Well, it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for (no, not Mark Foley release from rehab): Ted Haggard‘s embarking on his official, Evangelically-blessed “sexual counseling”.
The disgraced pastor’s trying to force the homo-demon from the pure, meth-laden playground that is his soul in hopes of regaining proper place in heaven.
Unfortunately for Haggard, there are no guarantees (nor, we imagine, is there money back).
As Focus on the Family VP H.B. London says:
“I see success approximately 50 percent of the time…Guys just wear out and they can no longer subject themselves to the process.”
Or, they can’t take pain of so-called religious repression any longer. Sheesh.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
And, do you think Focus on the Family President, James Dobson’s too busy to provide a quote?
Jean Meiring
Utterly bizarre.
So, what, they’re going to subject the poor rev to aversion therapy? Get Peter LaBarbera to haul his apparently prodigious collection of pornography Colorado-wards and apply a sharp, searing shock to Haggard’s nethers each time he shows a flicker of, ahem, interest.
Who said the Middle Ages were past?
Actually, I feel really sorry for him. Poor lost soul caged up like wee little Hansel at the mercy of the nasty witch.
Can’t the A Team of the Village People be recruited to go and free him – to the tune of ‘I will survive’ or something similarly motivating?
Your country must have a law against this. It’s, like, like torture …
Wolf
Considering his Anti-Homosexual stance in the past he deserves FAR worse. Personally I would pu him on the Corner of Christopher Street and Sheridan Square chained to the fence in the park across from The Monster wearing a snadwich board apologizing to the gay community for his hypocoscy and years of bashing.
IMO he’s getting off far too easy.
ron
Make sure there is a strategically placed hole in the back of that board.
Hephaestion
I’m quite certain that James Dobson is a closet case, too. The man who co-founded Focus on the Family with him as much as said so.
Ain’t no place more “queeny” than a gathering of evangelical ministers.
jane
He’d be better off to try to kick his irrational belief in a supreme being.
Ridwah
It’s the power and the money that’s important to him. He just has to disappear for a while, then emerge as a “cured man”. His flock is going to eat that crap up and go right back to throwing their paychecks at him. The worst part is that he’s going to convince so many people that we can be fixed if we wanted.
Whatev
you left out the best part!
From All Headline article:
‘London says, “From the Christian perspective, we think in terms of prayer, we think in terms of what we call godly counsel, where godly men who are clean themselves insert themselves in the life of the one who is struggling.”
He added, “I’m sure there will be those who lay their hands on Pastor Haggard as an act of faith, calling on the act of God to restore and heal…The prayer can be therapeutic, the laying on of hands can be ceremonial.”
With all the inserting and touching, sounds like Haggard gets his orgy after all…
Pastor Ted
You can keep up with the excuses I, and others, come up with at my Excuse of the Day site.
Peter LeCornu
‘London says, “From the Christian perspective, we think in terms of prayer, we think in terms of what we call godly counsel, where godly men who are clean themselves insert themselves in the life of the one who is struggling.”
I know. If you just substitute “ass” for “life” in the last part of that, you’d think they were going to restrain him and then gang bang him straight. I’m sure they’ve considered all wacky therapy modalities short of a hot lead enema.
Actually it does involve “rebuke” from Godly men, and that’s just another word for Humiliation. Dobson had to withdraw because he tends to get hard when getting emotional in a good rebuke. When they aren’t paying for it, this is the closest to gay dirty talk evangelical leaders get. The other two elite godly men are sticking it out mostly to see if this freak show will help their standing in the Church, and if it doesn’t they can write their own books about it.