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While a sad case both sides hurt on this one, one person contracted HIV and another is in jail. I understand the fear of telling someone you are HIV positive, fear of losing relationship, lost love, but it is better to tell your partner or prospective sexual partner, FB, that you are positive as this protects both of you. I have a very firm rule in place for the people i play with which is “no glove no love”, however that is not a cure all. Only honesty is for a situation such as this and its hard on both sides.
@Raquel Santiago: said….
While a sad case both sides hurt on this one, one person contracted HIV and another is in jail.”
Yes, but lets not forget that one is in jail because he knew he was HIV Positive, did not tell his boyfriend, and did not take any precautions, basically purposely infecting him.
“I would have been cool with his HIV status if he had been honest. I don’t have an issue with the disease. I would have known how to protect myself.”
Well, he DID KNOW how to protect himself. He just chose to engage in unprotected sex anyway.
Poor i feel bad 4 him
But either way his inbred
Ass kinda hot and i would
Totally still fuck his white trash
Ass W/a condom of course why let
His ass [SOME PUN INTENDED] go 2 waste
I wish the guy my best. It is a good thing that he has caught it early. He is not the first guy to trust the wrong person. Personally I assume that everyone is positive and always use safer sex with partners. Even if you and a partner go and test negative (the new home test is my best friend) together you still must trust that he won’t cheat, or will wear a rubber when he is cheating. Sad to sad this boys but you can only trust yourself when it comes to this. MEN LIE ABOUT SEX!
@oilburner: yea he does have that country boy thing going for him.
Well sadly, many negative gay men, young and old, don’t know crap about HIV other than “use and condom” and “drug addicts have AIDS”
TOO MANY guys practice “you’re neg, me too, forget the rubbers” and then take risks on the assumption that those “results” are 1) not a lie and 2) up to date 3) weren’t a “false negative” because of window period.
If someone shot a load up your ass last month don’t tell me that your HIV test two months ago was negative and that’s “it’s okay, I’m neg too, so we can ditch the rubbers.”
Always, always, always assume that your partner is HIV+. Lots of people don’t know their status (many choose not to know on purpose), lots of people lie, and lots of people just plain don’t give a damn. While it is totally crap that someone who knew their status failed to inform their partner it is also total crap their their partner failed to take the necessary precautions to protect themselves. Remember that today’s HIV test is only valid for as long as you don’t risk any future exposure – once that risk has been taken those test results aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on. AIDS is NOT a manageable illness – current meds have greatly improvied treatment, care and longevity but unfortunately have also provided a false sense of security for too many people – HIV/AIDS, even with meds, can be deadly.
A simple analogy to the HIV-infected person who does not disclose his status to a sexual partner is illustrative. If a person with a loaded gun points that gun at another person and pulls the trigger, who is more at fault? Is the person who shot the gun (i.e. the HIV-positive person) at fault? Or, is the person who was shot (the HIV-negative person) at fault for not wearing a bullet-proof vest?
Taking Uncle P at his word, I’m really sorry for him that he was infected and that his partner was not truthful with him. But, HIV criminalization statutes are not the answer. Consistent condom use is.
Criminalization statutes are so easily abused by jilted ex-partners since it’s very difficult to prove that a HIV-status disclosure was ever made between consenting sex partners. Most people don’t get even their most long term intimate partners to sign releases or videotape consents before the have sex, which is the kind of proof that you need to demonstrate conclusively that you made a disclosure. The criminalization statutes also create an incentive not to get tested because, if you don’t know your status, you haven’t failed to disclose anything.
The same criminalization statutes could very well be used by the authorities (who are too often not friends of the LGBT community) to prosecute Uncle Poodle if some future sex partner of his states that he was not told of Uncle P’s status.
@ncman: you do not know enough about their relationship to make a comment like that.
This is such a sad story. HIV is such a big problem in the gay community and it amazes me how little regard most gays have on the issue.
The criminal who infected him is only serving FIVE years in jail for willfully infecting him with an incurable and lethal illness? The criminal penalty for an HIV-positive person who has sex with someone without a condom or has sex without someone without telling the victim that he or she is infected should be life in prison in solitary confinement without the possibility of parole. We will never end this pandemic until every single infected person is held to a simple standard – he or she cannot ever pass the virus to another person. There needs to be a zero tolerance policy on this. If you ever hear of someone infected who has sex with another person without a condom or without disclosing his or her status, please report the crime immediately to the police (and yes it is a crime).
There are no easy answers. No one knows the pain & rejection poz guys go through everyday, on top of living with the disease, unless they are one of us. The ONLY way of protecting yourself fully is to not have recreational sex with guys you are not in a committed monogamous relationship with. I got HIV at 36 years old. From a 23 year old who said he was negative. The condom broke. Turned out he had been recently infected & didn’t know yet. I got a really bad deal as I had practiced safe sex my whole life. SO, don’t judge everyone with the disease as a barebacking drug addict. It doesn’t discriminate. And bad things happen to good people everyday.
How does he know that he’s definitely HIV pos? It could have been a false positive. False positives are common.
In any case, why are we so concerned about this “reality” show actor. I don’t care about him. There’s more important things to care about.
While I feel bad for Uncle P, I also hate that he revealed this, considering the show he is on. People who watch this show are already ignorant enough – most of them already think everyone who is gay is carrying HIV and trying to infect everyone else. Revealing this information does little to further AIDS awareness and a lot to hurt the gay community.
Damn. Sorry about that. You most definitely got a bad deal. I was in a relationship with someone who i found out to be positive later on. He was also very contagious like this guys ex due to not taking care of himself. I remember the day I seroconverted. I was soo sick. Everyone who’s positive knows that day. I didn’t realize at the time what it was though. A month later I went and got tested and wholla..positive. So that’s how I know it’s him since we were monogamous. I blamed myself though and not him for a long time and still do.
@DB: OMG, you are so totally right…like for sure…let’s gather the 1.7 million people who are known infected in the US, and ask them if they are having sex..and if they are, lets totally lock them up…then let’s like totally force everyone to take an HIV test to make sure they are negative…and then those who are found to be HIV positive, let’s ask them if they are having sex, and if they are, let’s lock them up also….We’ll have to find a special jail for the babies and children who are HIV positive because one day, they will be having sex too and we DON’T want that happening..
Then the disease will totally disappear!!!
BY THE WAY, I AM BEING FACETIOUS BECAUSE YOUR COMMENT IS EXCRUCIATINGLY IGNORANT!!!
Condoms are always the best source of protection (besides abstinence), but getting testing regularly and starting treatment if you are positive SIGNIFICANTLY lowers the chances of spreading the virus. Criminalization spreads stigma and fear of getting tested, rather than encouraging those infected to seek treatment and take care of themselves and their partners. Be safe and smart, and take care of yourself and others.
The way I operate is — date someone. Begin dating exclusively. Get tested after you are both out of any “window period”, then ditch the condoms.
This whole “men lie about sex!” thing undermines those of us that CAN keep it in our pants. Why use condoms with the person that you are swearing to be loyal to and be with forever? If I was going to live under the belief of “always assume your PARTNER is HIV+” – then why have one in the first place? Might as well just bang the world. The assumption my “partner” is going to become HIV+ (after going through what I described in the first paragraph – invalidates the relationship to me in the first place.
I say kill the guy if he knew. Yep, kill him. The only thing a person has is their word. And with something so important, there is absolutely NO excuse to not disclose.
@mike07042: That’s why the burden of proof is on the state to prove that the infected partner knew or should have known his status beyond the shadow of a reasonable doubt. It’s not easy to do, and I’m not sure I buy the argument that these statutes could be abused. Also, the mere fact that a law could be abused is not really an answer to the question of why it should not exist.
@jwrappaport. I’m not persuaded. The “beyond a reasonable doubt” burden to show that the accused person knows he has HIV is not the troublesome part to me. What’s troubling is that , if the DA can show knowledge of HIV status, the burden shifts to the accused person to prove that he or she made a disclosure of their status to their partner. Not usually the sort of conversation that people keep copious records of and, therefore, a virtually impossible burden to meet. Because of this and the other reasons listed in my previous comment, criminalization laws unfairly stigmatize the positive and LGBT communities.
Lambda Legal and the Center for HIV Law and Policy give more lucid and detailed discussions on their web pages concerning why HIV criminalization laws are bad policy. I assume that you disagree with those as well?
@mike07042: Not exactly. When the DA shows that the defendant knew or should have known his status, it does not shift the burden of persuasion to the defendant (that always rests on the state/plaintiff), it merely creates what’s called a rebuttable presumption that a jury may (or may not) infer to be true in the absence of contrary evidence. The next step would be for the defendant to testify that he told the other party. In the event that it’s one person’s word against the other, the state/plaintiff loses.
I’ve not read much about HIV criminalization laws, but I’ll have to check them out. I imagine the same issues arise in jurisdictions that recognize the tort of spreading any STD when you knew or should have known you were infected: lots of jilted lovers end up abusing the system to simply vex the other party.
I should have written more clearly. I meant originally to say that I didn’t buy the argument that wrongful convictions are a problem, not that vexatious litigation is. Although, I admit I haven’t really read much on the subject and am open to factual counterarguments.
AID’s is a probable death sentence. Regardless of how innocent may have contracted the disease, It is a federal crime to knowingly or unknowingly infect another. Many of us have seen death by the virus. It is harsh, unrelenting, causes great pain, both physical and mental, and takes a normal guy and turns them into a gaunt, hollow eyed ghost. I came of age in San Francisco in 1979. I stayed there until 1984, and by then had seen 100’s die. Any one who makes the claim today that, “I contracted the disease unknowingly,’ is a liar. No gay man born since 1970 can claim he does not know of the horror of the HIVirus.
There is one way alone to avoid contracting the virus, and ending this killer from with in our community. NO sex w/o condoms, ever. Follow all the precautions, and avoid risk taking behaviors. If you can not bring yourself to wear a condom, then avoid anal sex at the cost of your life. We tend to blame so many others for this, yet we know what we need to do, we have for 35 plus years……and yet the gay community continues to die for a completely avoidable disease. Why?
I’m HIV Positive and this is EXACTLy why I don’t have sex anymore ever with anyone. All it takes is some jerk who is pissed off at me to claim I never told him of my status and it’s my word against his. Unless I have an e-mail of an f’ing contract I can;t prove this person knew and since those of us who are HIV Positive are vilified I’m guilty until proven innocent. Not worth it.
@DaturazChild: Oh and let’s not forget the bug chasers.
@tidalpool: Young gay men think they are invincible. HIV Positive people are scared they will never be loved or have sex again if they are honest. It’s a deadly combination. I am HIV + but abstinent. I have a friend years ago who was accused of not telling his bf and charges were brought against him. The BF knew but when my friend broke up with him, this was his way of getting back at him. It never went anywhere because there was too much proof that the bf knew but good GOD what a hassle.
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