We’ve heard a lot of ridiculous analogies when it comes to gay sex, but the latest from Father John Riccardo (pictured), a Catholic priest from Detroit, takes the bagel, er, cake.
While speaking earlier this week at a Catholic conference called “Welcoming and Accompanying Our Brothers and Sisters with Same-Sex Attraction” which was aimed at offering gay and lesbian people “skills” to remain celibate, Riccardo compared gay sex to “cramming a piece of bagel in your ear.”
Related: 10 Hysterical Things Conservatives Have Said About Anal Sex
Riccardo was participating in a lecture called “HIV and Other Health Risks Associated with Men Who Have Sex With Men.” During the talk, he said that he’s counseled many junior high students over the years who often ask him why God hates gay people. His response has always been: Because gay sex is unnatural.
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To help illustrate this point, he said he offers students the following analogy: “If I just rip open a bagel. I take it and I cram it in my ear. What would you say? That doesn’t go there! It’ll ruin your ear canal!”
Nah. We’d probably just look at you like you’re crazy. Kinda like we’re doing right now.
Riccardo went on to say that he has a family member with a lesbian daughter, and has advised her not to have sex with other women.
“The goal here isn’t going from being gay to being straight,” Riccardo said. “The goal here is going from not knowing Jesus to knowing Jesus.”
And, of course, to refrain from cramming bagels in your ears.
Related: The Craziest Damn Shiz Conservatives Have Said About Gay People
h/t: Gay Star News
Xzamilio
Spoken like a true sexually repressed virgin… keep your kids away from him.
Jim Seitz
why is this priest spending so much time thinking about gay sex? the church has no credibility on sex anyway; a bunch of celibate guys in dresses determining who should and should not have sex?
JJ24
“The goal here isn’t going from being gay to being straight,” Riccardo said.
So he gets that you can’t change sexual orientation, which would mean your born with it. Doesn’t his bible say god makes everyone? It does in case you don’t know so who is he to say something god made is unnatural? Dude needs to get a clue also the whole it doesn’t go there thing does he not know basic biology aka the prostate? Probably not.
AJ Sarabia
And he knows this because…
Xzamilio
I take that back… I’m sure he’s harmless around kids. Stupid adults on the other hand… something tells me the “bagel” analogy was an experiment gone wrong. In any case, if I want tips on sex, I’m not going to to guy who made a vow never to have any.
James Moya
What a potato. I roll my eyes at people who talk about things they know nothing about. If he wants to describe gay sex, then he should probably have gay sex first. He’s like a blind man trying to describe colors to the world, having never seen them.
Avery Alvarez
He looks like he’s had ALL the bagels crammed in his “ear”
Chris
I guess that to be able to make that analogy, he must have experienced both: gay sex and bagels crammed into his ear. I don’t know about this; but I’d think the whole bagels in the ear thing must be very painful.
Mathew Mercury Jones
Sorry, I’m gluten intolerant.
Brian JC Kneeland
The priest who said that is so ultra-ultra-ultra-conservative that he makes conservatives look like liberals! I learned years ago to just ignore him!
Glücklich
The bagels muffle the nonsense.
AtticusBennett
notice he’s not talking about lesbian sex. he’s only talking about male-male anal sex. there’s a reason for that. this is the reason:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg80CohFIw0
Hector Pagan
Oh shut up closest case priest!!ð??¡ð??¡
Jeffrey Jeannotte
No wonder she’s celibate. Bagels go in your mouth stupid.
Martin RJ
What a MORON.How STUPID could you be…LOL.
Martin RJ
Sand Nierenberg
Believe me he’s a priest he has had gay sex many times probably with young boys no doubt in my mind
William Garner II
Omg haha man bring on the bring on the bagels I do hungry lol
Gigi Gee
STFU you kiddie diddler!
Jerie Ragsac
no, bagel’s too small. try baguette
Daniel Williams
Just take a look at his mug!!!! He has “HOMO” written ALL OVER it!!!!! Like, really queen???!!!
Faye Denton
That is not a nice thing to say.
Jason Peil
I may have to give bagels another try. I don’t remember them being that great but heck if shoving a bagel in my ear is half as good I’ll be down for it.
David G. Abler
He’s doing both things Very wrong
Kangol
Extremely repressed and self-loathing, but incapable of getting psychological help, so this is one of the warped types of individuals you end up with. He probably masturbates with a bagel in his ear!
Cesar Fortun
What?!
I’m gay and I don’t even understand what the f*uck you’re talking about!
Cagnazzo82
Personally I use glazed croissants.
Scott Halleck
and the cream cheese? dont get me started…..
John Smith
I got news for ya, ‘Father’…everything fits perfectly. Almost like it was designed that way –intelligently. 😛
GG
A day without a bagel in one’s ear is like a day without sunshine!
Ron King
Don’t act..we know where you want your bagel crammed..
Todd Kromer
No wonder he is against gay sex, he’s doing it wrong!
jwtraveler
The bizarre ideas that ignorant homophobes have about gay sex are truly hilarious.
Remember the Mexican politician who said that gay people shouldn’t be allowed to get married because they don’t face each other when they have sex.
KerryB
That’s rich! A Catholic priest talking about sex that doesn’t involve little boys.
Craig Shapiro
Crammed,Oh Honey it’s definitely not your ear you need crammed. And from my experience with MEN of the Cloth, babycakes, that ain’t no Bagel hole, ya feel me.
Transiteer
If this is what he thinks gay sex is, then he’s been doing it wrong.
Rikki Van Shelton
What?
Jerry Roland
He’s cute, and my gaydar is screaming!
Damon Robbins
I think its more like putting a sausage in my muffin….LOL
omacdonald
These conservatives focus so much on “gay” sex as “unnatural” but never seem to hold their crusades against heterosexual “unnatural” acts. I do not recall the last time these idiots lectured about hetero oral or anal sex. Honestly, whatever floats someone’s boat as long as everyone is consenting, who gives a crap what is getting stuck where? Idiots.
gaym50ish
I guess that’s why he became a celibate priest — someone told him gay men do it in the ear.
Sluggo2007
Oh, PLEEZE! Tell me he’s not the bitch for all the older priests in his congregation!
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
An act that is, in sheer numbers, overwhelmingly practised in a heterosexual context Is not “gay sex”
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Is it still alright to shove a crucifix up there, Father?
Love Pazuzu
Dan Steele
If the bottom is really good…we tops hope it’s that good 🙂
Ladbrook
He and Aaron Schock would be great together. Too bad they are both self-hating closet cases.
Aside from that… One would think that after decades of failed campaigns against the LGBT community and their own criminal behavior toward children (both of which probably resulting in thousands of suicides and ten of thousands of destroyed lives) that the Catholic Church would focus more on their own inner conflicts (hypocrisy, greed, discrimination, rape-culture) than on loving gay couples within the Catholic “family.” Seriously, I left the Baptist Church at 15 because of this kind of crap… and I wasn’t even out yet, so it just baffles me that ANYONE in the LGBT community would want to remain in the Catholic tradition.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
OT: I wish certain individuals would refrain from spamming their own You Tube videos. It’s bad form.
JessPH
I sent him a private message and told him that I’ll show him how gay sex is actually done . 😉
https://www.facebook.com/FrJohnPodcast
Louis
Another imbecile who gives his religion a bad name another day.
SSDD.
Louis
@KerryB: I agree the irony of that alone is too priceless for words.
A religion well known for pedophilia and child molestation.
Whats that old saying again? Oh yeah now I remember.
Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
Dan Levin
I guess it depends on weather or not your ear has a prostate?
paul dorian lord fredine
actually, it’s more like sticking your dick in the bagel. just don’t forget the cream cheese. can’t help but think he’s tried it, otherwise why use the bagel as an example?
TampaBayTed
I love bagels. I love sex. But not at the same time. Try humping a seedless watermelon if you want to combine sex and food.
Chuck Stevenson
Looks like Father Ignoramus has started a schmear campaign!!!!!!!!!!!! (no smoked salmon, please)
GayEGO
How does Father John Riccardo know what gay sex is like? He must not be telling us the truth about what he does behind closed doors. Perhaps he changes to a “she” and poses as Mother Joanella as she exposes her backside for some penetration, and not by a bagel! :>)
NateOcean
So gay sex is like cramming a bagel in your ear. If by “ear” you mean anus, and if by “bagel” you mean a rock hard bagel say, five to seven inches long, and two inches in diameter. Basically a penis.
avesraggiana
Why’s he so worried about how gay guys do it in bed?
onthemark
The bagel reference is a clue that he’s probably into Jewish guys (besides Jesus of course).
Paul Meade
Well does that apply to heterosexual anal sex also? Or is that illegal too?
LubbockGayMale
Why do those who are supposedly celibate worry about what kind of sex others are getting? Same reason the Fashion Police think they can critique others’ clothes… whatever that reason might be!?!?!?!?
jwtraveler
@Dan Levin: I think it depends on “weather” or not it’s raining men.
jwtraveler
The argument that homosexuality is wrong because gay sex is “unnatural” is particularly ludicrous. After all, we all know that in modern, industrial societies no morally upright Christian engages in any behavior that’s unnatural.
If Christians want to live in a way that is truly natural, they should take off their clothes, quit their jobs, go live in caves, forage for food and rub 2 sticks together to make fire to keep themselves warm in the winter; forgo vaccinations and antibiotics, have natural childbirth and get rid of their fuckin’ cell phones. Then I’ll be willing to listen to them talk about how “unnatural” gay sex is.
DistingueTraces
Gay sex with me is very much like stuffing a bagel in your ear.
(see, I’m implying I have such a large penis that it’s difficult to … oh never mind, this didn’t really work)
guycat
Me thinks the dear Father protests too much! And you know what they say about those who rail against the issue the most! Welcome to the family Father. Bring your bagels with you. Care for a shmear?
hyhybt
The inside of a bagel is reasonably soft, and has lots of air pockets. Probably would make a better sound insulator than cotton.
I don’t expect it would be like sex; all I’m saying is that, when someone like him is speaking nearby, cramming pieces of bagel in your ears would be a perfectly reasonable self defense mechanism.
Billysees
@jwtraveler:
” The bizarre ideas that ignorant homophobes have about gay sex are truly hilarious. Remember the Mexican politician who said that gay people shouldn’t be allowed to get married because they don’t face each other when they have sex. ”
Good one.
I wonder how the anti-gay-sex crowd explains the existence of sex nerves all around and inside the anus? Why are they there? What’s their purpose?
Giancarlo85
Um this is what right wingers think of us! They don’t even consider us human. Why do gay conservatives even exist? Do same gay people hate themselves that much! As far as the bagel reference, I think fanatic knows more than what he is saying. Who knows what he does behind closed doors.
NoCagada
His A-hole probably looks like the hole of a typical bagel