Happy Endings: Nick Lachey’s Quarterback

• The American Family Association says this past weekend’s muscle-fest, Mr. Gay International, was “designed to get homosexuals together for sexual activities.” We must have missed the contest’s mandatory orgy competition.

• Queer jock Boi from Troy raises the possibility that a USC football player might be responsible for splitting up America’s most annoying couple, Nick and Jessica. And the quarterback isn’t tackling Jessica.

• Over 1,000 brave Croats come out of the closet by having their names printed in the local rag! Well, first names only.

• UNICEF bombs the hell out of the Smurfs’s gay village in a new ad aimed at raising funds. Our thoughts are with Vanity smurf’s partner.

• A gay priest speaks out against the Vatican’s upcoming ban on gays and (surprise, surprise!) reveals not all men of the queer cloth are dirty little sluts!