Whoa! We knew Christopher Ciccone and sister Madonna were once close, but Ciccone, who recently released a tell-all book about the singer, takes to the blogosphere to dispense some information that's definitely too much: when Madge used to have problems with her voice, she would call a man named Johnny and such his "snake," says Ciccone. Then, when she was done, her brother would have a go.
Here's a - cough, cough - taste:
After our eyes glue to Johnny’s huge snake, Madonna and I look at each other in amazement. I immediately rush over to it as my mouth waters.“Sorry,” Madonna says and pushes me away. She then gulps Johnny’s snake like it’s some type of watermelon. Johnny sits down on a chair and I feel a little bit left out until he informs me to take off my clothes. I feel uncomfortable getting naked in front of my sister, but Madonna is so preoccupied that she barely notices.
“Come here!” Johnny says and I walk towards him. Johnny then proceeds to suck my snake like it’s a watermelon and both of us are moaning in harmony. At least it’s more harmonious than Madonna’s singing throughout the day. Suddenly, Johnny’s moans become louder until I can hear Madonna make gulping noises. Johnny doesn’t swallow, but for some reason, it doesn’t bother me. Right after Johnny leaves, Madonna proceeds to sing and she sounds wonderful.
Wait, wait - don't you bite into watermelon, not suck?!
Editor
Andrew Belonsky Editorial Director
David Hauslaib Publisher
Jossip Initiatives
That's…just…um…o.O…*cough* well whatever works…
bad porn
"…The next day, my head felt like a watermelon. I went to the faucet and turned it on. It gushed like a watermelon, except without the seeds. And then I took a dump. That was more like a turnip. But then I called Madonna and asked how she slept. She said, 'Me? I slept like a watermelon.'
Haha. That's my sister—my watermelony sister."
Tasteless f4g.
I don't care how bad anyone's voice is…..a threesome with a sister….that's one of those lines that I could never cross. Yuck.
If the timing of this is based on Madonna's having problems with her voice, then it must have happened every day. Thank god for recording studio voice correction.
If this were two brothers, then ok. But with his sister? Gross.
OMG. I am more offended by his style of writing than by the content!
"He 'informed' me to take my clothes off…" WTF? Maybe he "ordered" me, or "told" me. Weird. Is English his first language?
And to use the awkward and confusing watermelon metaphor not once but twice? He thinks eating watermelon is like sucking cock? And I guess eating fried chicken is like getting fucked up the ass? Eating a lobster is like giving a rim job? Drinking hot sake is like eating out a pussy?
Do you believe everything you read?
Is queerty to stupid to realize that blog is FAKE, or do they just not give a fuck?? I don't know which is worse actually.
*too*
Always was…always will be a trailer trash skank.
The blog is a fake, morons. Get a grip… Do you actually think he would have not put that in the book if he was going to blog about it. Queerty is losing all credibility.
The blog is a fake, morons. Get a grip… Do you actually think he would have not put that in the book if he was going to blog about it. Queerty is losing all credibility.
What's with all the Madonna hatred anyway? I guess you just enjoy all the attention each of her posts creates for you.
It's known in the blogosphere that that "blog" is an over-the-top parody written by someone else. Queerty's a fun site, but you have to check your sources better. Falsehoods aren't cool.
tmmi
too motherf*ckin much information
is it safe to use bleach to remove this story from my brain?
Shame on you for even linking to this garbage!
Madonna's brother is hot!
How about a post about my city's fight with a human rights ordinance - if you got room for this garbage…….??
"Snake"?! Who's writing this blog? A 5th grader?
Did they snowball his gism?
How do you know if the blog is real or fake?
How is the fact of its fakeness "well-known" in the "blogosphere"?
Can someone please back up either their assertion that the blog is real OR the assertion that the blog is fake?
(Also, Christopher is NOT hot. He is bloated. Also, he is a famewhore. And a betrayer. He would be nothing without his sister. So sad.)
Gross!
COMPLETELY FAKE.
And if Queerty would bothering confirming their story with either Simon Spotlight (the publisher) or Christopher, himself, they would realize this.
Completely disappointed that you ran with this story without so much as a hint of fact checking or even the implication that the blog is fake.
This was a site that had great news and information–in one post you've relegated to the equivalent of trash or lunchroom gossip.
Do your fact checking and have some responsibility!
The watermelon thing is a reference to Julie Brown's Truth or Dare parody, Medusa Dare to Be Truthful.
Looks like the Queerty editors are stuck in another K-Hole with this one. You go Tina (BTW, who aged much better than Madogga) Just reminding folks that Madogga is no friend of Gays and we have the high heel scars to prove it (even her post-traumatized Bro)
I *just* went to look , read everything and then suddenly "Blog has been removed!"
excellent. I think my eyes are bleeding agh!
Thanks, DAVID, for watermelon clarification…I was at a loss too. Interestingly, I totally fell for it and the least bit surprised or offended. I actually gat a woody reading the post and bro was hot then.
…not the least…sorry, guys.
"And to use the awkward and confusing watermelon metaphor not once but twice? He thinks eating watermelon is like sucking cock? And I guess eating fried chicken is like getting fucked up the ass? Eating a lobster is like giving a rim job? Drinking hot sake is like eating out a pussy?"
Those sent my imagination whirling! No good for sex ed tho.
Hee hee! Trenton, I like the part about "gushed like a watermelon except without the seeds…"!
"Everyone likes it so much they tell Madonna she tastes like sugar-pops, and poops ice-cream. What a bunch of phonies! I am always left in the background as Madonna's-Brother or relegated to my spot in the basement or attic…" hee hee hee!!
Guys, this was all an editorial mistake. It was supposed to be about Margaret Cho. That's why in High School they called her "Margaret Choke."