Former lesbians, or “hasbians,” are women who used to date other women but now only date men. Hasbians are different from lesbians, we’re told by Details magazine, because they are no longer attracted to other women. We’re also told there’s a particular appeal, among heterosexual men, to date these hasbians, or at least “that the reason modern men are more ably attracting hasbians is that modern men are, quite simply, offering these women something close to what they had before.” Which begs the question: Can this work the other way? Can men, who used to date other men but somehow flipped the switch and now only date women, find “something close to what they had before” in today’s women?
RomanHans
> “[M]odern men are, quite simply, offering [hasbians]
> something close to what they had before.”
A whole lotta chocolate and cats?
Robert
Nice photo!!
Too bad its from the movie “The Bubble” and has nothing to do with this post…..
RomanHans
And where’s the disclaimer saying the folks in the photo aren’t the ones described the story? I’d totally phone my lawyer if you called me a “modern man.”
Sam
I find this whole thing so fascinating. Why is it that when a woman dates only women for a long period, then starts dating men, that we’re fine with it, but if a man does the same thing in reverse, we think he’s delusional. I mean, I actually feel the same way. I have a close friend who only dated women for nine YEARS and is now married to a man, and I don’t question it, but a gay guy I know who’s suddenly dating a woman just seems like a freak to me.
Why IS that?
$0.02
Side note, sooo may straight men and women are so desperate. Umm, there’s this thing called bisexuality. Yes, that does exist and is not a myth. Besides I know, as well as many of my friends, so called “hasbiens” who have, after years of dating men, all of a sudden found their way back to women. Things that make you go, hmmmmm.
What this guy and so many others fail to understand is that bisexuality is the name of the game. Bisexuality is when a male or female has the ability to love some one who is either the same or opposite sex. Someone please introduce that concept to this idiot and others like them. Though I don’t think they will be able to understand as their IQ’s are so low…
Now carry on…
Cam
Um, the idea behind this article doesn’t make sense. Straight men are attracted to women…therefore whether or not she used to sleep with women is irrelevent to whether or not the Straight men are attracted to them physically. Gay men aren’t physically attracted to women so the comparison falls apart there. As for the poster above (No. 5 · $0.02 ) who says “Bisexuality is the name of the game” etc… and then gets mad and defensive while stating that “Yes Bisexuality DOES exist”…what you need to realize is that Gay and Straight both exist too. If somebody isn’t “Bi” telling them how wonderful being “Bi” is meaningless but then again you would rather be bitchy and insult people than deal with that reality now wouldn’t you?
Herb
$0.02 certainly has a chip on his/her shoulder.
While bisexuality may occur and people may “[have] the ability to love some one who is either the same or opposite sex,” is an irrefutable fact, I believe what is at question here is innate orientation, in which case men prefer one sex over the other and women don’t seem to be as hardwired.
McShane
The fact is tha female sexuality is a whole different kettle of fish than male sexuality. Simone deBiouvoir may have been right in the assump[tion that all females are bisexual and the switch given traditional female’s loseness of moral standards, leaves these so called hasbeins, picking a caretaker over the occasional bit of pussy. After all, as Simone claims, females respond to what hits the right spots the right ways, and of course to power, not to appearances, like men.
I can’t imagine gay men picking deisal dykes, even if they had dildoes strapped on that they had to pay for . Some masculine gay men can fuck passive women, because ids has some similarity to gay bottoms. But why?That’s carrying assimilation to a ridiculous point.
romeo
I have absolutely no interest in people like this, of either sex. Whether they’re bi or gay and conflicted enough to try to go straight, they’re always going to lay a superiority trip on us. Seen it many times. Also seen them come back into the fold looking sheepish. Whatever. I come to Queerty to not have to think about such shit.
romeo
And the answer to Queerty queery above is – NO. Most of us have been there at some point and we know that it’s just not there. It’s called being gay. If it is there, then you’re bi.
Lady Ga-Gasp
I think lipstick lesbians are hot. And butch dykes are like the way I always wished my parents would be — assertive, but with a big old heart.
As for semi-lesbians, they annoy me deeply. I think its because these days the lesbian side of the semi is most likely an entitlement pose, a trendy stance that has as much to do with sexuality as Glen Beck’s pimply ass.
merkin
This is a gay blog, so lets be frank here– MOST of these so-called “hasbians” were never gay to begin with. They identified as lesbians for political or emotional reasons in college and weren’t grossed out by women, but ultimately went back to being straight when they realized they wanted a husband and kids. We all know some Lesbians Until Graduation that went past getting their diploma.
There are also likely some genuinely bi girls who again, went for a guy when they realized they wanted a more mainstream life. To say these women are “suddenly” finding something close to what they had before is both insulting and laughable. Its not talking about their feelings or going shopping that lesbians enjoy about women–its their bodies and their essences, something even the most awesome man can’t provide.
As for gay men who go straight–they’re either still gay and in denial, were never gay to begin with, or bisexual and enjoy different things from men and women. No one eats meatloaf and expects a similar sensation to what they get from ice cream.
Ian
@Herb: I am in complete agreement with your statement “Men prefer one sex over the other and women don’t seem to be as hardwired” as I’ve met a number of bi-guys who didn’t come out as gay later on over the years, and every single one of them always had actual relationships with women but only wanted to get their occasional rocks off with other guys as a sexual thrill.
I too believe that true bisexuality only really exists in women, as men are more hardwired for attraction to one sex over the other, and male bi’s will predominantly only have relationships with women and sex only with other men.
Bianca
Romeo, you don’t like me? (sad)
Although I think of myself as straight, I’ve had sex with women, actually since I was a girl (with girls at the time, not women)but I was always attracted to boys too, probably more. I’m talking about sex, not “love”. I only had real crushes and fell in love with men. I never thought there was anything wrong with that.
Don’t know what to say about it or about Bisexual men because I’m not a man but I do think people have a right to experiment without being judged too harshly.
Jai
“I too believe that true bisexuality only really exists in women.”
Oh man, what a load of horse shit.
Lukas P.
In studies done almost entirely in the US, Canada and Northern Europe, research indicates that women are more likely in their lifetime than men to have a sexual experience with more than one same-sex partner. Women are more likely to go “back and forth” between men and women as they age then are men. Once men have sex with a man [and especially more than one man] they don’t often swing back into breederville.
That seems obvious, I grant you that, but research doesn’t always confirm what our gut tells us.
Whether that fluidity is a function of culture, upbringing, biology, or something else is an open question, and various people who study this stuff — like me — have pet theories, but we still can’t tease out all variables. I’d add that funding for those studies is very hard to come by, and there aren’t many being conducted. Don’t expect to see much resolution on the issue soon.
Think of it like betting on a football game. If you’re a woman whose male partner leaves you for a man, you’d be better off betting that his next partner will be a male. If you’re a man whose female partner has a history of same-sex relations, you’re not as safe betting on the gender of her next partner. [or the one after that].
Sorry about the academic slant here, but this is a topic I’m interested in. I hope it helps, all the same.
Ian
@Jai: Au contraire, just look at what Lukas P. has to say just before this entry on the subject. As for myself, I have never in my experience come across a man who would be considered a “true” bisexual being capable of going back and forth between relationships with both men and women. I don’t believe that simply exists, men are hardwired sexually for one sex or the other.
The one’s who say they are/might be bisexual are almost always:
1.) The occasional ‘sensitive’ early-20-something str8 guy who isn’t sure until he sleeps with 1-2 guys then knows for sure he likes women.
2.) The gay man who is coming out of the closet and being bi is a stepping stone to full acceptance.
3.) Like the character Nino in Mambo Italiano, a man who marries a woman to convince himself he’s heterosexual but has frequent or occasional, but regularly reoccuring, dalliances with other men on the sly to fulfill his natural urges.
4.) A true narcissist who does have sex with both women and men, but both are out of them being attracted to him, and the sex is all about feeding his ego, which is the one thing he is really attracted to, himself alone.
Nowhere in the above you will notice are there men who do actually go back and forth in both emotional as well as sexual relationships with both women and men, as I do not believe bisexuality exists in men as they are hardwired to be attracted to one sex alone, only women seem to be capable of achieving any sense of true bisexuality in my opinion.
iphimedia
God, what a bunch of biphobic bullshit. Why is $.02 a bitch for stating what she/he sees as the truth? Are black people bitchy for claiming the right to define what and how they call themselves–how they want to label themselves? Negro, Afro-American, African American? I bet you all believe in the right of people of color to identify and label themselves, right? How about people with disabilities–they should decide how to define and call themselves, right? But not bisexual people. We may have been attracted to men and women, in varying degrees and amounts all their lives, we were born this way just as you were born with attractions to only one sex, but we still can’t be accepted simply on our own say-so. What about lesbians who have fucked men, been married to men, even are still married to men but go to lesbian events and are accepted as long as they call themselves lesbians? Why don’t they get the third degree? There’s no trust, there’s no acceptance, of bisexuals, and we have no right to define ourselves. We face a quiz–make that interrogatio–when we walk into a gay environment and say we’re bi. How many men have you slept with? How many women? For how long? Why? How long did it last? Guess what–it’s not who you fuck that’s important, it’s who you love, who you’re attracted to. I know in my bones who and what I am, just at some point you did–whether you were nine, or 13 or 21 or 40. I am bisexual. It’s who I am. It’s my identity, no matter if I’ve acted on it, or hidden it from myself or others. I was born and will die with the ability to desire and fall in love with men and women, one at a time, and be faithful in any relationship I enter. I’m not confused, though you may be ignorant. I’m not in transition. I’m not promiscuous. I am interested in threesomes. I don’t hanker after “straight privilege”–oh, no–I mean, why would I, with the loving support and acceptance I get by gays and lesbians? Why would I statistically end up with a straight or bi man when lesbians often won’t date me and there’s more straight and bi men put together than lesbians and bi women? Don’t tell me there’s no gay men who haven’t dated or married women for appearances; when a bi man does it, he’s secretly gay, or egotistical, or lying, he can’t just be scared, or just be cheating on the woman he once loved. It’s pretty funny to me that in the so-called LGBBBBBBT (that B is usually forgotten, for example, in most so-called LGBT newspaper titles and the names of LGBBBBBT community centers) that is demanding equality and equal rights, and talks so much about its suffering and oppression, and the need to be able to redefine and legitimate other-than-straight sexualities and nontraditional forms of family–all this, and lesbians and gays STILL need to have one last prejudice: bis. What is it about us not fitting into one category or the other that threatens you so much? Have you imbibed the dominant culture’s values so much, have you become so conservative, so untrusting and unable to take people at their word, that shades of gray scare you that much? Do we really have to enter into a “suffering competion and prove that we’ve been “oppressed enough?” Are sex acts what defines you as a whole person? We don’t exist, and yet you demand our money and our support. If we stand up for ourselves, simply stating we exist and that our orientation is real and we are not going anywhere, we are whining and bitching. You claim we don’t exist, you refuse to respect our right to define and recognize our own orientation, the so-called “LGBT” community centers offer no meaningful support or programming for us that we haven’t created ourselves(the way LG centers have programming for youth, elders, transgendered people, people with HIV/AIDS, etc.), gay pubs offer no coverage of the special issues we face. If we show up at a gay event with our oppoosite sex partner, we often lose our gay or lesbian friends. But if we want to join your cliques, groups and centers, we pay and we’re expected to march for rights and values you want (though you never the consult the nonexistent bi community). If we don’t do this, we’re not “true allies” and this proves your stereotypes that all along we were really closet straights. How do you prove your orientation? How do I know you’re not all closeted straights who are just rebelling against social mores? Prove to me your dykes and fags. You’re all so rigid, threatened, ugly and unconscious when you talk about bis you could work for the religious right. Check out http://www.bicafe.com. Mostly men on there-but they must all be liars, cowards, experimenters, young (def. not true!), narcissists, cheaters, lying, lazy, cowardly, disease-spreaders, unfaithful.
schlukitz
Who hasn’t heard;
Do unto other’s as you would have them do unto to you
or the Native American saying;
Walk a mile another man’s moccasins before you criticize him
We live in a world of personalities, Allowing someone to be who they are and not making their problem yours is a key to your peace of mind. The time used to criticize anyone else would be better applied with self improvement.
Anthony in Nashville
@Bianca:
How can you think of yourself as straight if you’re having sex with someone of the same gender?
Bianca
No.20 Anthony , the truth is that I just don’t think of myself in labels. I don’t give a shite if others label me, though. I do whatever pleases me. I guess I “mostly” think of myself as straight because I do prefer men over women most of the time and the two times I’ve been in love was with men. Doesn’t matter to me though if people think I’m straight or Bi.
Because I’ve never had a problem being sexual with women or men, I never felt there was something strange or abnormal about it. It just is. It’s jusr me. It’s just another kind of sex.
Rowen
@iphimedia: I’m being serious here, but your post will be MUCH easier to read if you make paragraph breaks.
Here’s the thing, and it’s NOT pretty. Yes, a good chunk of the gay community is very bi phobic, for many reasons. Many of us have claimed to be bi at some point, and it IS one possible stepping stone in the coming out process. Many of us have also dated or slept with that person who claims to be bi, but is actually messed up. So, we move on with our lives and then, one day, we’re organizing a pride event, or whatever, and there’s someone on the panel, or at the event, who’s bi, and brings along their opposite sex spouse. There’s gonna be some people who are cool with it, and there’s gonna be some people who aren’t. Let’s say it’s a marriage rally or event. Everyone is fighting for the right to marry someone they love, and here comes someone who actually DID do that, only they did it because they fell in love with someone of the opposite sex. Yeah, there’s gonna be resentment, and possibly some outright hostility.
At this point, I don’t know what to do about that situation.
Rowen
@Lukas P.: I had a friend, who was a bisexual woman, who had a theory. Of course, she was a liberal arts major and this was in college, so this isn’t a scientific study, but she was a smart observant woman, so . . . anyway.
Her theory was that women express desire and want different things then men, and have different social expectations thrust on them. So, for women, you can be straight, or bi, or a sloppy drunk and be emotionally and sexually satisfied with woman, without having to take on the label of “lesbian.” She called this the “Ya-Ya” space, and would talk about all the girls who have really good friends that they share space, clothes, beds, and even make out sometimes (when drunk, or not), and have that emotional and sexual need fulfilled.
Men, on the other hand, don’t make out with their guy friends when drunk, nor do they spend the night curled up in the same bed, and our sexual needs tend to be more “I want to get off!!!” Thus, we don’t have that close space of physical friendship, and that, combined with society’s pressure to not be a “fence-sitter” leads more men, even if they’re bi, to come out as gay.
T
This is absolute proof that being gay is a choice. And being you choose to be gay, you think queers should have hate crime protection, adoption rights, right to marry…