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Unsuccessful Karl Rove Glitter Bombing Demonstrates Need For Accuracy

Look, glitter bombers. We applaud your unique, modern form of LGBT protest with the sparkles and YouTube videos and what not… but you gotta work on your aim.

The glitter thrown at Michele Bachmann barely reached her kneecaps, the pink glitter directed at Tim Pawlenty covered his table more than him, and the most recent attempt to get Karl Rove at the anti-gay Minnesota Faith and Freedom Coalition strategy session (above) got absolutely zero sprinkles on the bastard.

What good is a glitter bombing if it doesn’t result in an anti-gay foe picking sparkles out of their hair for the next few weeks?

In contrast, this video of Congressman Erik Paulsen getting glitter bombed at the same conference shows just how glitter bombings should go—it’s a quick, unexpected delivery of tiny glitter made airborne—dramatic, showy, and seemingly on target.

Why was it more successful? Because it followed these three simple rules:

1) Stop putting your glitter in a huge cracker box. Use a can or a smaller, disposable container that less conspicuous and easier to launch.

2) Use actual glitter instead of large confetti. Glitter is heavier, can be thrown farther in greater concentration, and is very hard to wash out of one’s hair, mouth and crotch.

3) For heaven’s sake, don’t start shouting until you’ve actually shot your load. Shouting before the bombing merely draws attention to yourself as a crazy person and potential threat, greatly reducing the likelihood of your success.

Don’t take this as criticism. We want you to succeed. You’re just a new form of protest that’s still in development and we can’t wait to see the video when you really cover a baddie head-to-toe in unicorn sparkles.

By:           Daniel Villarreal
On:           Oct 8, 2011
Tagged: , , , ,

  • 6 Comments
    • samthor
      samthor

      and if you throw like a limp- wristed nancy boy, maybe enlist the help of a dyke from the local softball league…. just saying.

      Oct 8, 2011 at 12:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jessi
      jessi

      Ms. Piggy’s favorite pastime is farting cum bubbles.

      Oct 8, 2011 at 3:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ben
      ben

      Sigh. OK, I’m only going to say this once. I was the guy who glittered Karl Rove. The reason that it didn’t hit him completely (and it did hit him somewhat, trust me) is that when I reached into my bag, one of his 2 dozen security personnel immediate grabbed the box and tried to check me. I know how to get glitter on someone, but when you’re getting accosted by a burly security guard, things are a bit more difficult.

      Oct 9, 2011 at 12:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ben
      ben

      *immediately

      Oct 9, 2011 at 12:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Gabe Aderhold
      Gabe Aderhold

      Ok, glitter-bombing out in public is one thing, but to go to a Conservative gathering where you will get no support and you look like a jerk is no good. Honestly, let them look stupid in their bigotry and hate conference. Throwing glitter at them at their own convention is silly and childish. Please grow up.

      Oct 9, 2011 at 10:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • security goon
      security goon

      Ben. You were an instant target to the meager 8 people who did security. It wasn’t 2 dozen retard and it wasn’t his security detail that grabbed your arm.

      I would caution all you morons from doing this. At some point someone will get hurt. When you run or prance towards a sitting member of congress with intent to throw something at them, they will respond and without knowing what you are throwing may believe it to be a deadly threat and respond. Less than one year ago Congresswoman Giffords was shot at and nearly killed. Just a fair warning.

      Also enjoy that $800 trespassing fine.

      Oct 10, 2011 at 9:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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