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Mike Huckabee Is a Big Fat Moron

mikehuckabeeOh, I know we could come up with a more clever line, but what else do you say to his Esquire profile where he equates gay marriage with bestiality? There are only so many times you can put on your nerd glasses and rationally say, “Yo, sheep are not capable of consensual, loving relationship, you asshat.” He also compares being gay to being an alcoholic. You can read the fun after the jump, but this kind of crap doesn’t deserve a response.

“Later, I tell Huckabee that I once reported on a group of gay evangelical Christians — admittedly, a tiny group. They argue that homosexuality is not a biblical sin. Yes, Leviticus bans men lying down with other men, but that ban refers to pagan sex rituals. Jesus would not have a problem with committed, loving same-sex relationships.

Huckabee is not impressed. “How convenient. How very convenient to just put the Bible into a chronological time zone,” he answers. Huckabee says gay people can do what they want in their private lives. But gay marriage?

“The problem with changing the definition of marriage is that once you cross that line, then there’s no stopping,” he explains. He tells me that when he spoke recently in Japan, there was an American student there who objected to his views on gay marriage. “This was right in the middle of what was going on in west Texas, and I thought, Okay, how can we say that what those polygamists in west Texas are doing is wrong if we allow same-sex marriage? Who are you to tell them that that man can’t have fifteen wives? [The student said] ‘Well, it’s not the same!’ And I said, ‘Okay, well, here’s another one: bestiality. Now I know you’re going to have a problem,’ and he just went berserk on that. But there was recently an actual news story where a man wanted to marry his animal….I think it was a sheep.”

Huckabee says he doesn’t know if homosexuality is inborn, but he believes you can control the behavior. He compares homosexuality to obesity or alcoholism: “Some people have a predisposition to alcoholism. Does that mean they’re not responsible for getting drunk? No.”

I give him the liberal line: Being gay is so integral to a person’s identity that it’s not a choice, that it’s like being African-American.

“I’m especially offended by that,” he answers immediately. “Because blackness is an inescapable quality. Black is not a behavior. There’s no behavior to black. What you can say is that whatever disposition, it’s a choice. A lot of people are celibate. When people enter the priesthood, they make a choice to subjugate certain behaviors and/or feelings. It’s not that they don’t have them; it’s that they choose not to act on them.”

He talks about how he saw a news clip from a Palm Springs rally of a woman holding a cross, being accosted by gay-rights protesters who grabbed the cross out of her hands. “I watch these guys, and they’re all about love and tolerance until they lose.”

In Huckabee’s world, gay people are the oppressors and conservative Christians are the victims. What was that talk about a postpartisan world?

By:           Japhy Grant
On:           Jan 30, 2009
Tagged: ,
    • Roy Pyatt
      Roy Pyatt

      Mike Huckabee is a slack jawed corn cob smokin cousin pokin douche bag. As far as far as I’m concerned I would f*ck him with Rush Limbaugh’s c*ck. He is like a turd with all the sh*t scrapped off.. NOTHING

      Jan 30, 2009 at 11:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • happathetic

      what is really scary is that people use this as a viable answer when they are against gay relationships. I have actually heard the “sheep” reasoning first hand from some evangelical religious friends. It’s quite sad that there can be such comparisons in a seemingly one sided discourse. I cannot even try to educate these people, they are so dedicated to this point of view to the point of tunnel vision: “thwart the gay agenda”. What is the “gay agenda?” anyways. Asking for equal treatment and equal rights? Or should we just be sent somewhere like Greenland, since we seem like such disposable members of society to these nut jobs.

      Jan 30, 2009 at 11:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • CondeNasty

      Oy, here we go again…

      Jan 31, 2009 at 12:36 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dick Mills
      Dick Mills

      Civil Marriage is a legal contract. Only humans can enter into legal marriage contracts. And generally, only contracts between adult humans who possess sufficient mental prowess (are not drunk, coerced, or otherwise mentally impaired) are deemed to be binding.

      The last time that I checked, there are no beasts in the animal kingdom (other than adult humans) which meet the bar of being capable of entering into a legal contract.

      Of course, the Fuckabees and their religious rites are not bound by legal precedents, so to them marrying a goat might be perfectly okay. As far as I am concerned, they can marry as many goats as they wish, but from a legal perspective, they shouldn’t expect to get a marriage license from their local county clerk to make it legal. I would suspect that they would be laughed out of the courtroom if they did.

      Jan 31, 2009 at 2:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Olive Yurdich
      Olive Yurdich

      Huck you, Mike Fuckabee.

      Jan 31, 2009 at 9:55 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jock

      He’s an inbred Gomer Pyle clone.

      Nuff said.

      Jan 31, 2009 at 10:42 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • iceblinkjm

      Sounds like Warren and Josh DuBois.

      Jan 31, 2009 at 10:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • EdWoody

      No jump. Sorry, but you seem to be making a lot of typographical mistakes today. Just breathe and concentrate and copy-edit before you post, and you’ll be fine.

      Jan 31, 2009 at 12:29 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JamesR

      In one sense he’s a big fat moron, in another sense he’s a small thin liar. Know anyone who’s had baryatric surgery? (I do.) Know anyone who’s lost weight via diet change and activity over time? (I do.) Know anyone who did one and wrote a book about the virtue of doing the other? I do not, personally. They are rare. Ponder:


      Feb 1, 2009 at 4:55 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bruyninckx37

      I just cannot comprehend how someone alive in this day and age could possibly equate homosexuality with bestiality. It shows a total lack of intelligence. His likening us to alcoholism could be a penetrative arguments given enough reasoning to back it up, but even still it insinuates that somehow we are something that needs to be “cured”. Rather alarming that he is not alone in his views…

      Feb 3, 2009 at 4:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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