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  ALL IN THE GENES

Madonna’s Teenage Daughter Slays, Heads Pack Of Celebrity Offspring Poised To Take Over

Exclusive - Lourdes Leon Supports Gay MarriageI’m sure there are plenty of talented young kids in LaGuardia High School’s latest production of Grease, though none of them are really getting any attention with Madonna’s legendary DNA hogging the stage.

The singer’s teenage daughter, Lourdes Leon (right) is currently starring in the production as quiche mean girl Betty Rizzo, and according to this audio clip, she’s totally killing it.

In fact, she’s “really good” according to an eyewitness. I’d believe anything from the mouth of an eyewitness, especially when they claim she is also “a great singer, dancer and actress.” A confirmed triple threat!

For the sake of this article, let’s forget the fact that descendants of divas can openly pursue their dreams without fear of being too unattractive or poor to succeed. For a moment, let’s also forget that Lourdes carries a maternal gene which naturally allows her to upstage any humans standing nearby. If there’s one important lesson we can learn from hearing Madonna’s daughter belt “There Are Worse Things I Could Do” (and subsequently feeling old because Madonna has a 17-year-old daughter), it’s that celebrity children are the future and it’s about damn time we all got on board with it!

For every photo of a young adult star posted on a website, there are roughly 12 commenters that boldly ask Who the hell is this? or the tried-and-true Why am I supposed to care about this celebrity child? He’s not even gay!

Isn’t it about time you got on a first name basis with these talented celebrity offspring? It may seem like a project at first, but some day, when Lourdes Leon is conquering Broadway and your kids are jamming to Rocco Ritchie’s rap EP, you’ll thank me for introducing you.

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Miley Cyrus

If you’re reading this from Mars, allow me to introduce you to Miley Cyrus, drug czar, sex symbol, and daughter of country superstar/former hottie Billy Ray Cyrus. This young queen was easily one of the most talked-about stars of 2013, and arguably the driving force behind the twerking fad that affected everyone from Ellen Degeneres to Taylor Swift. Cyrus blessed the world this year with monster hits “We Can’t Stop” and “Wrecking Ball” from her fourth studio album Bangerz, the best pop album of 2013 (says me). She also inspires straight men everywhere to take their clothes off.

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Jack Quaid

The first thing you must know about Jack Quaid is that he’s only been photographed without a shirt twice. It’s a travesty, but what else would you expect from the only child of Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid? He’s been trained to spot paparazzi since birth!

The second thing you must know about Jack Quaid is that his only claim to fame was a supporting role in The Hunger Games. He played Marvel, a ruthless killer with minimal screen time, and even managed to make a quick appearance in the sequel despite his character being dead. He’s currently enrolled as a theatre major at NYU, so give it a couple years and you’ll be seeing this too-cute face everywhere.

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Scott Eastwood

If you’re going to spend an afternoon searching for photos of hot celebrity offspring, focus on Scott Eastwood. Once hailed as Hollywood’s Hottest Son, the 27-year-old gym bunny is an “actor” best known for flaunting his finer assets in a few oft-shirtless photo shoots. You’ll be seeing plenty of this man in 2014, as he’s signed on to co-star with Brad Pitt, Shia LaBeouf and Logan Lerman (another PYT you should know) in Fury.

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Willow and Jaden Smith

Bizarre, Creepy” is probably the best way to describe the children of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith. Thanks, Us Weekly!

These kids came storming out of the womb with a specific agenda: To follow in their father’s footsteps and remain relevant in their respective professions for the rest of their natural life. Willow Smith’s greatest contribution to the world thus far has been 2010’s meme-birthing anthem “Whip My Hair“. Her 15-year-old brother Jaden has found a career acting opposite his father and providing Gawker with enough material to last the next 10 years. Needless to say, both are going to blow up in a very big way someday.

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Romeo James Beckham

The moment professional footballer/penis envy enabler David Beckham married Posh Spice, the promise of beautiful and incredibly talented children was pretty much implied. Eleven years later, the couple’s second son Romeo James has found work as a Burberry model and future footballer according to his Instagram.

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Robin Thicke

The son of Growing Pains‘ Alan Thicke has been making music for more than a decade, but it took a few “rapey” tracks and humping Miley Cyrus at the 2013 Video Music Awards to thrust him into the spotlight. Love it or hate it, “Blurred Lines” was easily the most buzzworthy song of the summer and if God is good, he’ll do it again next year.

Rashida Jones

Rashida Jones

Comedy queen Rashida Jones is the daughter of music industry legend Quincy Jones—this is not news. The 37-year-old has enjoyed increased publicity since starring on The Office and Parks and Recreation, which makes the fact that she doesn’t care about any of the “visible vagina” listed above more relevant than ever. In her free time, Jones enjoys proving she’s better than any other celebrity child.

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Lily Allen

Singer/songwriter/actress/badass Lily Allen, daughter of film producer Alison Owen, has enjoyed a certain level of fame without ever breaching “superstar” territory—think of her as a clean Amy Winehouse or more abrasive Lana Del Rey. The 28-year-old just came out of a two-year hiatus and announced plans for a third studio album in 2014. Just this week, she beat out One Direction by topping the UK singles chart with a cover of Keane’s Somewhere Only We Know.

Expect very big things from this woman in 2014.

Liza-Minnelli

Liza Minnelli

What? You thought we were going to publish a “famous celebrity children” list without including the incomparable Liza Minnelli? Ha!

It’s safe to say that Ms. Minnelli will always remain a celebrity to watch regardless of age. Most recently, the 67-year-old daughter of Judy Garland played a super gay show for her adoring ‘mos on Fire Island:


  • 19 Comments
    • Teleny
      Teleny

      Will Smith’s kids are obnoxious. The feet on Robin Thicke’s face is grossing me out

      Dec 10, 2013 at 6:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Brendan
      Brendan

      Uh, “poised to take over”…? Half of these people are full grown adults with current careers and Liza is not POISED to take over, she already did and is a legend in her own right who could retire any time she wanted. Any Queerty reader that needs to be reminded of who Liza need their membership revoked. And for the record – Willow and Jaden are already OVER. They tried and failed to make a splash, they world has figured out they are full of crazy. (see Jaden’s twitters for proof of that – http://www.complex.com/tech/2013/11/jaden-smith-dumbest-tweets)

      Dec 10, 2013 at 7:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LandStander
      LandStander

      @Brendan: “Any Queerty reader that needs to be reminded of who Liza [is] need their membership revoked.”

      Yes, because everyone knows once you stop paying attention to pop culture, you start liking pussy. Give me a break. Must you people support stereotypes 24/7??

      Dec 10, 2013 at 7:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • boring
      boring

      Die, nepotism.

      Dec 10, 2013 at 8:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Brendan
      Brendan

      This entire article is based on celebrity children and pop culture, so my comment is a valid one. It’s not about stereotypes, it’s about supporting and knowing about people who support us. Liza is talented performer and a strong ally – and her mother is a huge gay icon as well. It’s not wrong of me to assume that most gays would and should recognize her name (the article itself says the same thing) based on her importance and lengthy career.

      Side note: You added the word I left out of the sentence while correcting my grammar but failed to correct all my grammar. It should read “who Liza is needs their membership revoked.” I’m not really sure why you felt correcting my grammar was something that was needed when calling me a stereotype and bashing my opinion.

      Dec 10, 2013 at 8:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jimbryant
      jimbryant

      I can’t stand Madonna or Lourdes.

      Keep in mind that Madonna used gay men as a cover to appeal to the sleazy straight guy fantasy. This fantasy consists of lots of female nudity and fake lesbian behavior. Madonna is not a true friend of the gay community in my view.

      In fact, I believe that female pop acts who use the same marketing strategy as Madonna are actually blocking gay and bisexual men from the music charts. They’re getting in the way.

      Dec 10, 2013 at 8:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • iMort
      iMort

      I remember when Lourdes was born wondering how that kid would grow up. In spite of being jealous I hope she turns out okay.

      Dec 10, 2013 at 10:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LandStander
      LandStander

      @Brendan: I included the [is] so that the comment at least made sense, something that did not require the s at the end of needs. I was making your point easier to understand, not correcting your grammar.
      And if you think my post was calling YOU a stereotype, you clearly misunderstood it.

      Dec 10, 2013 at 10:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • oilburner
      oilburner

      @Teleny:
      Exactly!

      Dec 11, 2013 at 1:42 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • oilburner
      oilburner

      @Brendan: well said and I don’t know about anybody else but will smith and his annoying ass kids annoy me

      Dec 11, 2013 at 1:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • rickyboi7
      rickyboi7

      Why didn’t you mention Rashida Jones mom? She’s and actress/model perhaps best known for playing Julie on the original Mod Squad series- Peggy Lipton. More recently she played Adam’s bohemian mom on Rules of Engagement.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 7:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • krystalkleer
      krystalkleer

      @jimbryant: ummm yea…someone needs to stop pour’n failure in their bowl of BITTER flakes! MADONNA RULES…end of discussion!!
      http://getoffmydress.blogspot.com/2013/12/textnsextnperplexnoh-my.html

      Dec 11, 2013 at 12:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • stranded
      stranded

      She sounded like a very talented high school girl any mom would be proud of.

      The problem with offspring of celebrities, especially when they’re young children is that they get famous and inappropriately casted for roles they are unprepared for. Prime example would be Will Smith’s son. If he wasn’t his son, he’d be doing bit parts in television and commercials, but because of his father he’s stars in movies. Kids of celebrities have to prove themselves the same way, or even more so, than up and comers with regular parents.

      PS- you forgot Meryl Streep’s daughters. Kate Hudson and her brother Oliver, Gwyneth Paltrow, Bryce Dallas, Emma Roberts, probably more.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 12:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mpwaite
      mpwaite

      WOW.. I have to admit Lourdes does REALLY KILL IT as Rizzo. Her voice is really good; she could follow in her Mother’s footsteps

      Dec 11, 2013 at 4:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ms Urethra Johnson
      Ms Urethra Johnson

      Glad to hear Lourdes as a voice. A real good voice. Me buying Madonna records since… the fifties has paid off. Won’t feel as guilty from now on…

      Dec 11, 2013 at 5:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ms Urethra Johnson
      Ms Urethra Johnson

      @Ms Urethra Johnson: Lourdes HAS a voice… sorry ladies, tequila hangover from hell…

      Dec 11, 2013 at 5:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jimbryant
      jimbryant

      Lourdes can’t sing and can’t act. Neither could Madonna. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 6:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Herlinda S. Osorio
      Herlinda S. Osorio

      Bernard answered I’m alarmed that any one can profit $4765 in four weeks on the computer. you can look her>>> http://bit.do/e4s2

      Dec 12, 2013 at 9:01 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Niall
      Niall

      If Lourdes has a voice(as in better than “good”), she certainly didn’t inherit it from Madonna

      Dec 12, 2013 at 2:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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