The perilous force of deep ocean waves proved to be no match for former Destiny’s Child backup dancer and coffee-runner Kelly Rowland, who challenged the almighty Poseidon in a battle of wits this weekend when her privately-chartered boat became lost at sea. And just like that, the margin for making “Survivor” jokes grew by tenfold.
According to reports, the captain of Rowland’s private boat became “disoriented” just 20 miles north of Provincetown once he lost sight of a much larger vessel he was following—a boat carrying tourists that paid to catch a glimpse of Beyoncé’s ego at sea, formally known as a “whale watching tour.”
Distressed by the prospect of being lost at sea without seeing whales for free, Rowland’s captain phoned for help and the group was escorted back to land by the Coast Guard around 11pm. Thankfully, Queen Kelly was unharmed during the traumatic ordeal; the tow boat that came to her rescue posted a grainy photo of her lavish yacht saying she was “just a little shook up.”
Well played, Beyoncé. But you’re going to have to try a little harder to get rid of this Dirty Laundry.