Check out this great story in the LA Times today: “Same-sex couples find rough road to immigration,” says the headline, and boy that’s the truth.
Reporter Paloma Esquivel highlights the plight of several LGBTs, including Jesse Goodman and Max Oliva, who were forced to leave the United States in order to remain together. Remind us just one more time, NOM, how kicking happy healthy productive couples like these out of the country “protects” anything?
Jesse and Max have a very cute cute-meet story that you can read over at Stop the Deportations:
On that magical night in January 2001, I met Max in a nightclub. When he told me that he was visiting from Argentina and that it was his first day in New York I offered him a tour of “my city.” We felt very comfortable with each other, very quickly, and I wanted to share everything (stories, favorite places, and friends).
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Awww. Yay love!
But despite finding their soul mates, binational couples have to engage in a ridiculous dance of phone calls, plane flights, emails, and endless hearings in order to spend time together. And a lot of them just can’t make it work:
I remember being astonished to discover just how difficult it was for other gay binational couples to make a life together. Max and I were enjoying those early “honeymoon” days of a relatively new relationship and I was already confronted with numerous stories of couples whose relationships had ended. This was because they could not find a solution around the discriminatory laws that prevented them from living together in the U.S. I was determined that we would meet this challenge head on and that we would not be broken up because of the arbitrary reality of borders or citizenship.
The couple is currently in London, working as hard as they can to return to the US. And on the day that they can finally return, we will throw them such a big welcome-back party.
TommyOC
Not to be flippant, but marriage is always an option for bi-national same-sex couples. Of course, by “marriage,” I mean to a beard. But that’s what best-friend lesbians (and gay men) are for… right?
LANew
@TommyOC: Do you know any bi-national same sex couples who have had to, as you suggest, marry a beard in order to stay together? It’s a very heavy (because illegal) option, one that comes with years of worry about discovery, the burden of linking and managing co-habitational housing (or the appearance thereof), financial holdings, and taxes. It’s hardly the easy sign-me-up between friends that you suggest, and sometimes can cause serious complications for their same sex partner. In short, it’s no kind of option.
BlogShag
I would definitely choose love, cause USA America is so skank it’s not even funny. We have a lot of catching up to do when it come to hang-ups, attitudes, technology, infrastructure.
There are many other countries that have a much better quality of life.
Jeffree
@LANew: I know of two cases: both involving Americans with Asian/Indopak nationals. Lots of ca$h changed hands, & in one case a pregancy (planned) was involved. The amount of time & energy needed to cover up the truth is hard to imagine… And it goes on for years. I lost touch with one couple, and the other (last I heard) was still living the lie.
I don’t know all the legal ins & outs of what needs to be done, but it’s sure not for the faint of heart or impoverished!
Jeffree
Oops, my last post didn’t make it clear that the two couples mentiones didn’t have any reasonable chance of going back to the foreign partners’ countries of origin.
I am currently part of a bi-national couple as well. We’ve talked a lot about the future & the M word, but it’s too soon to make plans until school / work / family situations are better set.
Pete n SFO
Phoney Marriages are NOT the option… further, it’s wrong to even enable bigots by floating it as any kind of realistic alternative.
It’s also against the law to defraud the government… why should anyone have to live a false life & commit a crime, while their fellow citizens do not, & only b/c of their orientation???
Feel free to move up from the back of that proverbial bus. If you aren’t mad, faggot, you ain’t payin’ attention!
TommyOC
@LANew: @Jeffree: I would agree with you that going through an arranged marriage for US Citizenship as I suggested is a arduous, worrisome and, in a fair country, needless affair.
But I would also suggest that consulting embassies, hiring lawyers, maintaining travel/work visas (assuming they’re granted) and incurring large amounts of expenses (direct: travel, consultation, processing fees; indirect: missed work, lodging) is A LOT more burdensome.
So while, Jeffree, you might know folks who had a trouble-filled time, and while LANew, you might abhor the idea of “fake” marriages, I ask that you consider the alternative before you pass judgment on my suggestion.
And for the record, I’m not suggesting “paying” for a marriage. What I am suggesting is that, as an expat, you marry your best opposite-sex friend at the time. Most heterosexuals do this when the time is right – so why not you? There are plenty of sexless, loveless opposite-sex marriages out there, so what’s one more added to the mix?
To top it off, I have second-hand knowledge of the process being much easier than you think. So, Jeffree, I hate to say this, but your friends went about it the wrong way.
Jeffree
@TommyOC: I don’t disagree with you. The two couples I mentioned did examine many options before doing what they did. And based on their situations they chose what they felt worked best — after consulting atty’s & a few LGBT organizations.
Important to note that foreigners who live in US cities with a large concentration of people from their home country DO have other reasons to marry than just seeking citizenship.
I’m in no position to judge whether they made the right decision. Neither are you.
TommyOC
@Jeffree: I’m not passing judgment on the folks in this article or on your friends, and if it came across that way, I apologize, as I only meant to emphatically state that there are easier avenues out there.
I don’t believe your note about expats marrying other expats is of consequence to this conversation. If two expats marry for love, and they do not have permanent residency, more power to them; but there is no expectation that said couple will be entitled to remain in-country. Eventually, they will have to return to their countries of origin. The US Government isn’t in the process of playing expat cupid. That’s a risk they know entering the relationship.
But if you ARE a US Citizen, like one half of this article is, and if the residency status of your partner is the major hurdle to your marriage, establishing your Stateside new life and living out your happily-ever-after, then I suggest that there is little harm in getting into a loveless heterosexual marriage to gain that privilege.
What are your hurting? You can’t marry your partner of choice here, so it can’t be that. And you aren’t hurting your timeline to develop a life together – if anything you’re helping it.
robert in NYC
If the foreign born boyfriend were a Brit, they could stay in the UK and wouldn’t even have to have a civil partnership to do it, at least until New York allows marriage equality. Just an option the UK provides to bi-national gay couples.
SteveC
In principle I understand how frustrating and discriminatory this couple’s situation is.
I don’t understand however why this couple would want to move back to the US?
They live in the UK which is a far more gayfriendly country than this one.
Maybe they want to move back for the weather though.
robert in NYC
SteveC, even the weather lately seems to be getting better and better, more sun than rain, sometimes for days on end. You may know already that the UK is soon to embark on a consultation to allow same-sex couples to have civil marriage and straight couples to choose civil partnerships, both interchangeable. An overwhelming percentage of the British public supports it. Things are getting better and better for UK gays. Who would have thought it and under a coalition government of mostly conservatives and a handful of liberal democrats? I wish republicans were more like their counterparts in the UK.
Half of a bi-nationa couple
Some of us can’t even choose between Love and America. He can only stay in a European country for 90 days, having to leave all the time. I can’t go to US, because my country is not even included in the Visa Waiver. It’s a nightmare and I want it to stop. We’re together for the past almost 2 years, we love each other so much. Why can’t we just be together!?