Shia LaBeouf is an actor who stars in big budget films like Transformers and Indiana Jones. He’s a cute twentysomething piece of young Hollywood ass, which always grabs our attention (though less and less these days). And then there was THAT VIDEO of him calling a friend a “faggot” during a play fight to instigate him. (After the video surfaced, his publicist faux-apologized, saying Shia “regrets having used the word in any capacity and is very embarrassed that this footage is being seen by anyone.”) So why is this pixie actor back on our radar? Because he told Playboy magazine he has a small penis, and we’re here to investigate.
Just how small is small? It’s hard to tell by Shia’s admission. You see, back when he was losing his virginity, he copied what he saw in a porno movie (who hasn’t?) and ran into some trouble: “I remember putting a pillow underneath her because I had seen that in a porn movie…[It] put her at a weird angle, where I couldn’t get in correctly. I’m not extremely well-endowed … and clearly this wasn’t the move.”
We decided to turn to the only evidence we have: paparazzi photos of him in skinny jeans. Not the most reliable source of data, but hey, when you’re famous and you go on record as having a tiny wang, this is what happens.
Let’s just say that after viewing all exhibits, we’re confident Mr. LaBeouf, no matter how small, is still a grower, not a shower.