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Lost Gay Relationships We’d Move an Island To See

0000039619_20070509125838After a nine month break, the island is back (wherever, whenever the hell it is), with Lost‘s new season premiering tonight on ABC. While just about anything can happen on the island (four-toed statues, polar bears, creepy fathers, etc.), the one thing we haven’t seen enough of is gay story lines. Just about everyone has hooked up with everyone at one point or another, but the only gay romance we’ve had in five seasons of the show was between baddie (or sort-of baddie, who knows anymore?) “Mr Friendly” and his Latin boyfriend, who lives off the island. Or did, seeing as he’s now (possibly, who knows?) dead.

Here are the gay romances we’d like to see on the show. Mild spoilers ahead.

anakate
Kate & Ana Lucia
We always hoped that kick-ass tailie Anna Lucia was playing for our team, probably as a bisexual, but Michael went and shot her and now she’s dead. Fortunately, “death” is a really vague term on Lost and with a growing number of the cast making appearances in the afterlife, what we would really like to see is some Ghost Ana Lucia-Kate action. As you know, Kate made it off the island last season and is now living, miserably (as Lost characters are wont to do) in California, raising Claire’s son, while occasionally being haunted by Ghost Claire. The plotline we’d like to see is for Ghost Ana Lucia to kick Ghost Claire’s ass and then declare her immortal love to Kate. The happy mixed-corporeal couple would then join in a Prop. 8 protest and demand their right to be married– amending the “’til death do us part” bit from their vows.

sawyerfriendly
Tom aka “Mr. Friendly” & Sawyer
While we’d hate to break-up Mr. Friendly’s New York relationship, now that he’s dead, we think he should pursue his murderer, lovable con-artist Sawyer. Both have a gift for gab and with Sawyer on the time-traveling island without his main squeeze Kate, it might be time to open his mind a bit. It’d be like Kiss of the Spiderwoman, only instead of being trapped in a brutal South American prison, they’re trapped on a brutal jungle time-space convergence point. Now, I know what you’re saying– Sawyer looks nothing like Raul Julia (though Mr Friendly and William Hurt could be related, no?) and things turn out badly for both Kiss characters, but this is Lost. There are no happy endings.

keamyalpert
Keamy and Richard Alpert
If ever there was going to be a hot gay couple on Lost, we’d want it to be between Boatie bad-guy (who we are pretty sure is actually bad) and ageless Other Richard Alpert. It’s a purely physical thing here: Martin Keamy is Morning Goods-pretty and Richard Alpert is a smoky, dark, sugar Daddy who’s at least 60 years old, despite looking like, well Nestor Carbonell. Yes, yes- Keamy is dead, but as we’ve established on the Island, that’s not a problem. The two of them could redecorate redecorate Jacob’s cabin and invite the survivors of Oceanic 815 to a weekly brunch. When and if the Oceanic Five make their way back to the Island, everyone will have settled down, accepted their variably shifting mortal coils and you know, ritually sacrifice Jack for being such a pompous, unlovable dick.

Who would you like to see shack up on Lost? Any predictions for the new season?

By:           Japhy Grant
On:           Jan 21, 2009
Tagged: ,

  • 6 Comments
    • Henry Holland
      Henry Holland

      You forgot the two characters who really do have a chemistry and an intense relationship: Ben and John. Check out the scene when Ben comes back after pushing the button while John is crawling around after the blast doors come up: the tender feelings and pure…well….*love* the two exhibit is more touching than any of the idiotic Skate and Jate stuff.

      Predictions: Season 5 will totally kick ass.

      Jan 21, 2009 at 12:29 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tallskin
      Tallskin

      Good Grief! Is anyone actually STILL watching this shit?

      I gave up about 22 series ago

      It was good for the first 15 series then just got a bit dull.

      Jan 21, 2009 at 4:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Leland Frances
      Leland Frances

      NO NO NO! Here’s the illustrated recipe for the sandwich to feast upon on any island, or anywhere else:

      Bottom slice: Nestor “Richard” Carbonell

      hunkvideoonline.com/pix/carbonell367nestor.JPG

      DiJIN Mustard: Jin-Soo “Jin” Kwon

      imageevent.com/guytv/mar/mar-ddk.jpg

      Meat: Josh “Sawyer” Holloway

      easydoesituniversity.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/05/KateBeckinsale-nude-Underwo.jpg

      Mayo: Ian “Boone” Somerhalder

      omgblog.com/images/ian-somerhalder-nude-07.jpg

      Top slice: Matthew “Jack” Fox

      jimbo.info/weblog/archives/MatthewFoxTVGuide.jpg

      ohlalaparis.com/photos/uncategorized/matthewfox29090602.jpg

      Jan 21, 2009 at 5:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Nero
      Nero

      LOVE this show! Cmon now, the obvious choice is Jack and Sawyer having drunken straight sex. Or how about Boone and Sawyer?

      Jan 22, 2009 at 11:33 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • A.R.
      A.R.

      Kate and Juliet!
      When they were running through the woods in the rain after Juliet was left by the Others… there definitely should have been something there.

      Jan 22, 2009 at 4:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Alexa
      Alexa

      @A.R.:
      Oh yes, definitely. Though the idea of Kate and a spectral Ana Lucia has its attractions, too.

      Jan 23, 2009 at 4:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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