Matt Sanchez sez, “Porn Did This To Me!”

No wonder Matt Sanchez kept his interview with Joe.My.God so short – he had bigger fish to fry, like his piece in today’s edition of internet daily, Salon.

Sanchez admits that he predicted this monumentally porntastic outing and that, yes, he asked for it, but his porny past doesn’t hold a candle to his conservative mission:

I never imagined that I could become a “public figure” without facing scrutiny. And I sought attention. I’m the first to admit that I want to be heard, read and taken seriously. But some issues are complex, and some really are simple. People complain of a lack of depth in public discourse and the way complicated debates get compressed into meaningless sound bites. Well, porn is just … porn. Self-explanatory and without depth. The pictures do the talking, and however many pictures there may be in video stores or warehouses or online, they still don’t have anything interesting to say.

Huh? You lost us… What were you saying about porn? “I started off as a liberal but I progressed to conservatism. Part of that transformation is due to my time in the industry.” Oh sweet Jesus – the conservatives are going to eat this shit with a spoon…

You see, most conservatives love a good convert. Just look at President Bush – from coke-head sinner to reborn president. Thus, we can only imagine Sanchez’s transformation will only deepen their love. He writes

I didn’t like porn’s liberalism. In porn, everything taboo is trivialized and everything trivial is magnified.

…By the time I finished my brief tour of the major studios, I was pretty disgusted with myself. It was an emotional low, and the people who surrounded me were like drug dealers interested only in being with the anesthetized in order not to shake off the stupor of being high.

Why did I become a conservative? Just look at what I left, and look at who is attacking me today. Let’s face it: Those on the left who now attack me would be defending me if I had espoused liberal causes and spoken out against the Iraq war before I was outed as a pseudo celebrity. They’d be talking about publishing my memoir and putting me on a diversity ticket with Barack Obama.

Sanchez goes on to thank his conservative comrades for sticking by him. What he doesn’t say, however, is that the conservatives would no doubt have admonished him if he were on the Left. It’s not as if liberals are that much different when it comes to vilifying political enemies. The real difference is that most liberals attack when someone embodies great hypocrisy, pretends to be something they’re not or uses false documentation to attack groups of people. Had Sanchez fessed up from the get-go, there’d be no scandal. The Righties, meanwhile, target not people’s politics or integrity, but their innate characteristics, like homosexuality. If that’s who Sanchez wants to chill with, that’s fine by us, but don’t even front like they wouldn’t shun you if you weren’t so explicitly on their side.

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Sanchez finishes by predicting the slow death of this scandal, saying things like this come and go. He’s right. He may just be a footnote by this time next week, a pithy punchline, but he can rest assured that we won’t be forgetting anytime soon. Nor, we imagine, will his conservative peers – he’ll forever be the reformed porn star. Sanchez may be done with the past, but it sure as hell isn’t done with him.