In tribute to all the celebrities still in the closet, Queerty has declared November 2, 2005 National Stay In The Closet Day. For everybody out there who hasn’t noticed, the forces of closetedness have been gathering steam in the United States. You can barely blink your eyes without seeing a lesbian Methodist minister getting defrocked in full public view.

Why not encourage the trend? Every time a closeted celebrity redoubles her determination to stay in, untold hundreds of millions of closed minds get their hermetic seals sealed tighter. Queerty doesn’t mind that so awfully, mainly because whether a homosexual is in the closet or not, he or she is equally homosexual. And though a person can not change their sexuality any more than they can change their IQ, we don’t see anybody spearheading an Ex-Smart movement.

So stay in, stay in, wherever you are! Barry Diller, for his part, has yet to appear on the Madison Avenue sidewalk wearing a Diane von Furstenberg dress, but rumors circulate that Madame von F. is whipping up a little something for Kevin Spacey. By staying in the closet, gay celebrities exacerbate the stigma against us and add to what our red state enemies wish were our total invisibility. We extend to them the most lavender of Sieg Heils!