Some things are sacred, chief among them: booze. Donât mess with our alcohol and no one gets hurt. Yet one intrepid bartender â namely Paul âFotieâ Photenhauer, author of Semenology: The Semen Bartenderâs Handbook â wants to add a little spunk to your cocktail.
According to the bookâs tongue (among other things)-in-cheek description:
This is the ultimate handbook for mixologists looking for ingredients that go beyond exotic fruit juices and rare spirits. Driven by a commitment and passion for the freshly harvested ingredient, Semenology pushes the limits of classic bartending. Semen is often freshly available behind most bar counters and adds a personal touch to any cocktail. The connoisseur will appreciate learning how to mix selected spirits to enhance the delicate flavors of semen. The book provides useful tips that cover every detail of Semenology, from mixing and presentation to harvesting and storage advice.
âSemen is often freshly available behind most bar countersâŚâ How fresh are we talking here? Because from our experience, a sticky stool does not a Whole Foods make.
Now, itâs one thing to like the after product of sex, and another thing to like the thing that fuels the sex, but to mix both? Youâve gone too far internet. Go sit in the corner and think about what youâve done.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
In the meantime weâll be trying to scrub the thought of this horrible mixture out of our heads and our clothes. But what do you think, dear reader? Are you ready to try a Cum and Coke? Or perhaps a Penis Colada. Or â wait for it â a Dong Island Iced Tea?
denvermtnbiker
Ha! Only if one is in a committed, monogamous relationship with the bartender… đ
QJ201
Well after a guy blows in your mouth, vodka rinse sounds like a better plan than mouthwash.
Scribe38
@QJ201: A dude blows in my mouth he is likely to get punched. I am pretty GGG, but I draw the line at exchanging body fluids.
damienbasile
@QJ201: I’m sure Ke$ha would approve đ
dragonboi
@damienbasile: LOL
barkomatic
I’d say the bartender would only be able to make a few of these drinks before running out of the key ingredient. lol
Goforit
Why would anyone want to ruin a perfectly good drink with alcohol?
tazz602
Well, if your bartender runs out of the ingredient for 30-45 minutes, then you can always try a restaurant – http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Harvest-collection-semen-based-recipes/dp/1481227041/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_y
tardis
That’s so gross.
yaoming
Wouldn’t “semenology” be the study of semen? Not sure what that has to do with jizzing in a martini glass (with a martini in it).
Rockery
@yaoming:
I’ve heard the term “mixologist” which a term for bartender, so I’m sure mixology is the term for bartending and semenology would be a play on that term
desert2som
Damn! Just when I thought that they’d never be able to top bacon-infused drinks….
BritAus
I feel sorry for Scribe38.
BritAus
That’s the best part.
đ
DeLotusAngels
That would be one tasty drink đ
bledoutcolor
This isjust so unsanitary and gross. I dont drink alcohol, but then i wouldnt drink random mens semen either. I mean i love semen as much as the next gay, but who it comes from (and whether or not it is mixed in a everage or foodstuff i would be consuming) can be a huge factor in whether i want said jizz in my mouth -.-
Niall
@Scribe38: Wait, so you don’t French kiss?