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Is There Any Reason Not To Date A Porn Star?

Screen Shot 2014-05-14 at 10.50.10 AM

Now that the entire world knows future St. Louis Ram Michael Sam’s boyfriend Vito Cammisano once dated Austin Wilde, Queerty readers are debating the pros and cons of dating adult film performers.

Some say it’s a fantasy come true. Others complain that the conversation threatens to overshadow the smooch seen ’round the world.

Porn star/porn star couples are fairly common. However, other than Marc Jacobs dating Harry Louis, we don’t hear much about these guys coupled with someone outside the profession. They need love just like the rest of us.

So we pose this crucial question to you, Queerty readers: Is There Any Reason A Regular Guy Shouldn’t Date A Porn Star? 

By:           Rob Smith
On:           May 14, 2014
Tagged: , , ,

  • 45 Comments
    • jayj150
      jayj150

      I don’t object to doing porn, but most of today’s gay porn stars seem to also work as prostitutes, and only do porn as a promotional tool, and honestly I don’t think I’d be comfortable dating a prostitute. Again, not for any kind of moral objection, I don’t object to sex work(neither prostitution nor porn), but I’d be under constant fear of getting an STD, so probably no.

      May 14, 2014 at 8:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Billy Budd
      Billy Budd

      I would have a porn star as a lover or fuck buddy, but not as an official boyfriend. I think that things would get complicated. I am favorable to open relationships, totally favorable. But sex workers are not boyfriend material FOR ME. I mean, only for me.

      May 14, 2014 at 8:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
      PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS

      I actually have a FB that I have hooked up with on and off for a while now. He is fairly well known for swinging a huge baseball bat. In his non porn persona he is a real nice guy actually kinda shy. We have tremendous epic sessions that usually end with us falling asleep in each others arms…..

      Not all guys who do porn are the sterotypical drug addled losers. He has asked me a few times to actually take it to the next level. As tempting as it is, when I am in a relationship I can’t even ponder the thought of the guy I love being with another person in any way, shape, or form. I know some guys who are cool with open relationships, and if that is ok with your partner I gots no objection.

      However there is nothing like the knowledge that the person you are with will not be with anyone else in the entire world………

      May 14, 2014 at 8:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Geeker
      Geeker

      The whole doing in front of a camera for money what most “regular” people do in private for love(or at least like)just weirds me out too much to ever date a porn star.

      May 14, 2014 at 8:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MarionPaige
      MarionPaige

      Is there a reason to not date hospital workers? Is it irresponsible to have a fetish for hospital orderlies?

      Are there reasons to not be involved with someone who is having sex with other people?

      Personally, I think there should be a law in New York City preventing these fucking hospital workers from wearing their hospital clothing on the fucking subway. Either that or we should all be allowed to shot them when we see them.

      May 14, 2014 at 8:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MarionPaige
      MarionPaige

      keep in mind that Mitchell the Vampire and George the werewolf BOTH worked as hospital orderlies.

      May 14, 2014 at 8:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Blackceo
      Blackceo

      To each is own but I could not date an adult film star who was still active in the business. Yeah that’s just not happening. I mean there’s no way I’d be able to be cool at the holiday Christmas party chatting it up with the guy whose dick was in my man, or whose ass my man’s dick was in which climaxed in one of the two blowing cum bubbles. Nope…not happening.

      May 14, 2014 at 8:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tookietookie123
      Tookietookie123

      As an 18 year old, I never wanted to hookup with strangers, I never wanted to be in an open relationship. I want a relationship in which the only people we sleep with are each other, not a myriad of men who can potentially have STDs. I know open relationships in the gay community are more popular than in the straight community but is a monogamous relationship really too much to ask for?

      May 14, 2014 at 9:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jppatrick59
      jppatrick59

      It’s all about personal choices and boundaries. I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with being in a relationship with someone who does porn as a profession if your relationship is strong enough to handle it. I can see (for me personally) where jealousy could cause a problem, but again, that is just me. It’s also true that there is the health concerns but aren’t the same risks and the same precautions necessary with anyone you date anymore? (Just my thoughts…)

      May 14, 2014 at 9:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • NG22
      NG22

      @Tookietookie123: I think we gay Millennials tend to value monogamy more than previous gay generations. Even if older gays are monogamous with long-term partners now, that’s not necessary what they were interested in at 18 or 21 or 24. Of course there are lots of hookup apps (that gays of all generations use). But I feel like most gays I know my age like the idea of committed relationships and look forward to marriage down the road.

      I like monogamy, but I’d be open to being monogamish. I just like honest relationships. Don’t fuck someone unprotected, get an STI, and refuse to mention it. For the record, that has not happened. And I hope it never does. Whether you’re with a pornstar or a postal worker, communication is key.

      May 14, 2014 at 9:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • robirob
      robirob

      All relationships are hard and difficult to maintain. All it takes is unconditional love and trust, a ‘I do not care what my neighbors / boss / colleagues / family / friends think, because I found my soulmate’ attitude, compatibility, and neither of them being insecure. But finding that is like winning the lottery.

      May 14, 2014 at 9:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tjr101
      tjr101

      For the sex yeah, and only the sex. But as being in a relationship, no I can’t do it knowing he is going off to work fucking someone else and looking like he’s enjoying it. Then there is that whole STD thing. We’ll never have bb sex with the constant thought of what he maybe bringing home from the job.

      May 14, 2014 at 9:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Billy Budd
      Billy Budd

      On the other hand, I would totally welcome a retired sex worker to be my boyfriend. I only have restrictions against active sex workers.

      May 14, 2014 at 10:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hotboyvb81
      hotboyvb81

      whoops- I almost expressed an opinion on an opinion page….sorry….

      May 14, 2014 at 10:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • fredo777
      fredo777

      I don’t think I’ll ever understand Queerty’s fixation on reporting any sliver of an adult-film related past (direct or indirect as it may be) where neutral or non-adversarial gays are concerned.

      May 14, 2014 at 10:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Manchester
      Manchester

      No thanks. I’ll pass.

      May 14, 2014 at 11:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • marc sfe
      marc sfe

      There are only two people who have any say in this matter and that would be the two people dating. Queerty, it is NONE of your fucking business who dates whom. If two people like each other and want to date, it is no one’s concern but those two people.

      There are too many other important issues going on in the world to stoop to this sort of sensational reporting. Do straight websites go on like you twits do if a man is dating a female porn star or a woman is dating a male pornstar?

      Sheesh – get your heads outta your asses and write about something important.

      May 14, 2014 at 11:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MarionPaige
      MarionPaige

      to paraphrase what Dino de Laurentiis reportedly said when he looked up and saw that his son had brought Meryl Streep into his office to meet him: “He’s not even pretty. Why do you waste my time”.

      May 14, 2014 at 11:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Maozedong
      Maozedong

      I am a regular guy, i want to date a porn star, but porn stars will not date me, i am so sad.

      May 15, 2014 at 1:07 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tony Johnston
      Tony Johnston

      I kinda like my immune system being able to function on its own.

      May 15, 2014 at 1:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • SebX
      SebX

      @Tookietookie123: I’m 33 and I’ve had 4 relationships, and I’d rather be alone for a long time than force myself into an open relationship. That’s why I wouldn’t date a porn star.
      I’m monogamous, and even though it makes me a pariah in the gay community, that’s what makes me happy and don’t see changing that about myself any time soon.

      May 15, 2014 at 1:59 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sejjo
      sejjo

      My spinal cord reflex says “no, I wouldn’t date a pornstar.” Why? Because I want monogamy. Dating a working pornstar will be like being in an open relationship, and while it works for others (on whom I pass no judgment), it’s not something I ever wanted.

      But at the same time, we don’t really choose who we love. I might fall in love with a pornstar and date him, but I will probably try to change him once we’re dating, and because of that, the relationship may fail. I have a mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder, and it would bother me that I am kissing and touching someone who is also regularly touched and kissed by other people. That’s why I don’t do one night stands, you just don’t know where people have been. Not saying it’s right, it’s just me.

      May 15, 2014 at 3:18 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Faulk
      Faulk

      I don’t think thats our business, is it?

      As long they are happy who the f.ck cares, seriously…

      May 15, 2014 at 5:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cobalt Blue
      Cobalt Blue

      How could I be interested in someone that spreads his legs to be burglarized by unknown Johns for money? ( Let apart the rimm*ng thing, s*cking d*cks, etc. )…or worst: Someone that does all this because is in an ” open ” ( LOL ) relationship ( Sorry but if it’s ” open ” it isn’t a real relationship: More a way to use people, to treat them like sh*t. )
      If ” we ” are a real couple my body and yours matters a lot.
      P.S: It isn’t only a body issue, It ‘s a matter of ‘brain': How ‘my’ companion ( The supposed ‘ wh*re ‘ )thinks, drives his life…No way to match f*ck*ry with family values.

      May 15, 2014 at 5:16 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • NumberOne69
      NumberOne69

      I don’t date pornstars, pornstars date me!

      May 15, 2014 at 5:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @NG22: said…

      ” I think we gay Millennials tend to value monogamy more than previous gay generations. Even if older gays are monogamous with long-term partners now, that’s not necessary what they were interested in at 18 or 21 or 24. Of course there are lots of hookup apps (that gays of all generations use). But I feel like most gays I know my age like the idea of committed relationships and look forward to marriage down the road.”
      ____________________________

      Before you break your wrist patting yourself on the back, remember one thing. All of these long term couples that are suing and winning for marriage….Where did they come from? The gay blogs and news mostly didn’t write about them, but they were there. They just apparently were not interesting enough to write about. If you base your judgement on gays on what is written on blogs, then apparently gays are all porn star worshiping Zak Efron Fangurls. Monogamous couples who have been together for ten years apparently make boring subjects to write about compared to a 20 year old blathering on about open relationships and how nobody knows anything if they aren’t “Pansexual”.

      May 15, 2014 at 6:41 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stefano
      Stefano

      @Cam : sometimes i find you annoying but your posts are mostly “à propos” (appropriate).

      May 15, 2014 at 8:33 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MMDD
      MMDD

      @SebX: You’re not a pariah. Tons of other gay men prefer monogamous relationships too. The problem is that unfortunately monogamy isn’t celebrated the way open relationships are in many online gay venues. I’ve been in two relationships, both of which have been monogamous. Granted, the first one was brief, but the second one is still going strong just under twenty years. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

      May 15, 2014 at 8:37 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • NG22
      NG22

      @Cam: I wasn’t saying those who are monogamous are inherently superior to those in open relationships, or vice versa. Different things work for different people. My unscientific observation has more to do with my gay friends who are young and others in my orbit. Not from the Internet or blogs. I do go outside, after all.

      May 15, 2014 at 8:37 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • NG22
      NG22

      @Stefano: Except, of course, he completely misunderstood the point of my post. And while I agree with his response, nothing I said in the first place contradicted it. I just made an observation about the millennial gays that I know.

      May 15, 2014 at 8:42 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kieru
      Kieru

      I don’t see myself dating a porn star anytime soon.

      I’m a big fan of monogamous relationships, because for me sex has an important emotional component. Knowing my partner’s job was to have sex with numerous partners would be too disruptive to that. Beyond my emotional component though – performers are under enormous pressure from their producers, to go bareback or to film more scenes, etc. It only takes one mistake to ruin everyones day.

      I suppose ultimately I don’t think my emotional and physical wellbeing is worth the risk.

      May 15, 2014 at 8:48 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MMDD
      MMDD

      @Cam: Exactly. I’d also like to add that on another forum, I talk very openly (and explicitly) about my sex life with my husband, and I’ve had TONS of guys contact me to tell me how much it turns them on, not just because of the things we do to each other in bed, but also because of the fact that we’re a monogamous gay male couple who are totally committed to each other and still have a hot, steamy sex life even after all these years. Many of these guys tell me they would love to have a guy so in love (and in lust) with them as I am toward my husband. So although we may be a “boring” subject to write about otherwise, there’s absolutely nothing boring about our sex life. Monogamous sex can be HOT, HOT sex.

      May 15, 2014 at 9:02 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mezaien
      Mezaien

      @fredo777: No one I know knows what Queerty, does? but they sure blocked me three time so far for voicing my thought.

      May 15, 2014 at 9:27 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ggreen
      ggreen

      Having sex for money changes a person forever. Once done it cant be undone. Like trying to reclaim virginity. Ive dated 2 porn performers and one full time escort. All felt sex was to be traded not given freely to a partner/boyfriend. Some took a few dates to get there but they all did.

      May 15, 2014 at 10:15 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stefano
      Stefano

      @NG22 : i’m in a open relationship for 22 years and we are happy together. I think the most important thing in this kind of relation is that you need to put boundaries. I saw a lot of guys in monogamous relationship who cheat. I prefer to be honest to my boyfriend and tell him the truth.

      There is no reason why a regular guy shouldn’t date a porn star. If he wants, what’s the problem?

      May 15, 2014 at 10:53 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • vive
      vive

      I had a porn star as a fuckbuddy for a while. He was the nicest guy, hot as hell, the sex was really good, and he was really respectful and well spoken. I didn’t even know that he was a porn star until sometime later when I saw him in a scene. It didn’t really change my impression of him, which was that he was a good guy.

      May 15, 2014 at 11:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fvk847
      Fvk847

      maybe its just me or I’m just paranoid but whats him to make love with someone else on camera and then fall in love with him? There are no pro’s to dating a porn star ha.

      May 15, 2014 at 12:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Alan down in Florida
      Alan down in Florida

      I’m gonna take heat for this but here it goes. What does every previous response here have in common? They all arise from the construct that the most important issue in a relationship is sex. Maybe it is for most Queerty readers and I’m just an outlier. I am a 2 1/2 at best a 3 on the gay food chain. If a porn star wanted to be with me you can damned well be sure it ain’t for the sex. Let’s face it, two drinks and we can all find sex even if it takes until closing time. Finding emotional and intellectual compatibility or even love is a lot more elusive. If the guy I found that with was a porn star so be it. I think other than the possibility of STDs there is no legitimate case to be made against it. All I’m reading in these responses is the insecurity that you wouldn’t be able to compete with the guys he gets paid to have sex with when the two of you are alone.

      May 15, 2014 at 5:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MMDD
      MMDD

      @Alan down in Florida: “What does every previous response here have in common? They all arise from the construct that the most important issue in a relationship is sex.”

      Not true. Just because you’re talking about sex doesn’t automatically make it THE most important issue in your relationship. It simply means you value it and enjoy it.

      May 15, 2014 at 6:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dazzer
      dazzer

      In my life, I’ve dated a couple of men who’ve done porn.

      Having sex with someone who has sex with someone else in front of a camera doesn’t mean he’s a porn star. In my view, they were merely models.

      I regard porn as one model putting his bits of anatomy in another and then making it look exciting. It’s not sex per se, it’s a demstration of sex.

      The emotion of the moment – and the truth of your emotional relationship – is what’s most important in a relationship.

      The thing is, it’s got nothing to do with the fact that your partner is a good or bad porn star, it’s whether he’s a good or bad partner.

      May 15, 2014 at 8:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tackle
      Tackle

      @Alan down in Florida: I don’t think people are saying the most important thing in a relationship is sex. The topic of this post is about “dating a porn star.” The job of a porn star is to have sex of film. So sex will figure into the topic of discussion. How and what one does with their body says a lot about how they value themselves. And how they value, or devalue themselves is a strong indicator of how they will value you. Relationship wise I’m referring to. Not just a quick hook-up. And you say that you are a
      2 1/2 to 3 on the gay food chain. Maybe thats the reason why you would be so willing to overlook the fact that they do porn.Because you feel that this is the best that you can do, and get. Maybe you have a,
      “anythings better than nothing” mentality?

      May 16, 2014 at 5:21 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • spencer87
      spencer87

      @marc sfe: PRESSED.

      May 16, 2014 at 9:45 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bauhaus
      Bauhaus

      The only reason not to date a porn star is if you don’t like him as a person.

      May 16, 2014 at 12:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • toberlin
      toberlin

      @Tackle: Hey you:)…I do not agree with you. I think a person can be more exhibitionistic or less exclusive regarding to sex but this cannot mean the person is automatically less exclusive to you or devalue itself or the partner.I never been in open relationship (“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!”is not open relationship in my book if the partner is honest..).So if I would fall in Love with a Pornstar( never had a Pornstar Crush) and beside the Job this would be a comitted relationship I would date a Pornstar.But because I am inexperienced in the “Pornstar Dating Business” this is just theory.

      May 16, 2014 at 5:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JDean
      JDean

      yes
      I don’t want to date and sleep with him, and the dozens of his other fuck buddies.

      May 17, 2014 at 2:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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