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Jizz On The Rocks: Introducing Semen-Infused Cocktails

Semenology-2Some things are sacred, chief among them: booze. Don’t mess with our alcohol and no one gets hurt. Yet one intrepid bartender — namely Paul “Fotie” Photenhauer, author of Semenology: The Semen Bartender’s Handbook — wants to add a little spunk to your cocktail.

According to the book’s tongue (among other things)-in-cheek description:

This is the ultimate handbook for mixologists looking for ingredients that go beyond exotic fruit juices and rare spirits. Driven by a commitment and passion for the freshly harvested ingredient, Semenology pushes the limits of classic bartending. Semen is often freshly available behind most bar counters and adds a personal touch to any cocktail. The connoisseur will appreciate learning how to mix selected spirits to enhance the delicate flavors of semen. The book provides useful tips that cover every detail of Semenology, from mixing and presentation to harvesting and storage advice.

“Semen is often freshly available behind most bar counters…” How fresh are we talking here? Because from our experience, a sticky stool does not a Whole Foods make.

Now, it’s one thing to like the after product of sex, and another thing to like the thing that fuels the sex, but to mix both? You’ve gone too far internet. Go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.

In the meantime we’ll be trying to scrub the thought of this horrible mixture out of our heads and our clothes. But what do you think, dear reader? Are you ready to try a Cum and Coke? Or perhaps a Penis Colada. Or — wait for it — a Dong Island Iced Tea?

By:           Damien Basile
On:           Oct 22, 2013
Tagged: , , , ,

  • 17 Comments
    • denvermtnbiker
      denvermtnbiker

      Ha! Only if one is in a committed, monogamous relationship with the bartender… :-)

      Oct 22, 2013 at 9:12 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • QJ201
      QJ201

      Well after a guy blows in your mouth, vodka rinse sounds like a better plan than mouthwash.

      Oct 22, 2013 at 9:21 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scribe38
      Scribe38

      @QJ201: A dude blows in my mouth he is likely to get punched. I am pretty GGG, but I draw the line at exchanging body fluids.

      Oct 22, 2013 at 10:43 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • damienbasile
      damienbasile

      @QJ201: I’m sure Ke$ha would approve ;)

      Oct 22, 2013 at 10:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dragonboi
      dragonboi

      @damienbasile: LOL

      Oct 22, 2013 at 11:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • barkomatic
      barkomatic

      I’d say the bartender would only be able to make a few of these drinks before running out of the key ingredient. lol

      Oct 22, 2013 at 11:39 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Goforit
      Goforit

      Why would anyone want to ruin a perfectly good drink with alcohol?

      Oct 22, 2013 at 12:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tazz602
      tazz602

      Well, if your bartender runs out of the ingredient for 30-45 minutes, then you can always try a restaurant – http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Harvest-collection-semen-based-recipes/dp/1481227041/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_y

      Oct 22, 2013 at 2:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tardis
      tardis

      That’s so gross.

      Oct 22, 2013 at 2:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • yaoming
      yaoming

      Wouldn’t “semenology” be the study of semen? Not sure what that has to do with jizzing in a martini glass (with a martini in it).

      Oct 22, 2013 at 3:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rockery
      Rockery

      @yaoming:

      I’ve heard the term “mixologist” which a term for bartender, so I’m sure mixology is the term for bartending and semenology would be a play on that term

      Oct 22, 2013 at 5:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • desert2som
      desert2som

      Damn! Just when I thought that they’d never be able to top bacon-infused drinks….

      Oct 22, 2013 at 7:29 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BritAus
      BritAus

      I feel sorry for Scribe38.

      Oct 22, 2013 at 9:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BritAus
      BritAus

      That’s the best part.
      ;-)

      Oct 22, 2013 at 9:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DeLotusAngels
      DeLotusAngels

      That would be one tasty drink ;-)

      Oct 22, 2013 at 9:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bledoutcolor
      bledoutcolor

      This isjust so unsanitary and gross. I dont drink alcohol, but then i wouldnt drink random mens semen either. I mean i love semen as much as the next gay, but who it comes from (and whether or not it is mixed in a everage or foodstuff i would be consuming) can be a huge factor in whether i want said jizz in my mouth -.-

      Oct 23, 2013 at 11:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Niall
      Niall

      @Scribe38: Wait, so you don’t French kiss?

      Oct 25, 2013 at 2:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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