AB: Let’s talk about HIV for a second. You’ve been positive for seventeen years, correct?

JM: Yes – eighteen, actually, as of August 18th.

AB: Can you describe finding out – getting the test back, what went through your mind?

JM: Yeah. It was a horrific experience, because this was – I was 20 or 21. Actually, let’s backtrack, because I know when I seroconverted. I got pneumonia when I was at Berkeley when I was twenty, but I didn’t find out until much later because back then they tested for the antibodies and I was seroconverting and didn’t have any anti-bodies, so I got a false negative. I had had pneumonia several times before because I have asthma, so I was just like, “Oh, I have pneumonia.” And then, fast forward two years, I’m in New York and I got these ulcers in my throat. I went to a regular gastrointestinal doctor – he didn’t know anything about HIV and was a jerk – and he basically said to me, “It’s really weird for someone your age to have this. I think you should have an HIV test.” I had been safe up until all those times and up until that point. I wasn’t even nervous at that point, because I thought there was no way in hell. A few weeks later I went back and he said, “You’re HIV positive.” It was that cut and dry. He didn’t even try to council me or anything – I was so young! There was really no medication to take at that point. I think AZT was the only one approved by the FDA and it was really controversial: a lot of people thought that it was killing people rather than helping them. And, you know, at that age – 20 or 21 – I thought, “Okay, I’m going to be dead in three years.” So that really was not a good feeling, obviously.

AB: Of course.

JM: I remember the doctor told me and then he was like, “I’ll leave you alone to think about it.” I was like, “What the fuck am I going to think about?” And then I was like, “What a douche bag!” [Laughs] He obviously had no sensitivity training. So, I walked out onto the street and I remember looking up the sky and thinking, “Fuck.”

AB: Right.

JM: Actually, more than thinking about myself, I was thinking about my family. I was like, “It’s so sad my family is going to have to deal with all this.” It was so awful, because the prognosis was really bleak. So, that was my experience. It wasn’t very fun.

AB: I was recently talking to a friend of mine who is 25 years old – we went to college together – and he was infected last year. He complained that there’s so much attention on getting tested, but not as much popular support or mention of life post-the test. What happens when you are positive? He brought you up, actually, and said it’s so great that you are out and putting a human face to HIV. So, that said, would go back in time and stop yourself? Or are you owning it?

JM: Would I go back in time? Of course!

AB: Really? You’re having such a positive impact.

JM: Well, that’s great, but I mean – another message I’m trying to send is that, yes, HIV is very manageable at this point. It’s really great that I’m sending this message out and I’m doing it very willingly and purposefully, but – on an individual level – I mean, I’m doing really well and my health is really great, but taking pills is not fun. Every time you get sick, worrying about – “Well, maybe my T-cells aren’t where they’re supposed to be.” There are a lot of issues that go along with it. It’s not a party. It’s still a big deal. So, yeah, I think it’s great that I’m visible and I’m perfectly happy to be the new poster boy for HIV, but if I had the chance to go back and be negative, I totally would.