411 On The 212

It’s a “Wonderful” Life: Blogger Kenneth Walsh On His Memoir, His Fascination With Child Murders And Living With A Porn Star

WTW_headshot_coverKenneth M. Walsh is a douche. He’s an opinionated twit. He should be serving you your coffee, not telling you what to think about politics, fashion or the latest gay feud. At least, that’s what some of his anonymous online critics think. But for fans of his long-running Kenneth in the (212) blog, Walsh (who, full disclosure, is a friend of mine) is a fearless voice in favor of reason, a merciless decimator of pomposity (uh-oh, I’m skating on thin ice), a grammar Nazi and a true original in a field of aggravating aggregators.

His first book, the memoir Wasn’t TomorrowWonderful? (Magnus Books, $19.99), does showcase his trademark edgy take on pop culture (who else would pine, Happiness-style, to have been the victim of a child serial-murderer?), and it of course addresses his controversial outing of Thomas Roberts’s extra-fine booty, but the book is also surprisingly warm and vulnerable, detailing his disastrous first gay love affair, his unwitting living situation with pornstar Mike Henson and his battle with self-doubt. Walsh chatted with Queerty about his blogging and his debut book.

How long have you wanted to write a book?

Almost as long as I can remember. When I was 11 or 12, I wrote a book about my sixth-grade camp experience called Don’t Forget Your Toothbrush. It was very Judy Blume-esque. I later had outlines for several others, including one called Sweetcheeks, based on my junior-high arch-nemesis. I hated this pudgy kid with the permaflushed cheeks because he stole this hot wrestler’s attention away from me. Twenty years later, I ran into Sweetcheeks in a bar in Hell’s Kitchen and we’ve been friends ever since.

kenny600_CleanupWhy is your first book a memoir and not fiction? 

Although I was a huge lover of classics when I was young, I just reached a point where I found I only liked reading things that were based on truth, so I followed my heart. People had also said, “You should write these stories down!” over the years, so it seemed natural.

How has your blogging informed your writing?

It’s made it very informal and conversational. People have been writing to say my book felt like spending the day with me. Hearing that makes me happy.

You have some unsparing, though never cruel, insights about your family in the book. Did you brace them?

No. In fact, my parents still have not seen the book. (All writers are procrastinators, right?) My sister and my oldest brother have now read it and given me high praise, which means a lot to me. I only told my mom about the book at all once a deal was inked. I told her it was a memoir and she was excited and proud at first, then she said, “What’s my pseudonym going to be?” When I reminded her it was a memoir and that she’d still be Molly, she said: “You brat! You’re not gonna tell the world what a crazy mom I was, are you?” I replied, “Well, you weren’t that crazy.”

How would you sum up your relationship today with your mom, which had been tumultuous at best at times? When did it turn a corner for you?

My relationship with my mom is great. I think it was at my brother’s wedding in Vegas in 2000 when she said how proud she was of all of us [Walsh has two older brothers and one younger sister]. When she said that she couldn’t help but wonder how much more successful we’d be today if she’d known what the hell she was doing, I think that was the turning point. Even her mea culpa was a backhanded compliment! Like most people, she has mellowed with age. In fact, when my new friends meet her, they are frequently disappointed that she doesn’t live up to the hype and say something outrageous.

kw3Do you think parents have any clue that any random, minute thing they say or do could stick in our brains forever and ever and color our entire lives? I’m thinking specifically of the classic moment when your mom sarcastically called you “woman” when you were a teen.

I’m sure they don’t — and I’m even more sure she will wish she could take that back.

Was there anyone you wanted to write about in the book but decided to spare because it would have been too pointed?

Honestly, no. In fact, I occasionally have panic attacks about having revealed too much too soon—I should have saved that for the next book!—but my goal was to be completely honest, so I’m proud that I was.

You write quite a bit about sexual experiences and failed (and successful) romances. How much are you leaving out? Were you comfortable talking about intimate aspects of your life?

For whatever reason I’m very—perhaps too—comfortable putting it all out there. I think we all know that even the richest and most famous and beautiful people in the world do crazy things when they’re in love —especially when they’re heartbroken — so if admitting I was nearly arrested for lurking around and stacking patio furniture up to spy on my ex-boyfriend helps someone else realize he’s not alone, I’m happy to humiliate myself.

The idea that you lived with a gay porn star and had no idea is unfathomable to anyone with no life who knows every porn star on sight. Why do you think “Mike Henson” did porn, did he ever refer to it or talk shop and what exactly did he spill about John Davenport?

I know it seems odd. I guess I used photos of tennis players in Daisy Dukes and Avon catalogs with hot men in them as my porn when I was a kid, then got my first serious boyfriend — who was really hot and really loved to have sex — when I was 20, so I really didn’t know anything about pornography until much later. Ken and I didn’t talk too much about his porn experience other than that night it all came out [which is detailed in the book]. I told him that Johnny was “my” guy and he told me he was straight, married and living in New Mexico working construction.

kw_queerty3You fooled around with him, but were extremely conscious of the threat of AIDS, as were so many of us back then, much more so than now. Did you ever spend time wondering, “What if we’d done more?”

I have thought about it, but I’m happy with my decision. Actually, I forgot to even mention how I came home one afternoon and he was fucking this young guy who was visiting form Nebraska right in the open. If it sounds like a porn movie and an invitation for me to join in, I was too oblivious to realize it even as it was happening.

Your lousy relationship with your first boyfriend is something many gay men can relate to. Why do you think you were so susceptible to his charms?

Well, he was incredibly handsome and good in bed, which has brought down many bigger men and women than me. But as I write in the book, he represented so much more than a first boyfriend. He was proof that my life would not be spent alone or in a loveless marriage with a woman, which is something I thought I would have to do. Our relationship also reminded me so much of Michael and Robert in Parting Glances, who were my role models then. I’m sure you can guess who was who.

The Thomas Roberts Affair is dealt with at length. How would you react if nude photos of yours surfaced? Would you hold any ill will toward the guy who posted them? What do you think Roberts will think of this chapter, and would you go on his show to talk it out if he invited you?

At this point, if nude photos of me surfaced, then I would know I had “arrived”— and I would thank the guy who thought enough of me to hang on to them from back in the AOL days! I’m not really interested in what Thomas Roberts thinks of the chapter, but I definitely wouldn’t go on his show to talk about it—I never get up before noon.

One of the most provocative stories in your book deals with those child murders you morbidly romanticized as a kid. Where do you think your fascination with death and crime comes from?

I think because it was happening where I lived to children who looked just like me it would be unnatural to not become fascinated with it. And it was that case that has spurred a lifetime of interest. As with books, I would never watch CSI or Law and Order when I can watch 48 Hours and Snapped!

kenneth-m-walsh-debbie-harry
Walsh with Debbie Harry

Have you ever thought of ending your blog? What have been the biggest perks and the most annoying side effects of blogging?

Only fleeting thoughts of ending the blog, but the pros far outweigh the cons. I turned a corner years ago where I decided I would not be a slave to my blog. It is far from my principal source of income, so now I only do it as my time and interest permits. I used to think I had to weigh in on every issue of importance to the LGBT community, but I realize there are others who do this full-time who have that covered. Now I just blog about things I like.

Since your book is your life, what would you say is the defining conflict of your life so far, and what is your guiltiest pleasure?

You know, I’ve always thought of myself as having a very charmed life. But I remember one editor who didn’t acquire the book said she was passing despite liking my “voice” and that she was “sorry for everything” I’d been through. I was like, “Huh?” I definitely hope people come away from the book thinking that despite various hurdles — my alcoholic father and broken home at a young age, years of bullying, my grossly misunderstood varicocele, my debilitating bouts of anxiety — you can overcome things and have the life you dreamed of. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration for me to say that each day I think about how incredibly lucky I am.

 

Matthew Rettenmund is the editor/founder of the popular blog Boy Culture.

Kenneth Walsh will be a guest on the radio program StonewallLive February 25 at 9 p.m. and will sign copies of his book at Number Nine in Washington D.C. on March 2 at 3 p.m.

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