Let’s All Imagine Barney Frank When He Was Sort of Sexy

What makes a really good politician? Is it their commitment to voters? A sense of duty to the country? A knack for policy? Boring! This is America, where our royalty are pretty people and our presidents are actors. The key to a great political career is the ability to look both hot and authoritative—the kind of person who, with a wink and a nod, can turn the head of any 18-year-old twink. Here’s our rundown of our favorite gay political sexypantses.

Barney Frank

Long before Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank began doing his impersonation of Pigpen after having a couple of strokes, the Chairman of the House Committee on America’s Bankruptcy was actually kind of a looker, if only in a professorial kind of way. Nothing says “I’m gonna fuck you and then discuss fiscal policy” like the combination of nerdcore glasses and a stogie.

Sam Adams

How about we take this to the next level?

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Yeah, yeah, he slept with a barely legal legislative aide and lied to the people of Portland about it to get elected, but Mayor Sam Adams is a total platinum fox. We feel a little weird ogling Adams since Queerty is pals with his current boyfriend, journalist Peter Zuckerman, but that doesn’t mean you can’t.

Eli Judge

Madison 8th district Alderman Eli Judge is an adorable bear cub who cares about making sure LGBT employees get equal benefits and is creating a “ratemypropertyowner.com” to give tenants a way to share information about their landlords. Sadly, Judge has decided not to run for election again so that he can go back to law school, but before he’s gone, be sure to check out his sexy YouTube policy videos.

Christine Johnson

For the ladies, we offer up Utah State Representative Christine Johnson. Honestly, our search for sexy lesbian politicians mainly taught us that the most electable lesbians seem to prefer grandma glasses and perms, but Johnson’s a refreshing exception—still pleasantly dykey (short hair), while also electably ladylike (matching jewelry!)

Seth Bloom

31-year-old attorney Seth Bloom is a member of the 5th District school board in New Orleans, and he’s dedicated himself to school reform in devastated city. That’s, of course, all well and good, but we can’t stop focusing on how cute he is. Who wouldn’t want to bring a Southern Jewish Republican who’s good with kids home to Mom?

Lawrence Webb

A Virginia native and the first openly gay African-American ever elected in that state, Lawrence Webb joined the Falls Church City Council last year after serving on the Department of Education Corrections Board. Inspiring, but we’re seriously trying very hard to keep this prurient, so instead, let’s focus on Webb’s awesome whisper mustache and sexy lips.

Who else should we be adding to our list? Remember, achievement means nothing. We’re aiming for superficial shallow judgments here.