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Douche of the Week

Homphobic VA Delegate Bob Marshall Bashes MD Gov in Op-Ed

Each week, Queerty picks one blowhard, hypocrite, airhead, sanctimonious prick or other enemy of all that is queer to be the Douche of the Week. Have a nominee for DOTW? E-mail it to us at holla@queerty.com.

 

This week’s douche is Bob Marshall. Who, you ask? He’s the author of an op-ed published in the Baltimore Sun on Monday. We contemplated calling out the Sun for even publishing it, but First Amendment rights and all. Instead we’ll just go right for the jugular and tell Mr. Bob Marshall what a straight-up vinegar-and-water douche he is.

In his piece, Marshall—a member of the Virginia House of Delegates and self-proclaimed “Catholic legislator”— takes issue with  Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley, who wrote a letter to the Baltimore Archbishop Edwin O’Brien suggesting O’Brien not get involved in the state’s gay-marriage debate. (The missive was a response to a letter O’Brien had originally written O’Malley.) In his letter, O’Malley, a Catholic, basically tells O’Brien to keep his big sacrament-giving yap shut about civil marriages:

“I do not presume, nor would I ever presume as Governor, to question or infringe upon your freedom to define, to preach about and to administer the sacraments of the Roman Catholic Church. But on the public issue of granting equal civil marital rights to same-sex couples, you and I disagree… As Governor I am sworn to uphold the law without partiality or prejudice. I have concluded that discriminating against individuals based on their sexual orientation in the context of civil marital rights is unjust.”

Marshall doesn’t quote even one sentence of O’Mally’s letter, though he does cite the First and Fourteenth Amendment plenty. He’s apparently never heard of the term “separation of Church and State,” because he suggests “Governor O’Malley think twice before he checks his faith at the door of the governor’s mansion.” Good one, Marshall. Good one.

The latest DOTW continues to blab about how unnatural homosexuals are, writing:

Sexual orientation is not limited to same- or complementary-sex attractions but includes attractions to children, prostitutes, multiple wives (polygamy) dead persons (necrophilia), animals, inanimate objects, and others that could not be printed in the Baltimore Sun out of deference to readers.

Deference to readers? You just brought up screwing children, pets and corpses—what’s left?

Marshall blathers on about how Thomas Jefferson knew in 1776 that homosexuality was a felony and therefore blah blah blah. Nothing has changed since 1776, so Douchbag Marshall has a serious point there: We’re still at war with England, women are still the property of men, blacks are still enslaved… right? Oh, wait.

Oddly Marshall also cautions the Guv that England’s Henry VIII tried to change marriage and became the pope of his own church. You mean the Church of England, a 25 million-strong denomination with thriving parishes all over the world? He kind of lost us with that one.

Marshall’s opinion piece is a poorly parsed pack of lies with no place in the Baltimore Sun or any reputable new outlet and we’re calling him out.

All together now: “What a douche!”

By:           Tanner Efinger
On:           Aug 19, 2011
Tagged: , , , ,
  • 29 Comments
    • EdWoody
      EdWoody

      I wonder though, when you write pieces like this, however correct they may be, who reads them exactly? Is it just for the entertainment of the bitches here, or do you send them out to the people in question? Do you just rely on social media to get the word out and hope it eventually finds its way? Or would you be prepared to send it to him directly?

      Aug 19, 2011 at 2:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mike in Asheville
      Mike in Asheville

      NOTE TO TANNER: While I fully agree with your sentiment that this awful bigot is so deserving of the label of “douche” (I guess that does not insult douche manufacturers and users?), you do have a fatal flaw of logic: the First Amendment REQUIRES that GOVERNMENT not infringe on the right of free speech and a free press.

      Individuals, newspapers, media are free to hold and express independent opinions, including taking the Baltimore Sun to task for printing a homophobic bigoted rant of a vile sack of shit like Bob Marshall.

      Aug 19, 2011 at 3:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • n00b
      n00b

      “Sexual orientation is not limited to same- or complementary-sex attractions but includes attractions to children, prostitutes, multiple wives (polygamy) dead persons (necrophilia), animals, inanimate objects, and others that could not be printed in the Baltimore Sun out of deference to readers.”

      Lol what about the opposite sex?

      Aug 19, 2011 at 3:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • randy
      randy

      It’s good that these idiots show their true colors. If these are their best arguments, and they look ludicrous, than alls the better for us.

      Aug 19, 2011 at 4:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • slanty
      slanty

      @randy: People who are anti-equal rights don’t have any good arguments, and most of them understand that the arguments are just a screen for keeping down the minority.

      Aug 19, 2011 at 4:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • till the world ends
      till the world ends

      @n00b: LOL I just laughed out loud at that one! what about them. He is upset no gay person is attracted to him. Someone needs to hit up him just for kicks.

      Aug 19, 2011 at 4:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jim
      Jim

      @n00b: I’m assuming that’s what he meant by “complementary-sex”. Though it’s interesting that they always lump those things together without any evidence or citation. They state this as fact. Who says this? Is this something you just ‘feel?’ Is it something your church says? Some organization? It’s bullshit and he knows it. If it wasn’t, they’d cite some authority like the American Psychological Association.

      Aug 19, 2011 at 4:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • GayGOP
      GayGOP

      Bob Marshall, representing the most conservative areas of the Washington Suburbs, is a bit of a joke. He also wanted to restore DADT, at least in the Virginia National Guard. This man is a constant blatherer of hateful spite against anyone and everyone with whom he disagrees.

      Let us not forget that Virginia’s staunchly social conservative Governor, Bob McDonnell, has slapped back at Marshall for being offensive and idiotic on gays and abortion.

      I think we should probably start ignoring Bob Marshall, like we should ignore the Westboro folks.

      Aug 19, 2011 at 5:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tom
      Tom

      He was also in the news recently for complaining about the Federal Reserve Bank of Richmond flying the Pride flag this past June. Queerty should really look further at his record.

      Aug 19, 2011 at 8:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tim
      Tim

      certified douche-bag!

      Aug 20, 2011 at 3:19 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • baizhias
      baizhias

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      Aug 20, 2011 at 4:16 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Robert in NYC
      Robert in NYC

      Polygamy, really? It’s not condemned in the old testament apparently. I wonder what he has to say about Warren Jeffs who was recently sentened to life in prison for polygamy and sexual abuse against under age women?

      Queerty, again, check your facts. The Chuch of England has more than 77 million members worldwide, not 25.

      Aug 20, 2011 at 8:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Robert in NYC
      Robert in NYC

      Polygamy, really? It’s not condemned in the old testament apparently. I wonder what he has to say about Warren Jeffs who was recently sentened to life in prison for polygamy and sexual abuse against under age women?

      Queerty, again, check your facts. The Church of England has more than 77 million members worldwide, not 25.

      Aug 20, 2011 at 8:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jude
      Jude

      I applaud Robert in NYC’s approach of citing the Bible. I agree with Tanner in that this country has changed since 1776 and what I like so much about Robert in NYC’s approach is that he points out that Christianity has also changed since 1776 — not to mention since the time the Bible was originally written. I believe that this is what we really need to point out to anti-gay Christians if we want to begin winning this debate with them. It might be a long road, but I think it is worth pursuing because so much of the anti-gay sentiment in the US is based on Christianity.

      I believe that, if the American GLBTQ community really wants to make progress toward opening the minds of anti-gay Christian Americans, like Bob Marshall, the focus should be on a dialog within the mindset of these anti-gay individuals: religion. While I think that citing legislation and the American Psychological Association are valid points, most anti-gay Christians would not agree that these sources are authorities on GLBTQ issues. Since so many Americans use Christian theology to justify anti-gay sentiments, I suggest that it is time that advocates for GLBTQ equality become well-educated about Christian theology regarding GLBTQ issues in the US and start pointing out the flaws in the anti-gay theological arguments to the point where anti-gay Christians see no other option but to question the source of their discrimination.

      For example, if I were engaged in a personal discussion with “Catholic” Bob Marshall, I would use my own Catholic background to my advantage. I would start by reminding him that, although his church does not condone homosexuality, paragraph 2358 of his own church’s catechism will tell him that being gay is not a choice, that his church expects him to treat gays with “respect, compassion, and sensitivity” and that his church tells him that “every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided.” Might not turn him into an ally, but many of his fellow conservative Catholic who have been depending on him to help them justify their own anti-gay sentiments by religion would certainly be left with something to think about there. Admittedly, I cannot guarantee that this process would not ultimately turn them into anti-gay atheists, instead of respectful, compassionate, and sensitive Catholics. Nevertheless, at least it would push them to having to figure out how to justify anti-gay sentiments by something more than the cliche, “Because God says so.”

      Aug 20, 2011 at 12:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mary Waterton
      Mary Waterton

      So Bob Marshall is the homophobic douche bag of the week, huh? Well guess what? God hates the homosexual lifestyle. That makes Him a homophobe too. Bob is in pretty good company.

      Jesus said that it would be like Sodom & Gomorrah in the Last Days before His return:

      “Know this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts.”

      (2-Peter 3:3)

      The homosexuals will enjoy their perversion for a period of time, but then

      “The Son of Man (Jesus) shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do INIQUITY; and shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.” (Matthew 13:41-42)

      Aug 20, 2011 at 4:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Joseph R Yungk
      Joseph R Yungk

      I called Mr. Marshall-his cell phone is listed in his web page–google it.

      He kept repeating dogma rather than democracy.

      I asked if he ever once considered the other side and the feelings attached to it. He has not. He never once considered the idea of a state imposed religious standard forbidding the documentation of love. He never considered what it is like to be told by the government church or family that one can not ever have sex or a romantically involved partner nor the slurs that one has to endure based on the church teachings.

      This is the problem: politicians and others with no consideration for others.

      They need to know what it is like. I started with my parents in describing this. Let’s hope you have more luck than I have.

      Aug 20, 2011 at 5:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Joseph R Yungk
      Joseph R Yungk

      I called Mr. Marshall-his cell phone is listed in his web page–google it.

      He kept repeating dogma rather than democracy.

      I asked if he ever once considered the other side and the feelings attached to it. He has not. He never once considered the effect on others from the idea of a state imposed religious standard forbidding the documentation of love. He never considered what it is like to be told by the government church or family that one can not ever have sex or a romantically involved partner nor the slurs that one has to endure based on the church teachings.

      This is the problem: politicians and others with no consideration for others.

      People against homosexuality show a steadfast narcissism toward others not like them. It is time they know what this is like. I started with my parents in describing this. Let’s hope you have more luck than I have.

      Aug 20, 2011 at 5:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • randy
      randy

      Well, then, Mary Waterton, you should be very happy that the gays are fulfilling Jesus’s prediction. Without us, there is no second coming!

      You’re welcome!

      Aug 20, 2011 at 8:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the crustybastard
      the crustybastard

      @Mary Waterton:

      If your God is determined to punish us, it doesn’t require your assistance.

      So fuck off and mind your own business.

      Aug 20, 2011 at 8:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mav
      Mav

      @Mary Waterton:

      What about Jonathan and David, or Ruth and Naomi? You’ve obviously never read the ENTIRE Bible. There is a different between loving homosexual relationships and the rape/orgies/idol worship of Sodom and Gomorrah.

      As for the Biblical verses denouncing homosexuals, the Bible must be taken in historical context and it must be remembered that the Bible was written by men – not God, not angels, just ordinary men. The Bible also denounces eating shellfish, rabbits or pork; wearing two different kinds of fibers together; adultery (punishable by death); and having sex with a menstrating woman (punishable by death). Other parts of the Bible call on Christians to kill pagans or stone their disobedient sons to death. Do most people follow any of these Biblical laws? NO.

      Don’t cherry-pick the Bible.

      “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Matthew 7:3

      Aug 20, 2011 at 10:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mav
      Mav

      There is probably a special circle of hell reserved for pious liars and so-called “righteous judges” who use their scriptures as weapons against the meek and innocent.

      And you wanna preach about terrorism. Driving the youngest members of your congregations to kill themselves in shame…THAT is terrorism.

      Aug 20, 2011 at 11:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Z
      Z

      Jefferson was actually liberal for his time; the typical position seemed to be sodomy = death

      Aug 20, 2011 at 11:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Nick Thiwerspoon
      Nick Thiwerspoon

      What a tool.

      Aug 21, 2011 at 8:39 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • nineinchnail
      nineinchnail

      @Mary Waterton: Funny that, the word gay or same sex doesnt appearconce in that shitty comic book you call the bible. Stupid cow!!!!

      Aug 21, 2011 at 1:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • nineinchnail
      nineinchnail

      And another thing, what the fuck are you doing here? Closet rug muncher with difficulty coming to terms with your own issues. Fuck off you stupid cu-t!!!

      Aug 21, 2011 at 1:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • WillBFair
      WillBFair

      @Mary Waterton: The usual fundamentalist, self serving interpretation.
      Sodom and Gomorrah were cursed for bad hospitality.
      Fundamentalists have cherry picked the bible for their cruel purposes for centuries, while ignoring scripture’s nonstop demands for mercey and fairness for the oppressed.
      Back under your bridge, troll.

      Aug 21, 2011 at 5:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • WillBFair
      WillBFair

      @Mav: Excellent job. If I had noticed your response to that creep, I wouldn’t have bothered writing one myself. Thanks.

      Aug 21, 2011 at 5:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • xander
      xander

      BobMarshall’s a ‘crazy busy guy': he’s the same poor sod who claimed that God takes vengeance on women who’ve had abortions by making their subsequent children disabled. He’s been attempting to pass a bill for the Commonwealth to create a new currency in case the $ goes belly up and the Federal Reserve implodes…

      So essentially, he’s behind the times on social issues and fiscal ones, too.

      Aug 21, 2011 at 9:29 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jiaxueas
      jiaxueas

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      Aug 22, 2011 at 4:32 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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