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Jossip Intern Loved, Lost Lance Bass

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Former boy bander Lance Bass made headlines today when he let another secret out off the closet: he married a girlfriend in Las Vegas.

Says the gay entertainer:

People do stupid things in the heat of the moment. I’ve been in Vegas where I’ve gotten married for like five minutes, but no one talks about it, though. In fact, the only reason we did it is because we wanted to get free drinks all night…and we didn’t get one. We’re like,`We just got married,’ and they’re like, `Ah, whatever.’

The earth-shaking news no doubt pained Jossip’s sweet faced intern, Whitney Little. The Texas transplant recently revealed to us that she’s been nursing a ten-year crush on Mr. Bass.

After laughing for about an hour, we asked Ms. Whitney to elaborate on her imaginary love affair with the gay singer, an affair that continued until just last week.

Read Whitney’s lovesick ramblings, after the jump.

Why I Want to Marry Lance Bass: A One-Sided Love Affair

By Whitney Little

I left work early on Friday to buy Lance Bass’ new book, Out of Sync. I scanned the shelves of “Best Selling Nonfiction” and “New Releases” and finally came to the conclusion that Barnes & Noble was sold out. I was wrong. I finally found the book in a dark abandoned corner, stacked on the floor.

When I got to the checkout counter, the Barnes & Noble employee LAUGHED at me upon seeing my selection. “It’s not for me,” I lied. “It’s for a work assignment.” Then it hit me: I had denied Lance Bass. It was then I knew. Our nine-year love affair was over.

It began during the summer of ’98. I had just graduated the 7th grade, and I happened upon a Disney Channel concert special featuring a then-unheard-of band called *NSync. I recorded the concert and watched it over and over until I had memorized every lyric and moment of dialogue. While most tween girls were obsessed with Justin Timberlake, my heart was set on another: Lance Bass.

I loved Lance (and always will) because he was clearly the Southern gentleman of the group. Sure, there was Justin (who hailed from Tennessee), but Lance was more of a good ol’ boy. Justin always wanted to hog the spotlight, but Lance was fine being the quiet one in the background. He was extremely good-looking (as a 13-year-old girl, I had impeccable taste), and he always flaunted it without being egotistical.

My obsession (at the time I referred to it as “devotion”) with Lance was strong right off the bat. I began spending all my allowance on J-14 and TigerBeat magazines so I could rip out every picture of *NSync and wallpaper my room. There reached a point when my entire wall was covered, floor to ceiling. One of my favorite gifts for Christmas was a disco ball with Lance’s face glued on it that hung from my ceiling fan. I considered screen printing Lance’s face on my pillow, but for some odd reason my mom never let me follow through.

My imaginary love affair only intensified after I began chatting with someone on AOL — LuvR4NSync — who said she lived next door to JC Chasez and his family. I believed her, because why would anyone on the Internet lie? She said she was close with all of the *NSync members; sometimes they would even sign online under her screen name so they wouldn’t be hounded by fans. I then made it my mission to make myself available to the AOL community 24/7.

Christmas Eve ’98: It finally happened. Lance Bass signed online under the LuvR4NSync screen name. We had a good 30-minute discussion (the best half hour of my life), but then he had to go because famous people are busy, even on Christmas Eve. I printed out the conversation and kept it tucked away so I could read it whenever I felt discouraged in my mission to marry Lance.

Needless to say, I didn’t have many friends in middle school.

One of my few friends, however, was just as obsessed with *NSync as I was. When the band announced it would be making a tour stop in Dallas, her mom offered to take both of us. We made the three-hour drive for the concert, and spent hours making posters (mine was glittery and read “Lance marry me,” but it got confiscated at the door). That afternoon before the concert, we overheard on the radio that *NSync was at a press conference at Planet Hollywood near our hotel. We waited outside with hundreds of other fans in the 100 degree heat for over two hours until we finally got a glimpse of the boys leaving the restaurant.

That wasn’t enough for me, however, so I jumped security and proceeded to chase the band’s limo down the street, screaming my lungs out the entire time. When the driver honked at me, I jumped for joy and nearly had a seizure. “They saw me! They saw me!” I hollered, and jumped and sang the entire way back to our hotel. That night at the concert (we could only afford tickets in the nose-bleed section) I screamed and danced so much I fell down the aisle and suffered from dehydration. It was all worth it.

This went on for the next year or so, until I decided that there were other things to life besides *NSync. That, and I realized I couldn’t survive high school until I started acting non-obsessive and making friends. There were rough spots (namely his relationship with Danielle Fishel, better known as Topanga on Boy Meets World), but our love remained strong. Then, on that fateful day in 2006, my world came crashing down: Bass confirmed to People that he does, indeed, play for the other team. I got approximately 5,000 texts from friends who were happy to say “I told you so,” and I finally had to admit what everyone else knew all along: My future husband likes boys.

So it’s been a good run, Lance. I’ll always remember you. And if you ever change your mind on that whole homosexuality thing, feel free to give me a call.

[Editor's note: Whitney, I applaud your bravery in writing this - um - touching piece, but rest assured you haven't heard the end of this one, doll face. xo, AB.]

By:           Andrew Belonksy
On:           Nov 1, 2007
Tagged: , , , , ,
  • 11 Comments
    • DavidDust
      DavidDust

      Poor child…

      Nov 1, 2007 at 3:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ash
      Ash

      Ew.

      Nov 1, 2007 at 4:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Maverick69
      Maverick69

      Did anyone get to the end?

      Nov 1, 2007 at 4:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DavidDust
      DavidDust

      Maverick69 – NO.

      Nov 1, 2007 at 4:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • newyorkie
      newyorkie

      Um… wow.

      I think Lance would be frightened if he ever met this chick.

      Nov 1, 2007 at 10:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ash
      Ash

      Actually I got to the end. It’s like a car accident, you know you shouldn’t but you can’t look away.

      Also, she’s a purdy girl.

      But as for this story, again…Ew.

      Nov 1, 2007 at 10:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DC
      DC

      haha, this is the best story–simply hilarious! I just have to shake my head and laugh.

      Nov 2, 2007 at 11:16 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MB
      MB

      Whitney – I understand your love for the quiet, refined one in the back of the boy band. I’m a little older than you. My love for Jonathan Knight of New Kids on the Block was so intense at one point I could practically faint by just hearing his name.

      Nov 2, 2007 at 11:27 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Janet
      Janet

      Ah, Whitney, don’t give up hope! Okay, do give up hope. But thanks for a refreshingly funny and beautiful love story…

      Nov 2, 2007 at 12:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Greg
      Greg

      Hilarious. And I’m sad to see there are some people reading this entry who don’t understand the concept of sarcasm. You are being sarcastic, right, Whit? Whitney?

      Nov 6, 2007 at 11:00 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chris Pelham
      Chris Pelham

      Sorry Whitney
      …but if Lance dumps the NY hairburner soon and decides he wants to spend the rest of his days with poking a hot Texas cowgirl like you ….and if by some chance after the competition for to win him over only the two fo us remain – -I will have you kidnapped and bitchwhipped by the nutjob Women of the Texas GOP

      You may have been the Prom Queen at Highland Park and admit that you are “prettier than a drag queen”, but you won’t win this battle.

      Pull out your old copies of Teen Beat Whitney and boo hoo all you want Whitney – we’ve converted him and don’t plan to give him back.

      Nov 12, 2007 at 9:28 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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