Let’s All Imagine Barney Frank When He Was Sort of Sexy
What makes a really good politician? Is it their commitment to voters? A sense of duty to the country? A knack for policy? Boring! This is America, where our royalty are pretty people and our presidents are actors. The key to a great political career is the ability to look both hot and authoritative—the kind of person who, with a wink and a nod, can turn the head of any 18-year-old twink. Here’s our rundown of our favorite gay political sexypantses.
Barney Frank
Long before Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank began doing his impersonation of Pigpen after having a couple of strokes, the Chairman of the House Committee on America’s Bankruptcy was actually kind of a looker, if only in a professorial kind of way. Nothing says “I’m gonna fuck you and then discuss fiscal policy” like the combination of nerdcore glasses and a stogie.
Sam Adams
Yeah, yeah, he slept with a barely legal legislative aide and lied to the people of Portland about it to get elected, but Mayor Sam Adams is a total platinum fox. We feel a little weird ogling Adams since Queerty is pals with his current boyfriend, journalist Peter Zuckerman, but that doesn’t mean you can’t.
Eli Judge
Madison 8th district Alderman Eli Judge is an adorable bear cub who cares about making sure LGBT employees get equal benefits and is creating a “ratemypropertyowner.com” to give tenants a way to share information about their landlords. Sadly, Judge has decided not to run for election again so that he can go back to law school, but before he’s gone, be sure to check out his sexy YouTube policy videos.
Christine Johnson
For the ladies, we offer up Utah State Representative Christine Johnson. Honestly, our search for sexy lesbian politicians mainly taught us that the most electable lesbians seem to prefer grandma glasses and perms, but Johnson’s a refreshing exception—still pleasantly dykey (short hair), while also electably ladylike (matching jewelry!)
Seth Bloom
31-year-old attorney Seth Bloom is a member of the 5th District school board in New Orleans, and he’s dedicated himself to school reform in devastated city. That’s, of course, all well and good, but we can’t stop focusing on how cute he is. Who wouldn’t want to bring a Southern Jewish Republican who’s good with kids home to Mom?
Lawrence Webb
A Virginia native and the first openly gay African-American ever elected in that state, Lawrence Webb joined the Falls Church City Council last year after serving on the Department of Education Corrections Board. Inspiring, but we’re seriously trying very hard to keep this prurient, so instead, let’s focus on Webb’s awesome whisper mustache and sexy lips.
Who else should we be adding to our list? Remember, achievement means nothing. We’re aiming for superficial shallow judgments here.
Mayor E. Denise Simmons of Cambridge, MA.
You have an interest definition of ‘short hair’…
A quick comment on Seth Bloom – I hope he is successful – conservatives (Rethuglicans I presume) and business teamed up in New Orleans to take advantage of Katrina to privatize a big chunk of the school system thereby gutting the influence of school employee unions. Just another chip at dismantling the middle class and transferring wealth to the corporations.
re: Seth Bloom – “Southern Jewish Republican” – This must be the first time those three words have been written together.
re: Lawrence Webb – “Department of Education Corrections Board” Is that really one board, sounds like schools and jails are lumped together?
Carl Sciortino!
(Massachusetts State Representative – 34th Middlesex District)
Somehow, “Southern Jewish Republican” just doesn’t roll off the tongue.
Where’s U.S. Rep. Aaron Schock of Peoria, Illinois?
@hardmannyc: who, by virtue of his being on this list, is also openly gay.
I can come to only one conclusion- seth bloom does not exist.
My mom would hate it if I brought home a Republican. We’re New York Jewish Democrats. Politics means more than religion over here.
@Paul: he’ll be out soon enough
@Paul – Aaron Schock is not gay.
All I know about southern Jewish Republicans is Eric Cantor, and he is a disgusting, power hungry prick. So by the transitive property: Seth Bloom… not so much.
I live in New Orleans, and I’ve never even heard of Seth Bloom.
My personal experience is that Sam Adams is more than a little lurpy. Over the years every time I was around him he was constantly on the prowl, to the point it wasn’t appropriate. I’m sorry he’s in the mess he’s in now, but it wasn’t unexpected. Again, just my personal observations and experiences.
@Hubbaduh: I second that
How about those that we wish were gay – such as Mayor Gavin Newsome
Jamie Pedersen, WA 43rd District, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jamie_Pedersen, that smile makes me melt every time I see him.
How about unsexy pathetic political closet cases? I will start!!
Rep David Drier (CA)
Sen Lindsay Graham (SC)
Sen Orrin Hatch (UT)
Sen Mitch McConnell (KY)
Someone else add on now….
just a correction… eli judge isn’t going back to law school, he is going TO law school… he was elected an alderman when he was still an undergrad at UW madison.
that and he look much better clean shaven :)
Let’s All Imagine Barney Frank When He Was Sort of Sexy.
I’m sorry but I just can’t.
@SammySeattle: Jamie makes you melt? I have nothing against short, colorless men, but Jamie is really short and is about as pale as you can be without being albino. Nice guy — for a Yale lawyer shark — but sexy? I think not.
@Jon B: 100% — My mother loves the Amish Shaygetz I brought home — who’s parents did peace work in Nicaragua — but if I ever brought home a Jewish Republican, she’d disown me. Like she did my sister. And my sister and the Republican even made her a grandchild.
Mayor David Cicilline – Providence, RI.
Italian, Jewish, gay, and sexy! His voice could make you melt.
Rhode Island State Rep. Frank Ferri(D) – Smart, compassionate, liberal, and gorgeous!
Google these guys and see for yourself.
Jock – I could only find one photo of Frank and it was tiny, so I don’t know if he’s gorgeous or not but what was really exciting was on Wikipedia his spouse is listed! Tony Carparco (sp?).
Why don’t you provide some links? THANKS
@Jaroslaw: Becasue those school employees were doing SUCH a good job prior to Katrina…
@Jonathan: In the words of Dr. Frankenfurter, “I didn’t make him for you!” Good thing to know there’s one less competitor for short pasty guys.
@Forrest – No please don’t make us claim then especially Lindsey Graham. Does anyone else get the impression he attends those “ex-gay” meetings.
OMG, Eli Judge is amazing! Talk about brain sex!!
Chapel Hill, NC City Council Member Mark Kleinschimdt.
Orange County (NC) County Commissioner Mike Nelson and former Carrboro,NC Mayor
They are a couple.
I have always thought it funny that the most liberal county in NC is Orange as the inverse to CA.
Too bad that Madison Alder is an asshole…
The Eli Judge thing _might_ fly – maybe, from the shoulders up, but you people obviously haven’t seen this kid’s footwear.
My God, leave the well-worn athletic shoes and white socks for the gym, honey. Please!
Gurl, I don’t know what you’re talking about but I’ve never seen Eli show up to a council meeting not wearing black dress shoes.
I’m talking about the bar, sweet thing. :D To be fair, last time this happened it was sandals.
Maybe so, but he wouldn’t be much of a bear (as queerty seems to think he is) if he didn’t cast aside some of his lady like charm ;).
If only Eli had eggs, I would fertilize the shit out of him.
I’m so surprised Tammy Baldwin isn’t on this list. She is hot.
@Jonathan: For that Jewish Republican, I would make an exception. The kids can always be sent to boarding school.
What about AZ State Rep. Matt Heinz (D-Tucson)? How about Kirsten Sinema from North Phoenix?
While we’re at it let’s not forget the Republicans. Eric Cantor is the Log Cabin Republicans’ orgasm of the week.
From what I’ve read about Sam Adams, he should be thrown out of office, so to see that you compliment him here is absolutely a slap in the face. As soon as we, as gay Americans, take some pride and be adult about our actions, rather than struggle to remain 25 years old, we may actually be taken seriously. Someone who was 42 and “kissing” or whatever else he may have been doing to a 17 year old, is disgusting, plain and simple.