In a new article published by San Diego Gay and Lesbian News, a man writes in graphic detail about how being raped changed him forever.
The man, who published the article anonymously, says it all began as just another night at the club.
“I was standing at the line in the bar,” the man begins. “I walked past the line of guys waiting at the well to order a drink and squeezed in between. …I got my drink and noticed him sitting on the barstool staring at me. I asked if I could sit down and he spread his legs in his seat and I literally plopped myself down.”
Related: Man Gang Raped At Gunpoint By Half A Dozen Men In Washington, D.C.
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After some flirty banter, the man got back up to go and join his friends. It wasn’t until closing time that he saw the guy again, waiting for him outside the bar.
“As I exited the bar he was just standing there on the curb with his hands in his pockets. He told me he was just visiting town, he was here for work and was staying just for the night at a popular hotel just a few blocks away.”
The two agreed to go back to his room for a nightcap.
Related: Straight Man Writes About Being Raped By Another Guy In Horrific Detail
“We kissed in the elevator and we kissed in the hallway of the hotel right before he opened the door with his key,” he writes. “As soon as he shut the door behind me he flipped the lock on the top of the door. I wondered instantly: Why?”
Things quickly turned violent.
“If you do leave here in one piece,” the guy threatened, “you will be the first of many others who never got to leave. If I decide to let you live, if I decide to not disfigure you, if I decide not to kill you, you will be the first.”
Related: Male College Student Bravely Opens Up About Being Raped By Another Guy
Terrified for his life, the man resolved to simply do what his attacker wanted.
“It was not fun, it was not easy, and it was not by choice,” he writes. “I followed through with the games, with the threats, with the hair tugging.”
When his attacker finally finished and the man was able to escape the room, he didn’t tell anyone about what happened for nine months. He also never filed charges. Nor did he ever saw the man again. But the night has lived with him ever since.
“That popular hotel was on my route to work everyday,” he writes, “so for years I took the long way to work. If I mistakenly drove on that street even close to the hotel, my heart would start beating out of my chest, my hands would shake and my mouth would get dry.”
“I was raped,” he concludes. “I knew it then and I know it now.”
“It changes you.”
Related: This Rape Survivor Hopes To End The Stigma Surrounding Male Rape By Sharing His Story
Justin S. Bishop
All it’s worth…
Michael Claypoole
You just never know.
Dylan J. Tate-Britto
This was poorly written.
Black Pegasus
The only time males get charged for sexual assault on another male, it usually involves some type of hazing.
http://youtu.be/bOSQmxBz7Qs
joeyty
So let me get this clear ? Is he saying it changes you ?
SashaVonAndris
As a former slut, who has now chosen to keep myself pure (celibate for 2yrs and 2 months, not easy), this scenario is one of the many reasons why I have stopped having casual sex/one night stands. You just never know which crazies are lurking!!!
You are never the same after such a horrific experience. I’d question myself constantly, my masculinity, my sanity, I’d have trust issues where there shouldn’t even need to have trust issues. It’s sad this happens constantly, in a world where one can express their sadistic and animalistic behaviours amongst consenting individuals, disturbed people want to ruin others lives carelessly… I’m perplexed, really…
JerseyMike
My hookups are so limited because of the crazies in the world. I never go to someones house without a few meetings out. If I invite someone to my house I am very prepared for whatever. I could not let another male get away with hurting me like that without doing something about it..Not saying they would not hurt me but getting away with it is another story.. Something like this could destroy a person mentally, physically and spiritually..
Michael Schroeder
Not sure i believe this story. Not really a story…….
Stache
@joeyty: I picture it like something out of this scene.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=in0eB7N5pNM.
Stache
@SashaVonAndris: “As a former slut, who has now chosen to keep myself pure (celibate for 2yrs and 2 months, not easy)”..Oh the shame.
What a dumbness statement. You sound like another religious nut. I’m sure you do plenty of jacking off to porn though. Only difference is that the sex isn’t shared with anyone else.
joeyty
@Stache: Ah, yes…..but this San Diego anonymous didn’t really get tortured. He just claimed to have sex under the threat of it.
Todd Buchanan
Poorly written. And the rapist ‘tugged his hair’? Doesn’t seem likely
Stache
@joeyty: Yeah, I hear you. Reminds me of that saying. You can’t rape the willing. Her legs were willingly spread. Next time they need to work on that safe word if they’re going to play the S&M game.
This is just too hard to take in. Yes. Pun intended.
Phillip Bernal
Story has a lot of holes in it. and while Men go get raped all the time, I don’t by this story…
Willyam Firth
Not enough details for me to believe this story at all! Rape is a disgusting thing and should be considered so!
bicurious
If this is true it must have been very frightening for the writer. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and accept that it really happened but I must say it is unfortunate that he didn’t contact the police. Now this rapist is free to rape another unsuspecting guy looking to hook up.
Brian
Men who rape men are usually straight-identifying. They have a wife or girlfriend, and in many cases also have kids.
These straight-identifying men see gay-identifying men as easy pickings.
joeyty
@Stache: And such strange spare writing. More like song lyrics than his account of being raped.
Me2
This happens way more than people think. I imagine that the author is still way too emotionally affected by the rape to go into the candid, sordid details that many of you crave in order to believe him. Go figure why he didn’t report it. I hope he seeks professional help.
queerbybirth
Senior, now. Happened when I was 22 during initial coming-out. ALSO, was attempted murder by asphxiation. If I wasn’t 22 and buff — Well.
Took 16 years to mention incident vaguely to counsellor. Male rape as any RAPE, affects any person(of all genders) of ANY age. Took years of dramatic healing to ‘act normal’. Finally, an eclectic mix of healing modalities. Worked, along with Cleaning-up. Peace
Me2
@joeyty: Maybe this was “graphic” for him. It’s not that far fetched to believe that the rape was so traumatizing that he’s unable to publicly discuss all of the specific details. Personally, I applaud him for having the courage to tell this much of his story. Many people, especially man on man sexual assault victims, would have just internalized it, suffered in silence, and stayed mum forever. His story has the potential to help others and I see no reason for him to have made it up. People should really be a little less cynical and a lot more compassionate, and not take away the voices of the victims.
Jeff Braeger
What ,,, raped by a stranger is a hotel room. LOL Sorry but I don’t buy it. Possibly an escort situation that went horribly wrong or horribly right and now he regrets it
rand503
Carry mace. I do now.
paulbear30
@Stache: The audacity of someone to be celibate!! You are the nut here. Your romanticized (and objectively false) take on sex in your last sentence only confirms that. “Sharing”, my foot. You can share plenty without using someone else as a masturbation sleeve. IMO, rape is the inevitable consequence of a society that places a primacy on sex. When you promote the life that having sex (with another person) is such a life or death matter, don’t be surprised what happens next.
paulbear30
correction: When you promote the lie, not life.
CCTR
@bicurious: The experience sounds frightening for sure and its sad that it happened and also sad that the victim did not report it. The attitudes presented in some of these comments here probably contribute to victims not coming forward and reporting. I hope the victim finds peace and the perpetrator has/is stopped.
joeyty
@CCTR: Doesn’t sound too frightening. I could have written a scarier tale.
Me2
@joeyty: I’m very aware of the Keith Hill case and I’m glad that he was caught. However, I will not dismiss this story as being any less serious just because the salacious details have been left out and the victim wishes to remain anonymous. To deny that a situation like this can’t be true; is to be blissfully ignorant.
Stache
@paulbear30: The fact that you both equate sex as dirty and full of consequence tells me everything I need to know. I’m sure religion is somewhere in that fucked up mess too as it always is.
At any rate, I don’t give a rats ass if he wants to be “pure”. He could join a monastery for all I care. There’s nothing either of you have worth anything for anyone anyways. Then again maybe someone likes dealing with those that have more issues then a magazine stand. Call it mental S&M.
joeyty
@Me2: Okay, I’ll tell my own story of being raped next week…and..you BETTER believe it.
joeyty
@Me2: A number of years back I personally knew someone who would up in the hands of some crazed millionaire here in NYC who was drugging guys and taking them home and then further drugging them with liquor enemas and…all kinds of bizarre stuff. He wound up fleeing the country when it looked like he was going to be prosecuted when enough guys were willing to testify. So I’m not saying this San Diego rape story couldn’t happen. Just that there’s no conclusive reason to believe it did, in this case.
paulbear30
@Stache: The fact that I stated a truth SHOULD tell you something but it probably won’t because you’re too far up cum creek without a paddle. You have nothing to say that I need to know.
Me2
@joeyty: Now that’s a scary scenario!! I personally know of some horror stories too. I’ve also seen the traumatic affects of sexual abuse, first hand. So I may be a little biased when it comes to believing this story. Either way, this is a valid topic that needs more awareness so that a safe place can be created for more victims to come forth. I’m glad to see that you don’t have your head buried in the sand.
joeyty
@Me2: Well, in the NYC case it wasn’t until one of the guy’s “dates” publicized his bad experience enough to get the others to come forward to testify to this one attorney who was very careful to make sure all the stories matched up so that there were no fake attention seekers involved. Even details about the apartment as best as they could remember (it was actually on Park Ave!) It seems to be a lot of work to unite the victims in these kinds of cases. So…again…I know stuff happens. Just like I know real rapes of females happens, but my knowing some cries of rape are false accusations doesn’t negate that.