Some of these would be hilarious if they weren’t still actually-held beliefs by many people. And some are just terrifying no matter the context.
Reformed brainwashee Mormon Redditer VilateandHelen recently racked their brain to come up with all the lies learned (and subsequently unlearned) growing up in the church.
There must be plenty more, but this is a pretty comprehensive list.
Buckle up:
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Black people were not valiant in the pre-existence.
Joseph Smith never practiced polygamy.
Brigham Young did everything he could to prosecute the killers in Mountain Meadows Massacre.
Gay people choose to be gay.
Mary had sex with God in Heaven.
People with mental illness are possessed by the Devil.
The second coming would be in the Year 2000.
Mormons didn’t practice polygamy after 1890.
So many young ladies joined the church in the 1800’s because the men died in wars.
I would probably end up living in Jackson County Virginia.
The earth is only six thousand years old.
Evolution is a lie.
Dinosaur bones were put on Earth by the devil.
The Church has the Gold Plates and Sword of Laban in its vaults.
The sealed portion of the Golden Plates would be released any day.
I was one of the greatest generals in the War in Heaven.
Brigham Young mostly just married widows.
African people weren’t prepared enough to handle the priesthood.
The temple would be an amazing experience.
Masturbation with make me turn gay.
Bishops can read my mind.
All my tithing goes to building churches and temples.
The RLDS church was led by the Devil.
The church had secret missionaries in China.
Women should not wear makeup or dye their hair.
Angels helped push the handcarts.
The Book of Mormon is the most perfect book on Earth.
The Book of Abraham was written by Abraham and translated by Joseph Smith.
The devil ruled the waters.
All the Indians were Lamanites.
Joseph translated the Book of Mormon using the Urim and Thummim.
There had been no changes in the temple ceremony.
The Masons got their ceremony from looking at Solomon’s Temple.
People leave the Mormon church because they want to sin.
It will be proven that coffee is as bad as smoking.
The Catholic church is run by the devil.
Archeologists have tons of proof of the Book of Mormon.
God’s doctrine never changes.
Anything not written by the church is Anti – Mormon.
The Holy Ghost is a better witness than logic.
Church leaders are not paid.
Christ walks the halls of the temple with the Prophet.
Ron Dunn
So does this make every guy on the planet gay
Atrius
Utter bullshit.
David Painter
The Holy Ghost is a better witness than logic. That’s sums it up for me.
M'Lady Caca
Thats silly, if it were true, everyone would be gay.
M'Lady Caca
Can you think of some other thigs that will do the same thing.
M'Lady Caca
Show me a man who has never masturbated and I will show you a man with no arms and is in a coma.
Melinda Kaye
If that were the case. .. I’d be the biggest lesbian ever.
HeroQueero
Believe me, I’ve tried the masturbation method on plenty of straight guys and it doesn’t work! 😉
TheNewEnergyDude
Masturbation makes you turn gay??
There wouldn’t be any straight people in the world.
Hahahahahahaha. What a crock of shit. All of these statements.
Seriously…why isn’t religion against the law?????
I mean…wtf?????
BOB K
Church leaders are most certainly paid — but not those in the local stakes, who take turns spreading the shit for free.
transiteer
Proves that there really is “a sucker born every minute” (in this case thousands). Cash please, no cheques. Religion = Control of the Stupid.
Captain Obvious
Hot guys made me gay, masturbation made me need glasses.
Xzamilio
Sometimes, you just have to sit back and let them do themselves in
http://shallowvoices.blogspot.com/2014/01/why-i-as-gay-man-love-homophobes.html
Gotta love them
Giancarlo85
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r-e2NDSTuE&w=420&h=315%5D
Giancarlo85
@Giancarlo85: Oops how do you embed videos on here?
https://youtu.be/8r-e2NDSTuE
Was trying to post a Carlin video… on religion being bullshit.
RichardB
Add the following:
.. The moon is made of green cheese.
.. Wearing Calvin Klein briefs will make you gay.
.. The sun orbits the earth.
BrettJ
As a Gay Mormon, I know this list is utter B.S. There is a big difference between the doctrine of the church and some of the ridiculous crap taught by a minority in the church. Most of this content is NOT endorsed by the church. Every religious organization has zealots and crazy members that twist doctrine. This list is proof of that.
Also … the church does not say masturbation turns you gay. Did they teach that back in the 70s? Maybe. I’m not sure. The church has a homophobic history, so it’s possible. All I know is that the church DOESN’T teach that now. And anyone who says it does clearly hasn’t done their research.
As a gay man who actively attends a Mormon ward I know how loving and accepting members of the church are. Don’t believe all the crap the web throws at you. Not all Mormons are out to destroy gays.
David Lara
Interesting
unclemike
@BrettJ: “Not all Mormons are out to destroy gays.” Well, the ones who aren’t should speak up more, because they’re being drowned out by the ones who are.
By the way, when I went through missionary lessons, they made it very clear that masturbation and being gay were directly related (uncomfortably using the story of Onan to demonstrate their logic). So…uh…yeah.
Being an atheist is so much more reasonable.
John Howard Fearman
I hope social services are aware. I suspect these people are not taking taking their medication.
John Howard Fearman
They’re just a bunch of wankers.
1EqualityUSA
BrettJ:
LDS Actions Against Marriage Equality
Mormons in the House of Representatives Vote for Discrimination
Despite LDS Crusade, Senate Rejects Ban on Gay Marriage
Anti-Gay Actions Carried Out by the LDS Church
Prelude to the National “Defense of Marriage” Campaign
Despite LDS Crusade, Senate Rejects Ban on Gay Marriage
“The Church got sucked into the jets of cynical GOP political strategy”
The Mormon Vote in the Senate
Orrin Hatch: Yea
Bob Bennett: Yea
Gordon Smith: Yea
Mike Crapo: Yea
Harry Reid: Nay
See Full Senate Voteby Matt Christensen
June 2006
The U.S. Senate rejected on June 7 a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, despite a carefully orchestrated political campaign in which the LDS Church joined a right-wing religious coalition and urged Mormon congregations to help pass the bill. If passed, the measure would have started the process of writing discrimination against gay and lesbian couples into the Constitution.
Mormon senators Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, Bob Bennett, R-Utah, Mike Crapo, R-Idaho, and Gordon Smith, R-Oregon, voted for the so called “Marriage Protection Act,” while Mormon Senator and minority leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., voted against it.
“For me it is clear the reason for this debate is to divide our society, to pit one against another,” Reid wrote on his website. “This is another one of the President’s efforts to frighten, to distort, to distract, and to confuse America. It is this Administration’s way of avoiding the tough, real problems that American citizens are confronted with each and every day.”
Columnist Holly Mullen critiqued the role of the LDS Church in the stunt. “On the amendment matter — whether intentional or not — the [LDS] church got sucked into the jets of cynical GOP political strategy,” Mullen wrote June 8 in The Salt Lake Tribune. “Bush took a desperate dive to shore up his lagging approval and his party by pushing a plan destined to fail from the first. For LDS leaders to align themselves personally with this transparent political ploy seems beneath its public reputation for repudiating hands-on political involvement, and frankly, for trying to do good.”
“The president failed this time,” Mullen added. “As did the church.”
1EqualityUSA
This nefarious cult still undermines our community, though they are now more cunning.
Realitycheck
How sad for the children of mormons to be doomed to a life of utter idiocy……
AxelDC
It worked for me.
polarisfashion
The only thing I don’t like about atheism or being agnostic is that we don’t have enough holidays.
Bauhaus
@polarisfashion:
Seriously? Every day is a holiday for atheists!
Paul Nadolski
“The earth is only six thousand years old.”
Per some lunatic scholarship, some people actually do believe the world was created on October 26, 4004 BC at 9AM. Actor Frederic March reveals this “fact” on the stand in the film “Inherit the Wind” during a great cross-examination by Spencer Tracy. Too bad some people actually believe it!
Cam
@BrettJ: said… “Most of this content is NOT endorsed by the church.”
________________
Yes, and not all Mormon trolls come on here and lie. But most of them, like you, do.
In the most recent national meeting Porn/Masturbation was named as one of the most serious problems.
But you know, nice try.
AtticusBennett
@BrettJ: your comments would be better served from a place of visibility. can we expect to see you and your mormon family on youtube? you could prove your point more if you and your mormon family made a video where they explained that they complete support you as a gay man and and openly-gay one, who has relationships with other gay men.
often “gay mormons” will come online and anonymously defend their church. very rarely do you see them, and their claimed supportive mormon families, in any meaningful way.
perhaps, since your family is so pro-LGBT and you’ve experienced no discrimination from the LDS, you and your family can be the ones to do the most positive work and show yourselves, and prove that your claims are true?
to be fair, here’s me and my family. your turn now?
http://littlekiwilovesbauhaus.blogspot.ca/2014/04/are-pride-parades-too-sexual-is-there.html
heyace37
I’d probably wind up living in Jackson County MISSOURI, not VIRGINIA.
Geez, they got the lie wrong!
David Edward Hollis
No given head will
Bob LaBlah
THE BASTARDS!!!! How DARE they think that of Barney?
Bigmak
I grew up in the Church and have never heard of a majority of these things. Some I definitely have but most I have not. A few of these seem absolutely made up.
AtticusBennett
@Bigmak: know what else seems absolutely made up? everything about the Book of Mormon. just saying.
Bigmak
@AtticusBennett: Yes! You didn’t let me down AtticusBennett! My first snarky reply back on a website! I knew it was going to be you after reading through all the comments on Wednesday! I was expecting a reply about religion being made up or something to that degree and you did not let me down. You really came through, buddy. Bucket list, check! Thank you!
AtticusBennett
@Bigmak: and you did exactly what i knew your kind would do – make a statement from a place of complete anonymity. how about you and your amazing pro-LGBT mormons family get that video camera on, and share with youtube and the world the realities of being a pro-LGBT mormon family?
i expect you, of course, to give a few excuses as to why you won’t do this. you never can.
BrettJ
@AtticusBennett, You should look up the group Affirmation, a group for pro-LGBT mormon families. It features stories and videos of members of the gay-mormon community. Is the mormon church flawed in their treatment of the LGBT community? Absolutely. With that being said, despite the flaws, my experience with mormons has been positive. I’m sorry if you haven’t had a positive experience.
I’ll be honest, I’m not featured in a video, because I’m still in the process of coming out to all of my family. I really hope to be more vocal of my experience in the future. I agree with you that it’s important, and stories like mine need to be shared. They just need to be shared at the right time.
@cam … I’m most definitely not a troll. Thanks for jumping to conclusions. You’re right, Porn/Masturbation is constantly being talked about by the church, but NOT AS A CAUSE FOR TURNING GAY. As someone who has attended every single one of their bi-annual general conferences since I was 12 … I would know.
But you know. Nice try.
Bigmak
@AtticusBennett: You are the gift that keeps on giving!! I don’t ever want this to stop! I love the beginning of this latest comment, “your kind.” Such an interesting phrase to use. I always thought that was used by bigots but maybe I’m wrong.
I was scratching my head a little with this one. Your original reply was right on the nose. I feel like you went off on a tangent in your latest reply. To begin, you assume that I am still a Mormon. I only said I grew up in the Church. I also grew up watching Captain Planet and the Planeteers, I don’t do that anymore. Then there is this whole mess of a statement “how about you and your amazing pro-LGBT mormons family get that video camera on, and share with youtube and the world the realities of being a pro-LGBT mormon family.” Of course this goes back to the assumption that I am Mormon but a simple Google search lead me to this great website, affirmation.org. A big banner on their website greats you with the following words: Affirmation, LGBT Mormons Family and Friends. They also have a Youtube page with tons of videos. I really just Googled “pro-lgbt Mormon Family” and boom, there it was.
I like your passion AtticusBennett. I really do. You remind me a lot of the SNL skit “The Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation with at a Party.” If you haven’t seen it, please watch it. It is hilarious. I think it describes everything about your reply. Can’t wait to hear back from you! Have a great day!
Bigmak
@AtticusBennett: Check this one out! http://www.hulu.com/watch/435933
AtticusBennett
@Bigmak: and you’re the “gift” that continues to cling to invisibility. thrilling.
i didn’t ask for others, i asked for you 😀
ok, so you’re a former Mormon. let’s see you and your journey and your family!
Bigmak
@AtticusBennett: Well that reply was…meh. I was hoping for something way better. Bring back better snide remarks when you reply. Your contempt sustains me!
Volvoguy
@Hero????????????????!!!Queero: