Spokane’s conservative Republican Mayor James West, or “Cobra 82nd” as we like to call him, has been in trouble for surfing Gay.com on a city-owned laptop and then offering an internship to some boy toy in a chat room. Not a smart move for the mayor. (Any queer Spokanites who’ve chatted with him, drop us a line). Rumors have also been rampant about possible sex abuse while a Boy Scout leader. Oh boy.

From his recent AP interview:

Tears welled in the mayor’s eyes and he paused to collect himself at one point while reading a supportive letter he received from a former Boy Scout now living in the Netherlands.

He’s publicly declaring he’s still corresponding with Boy Scouts? Someone please slap him.

“I wish I had never gone online at all. I just wish I hadn’t,” West said. “I scratch my head today. I can’t tell you why.”

We can answer that one for you. Because you like cock.

“I was never a closeted conservative or a closeted liberal.”

No Mr. West, just a closeted homosexual.

The AP saved us from a weekend of nightmares by choosing not to ask him about the significance of a snake in his screen name, Cobra 82nd. We really don’t want to know.