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TRIPLE SHOT

Learn How This Gay Throuple Remains “Equal” And “Exclusive,” But Don’t Ask About Sex!

via Facebook

Travis Morin, Matthew Tweardy and Daniel Torres via Facebook

Apparently some curious Time Out New York readers “wanted to learn more about” the male polyamorous trio briefly profiled in last week’s edition of the annual Sex Issue, so the editors are re-introducing them this week with a patronizing Q&A called “Three’s Company“. How imaginative.

Meet 30-year-old Travis Morin and 35-year-old Matthew Tweardy, two “Broadway actors” intwined in an equal and “exclusive triadic relationship” with 35-year-old Daniel Torres, another Broadway actor who chose to wear jeans with a giant hole near the crotch for the photo that runs alongside his story.

The article begins by explaining that Matthew and Daniel are legally married to each other and began dating in college; they welcomed Travis into their relationship as an “equal” partner seven months ago. The happy throuple uses their brief spotlight to explain that Travis is not their “plaything or flavor of the month,” talk about their families and Facebook pages, and as all articles of this nature do, perpetuate the myth that anyone not in a triad relationship is either close-minded or judgmental.

(If you want to read an incredibly deep article about three guys who’ve been doing this successfully for much longer, I suggest New York magazine’s July 2012 feature “He & He & He“.)

Aside from describing this as the healthiest and most trusting relationship he’s ever been in, Travis seems pretty hung up on the notion that many people believe he’s the “third” or some kind of sex toy, a misconception that his partners are quick to refute. They pride themselves on being 100% equals in this relationship, despite the fact that two of them are legally bound by marriage and reap the financial benefits of such an arrangement without their partner.

But that’s ok. Their love is strong:

Daniel: There’s just something really amazing about three people in the room—there is such a family dynamic when there are three people. The other thing is the love. The amount of love and support that you can get from two people who really care about your well-being and have your back all the time—not that we’re in a world where we’re being constantly victimized by any means, but having two people that really love and support you is a really amazing thing.

Travis: I joke, but it’s really true, that I feel like I won the lottery. It’s double the amount of love.

They believe their relationship is superior to others because they’ve grasped the concept of “having more romantic love,” the way parents have love for multiple children:

Matthew: The way I explained to it to my parents, and to friends that just can’t seem to get it—I just challenge our way of thinking as a society. Romantic love is the only thing that people have a hard time getting their head around having more of, which they understand in every other way. When you have a second child, no one is like, “But you love the first one so much!” If you have a great connection with two friends then you wouldn’t be, like, “Oh my god I have two best friends, what do I do?” It’s not this big existential dilemma if you open up and you’re just like, this is more. And more, especially of love, is a good thing.

And the worst thing about being in a throuple, according to these guys? Your intolerance! (Sheesh, can’t three guys do a Q&A session in the Sex Issue of a major, nationally distributed magazine without having to answer all your pesky sex questions?! Get a grip, twosomes!):

Daniel: For me, one thing is peoples’ comfort level with asking about our sex lives. You would never meet a married couple and immediately be like, “Oh, what’s the sex like?” But as soon as they find out you’re in a triad relationship, they feel that it’s okay. The first question out of everyone’s mouth is, “Do you sleep in the same bed?” We do. But like in any other relationship, that is something personal and private between us. It’s not the defining characteristic of this relationship.

Read the rest of Matthew, Daniel and Travis’ Q&A over at Time Out.

If you’d like a more complete view of the perks and setbacks of being in a polyamorous relationship, check out this op-ed over at Salon, or explore why many polyamorous couples stay “in the closet” over at Slate.

By:           Queerty Editor
On:           Jul 19, 2014
Tagged: , , , , , , ,
  • 32 Comments
    • DistingueTraces
      DistingueTraces

      I’m not sure I get the what’s gotten Matthew’s goat here — it is a little absurd to give an interview to the papers about your exclusive, committed relationship of seven months’ duration, but they don’t seem obnoxiously poly-supremacist at all, just starry-eyed.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 2:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      I think their comparison to having a 2nd child or 2nd friend is very good. That makes sense and people can relate.

      Now I just want to know if they have an open relationship to more every now and then. Ok just kidding. Good for them.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 2:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Queertogeno
      Queertogeno

      To be honest, this article seems more judgmental than the original article or what the throuple say find in people.

      Nowhere in that article says or implies that people who are not a relationship like this are automatically judgmental. They say that mostly people are curious and in their intent to learn about it, some can get impertinent in their questions.

      Also, it expresses exactly the first reaction these guys say knowing about their relationship, with a lot of cynicism I might ad. “What about Travis? Poor, poor Travis.” So I guess that part of the article is true.

      That same Travis that is a consenting adult who I assume can handle the consequences, good or bad, that this may bring. If he cant partake on the benefits of marriage, it is of no fault of their own. Why snide them about it?

      Having a snarky day?

      Jul 19, 2014 at 3:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Matthew Tharrett
      Matthew Tharrett

      @Queertogeno: Why claim to be “equal” when you are legally not?

      Why do an interview for the Sex Issue if you refuse to talk about sex?

      All good questions.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 3:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • vive
      vive

      Matthew, why so judgmental? It is not their fault that they cannot all three get married. In fact that is one of my problems with the gay marriage movement – why adopt a model that perpetuates discrimination against families that are not formed by couples? Maybe that should be the target of your ire.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 4:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      Every year or two or three there is an article on some blog or magazine about a three way relationship and the folks ALWAYS act like they have discovered this new AMAZING thing and everybody else is stupid and judgmental and unenlightened and they are brilliant and just taking love into new and amazing directions.

      Funny how there is never a follow up 2 years later on these things, because they have always broken up. The comment of “they welcomed Travis into their relationship as an “equal” partner seven months ago.”

      7 months and you’re doing articles? Women don’t even start to tell people their pregnant for the first 3 or 4 months. Before they get snippy about other people they might want to see if the relationship lasts the year.

      Queerty did a story on a similar story with similar complaints a few years ago….and they lasted about 6 months or so after this story.

      http://www.queerty.com/is-this-throuple-destined-for-happiness-or-is-a-3-way-relationship-doomed-20090916

      More power to this group but tone the attitude down and come back and see us on your 3rd anniversary if you’re still together.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 4:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mtweardy
      mtweardy

      Gosh it’s hard to not be defensive with the tone here, but let me just say 1) we have zero attitude nor do we think we’re superior 2) we were approached for this piece and first said no 3) the value of a relationship can’t determined by it’s length — we had a former 3 person relationship for 3 years; we happened to have been asked for this interview 7 months in. And 4) agreed to the piece with out knowing the title of the issue (we did learn it later, before publication). Thanks for some of the love gentlemen!

      Jul 19, 2014 at 4:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ihadtosayit
      Ihadtosayit

      7 months…really…that seems more like a consistent booty call on demand more so than a “couple or relationship”…without a doubt someone will move along this will be back to a twosome…oh well, people can have whatever they want but if they want to make things legal I do not see that happening in time soon…

      However if they were straight here is a list of countries that do allow this to occur and the conditions:

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_status_of_polygamy#Countries_that_recognize_polygamous_marriages

      Jul 19, 2014 at 5:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MEnglish
      MEnglish

      This re-post is the only thing patronizing. What a far cry from the original piece, which I found celebratory and sweet. This is just bitchy. And says infinitely more about the author than the subject matter.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 5:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Arkansassy
      Arkansassy

      I’ve never been in such a relationship, but have seen a few. They never last. Ever.

      And yes Travis, you are the play thing, the third wheel, the one who will be left behind. When this relationship ends Matthew and Daniel will still have each other and you will be alone. Wake up from your denial.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 5:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MarionPaige
      MarionPaige

      Some years ago, I overheard this telephone conversation in an internet cafe in Time Square a ridiculous little black queen was having with someone. It turned out the stupid little fucker was homeless and his way of getting a place to stay was hooking up with gay men online. The thang is that, apparently, this nitwit was “invited” many times by gay man into their homes when the men had lovers IN THE HOUSE. I even heard little nitwit say that (in re he last guy he lived with) “the guy’s lover had a fit when he came home to discover that so and so had invited a third to live with them”. So, it seems that COMMITTED GAY MEN IN LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS are in fact not only having “open” relationships but are inviting other guys to live with them and their partners without even discussing the matter with their partners. The way I see it, this is all so fucking proper and deserved. When you try to force fit some failed heterosexual standard (marriage) onto gay men, you end with a “married” couple sharing their loving committed relationship with a third person. Without gay marriage a three-way gay relationship would not even have made the news. However, because the couple is legally married, a third person makes it and gay fucking marriage (to be kind) “newsworthy”. AND, I would add, the fact that the couple is legally marriage does in fact make the third less than equal.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 6:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • michael mellor
      michael mellor

      I’m sorry but these three are pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. They need to get a life. If they expect us to shower them with praise, they’ve got another thing coming. Their fetish has got nothing to do with gay rights.

      They are no different from the straight guy who shacks up with 2 women.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 6:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • adfeldman
      adfeldman

      Of the many false assumptions and projections in this piece, I’ll limit myself to correcting only one: “Aside from describing this as the healthiest and most trusting relationship he’s ever been in, Travis seems pretty hung up on the notion that many people believe he’s the “third”’ or some kind of sex toy, a misconception that his partners are quick to refute.” In fact, not only was Travis not “hung up” on that question, but he never actually mentioned it at all, even once.
      Sorry you didn’t like the title, though!
      Best,
      Adam

      Jul 19, 2014 at 6:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DistingueTraces
      DistingueTraces

      @Arkansassy: They never last. Ever.

      The longest term polyamorous couple in my group of friends just celebrated their thirteenth anniversary.

      Her steady boyfriend has lived with them for eight years, and the three recently bought a house together. Two of his ex-girlfriends make up the core of his wife’s crafting circle and are the go-to babysitters for their six-month-old.

      Obviously, most of the polyamorous romances we knew in our twenties flamed out long ago. As did most of the monogamous romances.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 7:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JJ24
      JJ24

      “we had a former 3 person relationship for 3 years” Which like most relationships of this type came to an ended. I like most other posters believe this relationship will not last. I wish them the best and hope i’m wrong but the fact that this is the second third person points to me not being wrong.

      If this relationship works for them and they are all consenting adults and fully aware of each other then it’s not my place to judge. It may not work for me or be something i’d do but hey we all should be able to choose the relationships that work for us.

      The one bone I have to pick is their refusal to talk about sex, one it’s a sex issue, two sex is a natural healthy thing that we should all be open to talking about.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 8:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tdx3fan
      tdx3fan

      @Cam: My partner and I have been in an open relationship for almost 4 years, and we would gladly welcome a third if he didn’t have kids to think about. I agree with a lot of the points made in their article.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 10:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tdx3fan
      tdx3fan

      @michael mellor: What is pathetic is certain people’s fetish to troll the internet and insult everyone they disagree with without having an open mind or open dialogue… unless of course that person is a gay log cabin republican.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 10:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • michael mellor
      michael mellor

      I’ve never been open-minded about a man shacking up with two women so why should I approve if it’s three men? It stinks the same.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 11:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Logany
      Logany

      This article is extraordinarily rude and one sided. Frankly, who cares what other consenting adults do with themselves. Grow up people.

      Jul 20, 2014 at 1:34 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dxley
      Dxley

      How do you even call something like this a relationship? These guys are just trash.

      Jul 20, 2014 at 3:32 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @tdx3fan:

      I never said the original couple would break up. I said that the Three way relationship most likely wouldn’t last, the couple will of course stay together and just look for the next one.

      The article already mentioned that the couple did this before for a few years, then after that guy was no longer in the relationship they picked up this third. It will no doubt last until he meets somebody else, or he no longer does his job which is to inject some spark into the relationship. As soon as he starts talking about boring things like getting on somebody’s insurance, or taxes, etc… and stops being the exciting addition but instead because just another boring piece, it will most likely go the way of the last one.

      Jul 20, 2014 at 7:38 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • vive
      vive

      Well, what a lot of bitter queens – most of you are just sour because not even one person will have you, never mind two.

      Jul 20, 2014 at 11:17 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @vive:

      I always love it when people try to lash out, but their insults make no sense because they don’t know who they are talking about.

      If you think the postings are mean, go ahead and say it, but trying to say that anybody who disagrees with you on this can’t get a date just makes you sound……well stupid.

      Again, there is an easy way to do this. Since they are such a perfect example then there shouldn’t be a problem with them saying they’ll come back in a few years for another interview. I mean, I’m SURE they’ll still be together right? ;)

      Jul 20, 2014 at 12:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • chrisk
      chrisk

      I always admire those who can make a polyamorous relationship work. In fact those who can make ANY relationship work. Relationships really are a lot of work. I have been in one for 13 years and it’s work to keep yourself and another person happy.
      I couldn’t even make the simple three roommate arrangement work and I am not a sharer at all. But I do find a polyamorous arrangement appealing. I can see how it could be considered less and also more work. I guess it’s just different, that’s what it is.

      Keep working Travis, Matt and Daniel and what makes you all happy! Take the judgmental comments with a grain of salt and enjoy one another. Good luck!

      Jul 20, 2014 at 12:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LuckyboyLA
      LuckyboyLA

      Maybe it’s just a Cali thing, but I first heard about these years ago in SF. Was no big thing. I thought it sounded like a great idea. Living in a small pack of brothers, security, shared living, sex w/each other and others you bring in together. But then I’ve lived here since I was 20 and it shows. I see this Gen of Gay men has gone awful conservative. Lot’s of ‘ewww’ factor going on. Guys, Str8’s are doing things only we did 30 yrs ago. Where do you think they got the ideas?

      Jul 20, 2014 at 2:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • vive
      vive

      @Cam, I highly doubt most of these commenters get out of their mother’s basement enough to even have lost their virginity yet. :)

      @chrisk, I always wonder about these relationships that take so much work. Maybe you have just been unfortunate enough to get stuck with high-maintenance people in your life. I have (and have had) several good relationships that have been pretty effortless.

      Jul 20, 2014 at 3:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • barkomatic
      barkomatic

      One bitchy boyfriend is enough. If I had two I think I’d kill myself. Nevertheless, they are all consenting adults so if it works for them who are we to judge. Take your happiness where you can find it.

      Jul 20, 2014 at 6:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Calin
      Calin

      @mtweardy: Wishing all three of you nothing but the best. My husband and I been together for 21 years, Im 43, and we are in throuple relationship for a year now, it’s one of the best things too happened to us.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 8:20 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • RSun
      RSun

      I don’t think there is such think as true equality in a threesome. The fact that two are married and the third is not is clear evidence. However, if it works for them I won’t judge.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 12:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • xzall
      xzall

      Have to agree with some of these comments as the throuple’s who’ve been previously profiled don’t end up lasting very long. Also Travis has a reason to be insecure. He’s not the one with the marriage certificate. Have they changed their will to include him now in the 7 months they’ve been together? If one of them dies, the other married one is automatically entitled to his social security, inheritance, home etc.

      I also wonder if they contribute equally financially or if Travis was invited into their marriage in exchange for free room and board.

      I don’t think the comparison to siblings is very good because everyone knows despite what the parents say, they have their favorite(s) . I’m quite content knowing despite her loving all 4 of us ‘equally’ I’m not the favorite with my mom, as that means I get to check in less. Not being the favorite in a romantic relationship is just not the same.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 2:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • vive
      vive

      @xzall, oh believe me the third is always the favorite. At least in bed. :)

      Jul 21, 2014 at 8:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • imperator
      imperator

      @Queertogeno: You noticed that too, huh? I agree, to me this article strongly conveys a certain condescending tone, as if to editorialize to the effect of “these guys are so full of shit.” And I’m really not sure how to take that, as someone who’s been in a ‘throuple’ myself for a little over two years now. Should I read skepticism or condemnation for the relationship I have with my partners– a relationship that frankly seems richer than its preceding twosome was for the 9 years we were together before meeting our third?

      If nobody else is effected– much less harmed– then I don’t see what justifies the subtle notes of scorn in this piece, except the notion (which we gay people of all people should be able to slough off) that the “normal”/majority mode of conducting our intimate lives is the only “right” way to conduct them. Surely if anyone ought to know better than to bend and scrape before finger-wagging ‘majoritarian’ dogma without scrutinizing or criticizing it, it’s us.

      Jul 25, 2014 at 12:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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