Well, it certainly gives new meaning to “mowing the lawn.” To demonstrate the subtle machinations at play inside the brain when a complete idiot opens his mouth, Iowa Representative Steve King told the world that we can now march into our front yards wearing our Sunday best and marry the lawnmower.
Related: Will Perkins Claims Gay People Only Want To Marry “For Access to Children”
In the same enchanting tradition of Australia’s Liberal MP Dennis Jensen wanting to marry his sister and daughter, and Pat Robertson worrying that we’re all going to marry our dogs (and make cute bestiality-themed wedding cakes), this latest upgrade suggests it’s very much open season on garden tools; another victory in our bottomless homo-fascist master-scheme to turn the world into a pansexual orgiastic cesspool of unstoppered lust.
While introducing fellow miscreant and Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, King waxed poetic and elucidated upon a highly esoteric interpretation of the Supreme Court’s landmark ruling.
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Related: Rand Paul Thinks You Can Now Marry Animals
According to Dickson County News, he said, “I had a strong, Christian lawyer tell me yesterday that, under this decision that he has read, what it brings about is: It only requires one human being in this relationship — that you could marry your lawnmower with this decision. I think he’s right.”
Oh, we hope he’s right. Just imagine that wedding cake… and watching a top-of-the-line Husqvarna 160cc 22 with Mulching Capability whirr down the aisle in your mother’s wedding dress?
h/t: Gay Star News
Kris McCleery
Good grief these people are idiots !
Tony Chaplinski
too stupid to even reply
Tim Grogan
I hope he and his lawnmower will be happy
Brian Walker
He’s right.
Dennis C. McGrath
Not unless the lawn mower is a legal adult and capable of giving consent.
Gonna be a WHOLE lot more John Deere letters, you betcha!
Rikki Van Shelton
I’m sure he would like it too.
Jose Irwin
Feel sorry but not for him, but for the stupid people that still voting for this kind of ignorant specimen.
Brian JC Kneeland
He moves from humans to lawnmowers like they are equal in stature in the law!
Matthew Katz
I hope King and his lawn mower will be very happy
Alexis Barros
Kristina Cumella Vincent
Idiot people in this world, go away King
David Sebastian
He may be on to something there. I have always been suspicious of some John Deere owners affair with their tractors.
Chris L. Reynolds
Would that be an electric mower? Or hand pushed?
Don Michael
If your lawnmower can sign the marriage certificate then yes.
Chuck Davis
Well i hope he marries his
Ladbrook
When I hear idiots like this “wax poetic” about such things, I find myself wondering about the people who sent him to DC in the first place. Should they be pitied for being the worthless, brain-dead sheep they clearly are, or should the whole voter-base just be cleared out and shipped off to an uncharted island in the South Pacific where they can’t hurt anyone but themselves? Tough call.
William Bryant Jacobs
“Catch A Hook”!
dvlaries
John Deer, will you marry me…?
Errol Semple
Is lawnmower cute?
Alex Goodman
Please stick your dick in it, Mr. King
Sebastian Holiday
Anyone mad enough to want to marry a lawnmower should probably be allowed to. Best to humour them until help arrives.
Jerry Kelley
Not unless the lawnmower can say “I Do” and sign the marriage license
Melinda Kaye
does your lawn mower pay taxes dummy ?
Randy Gordon
Michael Haynes
Gawd I do not understand how we live in a educated and civilized society when we have people like this running around spewing ignorant things like this..
Lestar
Sore losers. Give it up already,jeez! Stop the stupid crying. It’s annoying!
Glücklich
Lawn mower?
Which appliance or possession of yours would *you* marry?
I’d marry the American Express. He’s all about service. Rack up those points, baby!
Plan B would be…the bar I installed where a coat closet used to be. Or the air purifier.
Curty
And he’ll be the first to marry his lawn mower since he came up with the idea…
Gerald GeeLocke Panuthos
Sick and pathetic attempt to de-humanize gay people! #FuckYouSteve!
Joseph Pasquino
I think these type of people say such absurdities to make themselves famous. Shame they always sound like jackasses. Maybe the true problem is he is threaten by his own repressed gay emotions.
Jesse Erickson
A woman has married the eifle tower.
jwtraveler
It depends entirely on WHO the lawn mower is. I’ve seen some very hot looking guys mowing lawns.
Jeff Phillips
let him
Cole Cross
This shows how big of an Idiot this man and the Republican Party are.
Sameer Nurani
Marriage Equality means you can live and love and marry the “Person” you love. You will never understand because no one has ever loved you!
Linda Toliver
Beyond ignorant.
Tony Minutella
I love when idiots prove how idiotic they really are
Jake Kunkel
Maybe he is just a LOON!
David Edman
Heck, my lawnmower balks at giving consent to start and mow the lawn. I seriously doubt it would consent to something that takes much more effort than lawn care… Marriage. =)
John Werner Jr
I’m rather fond of my leaf blower, is that wrong?
Jamey Arnold
How do people like this ever get an office? What an extreme douche bag!!
Kangol
Another ill, r@cist white Republican, who has previously made horrible slurs against Latinxs, especially Mexicans.
Why can’t people like him just get the psychological help they need and leave the rest of us alone?
Bob Lowe
For his wife it meant she is free to marry an asshole.
Izzy Capps
Why won’t the idiots just die already? Just. Fucking. Die.
Roy Wed Lee
Dumb Ass
GayEGO
Steve King should marry a lawnmower and he can find out what happens when he inserts his appendage into the lawnmower’s blades! :>)
Ken VanArsdale
Stupid man.
Shirley White
Well he should just go out and do that then! Stupid…
Nate Rose-Rodriguez
C’mon, don’t tell me you wouldn’t wanna smack that ass up…lol
Kevin J Desmond
He’s an idiot !!!!
Donald Jecker
Why does this perv want to marry his lawn mower?
Lucienne Wiersema
Yes…I want to marry the one, mowing my lawn ð??
Chris Duffy
Good, Steve. Marry one. Then bottom for it. Please.
Luis H. Lopez
Ridiculous lunatic ! Homophobe !
billeetee
WOW, STEVE!! You’re right on! You nailed it buddy!
If I had my choice between marrying you and my lawnmower…Hands Down…the lawnmower would be my choice!!
Michael Davy
Stupid ass
Gene Upshaw
about time.
Eddie Poole-Boccio
Why not? Your wife married an ass!
tsginamarieva
I think you’re all misinterpreting Representative King. I strongly suspect he’s warning us that, thanks to the Court’s Obergfell decision we’ll be allowed to marry Mexicans. I’m pretty sure that’s what he means because, to him and his friends, they’re the ones who do all of the yard work.
That would explain why they call Mexicans who enter the U.S. legally and eventually obtain citizenship, “Leafblower Americans.”
Tommy Ogletree
Wow, he looks pretty excited at the thought of marrying his lawn mower.
Alex Rosa
This asshole also said that 99% of Mexicans carry huge quantities of weed over the border and have calves the size of cantaloupes ð???
What a dick!
Michael Clifford
I bet he’d have less of a problem with someone marrying a lawn mower than he does with two people in love, who happen to be of the same gender, getting married. What these people come up with in their purient little minds is a wonder to behold.
kprrr
Please marry your lawnmower, you are meant for each other. Don’t forget about your wedding night though, you two will make beautiful kids!
Zach Daum
good! cause some people seriously need to trim!!
SteveDenver
Identifying as “conservative” is simply admission of brain damage.
Scott Haltom
Then he should. I have no qualms if he wants to marry his lawnmower. Maybe it will drown out his hateful rhetoric.
Donna Kensick Trocano
What a dope!
Ken Spragg
How, exactly, does King Dipshit think a lawnmower is going to say “I do” or sign paperwork to signal its *consent* to marry? Even if we were talking about another person– last I heard, if Ryan Gosling suffered a catastrophic brain injury and had his cognitive faculties reduced to those of a lawnmower, I couldn’t just wheel him to the nearest chapel and marry him. Though I imagine he’d make a more alert and responsive spouse than some of these dull-eyed, practically inanimate wives of homophobic-but-outed-as-secretly-skeevy-Republicans I see “standing by their man(-lover)” at press conferences to announce their retirement/rehab stint.
Or hey, come to think of it in light of debates about rape and rape-culture, contraception, abortion, etc, maybe that’s the real problem here: that right-wingers struggle hopelessly with the very concept *of* consent?
Michael Finnegan
Hank Hill, approves.
Ra Hill
William Holahan
Yeah baby. You can marry the hunky sexy dude who mows your lawn. I hear he is good at trimming the rough edges off the front lawn.
Vanessa Forbes
Another fucking idiot…..his mother should have swallowed. Pendejo!
Something is terribly wrong when people make these comparisons.
Michael Carley
They do have education in America right? Where do they find (and elect) these people
Avery Alvarez
Well, so far the only people who have suggested that they can now marry children, animals, several people, inanimate objects, etc…
have not surprisingly been white christian conservative males who suggest it any time the topic of marriage equality comes up. Kinda like they can’t stop talking about things being shoved down their throat.
Dr. Frued, what could it mean?
David Runyan
Like the woman who married the Statue of Liberty, or the one who married a cobra?
Danielle Null
If that’s what you’re into than go for it. It’s not hurting anyone and I seem to remember hearing stories of women marrying trees, buildings, and bridges.
Giancarlo85
And where are all the dipshit gay Republicans? They were ranting and screaming about Hillary. Not a word here. They just show up when it is convenient. So this is what Republicans think of you. That you have no worth and are not even a human being. Open your fucking eyes… This goes to people like bj mcidiot, lauraspencer and others. Maybe consider the consequences of whom you support.
And yes I am calling several inconvenient idiots out.
Tim Holmes
Fool
Finrod
I wouldn’t mind seeing him get intimate with a wood chipper.
And, wow, Queerty. My first comment in ten hours and I get a notice telling me that I’m posting too quickly and need to slow down. I like it slow, too, but ten hours is really pushing it. Maybe you should worry less about comment speed and more about depth, because that’s a real source of satisfaction for me.
Craig Shapiro
So, qualifications to self-serve in the government is to be out of your f_ _ _ _ _ g mind. Finally, clarity.
Bill Mountrey
King’s lawn mower called – said it is already married to his weed wacker, and to leave them alone.
Kathryn Horan
He certainly is an IDIOT, isn’t he?
Jessie Diaz
and we are the freak, lawnmower, really. and straights have done such a bang-up job with marriage i’m sure we can’t screw it up any more.
gaym50ish
For the best marital relations, be sure to start the mower before you put your dick in it!
And, by the way, if this was the advice you got from your “strong Christian lawyer,” better find a new lawyer who’s an atheist.
Bill Moore
he should know: he’s the product of a marriage between a chimpanzee and a human
Robert Walsh
What does he smoke?
Dennis Hull
Repugnicans don’t have to work hard to sound stupid, do they?
Paul Matwiow
I love when the Republicans make asses of themselves
jwtraveler
@Bill Moore: I think chimps have more sense.
Wilf Somers
Now we know that he is a Repubican and someone should tell him to turn on his BRAIN if he has one!
msfrost
It has never been illegal for someone to marry their lawnmower. Though, it was illegal for gays to marry each other.
Dustin Larkin
I’m guessing he likes getting his lawn mowed.
Cagnazzo82
Stupid republican is a redundant term at this point.
John Gaunt
Seriously? Why do Christians care? Nobody is stopping them doing what they want to do.
minbari
Iowa. Where men are men, sheep are scarred, and lawn movers are very confused!
Dennis Gordon
And he looks like the type to do just that
Mike Muniz
probably a healthy relationship
1EqualityUSA
The grass is always greener…
Tereasa
What planet are these jackasses coming from. Do they have any idea of what they sound like and idiotic they are coming across?