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How To Treat Your Faggot: An Owner’s Manual

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Ann Coulter and Isaiah Washington may want to take note of Josh Kilmer-Purcell‘s new column in Out. Fed up with the miscommunication and inappropriate faggot flinging, the homo-journo’s penned an uproarious satire on the ins and outs of befriending bent boys (extreme example pictured).

One of the most common mistakes, Kilmer-Purcell says, stems – um – straight from sissy salutations:

…Common in some areas of our great nation is the greeting “You dirty little faggot.” This is especially vexing for your fags. They are, after all, a very meticulous species and will begin to self-loathe if their hygiene is called into question. Same with “motherfucking faggot.” Given his unnaturally close relationship with his domineering mother, you can understand why this might be considered inappropriate.

Always appropriate is the greeting “You goddamn fucking faggot.” Even your savviest fag cannot dispute that God does, in fact, damn fags and that all they ever do is fuck, occasionally breaking to cut your hair.

Follow these simple suggestions, and you and your faggot can have a long, loving relationship.

If not, you’ll have a ‘mo mutiny on your hands. And you really, really don’t want that. Faggots may seem like docile creatures, but those bitches fight dirty. We’re talking fists, claws and, quite possibly, some skin searing hair remover. You’ve been warned…

By:           Andrew Belonksy
On:           Mar 6, 2007
Tagged: , , ,

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