Have you guys seen this week's New York Magazine? No? Well, you should really run out and get a copy. Why? Well, there's a fascinating little piece on porn empresario, Michael Lucas.
Yeah, we know, Lucas gets way more press than he deserves, but we really can't resist. First of all, we think we're in love with the writer of said piece, William Van Meter, and his sardonic ways. At one point he writes, "…Though thoroughly bronzed, [Lucas] has a vampiric aversion to the sun to match his Count Chocula voice." Anyone who compares Michael Lucas to an oft-ignored cereal mascot gets a thumbs up in our book.
What really caught our eye, however, is Van Meter's examination of the Owen Hawk-Michael Lucas feud. Of Lucas, Hawk says:
“A great analogy for Michael is Ann Coulter. He’s a person who doesn’t really have anything to contribute artistically, so they compensate with outlandish claims.â€
Here, here. Going on, Van Meter explains:
Of course, Hawk, who has appeared in three of Lucas’s movies, is probably not the most impartial judge of his talent as a director. Hawk and his boyfriend, Matthias von Fistenberg (a nom-de-porn homage to Diane Von Furstenberg), are co-owners of a fledgling production company called Dark Alley Media, whose pornographic output tends to be much darker than Lucas Entertainment’s. One of their movies shows Von Fistenberg, a former classical-music producer, sitting down to play at a grand piano before having a jockstrap thrown at his face. They recently sued Lucas for $750,000 for slander, libel, interference with trade, and a host of other legal complaints. Among Dark Alley’s contentions was that Lucas was trying to have their videos removed from local sex shops. “I have a right to do that,†Lucas said at the time. “I can tell anyone, ‘You want my product? Don’t go to them.’ †In August, the suit was settled out of court (both parties have agreed not to discuss the settlement). Shortly thereafter, Lucas signed on as a major sponsor of September’s Gay Erotic Expo in Los Angeles, the biggest annual industry convention, and Dark Alley’s registration fee for a booth was mysteriously returned.
There. That last sentence – what Van Meter's not saying is that the Gay Erotic Expo is run by HX Media, publishers of HX Magazine, who have long had a running arrangement with Lucas Entertainment.
From what we understand, the payment wasn't "mysteriously returned," but was returned after Matthew Bank, whose Lucas loyalty knows no bounds, refused to do business with Owen and Dark Alley. What's more: we hear that the editor of HX had planned an entire Dark Alley feature, but that Bank demanded he squash it to appease Lucas.
Fuck, we love gay publishing. Especially its nepotistic underbelly…
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nsfw
whoa. all the gay drama. i don't even think you could fit it all in Michael Lucas' collagen enhanced lips. he looks like he's on his way to Amanda Lepore territory. Poor Owen. All he wants is the right to show some hardcore fisting of his own design! Let him fist! Let him fist!
Now, be fair to Michael, boys, most of those lips are actually his from DNA, not collagen. He's had them since he was three.
What? Feuds in Pornoland? Well, I spoke to my lesbian Rabbi (Rabba?) who once went on a date with a star of Latvian dominatrix films, and both agree that the only way to bring piece (sic) is to send in Reichen. He's pretty much exhausted his soft porn options (how many times can you cover your petey in wet seaweed or hide it all behind an American flag?), so fulfilling his destiny as World's Most Famous Bottom must be next. After all, his "acting" career seems to have hit a wall. His total number of dialogue lines from all of his recorded work, from his Shakespearean read of "Can I borrow the sugar?" on "Frazier" to his scene in "Ethan Greene" that ended up on the proverbial editing room floor, couldn't come to more than ten, though his butt-in-lycra spoke volumes as Mimi admired it on "The Drew Carey Show." fishbowl.com isn't likely to ask him back after he dumped them for QTV which tanked in what apparently was the biggest money scandal in LGBT media history. He even lost his house.
And as the truth about his pathetically exaggerated claims of being sexually assaulted at the Air Force Academy (imagine the musical version, "Reichen on the Roof": "Getting to blow you; getting to blow all about you. Getting to rim you; hoping that you rim me….") continues to get out, his book sales are likely to drop off.
Wait. This just in: Lance apparently hasn't 86ed him yet (admit it, you want me to go there but I won't). So maybe he'll be able to avoid having to finally show the half-full Monty. Save your allowance, boy. Save your allowance.
Michael Lucas: A short cheap version of George Hamilton that sounds like Zsa Zsa Gabor when he speaks. I have seen him in one or two videos his sex appeal totally escapes me. His dick looks like it was stuck in a pencil sharpener.
Am I just imagining this, or was there, in Fall 2005, a well-received interview with Michael Lucas that appeared on Queerty and contributed if even in small part to the site's winning an award?
Am I just imagining this, or was there, in Fall 2005, a well-received interview with Michael Lucas that appeared on Queerty and contributed if even in small part to the site's winning an award?
Gee, WHO isn't Michael Lucas feuding with these days? Is he so insecure about his own studio's work that he has to try to shut out a little company like Dark Alley?
No wonder I prefer my West Coast porn.
I dont think our company is all that little anymore, but thanks for the sympathy. You left out one detail: Matthew Bank gladly accepted 10,000 dollars worth of advertising from Dark Alley this summer, for our major release "The Show." (www.theshowxxx.com) Despite this, they still kicked us out of their expo. But, you know, whatever. This was good reporting!
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Al consumo critico antiracket lÒOscar della partecipazione civica
I haven't been up to anything. My mind is like an empty room, but such is life. Maybe tomorrow. Today was a loss, but eh.
Al consumo critico antiracket lÒOscar della partecipazione civica
I've basically been doing nothing to speak of. Basically nothing seems worth thinking about. I feel like a void, but that's how it is. I've just been hanging out doing nothing.
HIV positive people may, may not work in health organizations
Nothing notable going on. My life's been generally dull today. So it goes. Not much on my mind to speak of.
I've just been hanging out doing nothing. I've basically been doing nothing worth mentioning. Shrug. Pretty much not much exciting happening today. Today was a complete loss.
Vanity is not a valid reason for cosmetic plastic surgery
More or less nothing seems important. So it goes. Oh well. It's not important. That's how it is.