Shirley imitation would say to each other….”black boys hold on to your white husbands….the reason for your divorce just arrived.” I recall my Latin boyfriend (at the time) all excited for me to meet his best friend who was black. His black best friend had a white boyfriend. Note a pattern here? We met at a restaurant for dinner. Immediately the black fellow who went to school on financial aid, i did not (yes haters) launched into snide attacks. I could tell his boyfriend was most uncomfortable. I could tell black friend would have loved nothing better than for me to engage on his level. While a simple, “where did your family summer would have dispatched him with minimal effort, I elected to feign illness and excuse myself. My very attentive date offered to take me home. I insisted on taking a cab since he had driven. Later i told that guy who became my boyfriend that his best friend and i would never mix for reasons that would take a decade to explain but that i would never say a cross word against him. Yes the black best friend was darker (and despite political correctness skin tone still factors into the equation), my family far more prominent, and my background broader in exposure. I came to the table with no attitude towards him for or against. I also didnt have a thought for or against his white husband. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies.m i date em all….Black, Brown, Red, or Yellow. I have been variously criticized for this…all by black gay men.
moldisdelicious
As a black gay male myself, I’m learning that there’s a lot of bullshit out here and it’s a priority to educate myself on the world around me and to think. There’s so many smokescreens and traps out here where there’s a lot of ignorant people following and not asking questions to why things are the way they are.
Don’t have a preference. My brain handles that on its own. I know I like men though.
Personally, I just come as myself and let folks take me as I am. Some people get me and like me. Some people don’t. I do know that I have to learn to love myself as a person because i’m not my biggest fan. Have a little self confidence and tend to project my self loathing onto other people. I’m totally secure with being a black male though. I’m also aware of how bullshit this system is as well as the myth called race.
solacesoul
@stanhope: What does your best friend who went to Dartmouth have to do with you?
Says he came to the table with no attitude towards him. Proceeds to talk about where certain families summer, dark skin, and elite schools — all while using poor grammar and syntax.
Tackle
@DarSco: You’re a perfect example of how misery loves company. Is it so hard for you to speak for yourself, and proclaim,
“it’s hard for ME being a gay Black man.” Because you sure in the hell do not speak for me, and many gay Black men I know. How you feel, and what you are going through, is YOU. No it’s hard for you being a gay Black male. Not me. I do not look for approval or validation for other. And can give two fu@ks about what they think of me. You need to get a backbone, and stop being so damn whiney. And stop it with this stuff like you speak for all Black men. Because you don’t…
Tackle
@solacesoul: Excellent response to @Captain Obvious: My BF has a Black father, White mother, And is Paula Patton light. And he has never experienced or had the problems that Captain Obvious is claiming. That’s similar to the excuse that many r@cist whites will say and use. ” It’s because of the behavior of Blacks, is the reason why I’m r@cist.” Yes: complete BS…
solacesoul
@DarkZephyr:
The term “snow queen” for years has (yes, derisively, but pointedly) referred to black gay men who prefer to date, or have a fetish for, white men — usually, but not always, to the dating, romantic or sexual exclusion of their fellow black men.
But you also asked why. I cannot begin to explain to you on a message board the centuries of racial oppression from the majority ruling class caused by slavery, Jim Crow and institutionalize do racism, and the resulting intraracial strife and colorism. It is very similar to the pain and frustration that many black woman seem to face often when they feel they are being overlooked as romantic partners by the very men in their own communities, the ones who look the most like them. It is a very legitimate intracommunity concern that should not be dismissed by others simply because it is not their experience, or it doesn’t affect them negatively.
DarkZephyr
@solacesoul: thanks for the response, I definitely appreciate it. I think I need to explain what it is I am asking more clearly. I am curious to know why the specific term “snow queen” itself was selected as the term to use for the men that you have described. Thank you.
CWM85
I’ve never felt being part black has been an issue in life, as I’m also scottish, english, Cherokee, Navajo… a mut lol… I mean sometimes people expect me to pick a side or I want to white when I’m fine with all of my heritages. But I have felt that being openly gay in some circles would hold me back in some career choices being openly gay. Then ot was the fear factor of family rejection. But my worse fears haven’t been founded so far at work or family.
captainburrito
Asians are probably the bottom of the racial totem pole. At least blacks get the obvious objectification due to the stereotype which can help them hook up. lol
CWM85
As to people who don’t want to date outside of race or only certain skin shades, ethnic groups. I think its shallow and a form of prejudice… but my advice is to those who face this realize it could be their lost for rejecting you. Think of it that way.
CWM85
I love asians lol. I’ve dated them all. Black, white, asian, mestizo from central american. Part Indian… I simply don’t discriminate base on ethnic background. I think you set yourself up for missing out and its a form of prejudice. Men regardless of color, ethnic background all have some attractive qualities. To those who have a shopping list on what ya man should look like I encourage to give all a chance.
JerseyMike
@solacesoul: I stand, I slow clap.. saying BRAVO!!
Xzamilio
@solacesoul: Yeeeeah… thanks for saying it, because I didn’t know what to make of that response
solacesoul
@DarkZephyr: I will break it down for you,
“Snow” is white.
“Queen”… well, isn’t that obvious?
DarkZephyr
@captainburrito: “at least” they get “objectified”? Yeah, lucky them. Objectification feels so good, after all. Here’s a hint: It really doesn’t.
DarkZephyr
@solacesoul: Oh boy. Well, if my skin were as white as snow I would be very concerned about my blood circulation. And I think its time we gay men let go of terms like “Queen” for each other, personally. That’s just me though.
JerseyMike
@captainburrito: Girl NO!! I will never be used just to hookup.. No peen or ass is worth all that.. I do have some standards..
alphacentauri
@Xzamilio: OK, I meant how there are apparently some black people who seem to want to date or marry another black person of a certain complexion like Captain Obvious posted about.
mr mr
Rather sad article. Would rather here stories about men of color who aren’t constantly chasing behind white men. Lets here about men of color that find other men of color sexy. Let’s just face it. All that glitters isn’t gold. It can be like having a crush on a stripper, but then he isn’t good in bed. No offense to strippers. And to all the white dudes who only date black men – I ain’t mad at yall either.
mr mr
Meant to say “hear”
Giancarlo85
My last post wasn’t posted. Weird filter. First off, douchebag homophone… I never used that site for dating or hooking up ever. If anything, I posted on the sites anime c hat room… As I was into naruto. That was four years ago. Dont ever question my integrity again, whore.
Giancarlo85
*Homophobe.
And let me add, don’t make audacious claims about my own life. That c*hat room was full of t*rolls (don’t know what is censored here). It is like 4chan.
I don’t appreciate faceless wimps like “Homo erectus” or “Butt Crude” questioning my integrity.
Brian
Giancarlo,
This isn’t your personal email site. If you want to engage in tit-for-tat invective, do it on your own account. Queerty is for commentary on articles, not other posters.
DarkZephyr
@JerseyMike: *Thunderous Applause*
@Xzamilio: You really are sexy and your brains just add to your sex appeal. I just fucking adore intelligent guys.
Captain Obvious
So Oprah had no one but two documentaries about how dark skinned people typically feel insecure, ugly, and unwanted. Then another about how light skinned people are belittled, insulted, and left out.
But I’m a liar and my experiences are untrue since you people say so and feel defensive about the black experience.
Bye, Felicia.
If you don’t care who I date then you don’t need to reply. Anyone who’s capable of Googling can easily research the permanent victim hood of dark skinned black people and the light skinned people who are still trying to prove their blackness.
Hell I made a ton of enemies on this site alone trying to argue the black stance. No more of that. Since I’m benefiting from “light skinned privilege” whatever that is I’ll just go ahead and laugh at any crybaby “blacks have it unfair qq” posts from now on.
I wonder if my light skinned privilege is good for discounts at the grocery store.
I gain nothing about lying on black people. My posting under an article isn’t going to change the world.
And I’ll reiterate because I feel like it. I will not now or ever date a black man and bring more race talk into my home. I grew up with it, went through it at school, went through it at work, and brought it everywhere with me. Until finally saying it on this thread I didn’t realize I was blaming all of this on white people. White people weren’t the ones constantly debating race let alone SKIN TYPES… that’s black people. Literally no one else is talking about “light skin” or “dark skin” but black people. No one is talking about “privilege”(and using it incorrectly with no proof by the way) but black people.
Apparently there’s white privilege(which doesn’t exist), light skinned privilege(also doesn’t exist), but the poor widdle dark skinned black people are left out of the privilege round up(sad face).
Any time a black person is highlighted on the news as being killed unarmed ALL black people are suddenly the victims of police brutality. Any time a white person says the wrong thing or it hits you’re ear wrong they’re r@cist. If a black person dates anyone who isn’t black they’re an “Uncle Tom”. Everyone who’s white is plotting against you. Everyone who isn’t black is refusing to see what you see. Black people have it so hard in America in 2015 with iPhones and the newest Nikes.
Enjoy your permanent victim hood. I’m tearing up my membership. I understand why Raven Symone already did it now.
Thanks for all the stupid replies. It was very therapeutic. I used to let black people make me feel bad about who I am and guilt about leaving black people alone. I’m saving myself, couldn’t care less how any of you feel about it. I was born out of most of your tax brackets, I’m not r@cist, I’m classist. Very happy with it.
Feel free to keep surrounding yourselves with misery by complaining about race if you want, thinking that the light a person’s skin is means things are just handed to them, and that everyone who isn’t black is out to get you(ironically plenty of black people are usually out to get each other).
You think it’s r@cist not to date black people but then turn around and say you exclusively date black people. Permanent victims. Pathetic.
Some white people are r@cist, but the ones who are saying move the hell on already were not wrong. Grow up, move on, you were never a slave. No one is actually doing anything to you. I haven’t been called the N-word since the 90s and honestly that’s the bulk of the true r@cism any of us have ever received. Cry more.
Ya’ll try so hard to pretend you don’t care about black guys who don’t date other black guys yet this articles comments are almost entirely about that. Haha. Who’s the liar again?
ButtStuff
@Giancarlo85: You said you were on chathour last week. I talked to you on chathour, two weeks ago. Now all of a sudden, almost magically, it’s been four years?
“When I type something on chathour those are MY thoughts.”
http://www.queerty.com/queerty-query-how-much-sex-have-you-been-having-lately-20151024
Not only are you a compulsive liar, your also r@sict as fuck.
“Dumb ass white people like you are so boring. You end up looking real ugly anyways as you age.”
“And again… I’m not into shitty white guys at all. I can’t think of anything uglier than a fat white American redneck.”
“Why would I be chasing some ugly fat white loser like you? I’m sorry, but I like a slime and slender guy. I’m not into big American beer bellies. No offense.”
What Integrity? You’re easily one of the most ill-adjusted, morally bankrupt individuals on the web.
Giancarlo85
@Brian: That’s so completely ironic… coming from you. You make everything so personal on here.
@ButtStuff: And no you didn’t. This is a fabrication and a myth. ButtStooge is a compulsive liar. I never talked with this brain dead idiot who seems to be so dearly unhinged. Why would I talk with someone as unpleasant as you? I have higher standards than you.
R*sic*t? Look in the mirror. You made an utterly moronic statement about my looks.
And yes, I’m not into fat guys with big beer bellies. Perhaps you should get the message, you loser. And it’s funny you basically admitted you want to stalk me (I’ve never talked to you EVER).
You are the one who is morally bankrupt. So to hell with your holier than thou statements. You are a NOBODY and you have NO impact ON ME as a person.
I have more integrity in one minute than you ever will have in an entire lifetime. Never have I met such a phony who should be completely and totally banned from this website. I will flag each and EVERY post you make on here.
Giancarlo85
And LOL… this clown is so HILARIOUS. He thinks I talked with him two weeks ago. This guy seems to have some serious personality problems.
”
“Dumb ass white people like you are so boring. You end up looking real ugly anyways as you age.”
“And again… I’m not into shitty white guys at all. I can’t think of anything uglier than a fat white American redneck.”
“Why would I be chasing some ugly fat white loser like you? I’m sorry, but I like a slime and slender guy. I’m not into big American beer bellies. No offense.”
”
– I NEVER SAID ANY OF THAT, PERIOD. You post a LINK that doesn’t even have quotes like that. YOU MADE THOSE UP, AS I SUSPECTED.
You are the real morally bankrupt one. You are one of the biggest most ridiculous LIARS I’ve ever met on this site. SHAME ON YOU!
Giancarlo85
Making up nonsense is the best this loser can do. He’s an attempted stalker. He probably is a troll on chathour that followed me years ago since I first had that profile. I probably ignored him on there… and I should ignore him on here too.
I’ve never talked with this utterly pathetic basketcase.
And with that, I rest my case.
Next time don’t make up potentially slanderous quotes and claim I said them. It’s like the boxer who claimed he was drugged and did a porno without realizing it. Nonsense!
solacesoul
Dear White Gay Men:
If you have ever wondered what kind of black man would zealously and desperately pursue your attention, please read the rant of @Captain Obvious, two posts herein, above.
Read it carefully.
Yep. That’s the prize you’re getting.
Have at it.
Captain Obvious
@solacesoul: Dear, bitch. I walked away from a black guy and two white guys I wasn’t interested in just last week. Not only am I not desperate, I’m picky as hell. You don’t know me. You’re the one who sounds desperate and lonely that’s why you care so much about what I’m posting and the fact that I’ll never be interested in you.
I on the other hand have no hang ups about anyone who never been interested in me, it’s not an insult, and it’s not an attack. Maybe if you didn’t have the mind of a desperate child you’d see that. Maybe if you were capable of growing up you’d see the bulk of my posts were only about me and my experiences and you desperate idiots took it as a personal attack against you and decided to get stuck on me instead if posting about yourselves.
Have any of you done anything but talk about me? Yet you say blacks don’t bully other blacks. You’re like a toddler. Focus on yourself. Debate without throwing your feces. If you really wanted to shut me down you’d be capable of doing so without mud slinging but you can’t because you don’t know what the hell a debate is.
There I can throw nasty lil insults too. I ignored all the insults long enough. Keep crying about me. I’ll keep laughing that you care.
White people are the only reason I had any friends at all growing up. Black people rejected me all through school and college. The majority of the r@cism I ever experienced was from black people and I was taught to hate/fear and be paranoid of white motivations by most of the black people I know. The only time I really experienced white r@cism was in West Hollywood of all places.
Honestly it’s freeing as hell to finally let that out and move on. Leaving you field negroes behind and referring to you as the trash that you are while you work an imaginary plantation in your minds.
The cycle of victim hood is over for me. Go teach it to someone who cares. You’re on a majority white site ranting about being black is unfair, how you only want black guys, and how I’m r@cist for rejecting the people who rejected me in hateful ways. You want white people to care about all of that crap you’re posting? Are you brain dead?
I don’t care if anyone agrees or disagrees with me, unlike you. I don’t need to address white posters directly to seek their attention like you are. Who’s the one being desperate? You literally have no argument you inarticulate ape. Post something about yourself and stop pretending like posting dumb insults about me is a stance.
You shouldn’t care who I date yet I have you pissed as hell that I’ve pre-rejected you. Get over it.
LGBTQLMNOP
@CaptinObvious “”Apparently there’s white privilege(which doesn’t exist)””
What world are you living in honey?
LGBTQLMNOP
@solacesoul:
Yeah, they can have him!
Captain Obvious
@LGBTQLMNOP: The one where there are poor people who are white, Asian, and Latino. The one where white unarmed people who are killed by police don’t make national news because it doesn’t fit the race baiting agenda of the media you steeple bend over for.
You say “they can have him” like you’re giving me away because? You never had me, sweety. “They” who? White people? Asians? Latinos?
Said part is most of you are so defensive and don’t even read more than a few lines let alone comprehend a full post consisting of paragraphs yet you can’t bitch and moan about it.
Have you anything to post about yourself or your own experiences or are you only capable of slinging your feces and crying victim?
I ended my victim hood by dropping the people who taught me to be one in the first place. I let blacks bully me, silence me, and even attack me. Yet all my anger and distrust was aimed at whites because that’s what I was taught. But blacks can’t be r@cist though, cool internet meme like white privilege.
solacesoul
^^^^ Will Rogers once famously said:
“If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: Well this is too much fun!
“I NEVER SAID ANY OF THAT, PERIOD.” Oh, Giancarlo, you forgot again that Google exists? All those quotes are right here, in a thread with only 29 comments (almost all off-topic, of course) – June 15, 2015:
http://www.queerty.com/the-most-common-and-ridiculous-gay-myths-debunked-20150615
The most likely “c hat room” for you is apparently a Chubby Chaser room.
It’s Sentra all over again. Your co-workers at Sentra must find you very entertaining, if they’re not afraid you’ll go berserk one day.
Captain Obvious
@solacesoul: All you’re showing is how inarticulate and inept you are when you reply to paragraphs with insulting one liners and no content. When are you going to post about yourself or the article? You clearly have nothing to say therefore you zero in on me but since you also can’t articulate your feelings like an adult you also need to hurl insults at me nonstop in place of any argument or content. In a thread like this that’s really all boiling down to who you personally want to be with there should be no room to argue, but people like you think you own all black people.
I’m not the one in a hole, that’s you, and anyone like you who’s so self centered you think everything is about your skin tone.
LGBTQLMNOP
@Captain Obvious:
where did you see me claim victim? Unlike you I READ every piece of the self hating, white is right, black is bad trash you are speaking. Like you, I have been hurt by black men, the very same black men who were supposed to protect me. But I will never class all black men in the same boat; if I did…what would I be saying about myself? Do you take pride in dating white men as if that makes you better than? LMAO!
As for me and my experiences…I’m a black man who prefers dating someone of my own ethnicity/race. I’ve never dated a white man and don’t plan on dating them even though they approach me more often than black men
Arcamenel
@Captain Obvious: You sound like a right wing conservative in your replies. Your self-loathing is so sad and I hope one day you wake the fuck up. White dick will never be worth all that self-hate.
DarkZephyr
@solacesoul: With all due respect, I have known MANY high quality black men who have been simply interested in men in general despite their race. Sometimes a black man might simply be interested in a man that he likes very much and thinks is a pretty great guy who just happens to be white, so he may pursue him rather zealously because often men DO pursue what they are interested in romantically or sexually rather zealously. Race doesn’t necessarily have to have anything to do with it. Do you find something wrong with Black men or anyone at all being interested in people for who they are and not having racial preferences? I’m just curious, because so far you have been coming across as someone who has nothing but contempt for those who date outside their own race, especially fellow black men. If you could clarify your position, I would be grateful. I have dated White, Black, Native, Arabian and Latino men and not because I have any specific fetish for any of them, but because they are men. I have a sexual orientation, but not a racial preference.
I suppose if I had any specific preferences I would say that I love men with dark hair. Dark brown or black, but I am certainly not a slave to those preferences and don’t pass up on a great or attractive guy because his hair isn’t dark brown or black. And that is about as far as I go, preference-wise. My beloved fiance has fairly fair hair and I think he is one of the most amazing people in the world and hot as hell. <3
DarkZephyr
@Arcamenel: you are still disgusting, I see. No shock there.
Arcamenel
@DarkZephyr: Thanks!???
Arcamenel
Those question marks should have been hearts but mobile sucks.
DarkZephyr
@Arcamenel: Awww, you love me! <3 <3 <3
solacesoul
@DarkZephyr: I have no qualms with black men or men of color who date outside their own color, race or ethnicity with no real racial preferences. I do, however, harbor contempt for those who do so while EXCLUDING those from their own color, race or ethnicity. There is a Trumpian huuuuuuuge difference between the two. Also, keep in mind, that some black men may simply say they are “open to all races”, but secretly harbor a preference for non-black men or simply find ways, whether consciously or unconsciously, to exclude black men from consideration.
I am speaking for myself here, but as someone who knows literally thousands of gay, bisexual and sex-flexible men of color all over the world, I can confidently state this position is shared with the majority of those that I know.
Frankly, I don’t see how you interpreted my position as contempt for all of those who men of color who date interracially. But this should clarify it and leave no more doubt for you.
DarkZephyr
@solacesoul:
“Also, keep in mind, that some black men may simply say they are “open to all races”, but secretly harbor a preference for non-black men or simply find ways, whether consciously or unconsciously, to exclude black men from consideration.”
I guess the best we can do there is take people at their word since we can’t read minds.
“Frankly, I don’t see how you interpreted my position as contempt for all of those who men of color who date interracially. But this should clarify it and leave no more doubt for you.”
I think it was probably the reaming you keep giving Captain Obvious. I thank you for the clarification. You did erase all doubt for me. 🙂
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: Off the wall… that’s what you should change your username to. I just said I wasn’t into chubby guys. I didn’t say anything about Americans, period. You really are a sicko… and I think perhaps you are dangerous. Someone needs to remove you from this site, permanently.
Where are the administrators?
By the way, keep it up with the veiled threats. One day you may be answering to the authorities for that. Threatening my livelihood shows how much of a mental basketcase you really are. Considered yourself warned.
onthemark
Queerty, please ban Giancarlo85 for literally daily violations of the Queerty comment policy: innumerable, endlessly off-topic comment threads (like this one), and hateful, vicious, nasty, ad hominem attacks on other posters.
@Giancarlo85: Hey, you keep saying you’re going to “ignore” me. Your English is perfect, so is there something about the “ignore” concept you don’t get?
You still seem unclear on that “Google” concept too. Everything you write here is available on Google forever. If you don’t like that, maybe you should stop writing hateful, vicious, nasty stuff here. Stuff your employer – Sentra or some future employer – might read sometime. You are now stuck with that forever. Pointing out this fact is not a “threat.” You did all this to yourself.
Also, you told us you were looking for a new job. Did you forget that already, too? Is there something wrong with your memory? Your brain seems to be fried. 🙂
Giancarlo85
And yet he continues with more veiled threats. This is why he should be permanently banned from this site. I am talking about more than just simply deleting an account. I am talking about a permanent IP ban. Making threats towards members is malicious and disgusting… borderline criminal.
I’m not writing anything hateful, vicious or nasty. You don’t even know if I’m using my real name lol. Why would I do that on here?
You are very vicious and nasty. You are a deplorable person who only wants to hurt others. You will fail every single time.
Giancarlo85
You think my brain is fried? Look in the mirror please. You admitted on here you use drugs and have done so in the past. I never have. You are a nobody to me. Your threats will go nowhere asides landing you in hot water. I’ve seen the way you threaten other members on here who dare to cross you.
You are a sick person… very sick!
Giancarlo85
You know what?
Go ahead and type 20 paragraphs like you always do.
Here is a shovel.
Keep digging. You won’t be able to get out.
I’m done with this shit. You will NOT threaten me. Period.
ButtStuff
@Giancarlo85: I guarantee that you have been flagged more times than any member in this sites entire history. I also bet the authors are sick to death of you fucking up every thread. Just pack your shit and get out.
Blackceo
Oh boy…once I saw the topic of this thread, read through the whispers, and saw the number of comments that it wouldn’t take long before it drifted into an abyss of foolishness. There were some very good comments though; more than I thought. I will say that I appreciate Queerty even delving into intersectionality in terms of being both Black and gay. It is very layered. For me, my race defines me more than my sexual orientation.
Reading through some of the whispers I feel very fortunate I never went through a phase of thinking of myself as being of the “lowest of desirables” based on my race and being made to feel that way because of rejection from White guys. I have always been equal opportunity when it came to sex, but in terms of relationships I’ve always had a preference for men of color so I wasn’t checking for White guys like that because the few times I did try to really date one their ignorance to so much when it comes to race issues just ruined it. So I wasn’t checking for them to be possible life partners. I agree that Black guys who exclusively do not date Black guys have some self hate issues going on. WTF is that about? And don’t tell me it’s about physical attractiveness because Black men come in all shades and looks so I’m not trying to hear that.
@Captain Obvious:
Really? You don’t think white privilege exists? Really?!!!!! You don’t think light skinned privilege exists? As a light skinned person I often see the privilege I have over my darker skinned friends and darker skinned people in general. Also, it’s not just displayed in the behaviors of Whites, but also people of color who harbor a lot of the same stereotypes that White people do. I’m really going to need you to take a Black Studies course or something because I can’t believe you don’t think this exists. I am really just flabbergasted by that and it’s actually one of the more upsetting things I’ve ever read from someone on here. I expect a certain level of ignorance from some of these other motherfuckers on here but you not believing that such privilege exists hurts my heart and my brain.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: And you’re not being threatened. Your complaint is with Google and not with me. It’s not a “threat” merely to point out that you’ve bragged here about working for Sentra Energy, and providing a link to it after you FORGOT that you ever told us. You were so freaked out that you left Queerty. (For 3 whole days.) Well, you came back, but you can’t complain if someone remembers that you work for Sentra when you told us you work for Sentra.
And nice try on that “real name” stuff. If you’re suddenly afraid of how your employer will react to the awful stuff you write here, obviously you ARE using your real name here.
It’s not a “threat” if someone makes exact quotes of awful stuff you wrote here, and then you whine “there’s no link,” and then someone else provides the link – because it’s so easy to do on Google – and you still freak out.
You are the one breaking the rules here. And you are the one with the 20 paragraphs in 3 separate posts every time! (although that’s not against any rules, it’s just hypocritical and ridiculous). You’re always accusing everyone of stuff you do yourself. Hey, you probably do more drugs than I ever did, you just won’t admit it. You can’t even remember stuff you wrote yourself less than 5 months ago.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: Lol. And this guy is still at it. Big mistake. I am not freaked out or afraid of anything… Or else I wouldn’t be posting here at all. And no, it is funny how you bring up this company and claim you aren’t threatening me. Looks like your kind won out in Houston.
By the way, I changed jobs so your threats are useless. I’m not even with that company anymore (not as of three weeks ago). Keep your empty chest pounding to yourself. You can wonder why nobody ever offers you a reply.
@ButtStuff: And you are just a homophobic bigot. I just found out who you are.
http://www.chathour.com/LilFatMan
You are the one who needs to GTFO. You don’t come in here and demand members just leave. Go back to that dumb c*h*a*troom.
Giancarlo85
And if I was so afraid of the EMPTY threats of a well known right wing r*a*c*i*s*t, I certainly wouldn’t be posting here at all. What a loser.
1EqualityUSA
The centerpiece flower arrangement is so tall, it’s difficult to see the dinner guests. DarkZephyr, I can’t see you through all the foliage, but I like what I hear. Let’s raise our glasses to tenderness.
blond guy
The only reason that black men complain about Grindr and other apps is because it’s a hook up site !!, men are in there to meet other men to have sex , and if they don’t like because you are ugly , or because they are NOT attracted to you ….. just deal with it !!!!!
NOT amount of complain that gay black men do online about being refused n rejected by white men will change a white man’s mind, preferences or what he is attracted to when he is horny !!!,,,,
It’s so ignorant to complain because some people don’t want to have sex with you .
Btw: why do you need an specific group of people to like you or desire you sexually. ???
In stead of being complaining YOU black gay men should date another black guy like yourself and stop “crying”