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In Bed With the Leffews: So, Do They Have an Open Marriage Or What?

Curiously absent from “Pillow Talk, with Jay and Bryan”? Their kids! Because this is adult time, where we finally stop talking about children, YouTube feuds, and AIDS — and get to the screwing.

For a web series called Gay Family Values, we sort of love that topics up for discussion are: monogamy, domination, and scoping out other dudes.

And so you don’t have to sit through all sixteen minutes: no, they haven’t always been faithful to each other (but that depends on what your definition of “faithful” is, zing!). And BTW, Bryan (he’s on the left) was the first guy to top Jay. Hot.

The video comes just in time for the Leffews’ YouTube nemisis Davey Wavey posting his own thoughts on monogamy: “Despite my straying thoughts and wandering eyes, I entered a series of ill-fated monogamous relationships during my younger years at university. Time and time again, I aspired to be something that I was not. And time and time again, I’d find myself unable and unwilling to hold up my end of the bargain. … Despite my straying thoughts and wandering eyes, I entered a series of ill-fated monogamous relationships during my younger years at university. Time and time again, I aspired to be something that I was not. And time and time again, I’d find myself unable and unwilling to hold up my end of the bargain.”

By:           editor editor
On:           Mar 24, 2010
Tagged: , , , , ,

  • 35 Comments
    • terrwill
      terrwill

      Sorry: If you are in a legitimate relationship there are, and always only can be two penises involved. That sucks, these guys portray themselves as the perfect Gay couple. And they are out poking other dudes?? Did you ever think that maybe your kids friends or your kids for that matter will view the vlogs?? Did anyone ever let you guys in on the little secret those internets can be viewed by anyone???

      Sure Maggot Gallaher would love to start showing those little nuggets to her minions………..

      Mar 24, 2010 at 3:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fitz
      Fitz

      I don’t know why you douches are so enamored with these fun-duh-mentalists.

      Mar 24, 2010 at 3:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Disgusted American
      Disgusted American

      Hey Fitz…ever hear that saying – if you dont have something nice to say…..then dont say it.
      I barely have anything in common with them, except being gay…but I wish I woulda had role models like them growing up….they are an inspiration to any young gay person growing up/who dreams of meeting someone/settling down and having a family…..whats wrong with that? Jay and Bryan are AWSOME!

      Mar 24, 2010 at 4:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • The Artist
      The Artist

      Once again do we really care who’s zooming who? PEACELUVNBWILD!

      Mar 24, 2010 at 4:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill
      terrwill

      .

      Mar 24, 2010 at 4:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill
      terrwill

      Sorry: If you are in a legitimate relationship there are, and always only can be two penises involved. That sucks, these guys portray themselves as the perfect Gay couple. And they are out poking other dudes?? Did you ever think that maybe your kids friends or your kids for that matter will view the vlogs?? Did anyone ever let you guys in on the little secret those internets can be viewed by anyone???

      Sure Maggot Gallaher would love to start showing those little nuggets to her minions………..

      Mar 24, 2010 at 4:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill
      terrwill

      Am getting censored again! Sorry guys. You put youselves out there as a “model couple” Nice guys, nice kids. Then you post that there have been other guys involved…….Big Fail!! Did you ever think that maybe your kids or your kids friends may one day view these vlogs????? Did ‘ya know these internets can be viewed by lots of people?????

      Sure Maggot Gallagher would love to have a film fest featuring your “commited Gay relationship” as the main attraction…..

      Mar 24, 2010 at 4:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jaroslaw
      Jaroslaw

      Whoa Terrwill !!!!! – Anyone listening to Maggie Gallagher already has their head up their ass. Those on the fence ought to know that not many straight relationships are as pure as snow.

      As to their kids viewing this, I highly doubt it. My photo was actually in a new story for a few years and I wanted to send an acquaintance my photo and it was GONE. I looked every kind of different way. Plus I have a hunch these guys are going to be very realistic with their kids and tell ‘em anyhow.

      And again, thinking people know that (A) people make mistakes and (B) Gay people at this time have almost zero support for their relationships. IE straight relationships are supported by laws, rights, tradition, tax breaks, religion and they fail. Why wouldn’t Gay relationships fail more often with NONE of that support?

      Mar 24, 2010 at 4:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill
      terrwill

      @Jaroslaw: We all have our faults and flaws. And every relationship has its ups and downs. However the one thing that makes a relationship real and truly special is knowing that no one else in the entire universe can experience the feel and touch of your other half. Am sorry once one partner strays you basically have a friend with benefits.

      As to Maggot sure her minions are lemming like. Yet why give them more ammo to state: “see all the fags just want to fcuk anything that moves” And “what happens once their children find out???” “fags never should be allowed to adopt children because of this”….on an on……..

      What I was saying is when you put yourselves out there as they have done, one would hope that they are in fact the ideal couple with the adorable kids, I wanted the next vlog to show them all painting the picket fence.. Kinda sorta role models for the Gay community. Then ya go and vlog ’bout straying and it kinda ruins the perfect picture………….Sigh……..

      Mar 24, 2010 at 4:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • David in Houston
      David in Houston

      @terrwill: Had you actually watched the video, it was made very clear that Jay had cheated on Bryan BEFORE children were involved, and BEFORE they had any discussions or made any commitments regarding monogamy. I’m not excusing what Jay did. If my partner of 15 years cheated on me, I don’t think I’d be able to forgive him. However, I know there are a lot of gay couples that have open relationships. They have every right to do that if that’s how they want to live their lives.

      Mar 24, 2010 at 4:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill
      terrwill

      @David in Houston: I realize that, but once again it simply ruins the “happily ever after” they could have kept that vlog in the “do not share” box……….

      Mar 24, 2010 at 5:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Wen
      Wen

      Love the Leffews!

      Mar 24, 2010 at 5:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jack
      Jack

      @terrwill: Quite right, why let reality get in the way of a good story?

      Mar 24, 2010 at 5:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • John Raymond Barker
      John Raymond Barker

      This is a very honest video that in conjunction with their other videos paints a full, honest reality of ANY relationship, gay or straight.

      I think they are a great inspiration.

      Mar 24, 2010 at 6:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Atlanta Joe
      Atlanta Joe

      Sorry to the naysayer(s), but I’m with the Leffews on this one. They’re open, they’re honest, they’ve chosen to work their way through their issues and chosen that their togetherness is more important than their flaws…and I congratulate them for it. They certainly seem to share core values that transcend their differences, and they seem committed to those values. So how dare –or anyone– question the validity of their relationship or commitment. I appreciate their humility in saying we’re not perfect, but we try.

      After 35 not always totally perfect years with my partner, and having raised his bio son jointly from age ten… all I can .see is two guys who deserve the happiness they’ve built for themselves and their family. And to the naysayers, if it doesn’t meet your fantasy definition of what a relationship is or what you want it to be, so be it…but leave these two –well, now actually seven of them– the fuck alone. They’re doing JUST fine, thank you..

      Mar 24, 2010 at 6:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • The Artists
      The Artists

      I have 2 say that I’m very happy 4 these guys, but until we all recognize that we are human, animals. If there is any that a choice about sexuality is how you choose to utilize it, i.e. monogamy is a choice. Spread the word. PEACELUVNBWILD!

      Mar 24, 2010 at 7:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • InscrutableTed
      InscrutableTed

      Your quote from Davey Wavey has the exact same text twice. Do you even give your posts a second read before posting them?

      Mar 24, 2010 at 8:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • creedfellow
      creedfellow

      Hey take your shirts off BOOOOO!

      Also : the guy with the hair, Ryan is it, I dunno I don’t listen really. He could use a new facial expression called “Awake.”

      But they’re cute. They remind of this nerd couple I know. AWWWW.

      Mar 24, 2010 at 9:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • depfox
      depfox

      Ok we were really hoping that Queerty would miss this video…Oh well you got to love Queerty keeping us on our toes.

      Here is the deal we as a family/couple have grown a lot in the last 14 years, that being said, I made a few mistakes in the beginning of our relationship for two reasons.

      1. I never understood what it meant to be gay, My father my friends and people like Maggie Gallagher defined what it meant to be gay for me and it wasnt postive.

      2. I never thought I could be loved by another man the way bryan loves me I always thought that eventually he would get tired of me and move on to greener pastures. So I strayed twice our first year together. I think part of me was hoping to destroy the relationship before I got way too involved and way too hurt.

      The reason why we made this video so honest with out editing, was because there are a lot of people that want to put me and Bryan on a soap box @terrwill we are not perfect or in your words a “model couple” we are not trying to be. We are Nice guys and we do have nice kids. We are trying to show people that gay peoples families are no better and no worse then heterosexual families and that we deserve the same rights and responsibilities. If we can change a few hearts and minds along the way, great.

      As for our kids finding out down the road that their parents are not perfect, I have no problem being honest with my kids I like to think that is one of the ways that gay people can make better parents, by teaching about our mistakes instead of hiding them in the closet.

      Bryan Topping Jay is hot!

      Thanks Queerty that made me smile :O)

      Mar 25, 2010 at 1:20 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jack
      Jack

      @depfox: Keep up the good work, guys! Neither Queerty, nor its anoymous readers, have the right to act as judge and jury of your relationship, so don’t let them bring you down. I’ve been a subscriber to you on YouTube for a long time, and I always enjoy your videos :)

      Mar 25, 2010 at 5:39 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill
      terrwill

      @depfox: I am not hating on you guys at all. Problem is that the perception is that we can not sustain a loving reltionship, and that the Gays can only sustain life if they have multiple partners each and every day. I think its admirable that you have created a loving home for a bunch ‘o kids who might not have found one. My beef is that once you put youselves out there, voulutarily you are unfortunately held to a higher standard. I always smile when I see your vids of the kids. Proves that the Gays can raise kids as well as any hetro couple. By stating you hoped that Queerts missed that video you are somewhat agreeing with my posts. As I said no hating going on, I hope you guys some day have your own show on TLC “Bryan and Jay Minus Hate” By posting a vlog ’bout strayin you added some darker colors to a bright picture………….

      Mar 25, 2010 at 8:20 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bussy
      Bussy

      Depfox. I totally agree with terriwill on this.
      I have made it clear that I do not support same sex marriage. No animus or religion involved but I just don’t buy the idea. This video is just one of the many reasons
      I can’t stand the idea. Marriage is an institution that is supposed to set an example for society. Whether gay or straight, kids or no kids..there are standards I expect all parties to adhere to.
      When two gay married men suggest that their marriage may be open what kind of message are u sending out to people
      Your vlog could be viewed by gay and straight youths..are u telling them its ok to fuck around when ur
      married. Is that ur idea for the alternative family?
      I hear a lot of hypocritical crap from the straight side on marriage but I see just as much bullshit from the gay side. Its funny to me at least the right wings are honest about theirs.

      Mar 25, 2010 at 8:48 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • The Artist
      The Artist

      @Bussy: Why so square. Break out of the box! And spread the word. PEACELUVNBWILD!

      Mar 25, 2010 at 10:18 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jack
      Jack

      @Bussy: Did you actually WATCH the video?! They weren’t married at the time! Jay said it happened twice within the first 2-3 years of their relationship, before they’d discussed being monogamous. They’ve now been together over 14 years. And Jay made it quite clear he DIDN’T feel good about what happened.

      People like you should have your keyboard taken away.

      Mar 25, 2010 at 10:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • gayfamilyvalues
      gayfamilyvalues

      @Jack :O) thanks I was thinking the same about Bussy when I read his comment. “DID YOU EVEN WATCH THE VIDEO” My Husband and I have been friends for 16years, Boyfriends for 2Years, Domestic Partners for 12 Years and now married going on 2Years. I have been monogamouse for 12 years with my partner and I am very happy doing so.

      @Terrwil ”
      Problem is that the perception is that we can not sustain a loving reltionship, and that the Gays can only sustain life if they have multiple partners each and every day” are you kidding me have you seen the state of heterosexual marriage today in America? I have four other siblings the only other one married is a Lesbian sister who has been with her partner for over 19 years. My other siblings cant keep a healthy relationship. I work in Law Enforcement and I can only tell you maybe two officers that are being faithfull to their wifes.

      Read more: http://www.queerty.com/in-bed-with-the-leffews-so-do-they-have-an-open-marriage-or-what-20100324/#ixzz0jIKRj1PR

      Mar 25, 2010 at 10:38 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • RomanHans
      RomanHans

      I agree with Terrwill that it makes gays look bad when gay couples admit they’re non-monogamous. Sure, maybe 10% of straight couples are really monogamous, but in America it’s what you say, not what you do.

      On the other hand, there’s something more important at stake: honesty. When I was a teenager I interviewed Christopher Isherwood. I saw him as a role model in a committed relationship — and surely a difficult one, since he was twice the age of his partner — and I wanted his wisdom on how to make a relationship work.

      He wouldn’t say a WORD. Not a WORD.

      You know, to this day I’m embarrassed by this bullshit. Isherwood acted like he was the first out and proud gay in Hollywood, but ask him for details and he’s like, “Oh, dear, we can’t talk about that.

      I thought, wow. So much for the gay Elder Statesman. So much for out and proud.

      We have ZERO relationship role models, so we’re hearing ZERO about how to establish and maintain a good relationship, warts and all.

      Long story short, thank God for the Leffews. Fuck what the right wing thinks: when somebody says all gays fuck around, mention any straight politician who’s lived within the last two hundred years. What we need are successful relationship role models who speak THE TRUTH — whatever works for them — and I’d grateful somebody’s brave enough to do it.

      Mar 25, 2010 at 11:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • David in Houston
      David in Houston

      @depfox: Hey, Jay. It’s great to hear from you. You actually proved Bussy (and his ilk) wrong when it comes to marriage equality. You and Bryan worked through your (so-called) infidelity and have been together for 14 years. Most heterosexual relationships or marriages don’t last that long. Now you’re raising 2 children (and temporarily 3 additional children). If any couple needs the legal protections that marriage guarantees, that would be you, Bryan and your children.

      Mar 25, 2010 at 12:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jon
      Jon

      You guys crack me up. You’d think that Jay and Bryan were being put up for gay sainthood or something. They should be commended for their honesty. That said, I sit here after 23 years of a committed relationship, not recognized by my government & being asked to walk my sister down the aisle for her freaking FIFTH church marriage. . .The irony really just makes me laugh.

      Mar 25, 2010 at 12:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bussy
      Bussy

      Look you can wawa all u want about straight marriage being a joke. I agree with u. However straight marriage is the norm. Its what people and the government view as normal. You can bitch scream and make all the lists of disruptive and fucked up marriages u want. It does not matter. It does not Change anything.
      Gay marriage is something people are trying to grasp thus u will be under severe scrutiny for as long as we say so. So yes everything u say and do can and will be used against u

      Mar 25, 2010 at 1:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jack
      Jack

      @Bussy: Who the hell do you think you are?!

      Mar 25, 2010 at 3:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jon
      Jon

      @Bussy: Marriage isn’t a joke, it takes two people on two pages to come together through trial, error and a deeper understanding. . .”straight marriage” is offered up as the golden flask, and you all know . .Gay and Straight that it’s bullshit.

      My Family doesn’t co-op some need for some “severe scrutiny” you speak of. . the limitations of society based on fear just doesn’t cut it.

      Who’s marriage is a joke? . I don’t see marriage as a joke for anyone. It’s a legal and moral right that I have been denied socially and legally for no other reason that some religion doesn’t like it. . .and that creepy love thing.

      Mar 25, 2010 at 3:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kel
      Kel

      I admit I’m a “prude” by gay standards but I believe in monogomy. I also don’t want to know who tops who in the relationship. As gays we go on and on about saying we want people to stay out of our bedrooms so why the need to let everyone know whose topping whom? These guys are so attention starved. Go read a book to your kids or watch some TV. No need to broadcast your lives.

      Mar 25, 2010 at 8:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AtlantaJoe
      AtlantaJoe

      @Kel. YouTube is just like old fashioned TV…if you don’t like the program, don’t watch it….but don’t blame the program or others who DO like it because it isn’t to your tastes…go change the channel or use your off button…

      Mar 25, 2010 at 8:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JamesStone
      JamesStone

      Queerity..this article seems to have been written by someone who is a teenager or someone who has never been in a committed relationship. I love the Leffews and I am so happy that they have put their lives out there so people can see a gay family. If you watch their vids you see that they are HONEST and love their kids so much.
      I wish more families were like theirs. This would be a better country if there were more Jays and Bryans out there….

      Mar 25, 2010 at 9:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • KENNY IN SAN ANTONIO
      KENNY IN SAN ANTONIO

      Are they perfect ? no. but then again who is. I find it interesting how people can focus on one part of their lives that happenned early in their relationship. The relationship is their’s to work out. They never did say they were perfect and I doubt anyone straight or gay really is. I do think they do try their best which is all everyone can do. Do we sometimes fail at it ? Yes, we do, but if you really love and cherish someone you try to work it out. Their relationship is their business and no one elses.

      Jul 8, 2012 at 5:32 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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