Hey wait a minute. It’s not just the gay community, it’s people in general that are biased against heavy people. I’m not saying that that bias is appropriate but why does the gay community get singled out?
Posted: Aug 13, 2009 at 4:26 pm
· @Reply
· [Flag?]
@countervail: I actually don’t agree at all. Maybe it should be made to say MALES. You see, males are very visual creatures and they tend to judge based on very visual opinions. However, females are normally much more accepting of overweight individuals.
Also, maybe its because my straight friends are the ones treating me like I’m less than human because I don’t live at the gym. I’ve never had to deal with that from the straight community. If your straight friends honestly start avoiding you because you are overweight then you might just want to question why they care so much what you look like.
Posted: Aug 13, 2009 at 4:31 pm
· @Reply
· [Flag?]
It’s a half truth. Being overweight in the gay community is definitely a barrier to sex and relationships… but to say that it causes people to be treated “less than human” is a stretch. I’m 6’2″ and 290lbs, and this weekend I attended a WeHo pool party complete with gogo boys and a baby oil lined bouncy castle… and I had a blast. Everyone was friendly, and there were no dirty looks to speak of. Did I expect to get picked up on? No. But in that situation, which was as stereotypical “hot gay” as it gets I was accepted warmly.
Posted: Aug 13, 2009 at 4:47 pm
· @Reply
· [Flag?]
I never meant to imply that the experience is the same for everyone. Its just how I’ve always felt my whole life, and I’m sure that other gay guys that are heavy have felt the same way. That doesn’t mean its going to apply to every gay heavy guy out there, and the scene has changed a lot in the last 7 years when I was last on it. I think the discrimination towards heavy people is slowly changing.
Posted: Aug 13, 2009 at 4:51 pm
· @Reply
· [Flag?]
@MTiffany: You know the funny thing is that is so completely true. Two things I’ve learned from being in the area I live in is 1) black guys like some meat on their bones and 2) every white dude in my neighborhood is obsessed with either fucking a black dude or watching a black dude fuck their chick.
Posted: Aug 13, 2009 at 5:03 pm
· @Reply
· [Flag?]
@countervail: i second that. men in general ostracize fat people, and they are pretty gender neutral about that. having recently lost a lot of weight, i find myself very hard on those who are not willing to do the work it requires to do the same.
Posted: Aug 13, 2009 at 5:04 pm
· @Reply
· [Flag?]
@EB: See, that is what perturbs me. You just lost a lot of weight. Let me know in a year when you keep it off how much all your hard work has done for you. The truth is that anyone can play the weight game. They lose it and gain it, but unless you are willing to change all of your habits for the rest of your life (and very few people can manage to do that) then you will eventually be big again. Are you sure judging people that aren’t willing to do the work isn’t your way of saying look at me I’m thin now?
Also, I’m more than willing to work my ass off for a cause I believe in, but I don’t feel I need to be a skinny bitch to be attractive. When I wanted to join the Navy I dropped 50 pounds in 5 weeks. However, I’m not about to lose weight just to look more attractive. I view the need to look attractive above all else as being a tad bit shallow. I’ve got a lot more to offer my man than my body, and that means a lot to me. I think that if you live your life in a manner that you just don’t give a fuck what others think and love yourself anyways you are less likely to be ostracized and more likely to be accepted.
Posted: Aug 13, 2009 at 5:15 pm
· @Reply
· [Flag?]
@galefan2004: i think id agree with bottom line. if you live your live with conviction it doesnt matter what people think. but regarding sexual attraction, thats a different story.
and the door swings boths ways, using ‘skinny bitch’ is counter-productive. and sorry, keeping in healthy living isn’t about fashion, its about looks. i do live healthy, and creating that routine was fortunately something i had only stopped doing, and not something i had to learn for the first time.
i wasn’t as critical of heavy people prior to gaining then losing. i always gave situational benefit of the doubt. but now i know exactly what it takes, and that its far easier than i was told.
Posted: Aug 13, 2009 at 5:26 pm
· @Reply
· [Flag?]
They’re called bears; get with em. Seriously, with the amount of nooky my friends get every day at Bear Week in Provincetown, I wonder when they find the time to eat. One cannot live on Spiritus pizza at 1am in the morning alone..
Posted: Aug 13, 2009 at 6:53 pm
· @Reply
· [Flag?]
The gay community is comprised of more than just ‘muscle queens’ and ‘skinny bitches.’ I don’t like being compartmentalized within the gay community at large, first. And second, I identify with more than just the gay community on a range of personal interests, identities, etc. etc. So, whatever. It is true that the male gay community can be hurtful and overly critical towards bodies. Everyone has their personal preferences. I just wish we would open up and show a little compassion. Life isn’t just about fitting in to a superficial and provincial clique, especially when you are all grown up and supposedly mature. Right? Right.
Posted: Aug 13, 2009 at 8:57 pm
· @Reply
· [Flag?]
I used to be very overweight (I was 5ft 9 and 210lbs), and I was miserable. I couldn’t get guys to pay me any attention, and sometimes I was even picked on in clubs, as if I had no right to be there. I finally decided when I was 19 that I was going to do whatever it took to become “hot”. I worked out obsessively, barely ate, and when I did eat, I threw up. 10 months later, I weighed 150 lbs and had a much easier time picking up guys. Had I lost a lot of my confidence and sanity in the process? Sure. But now I can walk into a club and leave with a guy if I wanted to. I just have to keep going to the gym 6 days/week and throw up when I eat any meal over 500 calories.
This is what being overweight and gay can do to you.
Posted: Aug 19, 2009 at 2:21 am
· @Reply
· [Flag?]
Our communities greatest weakness. We can be so cruel to our own for being different.
Hey wait a minute. It’s not just the gay community, it’s people in general that are biased against heavy people. I’m not saying that that bias is appropriate but why does the gay community get singled out?
@countervail: I actually don’t agree at all. Maybe it should be made to say MALES. You see, males are very visual creatures and they tend to judge based on very visual opinions. However, females are normally much more accepting of overweight individuals.
Also, maybe its because my straight friends are the ones treating me like I’m less than human because I don’t live at the gym. I’ve never had to deal with that from the straight community. If your straight friends honestly start avoiding you because you are overweight then you might just want to question why they care so much what you look like.
@galefan2004: *ARE NOT!
It’s a half truth. Being overweight in the gay community is definitely a barrier to sex and relationships… but to say that it causes people to be treated “less than human” is a stretch. I’m 6’2″ and 290lbs, and this weekend I attended a WeHo pool party complete with gogo boys and a baby oil lined bouncy castle… and I had a blast. Everyone was friendly, and there were no dirty looks to speak of. Did I expect to get picked up on? No. But in that situation, which was as stereotypical “hot gay” as it gets I was accepted warmly.
@Jeffrey Bryan:
I never meant to imply that the experience is the same for everyone. Its just how I’ve always felt my whole life, and I’m sure that other gay guys that are heavy have felt the same way. That doesn’t mean its going to apply to every gay heavy guy out there, and the scene has changed a lot in the last 7 years when I was last on it. I think the discrimination towards heavy people is slowly changing.
@countervail: Maybe for the most part “white America” is biased against overweight people, but for the most part “black America” is not.
@MTiffany: You know the funny thing is that is so completely true. Two things I’ve learned from being in the area I live in is 1) black guys like some meat on their bones and 2) every white dude in my neighborhood is obsessed with either fucking a black dude or watching a black dude fuck their chick.
@countervail: i second that. men in general ostracize fat people, and they are pretty gender neutral about that. having recently lost a lot of weight, i find myself very hard on those who are not willing to do the work it requires to do the same.
@EB: See, that is what perturbs me. You just lost a lot of weight. Let me know in a year when you keep it off how much all your hard work has done for you. The truth is that anyone can play the weight game. They lose it and gain it, but unless you are willing to change all of your habits for the rest of your life (and very few people can manage to do that) then you will eventually be big again. Are you sure judging people that aren’t willing to do the work isn’t your way of saying look at me I’m thin now?
Also, I’m more than willing to work my ass off for a cause I believe in, but I don’t feel I need to be a skinny bitch to be attractive. When I wanted to join the Navy I dropped 50 pounds in 5 weeks. However, I’m not about to lose weight just to look more attractive. I view the need to look attractive above all else as being a tad bit shallow. I’ve got a lot more to offer my man than my body, and that means a lot to me. I think that if you live your life in a manner that you just don’t give a fuck what others think and love yourself anyways you are less likely to be ostracized and more likely to be accepted.
@galefan2004: i think id agree with bottom line. if you live your live with conviction it doesnt matter what people think. but regarding sexual attraction, thats a different story.
and the door swings boths ways, using ‘skinny bitch’ is counter-productive. and sorry, keeping in healthy living isn’t about fashion, its about looks. i do live healthy, and creating that routine was fortunately something i had only stopped doing, and not something i had to learn for the first time.
i wasn’t as critical of heavy people prior to gaining then losing. i always gave situational benefit of the doubt. but now i know exactly what it takes, and that its far easier than i was told.
They’re called bears; get with em. Seriously, with the amount of nooky my friends get every day at Bear Week in Provincetown, I wonder when they find the time to eat. One cannot live on Spiritus pizza at 1am in the morning alone..
The gay community is comprised of more than just ‘muscle queens’ and ‘skinny bitches.’ I don’t like being compartmentalized within the gay community at large, first. And second, I identify with more than just the gay community on a range of personal interests, identities, etc. etc. So, whatever. It is true that the male gay community can be hurtful and overly critical towards bodies. Everyone has their personal preferences. I just wish we would open up and show a little compassion. Life isn’t just about fitting in to a superficial and provincial clique, especially when you are all grown up and supposedly mature. Right? Right.
@DOmorale: The gay community is comprised of more than just ‘muscle queens’ and ‘skinny bitches.’
No, it isn’t. Don’t you pay any attention to Morning Goods? What kind of homo are you?
I’ll believe that from Queerty the day it starts showing “normal” people in Morning Goods.
I used to be very overweight (I was 5ft 9 and 210lbs), and I was miserable. I couldn’t get guys to pay me any attention, and sometimes I was even picked on in clubs, as if I had no right to be there. I finally decided when I was 19 that I was going to do whatever it took to become “hot”. I worked out obsessively, barely ate, and when I did eat, I threw up. 10 months later, I weighed 150 lbs and had a much easier time picking up guys. Had I lost a lot of my confidence and sanity in the process? Sure. But now I can walk into a club and leave with a guy if I wanted to. I just have to keep going to the gym 6 days/week and throw up when I eat any meal over 500 calories.
This is what being overweight and gay can do to you.