Happy Endings: The Day Madge and JT Gave Us Candy

• Are you a fan of Madonna? Do you love Justin Timberlake? Well, you’re sorta in luck, because someone leaked exactly seventeen seconds of their new, collaborative single, “Candy Shop”. The world will either never be the same or keep spinning as scheduled. It’s a toss up.

• 37% of Americans support gay marriage. 55% thoroughly opposed. Not coincidentally, that’s the same percentage of Americans who believe masturbation leads to hairy palms.

• Vests, v-necks and very handsome men. Ah, yes, another night of Good Times. And Twerking’s got the pics.

• Ford’s anti-gay about face seems to be working.

• South African students from seven universities confer on homophobia.

• Meth rates going down. Cocaine, poppers, booze still as popular as ever.

• FBI proves what we knew all along: Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is a liar, liar. No word on whether his pants – and career – will be on fire, fire.

• Claire Danes has nipples!!

• Did Brazilian Evangelical pastor Ademir Kreutzfeld try to sabotage a gay-friendly paper? It sure looks that way.

• A desperate message from plastic bags.