QUEERTY: Were you surprised at how quickly the laws changed? Just 3 years ago when you first started this doc, Pat & Stephen couldn’t get married in New York, now all these states have adopted marriage equality and DOMA is officially unconstitutional. What do you attribute to such a quick and dramatic shift?
ALLAN: I’m hesitant to talk about change coming quickly, because it’s taken so many generations of people fighting to get where we are now, but there’s certainly been a remarkable acceleration in the past few years. The main reason is people like Pat and Stephen bravely standing up and demanding to be counted. It’s easier to be against an abstract idea than to be against actual people. That’s why they wanted to put two more faces on marriage equality for people.
PAT: This change happening so fast is dizzying and wonderful. I think that the increase of visibility of gay people in daily life and the realization that we are your sons and daughters, parents, family and friends is a big part of why this change is happening. Add to that the younger generations coming up that just have more information, communication, and maturity and a real connectedness to everyone in their lives through the social network. Our children are not losing the ability to communicate because of social media and texting, etc… They are evolving their own.
STEPHEN: I am always hopefully pessimistic. In my heart I always believe in magic, but intellectually, I know the odds are against it. That way when it doesn’t happen I am not so let down, and when it does, I can go over the top with joy. The truth is, you can feel the tidal wave. With each passing year, then month, now week, the tide has been turning, and the momentum is so strong now, it had to change. We are lucky to have allies in the public figures and politicians willing to speak out on our behalf, particularly the President. They have the collective eye of the public that might not be paying much attention to the activists who are actually gay. The conservatives and the fanatics will keep fighting but we are gaining strength and we’ve been fighting longer – we’re better at it. And we’re going to win in the end. Absolutely.
ALLAN: While Married and Counting is more of a love story than a political film, the President also deserves part of the credit. He’s been criticized for having had an “evolving” position, but the great champions of equality — people like JFK, LBJ, and Lincoln — haven’t been people born with ideas ahead of their times. They’ve arrived at those ideas through personal growth, and convinced the rest of us to grow with them. I worked for the President on his campaign video team, so I may not be wholly unbiased, but that’s what I think.
QUEERTY: How did Takei get involved?
ALLAN: Takei was a natural choice. The right to marriage is personal to him, as he and his husband were married in California during the brief window between Prop 22 getting struck down and Prop 8 getting voted in. He’s an outspoken advocate of equality for all people, regardless of sexual orientation or race. You can see that advocacy in his upcoming Broadway musical, Allegiance, about the Japanese internment camps of WWII. Also, he has a flat-out gorgeous voice. So we approached him, and he was enthusiastic.
QUEERTY: Did you get married in any other states after the doc? Will you remarry in Cali?
PAT: We had a lovely legal wedding in Maryland that was officiated by the equally lovely Allan! It was groovy and fun and romantic. Allan’s wife Jennifer — who married us in Massachusetts in the film — sang my vows for Stephen and a young friend of ours named Dan Tracy sang Stephen’s vows to me. I cried… imagine that?!
STEPHEN: We’ve begun planning weddings in Maine and Minnesota; the other states will follow, including California. I suggested that our next California wedding be catered by In-N-Out Burger, one of my favorite things about California.
QUEERTY: What inspired you to tell this story?
ALLAN: Stephen and Pat’s love is beautiful. It’s what every couple should hope for. They are so charming, funny and lovable that their story would make a great movie, even without the historical context. But it happens that they’re engaged in one of the biggest debates of our generation, so I’m incredibly honored that they entrusted me to help tell their story, and I just did my best to do it justice.
QUEERTY: Which was your favorite wedding?
STEPHEN: Every time someone asks me this, I pick a different wedding. They are like children and each one deserves to come first, at some point. They were all special and all unique and all important. Today I am really feeling it for Massachusetts. This was the first state to have Marriage Equality; it is the state that started the ball rolling. The ceremony was elegant, the surroundings were warm and cozy, the food, the cake, the dancing, the music, the wedding party – it was a memorable night, but, for me, especially today.
PAT: Gun to my head, I have to say that our Jewish ceremony in Iowa has such a special place in my heart. Marci was the friend to marry us and has known us the longest. She knew us both before we were “PatnStephen.” The blessings, the music and in a deleted scene from the film, she serenaded us with a rare Stephen Sondheim song, “The Two of You” as a surprise. This song truly typified her relationship with the two of us. Beautiful!
You can download Married and Counting via iTunes here.
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Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
James
Isn’t it illegal to get married more than once? You can have as many celebrations/ceremonies as you like but surely only one legal marriage to the same person? (at least without a divorce in between)
Gorecky
I quit working at shoprite to work online and with a little effort I easily bring in around $45 to 85 per/h. Without a doubt this is the easiest and most financially rewarding job I’ve ever had. I actually started 6 months ago and this has totally changed my life. Here’s what I do Going1.C0M_
yaoming
Can you really get “more protection” by getting married more than once?
davegun2
Hey, it wasn’t all Pity Party all nite that Wednesday in WeHo! *see earlier, riveting story* I walked around, checking out the entire venue (that’s how we Hollywood types talk, you know) … the bars, main stage, that sort of thing.
Everywhere I went, someone … hell, even some whole groups! … would recognize my other persona, the fabulous Fortuna Monsoon.
So, making his way towards me through the crowd outside was a (very) handsome older gentleman with a huge smile on that (very) handsome face. (The bars in WeHo almost all have very large outdoor patios for their patrons. This IS the tropics, after all.) Kissing me on the lips and shaking my hand a couple of times, he gushed, “You are the most genuine, real, unaffected (don’t forget authentic, I thought, adding to the redundancy) person I have ever seen on tv! I loved you and Jinkx!”
More xxx’s and ooo’s ensued, after which I managed to sputter out something like:
“Well, thank you! …You really know me? (It still manages to surprise me)I feel honored.”
And then …
“Oh, thanks for talking to me.”
(I was doing fine up until then. That last one, a little too desperate.)
This sort of thing had became the norm since my appearance on RPDR. Here at last Wednesday’s celebration it was amplified.
It started with about seven “twinkles”.
Really, 21? An insane thought, the only kind, came into my head. “What is this? It’s not time for the release of the new Not-gonna-be-Hostess-Anymore Twinkie’s yet. I don’t need this much sweet stuff.” I know insane.
One really hot, short, adorable little twink popped up, shrieking, “YOU’RE HIM! OH MY GOD, YOU’RE THAT GUY! YOU GUYS, OMG, LOOK! IT’S HIM!” A chorus of answering shrieks chimed in. Lots more OMG (OH EM GEE, in this generation’s vernacular. It has to be said properly for the full effect) and OH MY GOD, YOU’RE RIGHT, IT SO IS! followed. What exactly is the age-appropriate response to that sort of reaction to your mere (but fabulous) presence?
What’s an old queen to do?
I smiled and let them hop around me, taking pictures of themselves and their friends with me. Cute. Adorable, even.
When they were done squealing over me and taking their pics, (I have a feeling I was being shown off on Instagram that nite) I strolled away, the voice in my head (not THAT kind of voice … the inner dialogue we all have with ourselves. We DO all have that. Right?) “Not a chance, Dave. You’re too old to be thinking things like that about boys like them.”
… But damn. They WERE cute …
Seriously. I was recognized by an awful lot of people. Even ended up in what they call a “Hollywood altercation” these days. (More like a battle of the wits with an unarmed person, honestly) This drunk Mexican (which I can say, being part Espanish myself) decided to argue with me about what a transsexual was (School me? Oh no sweetie.) as well as spouting off some ridiculous opinion that RuPaul “always dresses the same, just different colors of the same thing.”
Sure, guy. “Honestly, RuPaul … you really need to update your tired, boring old wardrobe and find a sense of style.” Says the Mexican in the ugly dirty sweatpants.
I’m ashamed to say that the last comment got to me, and suddenly, there I was, having a complete PTSD meltdown, yelling at a perfect stranger in the middle of a club on the biggest night in WeHo. It all having started because he recognized me and had really loved me on the show. I went high dudgeon.
Before the cerveza bottles started to fly … if you lived here, you’d understand. (And if you don’t, trust me, it happens) … I split and high-assed it down the street.
Finally, the evening was winding down. I stood outside another fine local drinking establishment, smoking a little doobie I’d brought along just for this occasion. (Ahhh, CA … land of medical marijuana) Oh, for God’s sake, people. Don’t judge me. I’m a child of the 60s. Hell, in 1960, I was hanging out with beatniks at The Fifth Estate on Sunset Blvd.
( Historical reference here:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fifth_Estate_(periodical)on where the name of a periodical “The Fifth Estate” came from. It references the bar. )
As I was enjoying my smoke, I look over to see this short, mixed race guy with a big, dumb grin on his face. His eyes were wide as saucers and popping out of his head.
Remembering the earlier encounter at the club, I smiled. “Don’t tell me. You know me, right?” He was already too close to me, and now he stepped forward, too far into my personal space. His breath smelled of yesterday’s sun-ripened garbage and he whispered, “Why? Should I?”
I felt it was very polite of me not to hurl on his shoes.
That was it.
My fifteen minutes were up. (Officially!, as Detox would say)
This guy did NOT know who I was.
And his face was in mine.
He spoke in a whisper, “I don’t know you man, but you are SO hot. Gimme a kiss.” I resisted the urge to urp.
He started licking his lips and moved closer to my face, his eyes slightly closed. Oh, what the fuck. Dave!? Just get it over with.
Thank God he didn’t tongue me, I guess. You see his lips were wet, sticky with some thick, viscous-like spittle. “Nite!” I yelled, already running across the street.
Don’t think me mean. I’m just the teller of this story. But as I turned back to look at my new friend, his entire body had shrunk down into the posture of somebody with an obvious spina bifida condition.
His eyes? Still had that “I just saw a Hollywood star!” bulge, the grin staying wide and contorted. Again, it was obvious to me now that he had extensive nerve damage as well, from the spina bifida.
He turned away from me, and Quasimodo”d down the block a short distance.
He stopped. Reached in and searched through a city trash can, found something to eat, and continued his shuffled down the street, our paths having briefly crossed, two strangers lives having intersected one fascinating night in WeHo, CA, USA, Planet Earth.
And how did YOU spend the most important evening in this country’s history?
Dave Lara
Harley
@James: you can’t get married more than once to different partners without divorcing the first. But one can marry the same person more than once. Take a couple together for 50 years wanting to renew their vows. This is the same thing here.