If you stumbled into your childhood bully on the street, what would you say? Would you pop ’em a sharp left hook to the jaw, or would a withering look suffice? Running through Sunday at The Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington, “Look Into My Eyes” asks a handful of gay men, lesbians, and transgendered people to stare down their young nemeses as adults.
“The narratives are powerful, tragic, and beautiful at the same time,” says photographer Abby Davis Harris (who stopped strangers on the street to find participants.) “Some people have since found compassion for their bully; others simply can’t let go.”
Below are six black-and-white photos from the series, along with the stories behind them…
“When I look into my bully’s eyes, I want to say ‘Thank You.’ I was bullied daily, walking to school, at school, on the way home. It was constant. I had to learn to stand up for myself at an early age. It made me tough.” –Javier, New York
“I grew up in the ’60s and ’70s, paying attention to feminism and protesting the Vietnam War. This wasn’t popular in my town. I challenged the norm. The redneck I remember taunted me every time he saw me in the hall, with insults and rude comments like ‘Dyke!’ or ‘Freak!'” – Carol Queen, Oregon
“I remember a middle school boy on the bus who sat behind me every day. He’d lean over the seat and ask, ‘What’s wrong with your voice? You sound like a girl.’ I see this as a gift. I’m proud of who I am today, especially considering the harassment I endured as a kid.” –Carl, Vancouver
“Here’s what I have to say to my older brother: You told me I was fat, ugly, and, worst of all, that you couldn’t imagine anyone ever wanting to be with me. Those words hurt then, they hurt now, and you’ve left your mark. Know this: There is a light in me that shines bright. I am beautiful.” –Siddhartha, Chicago
“When I look into the eyes of my bully, I’m looking into the eyes of the people that can’t handle my truth. Today, I refuse to be anything but myself. These are the eyes of a warrior, not a victim.” – Haddy, Vancouver
“I remember the high school varsity guys knocking me down in the locker room shower. One of them started to piss on me. They all joined in. I looked up at the first guy and said, ‘I didn’t know you cared.’ They stopped. They were stunned. It takes a lot of energy to give someone so much hatred. Where does that energy come from?” –Robert, California
Michel Filion
Happened to me… he crossed the street when he saw that I had grown much bigger and stronger than him…
Robert Zakem
Well considering that I’m likely smarter, more successful, in better shape, and generally happier in my life…wouldn’t phase me a bit.
K Raye Pearson
He’s dead, so I;m good
Sam Oropeza
I don’t know, I wouldn’t care either.
SebX
My primary school bully now leads a mediocre life, with a dead-end job and no prospect to progress porfessionally. He made fun of me because I was a fat, gay nerd and he was the athlete of our class. Now he’s fat and a failed football player, and I’m the healthiest and fittest I’ve ever been working in a world-renowned university doing what I love.
Our own success is the best revenge. 🙂
Dakotahgeo
@SebX: I couldn’t be happier for you. Fortunately or unfortunately, all the bullies I encountered in my Jr. and Sr. High days are… dead! Two from burning up in their vehicles while smoking and dead drunk, two by suicide, and one drug-crazed idiot who stood in front of a fast moving train, deliriously thinking he could stop it! I don’t pity them one bit, sorry!
Atrius
It happened to me at he grocery store. It’s the guy who as a kid choked me on the playground pushing in my Adam’s apple till it popped inward and held me like that till I nearly passed out. I remember hind face SO distinctly. It’s burned into my memory from that day in second grade. When I saw him again I was both panicky and angry. My life at school was hell starting in second grade, and his actions helped began a very long series of abuse that I suffered at the hands of bullies just like him. He could have killed me with what he did. He was certainly one of the first to have killed me inside. Because of what they for all those years today I still, at 45, live with anxiety disorders. Bullies Must Be Stopped.
Atrius
@Atrius: his not hind grrrrr
Glücklich
As a counterpart to the final anecdote (which is truly shocking in its cruelty), the subject asks where the energy for hatred comes from. Not to minimize or dismiss anyone’s experience and speaking for myself, it takes as much energy to give wrongs and those who committed them thought.
I have better things to do with my energy and brain space than recall or give a thought to my school bullies. I don’t even want to devote that energy to wishing them ill or caring what they’re up to. I used to but it’s such a waste of my valuable time.
As SebX wrote, “Our own success is the best revenge.”
sportyguy1983
Never was bullied. I don’t give much thought or energy to those who have wronged me. There are much better things to think about.
Desert Boy
Never had a bully. But, if I had one and ran into him as an adult, I would probably kick his ass.
Masc Pride
As if there isn’t already enough self-victimization in this community. Let’s ask random gays for sob stories about people who called them a few names decades ago!
Bauhaus
@Masc Pride:
“…sob stories about people who called them a few names decades ago!”
That’s hardly what bullying is, and you know it, but you were probably one of the losers doing the name-calling. Right?
Masc Pride
@Bauhaus: Then three of these stories don’t belong here because Carol, Carl and Siddhartha are all describing name-calling. Yes, I did call some people names in school. Apparently, you’re still doing it:
“but you were probably one of the losers doing the name-calling. Right?
If I ran into anyone who wanted to confront me about it years later, I would totally act like I don’t remember them (even if I do).
Bob LaBlah
I’ve moved back home after a thirty-eight year hiatus and laugh long and hard at those who have spent just as many years in and out of prison for meth related crimes. I laugh even harder at the little whores who encouraged those bastards who chased me home and “stomp his ass so far in the ground so he won’t come up till spring” ( I didn’t stop crying about that till I was in my thirties because in elementary/junior high school I really felt closed to her near two hundred pound ass).
I meant what I vowed forty-five years ago to myself: I am going to piss on a helluva lot of graves before I die. I began with with her ol’ Tammie Wynette wannabe looking ass mother. Damn that felt good.
Dakotahgeo
@Bob LaBlah: ROFLMBO! GOOD FOR YOU! I’M ALMOST ENVIOUS BUT I PREFER TO PISS ON MY ENEMY’S HOUSE AS IT BURNS TO THE GROUND AND ALL THE DOORS AND WINDOWS ARE NAILED SHUT!
Esteban1971
With the words, “Yes, I’d like fries with that.”
rand503
I was bullied, called a fag, a femme, and every other name. Lots of people would look at me in disgust, call me names, and generally torment me. Yes, it hurt, but I learned to hide it. But that’s not healthy, as I learned.
I wasn’t physically bullied too much — the occasional push into lockers was about it. Mostly it was psychological bullying.
I met some of these people again at my high school reunion. They just avoided me, and didn’t say a word. Many of them turned out quite successful in life. Married with kids, even jobs on Wall Street. But I turned out well, an attorney in Washington DC, so they couldn’t exactly feel superior to me.
Most of the people, including the girls, who treated me with distain in school actually were pretty nice to me during the reunion. We all realize that we were immature back then. And even if we aren’t exactly best friends today, we can certainly be friendly for one evening. The jerks who ignored me obviously never matured, and I’m fine with that.
I’m 53 now, and those days are long gone. I don’t give them any space in my head, and focus on my own life. Should I happen to meet anyone of them now, I would be polite but distant, and that’s about it. I would not show any interest in their life at all.
Glücklich
I can’t imagine anyone NOT wanting to be with Siddhartha. Those eyes. Full sensual lips. That face. Veeerrrry sexy.
Bauhaus
@Masc Pride:
Figures.
europeanguy
funny story: i was harrassed by this one bully in my primary school.. now lets just state that this primary school (elementary school for you americans) was a church of england primary school just because i think this contributed to this situation happening. he bulled me alot all the way through primary school and also in high school until a changed high schools due to an unrelated chronic illness. however the funny part of this story is he turns out now (im in college now…about 18 if that helps americans imagine what stage this is) to be gay. yep. he was also humongously fat then lost all the weight and i walked past him the street and had to do a double take. for some reason he doesnt acknowledged my presence. I believe looking back now he may have had a crush on me but not understood what he was feeling so instead lashed out at it…looking back now it was kind of obvious he was gay. i think the time in primary school when we learned sowing (for some reason) and he decided to mince down the benches during an asembly twirling the bag to show it off was a big clue. recently he went to a local pub with his boyfriend… he is totally out of the closet now and better off for it…he stopped being a bully, has friends now and is now a healthy weight… a really good turn around. i wish him all the luck despite the bullying
ShiroiOji
You know, Junior High and High School were hell for me, between being both gay and a complete geek. I couldn’t walk down a hallway without hearing the word “FAGGOT!” screamed at least once. I had to fight for my own safety on a somewhat regular basis until sophomore year; luckily for me, I took Kempo classes, and in general, I could hold my own. Now, with social media, it’s amazing to find out what people think nowadays. So many people who were downright cruel have these “memories” of their friendship with me. Friendships that they have invented, mind you, as I remember their taunts well. Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t change what I went through; it helped me become the person I am today, and I LOVE who I am now. One of the worst of the bullies even showed up to my mother’s funeral, which was WEIRD. I’ll be honest, it was somewhat of a disappointment that no one says anything awful now, as I’m of course prepared and capable of dealing with that sort of thing. Hell, they don’t even make fun of me for being a cosplayer…
Tommysole
I was a freak in a world of freaks.
The high school I attended was a last stopping place for those that had been expelled, tossed out, kicked out and shunned from every other school.
My reason for being there?
Beating the bullies into the pavement and making a mockery of the athletic dept. and most of the jocks that tried to beat me. Yes I lost a few but in the end, I came out on top.
I Saw a bully a few years back on my last trip to my home state. He was broke, panhandling, had meth mouth, and looked like death on a platter. I just chuckled and walked away.
Karma is true Bitch.