Fanning the flames of America’s fury for splitting from dreamy husband Nick Lachey, femme fatale Jessica Simpson rocked the music industry with her announcement that she is ready to hang up her music career. In a recent statement, she broke the bad news:
“Music will always be my passion, but I don’t have to do it professionally. It’s just not really about that for me anymore. I feel like I don’t have to look at it as a career.”
We can’t imagine the world without Jessica Simpson’s voice in it; if she stops singing, we’ll have to turn to Miss America pageants and Japanese karaoke bars to fill the void. Nor can we imagine what she will do next for a living, since her attempt at acting in The Dukes Of Hazzard was about as sophisticated as Kevin Federline’s latest album. And no one will watch her get married again. Or would we? Hmm…
This news, of course, comes just days after the gay world was rocked by Madonna’s proclamation that she has brought her acting career to an end, despite Pierce Brosnan’s offer of a role in his next movie. That news was especially troubling since, unlike Jessica Simpson, some of Madonna’s offerings (Evita) were legitimately quite good.
What’s next? Carrot Top to exit the world of stand-up comedy? Take According To Jim off the air? Excuse us while we weep.
ALSO: Nick Lachey to star in sitcom, created by Sabrina, The Teenage Witch weiters. We wish him the best of luck, because it already sounds dreadful and we’ll never watch it.